A Cousin's Prayer (22 page)

For the next several weeks, Katie got up early every morning and took her horse and buggy out on the road. Each time, her confidence grew, and when she felt nervous or afraid, she prayed, did some deep breathing, repeated her affirmations, and talked back to the panic attacks.

One morning, as Katie was about to pull out onto the road, she spotted Mike peddling his bike up to their paper box. “I see you’re up early again,” he said, shining his flashlight on her.

Katie shielded her eyes from the light and nodded. “I see you got your bicycle fixed.”

“Sure did.” He climbed off his bike, leaned it against the wooden post, and walked to her buggy. “I’ll be leaving for Florida soon. Think you might want to ride along?”

“Are you planning to take the bus there?”

“No way! I came by bus, but I’m goin’ back in style. Should have the money I need to buy a car by the end of next week, and I’ll leave soon after that.” He pulled a package of gum from his pocket and stuck a piece in his mouth.

“I’d like to go,” she said, “but like I said, I’d have no place to stay until I found a job.”

“And if you’ll recall, I said you could stay with me.”

“I couldn’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t be proper.”

His jaw moved up and down as he chomped on his gum. “Well, give it some thought. If you change your mind, you can leave me a note in your paper box.” Mike slapped his hands together and grinned. “See you later, Katie!”

“Did you see any sign of Katie outside?” JoAnn asked Jeremy when he entered the kitchen after doing his chores.

He shook his head. “She wasn’t in the barn or the yard, so she’s probably still in her room.”

“No, she’s not. I checked there already.”

“Guess she could be in the bathroom.”

“I looked there, too.”

Jeremy reached under his hat and scratched the side of his head. “That makes no sense. She’s either got to be in the house or outside somewhere. Want me to go back out and take a look around?”

“Maybe you should.” JoAnn sighed. “You know, Katie’s been acting kind of peculiar ever since she went to that young people’s gathering at Ella’s. It makes me wonder if she’s keeping secrets from us again.”

“What kind of secrets?”

“I don’t know, but she’s been very quiet, and when I mentioned the other day how nice it is to have her working in the stamp shop with me, she got all teary eyed.”

“You worry too much.” He gave her shoulders a squeeze. “You need to give Katie some space and stop mothering her so much. If she has something she wants to tell us, she’ll say it in her own good time.”

She sighed. “That remains to be seen.”

He turned toward the back door and was about to open it when Katie stepped in, red-faced and looking very flustered.

“Ach, you scared me, Dad! It’s still early, and I didn’t think you were up yet.”

“As you can see, both me and your mamm are up, and she’s been lookin’ for you.”

Katie’s face turned crimson. “I ... I was outside.”

“That’s obvious, since you just came inside.” JoAnn stepped up to Katie. “What were you doing outside so early?”

Katie shifted from one foot to the other and stared at the floor.

“I just came from the barn and you weren’t there.” Jeremy quirked an eyebrow. “Didn’t see you in the yard, either.”

Katie lifted her gaze and pushed her shoulders back. “Guess I can’t keep it a secret any longer. For the past few weeks, I’ve been taking the horse and buggy out early every morning, before you and Mom got up.”

“What for?” JoAnn questioned.

“So I could practice driving the buggy.”

Jeremy’s eyebrows furrowed. “You already know how to drive a buggy, so why would you need to practice?”

“Dr. Coleman said the best way for me to get over my panic attacks is to face my fears and force myself to do what I’m most afraid of.”

“That makes sense,” JoAnn said, “but why so early in the morning?”

“Because there are fewer cars on the road, and I didn’t want you and Dad to know what I was doing.”

“Why not?” Jeremy asked. “Didn’t you think we’d approve?”

“It’s not that. I wanted to be sure I was getting better before I told you, and I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“If I’d known what you were doing, I’d have offered to ride along with you,” JoAnn said.

Katie sank into a chair at the table. “I need to make a life of my own and stop relying on you and Dad for everything. In fact, I’ve been thinking about going back to Florida.”

“What?” JoAnn grabbed the edge of the nearest chair so hard that her fingers ached. “Where on earth did that idea come from?”

“I ... was happier living in Florida.”

“You weren’t happier; you were hiding from your past.” JoAnn shook her head. “And where would you stay?” JoAnn looked at Jeremy. “Tell her how
narrish
she’s being for thinking she should move back to Florida.”

He took a seat across from Katie and pulled his fingers through the ends of his beard. “Your mamm’s right. Moving back to Florida would be a foolish thing for you to do.”

“I don’t see why. I’ve saved up some money working in the stamp shop, and I’ll look for a job when I get to Sarasota.”

“Puh!”
JoAnn flopped into the chair she’d been gripping. “Jobs are hard to find these days, and you’ll be out of money in short order if you don’t find a job right away. Besides, you have a good job right here in our stamp shop, and I thought you enjoyed working there.”

“I do, but—”

“What about your counseling sessions?” Jeremy asked. “If you move back to Florida, you might lose all the ground you’ve gained.”

Katie fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth. “I can practice the things Dr. Coleman suggested while I’m living in Florida just as well as I can here.”

JoAnn reached over and clasped Katie’s hand. “What’s the reason behind this decision? Are you that unhappy living here with us? Have I said or done something to turn you against me?”

Tears welled in Katie’s eyes and dribbled onto her cheeks. She sniffed and swiped them away. “It’s not you, Mom.”

“Then what is it that’s driving you away?”

“I ... I’m in love with Freeman, but he loves Eunice, and I can’t stand the thought of seeing them get married next spring.”

JoAnn’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, Katie, I had no idea you’d fallen in love with Freeman. Are you sure he’s planning to marry Eunice?”

Katie nodded. “Eunice told me that Freeman’s going to join the church this fall and that they’re planning a spring wedding.”

“Have you talked to Freeman about this?” Jeremy asked.

Katie shook her head. “I’d be too embarrassed to admit that I love him. He’s never seen me as anything more than a friend.” She reached for a napkin and dabbed at her tears. “It hurts so bad to know that he loves Eunice. She’s not a nice person and doesn’t deserve someone as kind as Freeman.”

“That may be true, and I’m sure that it hurts, but you can’t spend the rest of your life running from things you don’t like,” JoAnn said. “I think you need to stay right here and deal with the situation.”

Jeremy shook his head. “No she doesn’t, JoAnn. If Katie can’t stand the thought of seeing Freeman and Eunice together, then we need to support her decision to move.” He touched Katie’s arm. “My cousin Clarence and his wife, Mae, will be moving to Sarasota, probably next month. Would you like me to ask if they’d be willing to let you stay with them until you find a job and are able to rent a small place of your own?”

“Would you really do that for me?” Katie asked with a hopeful expression.

“Wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t willing.”

JoAnn stood up and pushed her chair aside so quickly that it toppled to the floor. “I can’t go along with this! Katie’s place is here with us, plain and simple!”

“Sell kann ich mir gaar net eibilde!”
Katie’s dad said as he stared at the newspaper.

“You can’t conceive of what?” Mom asked, peering over his shoulder.

“The young English man who delivers our paper every morning was arrested for robbing a convenience store in Goshen. Guess he told the sheriff he needed the money to buy a new car.” Dad slowly shook his head. “The fellow had a gun and threatened the store clerk with it, but then another customer came in, saw what was happening, and called for help.”

“That’s too bad. When a young person does something like that, it hurts not only him but his whole family.” Mom clicked her tongue as though she were scolding someone. “Sure wish we could read some positive news in the paper once in a while. It’s depressing to hear so many negative things, and it makes me sad to know that there’s so much crime and corruption in our world.”

Katie cringed. She was glad she hadn’t taken Mike up on his offer to ride with him to Sarasota. He was obviously not as nice as he seemed to be. It was better that she’d be traveling with Dad’s cousin and his wife.

Mom still wasn’t in favor of Katie moving back to Florida, but at least she’d stopped hounding her about it. Since Clarence and Mae wouldn’t be moving for another month, that gave Katie plenty of time to get ready to go. She would need to tell Loraine and Ella, too. She just wasn’t sure what to do about saying goodbye to Freeman.

Mom touched Katie’s arm. “Will Freeman be going to your counseling session with you again today?” she asked, pulling Katie’s thoughts aside.

“I’ll be going by myself from now on,” Katie said. “It’s better that’s way.”

“Would you like me to go with you?”

Katie shook her head. “If I’m going to move back to Florida, I’ll have to learn to go places and do things on my own.”

Mom opened her mouth as if she might say something more, but she closed it again and reached for her cup of coffee.

Dad looked over at Katie and winked. At least he understood why she needed to move.

“Are you sure you have time to trim the trees in our yard this morning?” Fern asked Freeman during breakfast.

Freeman bobbed his head. “I’m caught up on things in my shop, so this is as good a time as any to get the trimming done.”

She smiled. “If you can get started before I leave for school, I’ll hold the ladder for you.”

“That’s okay,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ll make sure the ladder’s secure.”

“Even so, I’d feel better if someone was here to help.”

Freeman clenched his teeth. “I’m not a boppli, Fern, so stop treating me like one.”

“I’m not.”

“Jah, you are.” He reached for a piece of toast. “Sometimes I think you just like telling me what to do.”

“I do not! I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I’ll be fine on my own, so just go ahead to school and teach your scholars. By the time you get home, all the trees in our yard will have had a nice haircut.”

“All right then,” Fern said with a nod, “but please be careful.”

“I will.”

She pushed her chair away from the table, picked up her dishes, and carried them to the sink. “Oh, I forgot to mention that I talked to Eunice the other day, and she said that since she hasn’t been able to find a job, she’s decided to start selling candles and scented soaps. I think I might book a party with her soon.”

“That’s nice,” Freeman mumbled around a mouthful of cereal.

Fern glanced over her shoulder. “Have you made any plans to go out with Eunice soon?”

He shook his head. “We broke up a few weeks ago. I thought I’d told you that.”

“You did, but I was hoping you’d change your mind and get back together with her.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“She’s too much of a gossip, and she’s pushing to get married.” He gulped down the rest of his juice and swiped his tongue across his lip. “I’m not ready for marriage. At least not with her.”

Fern’s forehead wrinkled. “Are you thinking about marrying someone else?”

“Maybe. When the time’s right.”

“It’s not Katie Miller, I hope.”

Freeman blew out his breath. “What have you got against Katie?”

Fern shrugged. “I don’t have anything against her personally, but I don’t think she’s the right woman for you.” Fern glanced at the clock. “We can talk about this later. I need to go or I’ll be late for school.” She grabbed her canvas satchel and black outer bonnet then hurried out the door.

“How are things going for you?” Dr. Coleman asked Katie as she took a chair on the other side of his desk.

“I’ve been driving the buggy more, and I’m having fewer panic attacks.”

“That’s good to hear. Are you going places that have caused you to feel nervous in the past?”

Katie nodded.

“What do you feel has helped the most in conquering your panic attacks?”

“The tapping method, breathing exercises, and homeopathic remedy are helping me relax, and I think facing my fears and talking back to the panic attacks are keeping them from happening so often or lasting so long.” Katie clutched the folds in her dress, wondering if she should bring up the subject of moving back to Florida.

“You look kind of thoughtful. Is there something on your mind?”

Katie nodded. She figured she may as well tell him now. “My dad’s cousin and his wife will be moving to Florida soon, and I’m planning to go with them.”

His eyebrows rose. “How come?”

Katie shifted in her chair, too embarrassed to tell him the reason she was planning to move. “Well, I like it in Florida, and I think I’ll be happier there.”

Dr. Coleman wrote something on his notepad. “Does this decision have something to do with your mother?”

Katie blinked. “No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

“I saw the way you responded during your first counseling session with me. It was obvious that your mother wouldn’t let you speak for yourself, and whenever you did get in a word, she kept interrupting.” He placed both hands on his desk and clasped his fingers together. “That’s why I asked her not to sit in on any future sessions.”

“My mother is overprotective, but that’s not the reason I want to go back to Florida.”

“What is the reason?”

Katie squinted against the ray of light streaming in the window as she struggled with what she wanted to say. “There are too many things here to remind me of my past. Too many things I’d rather forget.”

“You can’t run from your past. You’ll only take your problems with you.” He leaned forward and looked at her so intently that she squirmed in her chair. “You’re just beginning to make some progress in dealing with your panic attacks. If you move now, you might lose ground.”

“I’ll still be able to do the things I’m doing now,” she said.

“That may be true, but I think you’ll do better if you keep coming here awhile longer. Will you at least think about it, Katie?”

She nodded, although as far as she was concerned, the decision had already been made. When Clarence and Mae were ready to move, Katie would be going with them.

Later that afternoon while Katie was working in the stamp shop by herself, Ella showed up. “Is it true?” Ella asked, frowning.

“Is what true?”

“Are you really moving back to Florida?”

Katie nodded. “How’d you find out?”

“My mamm said your mamm told her when they saw each other at the Kuntry Store a few days ago.”

“Oh, I see.”

Ella folded her arms. “How come you didn’t tell me about this, Katie?”

Katie swallowed hard, hoping she wouldn’t cry. “I was going to tell you. I’ve just been busy and haven’t had the chance to speak with you yet.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Just Mom and Dad. Of course I don’t know who else Mom might have told.”

Ella frowned. “What would make you decide to move back to Florida? I thought things were going better for you and that you were happy living here.”

Tears welled in Katie’s eyes, and she blinked to keep them from spilling over. “Freeman’s going to marry Eunice next spring.”

“What’s that got to do with—” Ella’s forehead puckered. “Oh, now I get it. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

Katie nodded slowly. “I ... I didn’t think I could ever love anyone but Timothy, but I feel so peaceful and content when I’m with Freeman.” She reached for a tissue from Mom’s desk and blew her nose. “At least, I used to.”

Ella slipped her arms around Katie and gave her a hug. “I was afraid you were falling for him, and I tried to warn him not to lead you on, but—”

Katie pulled away. “You—you’ve talked to Freeman about me?”

“Jah. I knew he was going out with Eunice, and I was afraid if you fell in love with him, you’d end up getting hurt.”

“What’d he say when you talked to him?”

“That I was worried for nothing, that you and he were just friends.”

Katie swallowed several times until the lump in her throat disappeared. “I ... I’m so embarrassed. I wish you hadn’t talked to him. He probably thinks I’m a foolish little girl who’s been trying to take him away from Eunice. I’ll bet he wishes that he’d never befriended me.” She leaned her head on Ella’s shoulder. “I wish I’d never come back to Indiana!”

Freeman had just finished writing up an ad he planned to place in
The People’s Exchange
when Penny darted up to him with a ball in her mouth.

He leaned down, grabbed the ball, and tossed it across the room. “Go get it, girl!”

Woof! Woof!
Penny raced after the ball, scooped it up in her mouth, and dashed back to Freeman. She dropped the ball in front of Freeman and looked up at him with her tail wagging and her head cocked.

Freeman chuckled and threw the ball again. Penny darted after it.

He was amazed at how quickly she caught on to things. He’d been able to teach her several tricks already—to fetch the ball, roll over, play dead, and sit up and beg. Besides the pleasure it had brought him to train Penny, his customers seemed to enjoy the pup’s antics, too. Freeman had begun to wonder if some people came into the shop just to play with Penny.

Woof! Woof!

Freeman chuckled when she dropped the ball at his feet again. “Okay, but this is the last time, girl. I’ve got to get this ad written up; then I need to get outside and trim up some trees.” Freeman tossed the ball, and Penny scampered after it.

He hurried to finish the ad; then he put the Closed sign in the window and went out the door. Penny raced out with him and found a place to sleep on one end of the porch.

Freeman went to the barn to get the ladder and lopping shears; then he hauled them across the yard and leaned the ladder against the most overgrown tree. Holding the shears in one hand, he climbed the ladder, reached up, and cut the nearest branch. Then he trimmed two more and leaned out farther to trim a third branch.

“Whoa!” Freeman clung to the ladder as it began to sway. He leaned to the left, trying to regain control, but it was too late. The ladder shifted again; then it toppled over. Freeman tossed the shears aside and reached for the closest branch. He missed and fell to the ground with a
thud.

A searing pain shot through his chest, and he gasped for breath.
Dear God, send someone to help me, please.