A Cousin's Prayer (6 page)

Katie squinted against the intense morning sun as she stepped into the yard to feed the chickens Saturday morning.

The hens followed her, clucking in anticipation of what was to come.

“You’re all greedy, you know that?” Katie mumbled as she threw some corn on the ground.

Weep! Weep!
She looked up and spotted a cardinal in the tree overhead. It amazed her how cheerful the birds in their yard seemed to be. She wished she could sing the way they did when she really felt like crying.

She threw out some more food for the chickens then headed for the house.

When she stepped into the kitchen, the fragrant aroma from whatever Mom was baking lingered in the air.

Mom gestured to the teapot on the table. “Pour yourself a cup of tea, and we can visit while my cookies are baking.”

Katie thought it was too warm for tea, so she filled a glass with water and took a seat at the table.

“You haven’t forgotten about the program and potluck lunch at the schoolhouse, I hope,” Mom said, taking a seat beside Katie.

“No, I haven’t forgotten.” Truth was Katie wasn’t in the mood to go to the program, but she knew if she didn’t go, Mom would pressure her.

“We’ll leave in about an hour,” Mom said. “I should be done with my baking by then.”

A trickle of fear meandered through Katie’s mind until it turned into a torrential flood of negative thoughts. She hated feeling so nervous about things. She wished she could be strong, confident, and happy again.

“Don’t look so down-in-the-mouth,” Mom said. “Today will be fun. You’ll see.”

When Katie and her mother stepped into the schoolhouse, Katie quickly found a seat near the back of the room. She wanted to be close to the door in case she felt the need to escape.

She looked around and spotted several people she knew—Loraine and Wayne; Ella, Charlene, and their folks; Freeman and his grandmother; and her cousin Andrew.

Katie wondered if being here today and seeing Fern at the front of the room, taking the place of his sister, made Andrew feel sad. It made Katie sad. The accident she and her cousins had been in had turned everyone’s lives upside-down. It must be awful for Jolene to have lost her hearing, as well as her job. She’d been forced to move away so she could learn to read lips and talk with her hands. Then there was Ella’s family, Timothy’s family, and Paul’s wife, who had each lost a loved one because of the accident. Katie hadn’t suffered physically, but she wasn’t sure her emotions would ever be the same.

“Before we begin our program today,” Fern said, drawing Katie’s attention to the front of the room, “my brother, Freeman, has asked if he can speak for a few minutes about bicycle safety.” She smiled at the scholars seated on one side of the room. “Many of you own bikes and will be riding them a lot this summer, so please listen to what Freeman has to say.”

Fern took a seat, and Freeman walked to the front of the room. “All bicycles should be adjusted to the size of the rider, and the bike should have properly adjusted brakes and a bell that can be heard from one hundred feet away,” he said. “Red reflectors should be mounted on the rear of the bike, as well as the spokes of the rear wheel. White reflectors should be mounted on the front of the bike and also in the spokes of the front wheel. During lowlight situations, the bike should have a white lamp visible from five hundred feet to the front, and a red lamp visible from five hundred feet to the rear.”

Katie tuned Freeman out as she glanced at the closest window. It was warm and stuffy in the building.
I wish someone would open at least one of the windows. I feel like I can’t breathe.

She looked around the room, wondering if anyone else felt the way she did. Everyone seemed to be listening to what Freeman had to say. Everyone appeared to be calm and relaxed. Everyone but her.

Katie looked out the window again, praying for the strength to stay in her seat. She couldn’t embarrass herself by getting up and leaving before the program had begun.
I can do this. I just need to think about something else.

A pesky fly buzzed overhead, and when it landed on Katie’s arm, she flicked at it.

The fly zipped across the room and back again; then it landed on the windowsill behind Katie. Wayne must have spotted it there, for he turned and opened the window.

Katie breathed deeply as a breeze floated into the room. It smelled as if rain might be coming soon. Hopefully, not until later in the day, as she knew the older scholars had planned a game of baseball with some of the men.

Katie turned her attention to the front of the room. Freeman had finally finished his talk, and several of the younger students had begun reciting poems. Katie thought about the programs she’d taken part in as a girl. School days had been fun and carefree, and when she’d graduated after eighth grade, she’d been happy to help Mom in the stamp shop full-time. Soon after Katie had turned sixteen, she and Timothy had begun dating.

Katie closed her eyes as she thought about Timothy and how happy they’d been together. He’d always been able to make her laugh and had treated her as if she was someone special. He’d teased her a few times about looking like a little girl, but it was only in fun. How she missed his dimpled smile and laughing blue eyes.

Someone poked Katie’s arm, and her eyes snapped open.

“Katie, wake up. The program’s over,” Mom whispered.

“I wasn’t sleeping. I was just resting my eyes.”

Mom motioned to the back of the door leading to the basement. “Let’s go downstairs and help set out the food.”

Katie followed Mom out of the room. The sooner they ate, the sooner they could go home.

After the meal was over, Freeman wandered outside to watch the baseball game the older boys and some of the men had begun playing.

“Aren’t you gonna join us?” Andrew called from where he stood near second base.

Freeman shook his head. “I have to leave soon, so I’ll just watch until it’s time for me to go.”

Andrew shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Freeman heard voices nearby and noticed Ella and Loraine visiting a few feet away.

“What’s Wayne have to say about his folks having marital problems?” Ella asked Loraine.

Loraine shrugged. “I was finally able to talk to him about it the other night, but he said he doesn’t think it’s anything serious and that he’s sure they’ll work things out.” She clutched Ella’s arm. “I’ve heard Ada raise her voice at Crist several times in the last few weeks, and I can’t help but be concerned.”

Freeman wondered if he ought to say something to Wayne about what he’d heard but decided it was none of his business. Besides, whatever Loraine had witnessed between Crist and Ada might be nothing more than a little spat.

Freeman was about to walk away when Eunice showed up.

“The program went well, didn’t it?” she asked, smiling up at him.

He nodded. “I thought all the scholars did a good job with their parts.”

“I was hoping to talk to you after lunch, but you got away too quick.”

“It was hot and stuffy, even in the basement, and I was anxious to get some fresh air.” Freeman glanced to the left and saw Wayne heading his way. “I’d better go. I’ve got a customer coming to the bike shop soon.” The last thing he needed was more ribbing from his friend about him being sweet on Eunice.

“Oh, okay.” Eunice turned with the grace of a bluebird floating on the wind and walked away.

Freeman was halfway to his buggy when he spotted Fern trying to convince one of her students to join the water balloon game. “Why don’t you let the little fellow alone?” He stepped up to her. “It upsets a man to be ordered about, so just let go of his hand and let him decide for himself if he wants to play the game or not.”

Fern squinted as she pursed her lips. “I think I know the best way to handle things with my students.”

Freeman shrugged. It was obvious that Fern wasn’t going to listen to anything he had to say. Even when they were kinner, she thought she knew more than him and often bossed him around. “I’m leaving now,” he mumbled.

“So soon? But we’re having ice cream after the games, and I’d hoped you could help me with the water balloons.”

“I’ve got a customer coming to pick up a bike this afternoon. I need to be there when he shows up.” Freeman hurried off before she could say anything more.

He found Grandma sitting in a chair on the lawn, visiting with a couple other women her age. “I’m heading for home,” he told her. “Do you want to come along, or would you rather stay and ride home with Fern?”

Grandma smiled sweetly. “I think I’ll ride home with Fern. I’d like to stay and watch the kinner play their games.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later on.” Freeman hurried toward his buggy, anxious to be on his way.

As JoAnn sat on a bench outside the schoolhouse with several other women, she glanced across the yard and noticed Katie sitting on the lawn by herself. She’d been quieter than usual today and hadn’t eaten much lunch or visited with her cousins during the meal. JoAnn figured Katie ought to be with Ella and Loraine right now as they sat on the grass watching the younger children toss water balloons back and forth. For some reason, she obviously preferred to be alone.

I remember when my daughter was a little girl,
JoAnn thought.
She used to be a happy, curious child, full of fun and looking for adventure around every corner. She’s changed since the accident. Makes me wonder if she’ll ever be the same.

She tapped her chin.
If what Jeremy said about Katie grieving for Timothy is true, then it might be good for her to visit his grave. Hopefully, it’ll help Katie come to grips with Timothy’s death.

An unexpected puff of wind rattled the leaves on the trees, and the next thing JoAnn knew, a few sprinkles of rain fell. She knew if she was going to stop by the cemetery she’d better do it soon before the rain got any worse.

She hurried over to Katie. “We’d better go. I think we might be in for some heavy rain.”

Katie followed JoAnn to their buggy and climbed in without a word.

JoAnn untied the horse from the hitching rail and took her seat on the driver’s side. As she headed the horse in the direction of the cemetery, she glanced over at Katie. “You seemed awfully quiet today and kept to yourself. Didn’t you visit with any of your friends?”

“Not really.”

“How come?”

“I didn’t have anything to say.”

“Did you enjoy the program?”

“It was okay.”

“I thought the skit the older scholars put on was quite funny, didn’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

JoAnn sighed. She’d hoped going to the program might give her daughter a reason to smile, but it seemed as if Katie didn’t want to have a good time.

As they pulled onto the grassy spot outside the cemetery, Katie stiffened. “What are we doing here?”

“I thought it would be good for you to visit Timothy’s grave.”

“I don’t want to.”

“It’s stopped raining now, so let’s take a walk over there.”

Katie shook her head.

“I really think it will help you—”

“What I’ve lost will never be returned.” Katie’s voice shook as she stared at the graveyard.

“You’re right,” JoAnn agreed. “Timothy’s not coming back, but your life’s not over, Katie. God might have someone else for you in the days ahead.”

“I don’t want anyone else!”

JoAnn touched her daughter’s trembling shoulder. “It’s perfectly normal for a person to grieve when they lose someone they love, but it’s not normal to carry on like this for such a long time. I’d hoped that the months you spent with my folks in Florida would help you come to grips with your pain, but apparently it did no good at all.”

Katie shook her head in short, quick jerks. “That’s not true. I felt a lot more peaceful when I was living with Grammy and Grandpa than I do here.”

“Why don’t you feel peaceful here?”

“Because there are too many reminders of Timothy.”

JoAnn felt deeply troubled by her daughter’s dark mood and wished there was something she could do or say to make things easier for Katie, but she didn’t know what. It might have been better for Katie if she could have stayed in Florida, but she was here now, and they’d need to find a way for her to work things through.

Katie squinted against the invading light shining in her bedroom window. It had rained most of the night. Now her room felt hot and sticky. She hadn’t slept well last night and wished she could spend the day in bed. But this was Sunday, and she was expected to go to church with her folks.

Katie rolled out of bed, plodded across the room, and opened her window, hoping to let in a cool breeze. What she got was a blast of hot air. The sun had risen over the horizon like a giant ball of fire.

Last spring they’d had some muggy days like this, with high temperatures in the eighties. She wondered if it would be like that again and whether it meant they were in for a very hot summer.

With a weary sigh, Katie moved away from the window. She needed to get dressed and go downstairs to help Mom with breakfast. She picked up the hand mirror on her dresser and grimaced. Her eyes had an almost distant look to them. Her face looked thinner than it used to be. Her hands shook as she placed the mirror back on the dresser.

There must be something wrong with me. Should I talk to Mom about it?

Katie shook her head.
Bad idea. Mom will probably say I need to eat more and get out of the house more often. She might even make me go to the doctor. If that happens, the doctor might run all sorts of tests.
If he finds something seriously wrong with me, he’ll say I’m going to die, and then—

Tap! Tap! Tap!
“Katie, are you up?” Dad hollered through the closed door. “Your mamm’s got breakfast ready.”

“I’m coming!” Katie pinched her cheeks to give them more color and set her covering in place.

When she stepped out of the room, the aroma of sausage and eggs floated up the stairs to meet her. She would force herself to eat something this morning even if she didn’t feel hungry.

As Katie descended the stairs, she heard whispered voices coming from the kitchen. She halted on the bottom step and tipped her head and listened.

“I can’t help but be worried about Katie,” Mom said. “She’s been acting so strange since she got back from Florida. She didn’t visit with anyone at the school program yesterday, and when I took her by the cemetery, she refused to get out of the buggy.” She made a clicking noise with her tongue. “She’ll hardly eat a thing and jumps at the slightest noise. I want to help her, but she won’t open up to me.”

“Do you think it’s something physical going on with her, or is it a mental problem she’s dealing with?” Dad asked.

“I don’t know. It could be either or both.”

“Maybe we should take her to see Dr. Baker and ask him to run some tests. If he doesn’t find anything, then we’d better see about getting her some counseling at the mental health facility.” Dad grunted. “If you’ll recall, I suggested taking her there after Timothy died, but you insisted on sending her to your folks, for all the good it did.”

Katie froze as a wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. She couldn’t let them send her there. She didn’t want to know what was wrong with her, and she didn’t want anyone to think she was crazy. She’d do whatever she could to make Mom and Dad think she was okay. No matter how nervous or sickly she felt, she would pretend that she felt fine.

During the church service that morning, which was held in the Lehmans’ buggy shop, the room had become so warm that someone finally passed out the lids from ice cream pails to use as fans. Even with the makeshift fans, Katie felt hot, confined, and woozy.

She gripped the edge of her bench and forced herself to focus on the message the bishop was giving. She couldn’t give in to these feelings, so she would remain seated instead of rushing outside for fresh air like she wanted to do. Katie had noticed Mom watching her and knew if she did anything out of the ordinary it might be just what Mom needed to haul her off to the doctor’s office. Worse yet, Mom might insist that Katie see someone at the mental health facility where she’d be expected to tell them things she didn’t understand and could barely deal with herself.

A wave of dizziness washed over Katie, and she grabbed the edge of her bench for support.
I can do this. I can do this. The service is almost over. I can make it through okay.

Katie blinked a couple of times as the bishop’s face began to blur. Her head tingled, and she felt as if she were being pulled into a long, dark tunnel. She swayed unsteadily; then everything went black.