A Courtesy Call (Green Division Series Book #2) (23 page)

Raleigh considered his words.

“I am not trying to preach to you, though it is a habit.”  Leon laughed.  “But back to your troubles.  I am a good listener and not so bad with advice either.”

“I don’t believe you’d approve of what is troubling me and neither would He.”

“We are all sinners.”  Leon put his hand on her shoulder. 

“I don’t believe in religion though.”  She couldn’t bring her eyes to meet his with her confession.

Leon drew in a deep breath.  “Faith is a difficult thing.  Difficult because you can’t see or hear the Lord in a solid form.  That is why it is called blind faith.  But let’s drop the religious aspect of our conversation.  That is not what is bothering you.  What is heavy on your mind?”

“Love.  Loss.”

Leon nodded his head.

“What plagues us all.  The whys.  Why me?  Why him, or her?  Why now?  Why then?  Why not?”

“That says it to a tee.”

“Have you lost a loved one recently?”

“My fiancé, over a year ago now.”

“You have not found peace with his passing?”

“I can find no peace in it.”

“What happened?”

“A car accident.  I was driving.”

“So it is guilt that also plagues you?”

“Very much so.”  Her voice shook.

“Was it your fault?”  Leon asked frankly.

Raleigh thought about his question. 

“When I look at the cold hard facts of what happened that day, then no, it wasn’t.  It was an accident in every sense of the word.  Something I couldn’t have prevented with the knowledge I had.”

“Was it his fault?” 

Raleigh brought her hand to her forehead.

“It was a mistake he made, but you blame yourself regardless.”

“Keen intuition, Leon.”  She wiped her face.

“That is a heavy burden to carry.  It is one thing to carry the burden of one’s own mistakes, but you cannot blame yourself for someone else’s and pin the blame on yourself.  That it is very egotistical of you.”

“How?”

“You don’t have control over the world.  To blame yourself, is to assume that you do.  You don’t child.  It is not in your control, rest assured.”

Raleigh winced her eyes together.

“You need to let go of this bitterness you have.  It will eat you inside out.”

“It already has.”

“Unfortunately with our births, there is only one thing in life that is guaranteed to us all.”

“That we die.”

Leon nodded his head.

“Would he want you living your life as you are?  Or would he want you to be happy?”

Raleigh smiled.  “He would want me to be happy.  He’d probably be mad at me for the way I’ve cried over him truth be told.”

“He would want you to move on and find happiness.”

“Yes.”  She sniffed.

“Then perhaps you should live your life remembering his spirit and celebrating it, rather than punishing yourself.  Do you think you can do that?”

Raleigh studied the ground.

“I’d like to try.”  She smiled.

“Let go of the guilt, it is not yours to bear.  You’re fiancé wouldn’t want that.  Neither would He.”  Leon looked over at a cross.  “Perhaps you should talk to him.”

“To God?”

“To Him as well, but your fiancé.”

Raleigh reached over and hugged Leon.  “Thank you.”  She sniffed. 

“You’re welcome.  I’ll give you a moment.  If you want to talk more, I will be at the front.”

Raleigh nodded.  The words Leon spoke to her were more direct and straightforward than those from any family or friend.  And they’d struck a chord.  He was right.

“And Raleigh.”

She looked up at Leon.

“
You can love again.  He would want you to.”

“How...?” 
How does he know that?

Leon tipped his hat and smiled.

“I’m glad I came inside your doors.”

“Me too, child.”  Leon walked to the front.

Raleigh bowed her head down and began to talk to Luke.  Her conversation with Leon had not changed her faith, and it never would.  But Leon had changed her perspective and her want to move forward.

*****

“Uncle Mike!”  Tuck came bounding into Mike’s legs at full speed.

“Tucker!”  Mike smiled and lifted him high into the air.

“Spaghetti for dinner.”  Chance looked up from her laptop, busy writing an article due within the hour.  Always a procrastinator.  “You’re staying.”

“I can’t argue with that.”  Mike tickled Tuck’s sides.

“
Hey!  No!”  Tuck squirmed.

“You look like hell,” Chance told Mike.

“Thanks.”

“She really got to you.”  Chance clicked send and closed the laptop.  “You like her.”

“Mitch.”  Mike rolled his eyes.  “I’m done talking to him.”

“We’re married, come on, you know he tells me everything.”

“I can’t believe he told you I slept with her.”

“He didn’t.”  Chance laughed.  “But you just did.”

“Dirty reporter.”

“All he told me was you were smitten with a famous woman you’d met on vacation.  He didn’t say you’d slept with her.”

“Okay, we’re done with this conversation.”

“Okay.”  Chance let it go.  Mike sat on the floor with Tuck.  “Something else is bothering you.”

“I only come here for the food, not therapy.”

“Therapy comes free with the food.”

“I’ll wave my session today.”

“You are so much like he was, that’s why you two clashed.  Stubborn as hell.”

“Don’t do this.”

“When are you going to stop blaming yourself?”

“Never.”  Mike answered candidly.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Mike played race cars with Tuck on the floor. 

“You weren’t there.”

“I didn’t have to be.”  She knelt down with the two of them.  “It’s not your fault.”

“We’ve been over this.”

“I’ll keep saying it until you hear me.”

“I hear you.”

“No, you don’t.  You feel guilty because of me and Tucker.  We deal with his loss daily and so do you.  But, you don’t deserve the guilt coupled with it.”

“You don’t understand.”

Chance reached forward and took both of Mike’s hands.

“I understand better than anyone else in this world.”

Mike clenched his jaw.

“Honey, I’m home.”  Mitch opened the door and looked at their position.  “Any other husband would worry about what I just walked into.”

“Daddy!”  Tucker reached his hands in the air toward Mitch excited.
 

“
Mitch, can you take Tuck up for a nap?”

“Yeah.”  Mitch didn’t need to ask any questions.  A nap at 6:30 was uncustomary.  The expressions on both their faces said it all.

Mitch picked Tuck up, kissed him on the cheek, and disappeared upstairs.

“It’s been three years. Cass tells me you still don’t sleep at night and when you do, you wake in a nightmare.”

“I’m glad everyone talks about my secrets.  There is a reason they are secrets.”

“Can you do something for me?”

“You know I’d do anything for you and Tuck.”

“This isn’t for me and Tuck, it’s for you,” she paused.  “Promise me you’ll set up an appointment and talk to a therapist.  It helped me and it would help you too.”

“I’m not going to a shrink, I’m fine.”

“Not a shrink, a therapist.  And you’re not fine.  Promise me.”

Mike shook his head no.

“I will set you up with an appointment with my therapist, she’s amazing and it will help.  Promise me you’ll go.”

“I’m not going.  I’m fine.”  Mike rose to his feet, Chance followed.

“Fine, then make the promise for me and Tuck.  Promise us.  We want you to be happy.  You deserve happiness Mike.”

He shook his head.

“Promise me.”

Mike knew she wouldn’t give in until he agreed.  “Okay, I’ll see her once.  That’s all I’ll promise.”

“I’ll set it up and call you tomorrow.”  She hugged Mike and kissed his cheek.  “I’ll even cook your favorite dessert tonight as a thank you.”

“Don’t tell Mitch.  I know saying that is a waste of breath, you two can’t keep secrets.” 

“No, Mitch can’t keep a secret.  I can.  Mum’s the word.”  She squeezed his arm.  “Now that we have that taken care of, we have important matters.  Dinner.”

Mitch smiled.  “The most important matter of all.  I’ll set the table.”

Rally day two.

“Are you okay?”  Tom leaned into the window of the car.  “Don’t lie to me Raleigh, I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’m okay today,” she said convincingly.  “We won’t disappoint you, you’ll see.”

“I’m trusting that you aren’t putting on a show for me.  You are more important to us than a first place finish.”

“Tom, I’m better.  I swear.” 

Tom sighed and patted the side of the car.  “Be safe.”

After her visit to the church, Raleigh left feeling lighter, a weight lifted off her shoulders.  A talk with a stranger, in a church of all places, changed her outlook and her life.  She’d woken up with a positive outlook and looking forward to the day.  It was a foreign feeling and one she basked in.  Hope.  Hope for today, tomorrow, and the future.

The lights ticked down and they sped off the line.  

*****

Chance called Mike early as planned with his appointment date and time. Luck didn’t shine down upon him.  She remembered to schedule the appointment.  Wonderful.

“Dad!”  Cass yelled through the phone.

“Cass!”  He played along.

“Aiden’s invited me to visit him in North Carolina over Thanksgiving break, I’m so excited!”

Mike didn’t return her excitement.