A Constant Reminder (8 page)

“I even called Erika. Did she give you all my messages?”

“No, I didn’t know you were looking for me?”

Quincy’s face contorted. “We were seeing each other. You kind of just disappeared without warning.”

“I moved off campus.”

“No shit, yeah I know. I went to your dorm. Erika eventually told me you went back home.”

“Yep.”

Quincy waited for more, an explanation for her sudden leave of absence. “Did I do something?”

“No, I just needed a break.”

“A break from me?”

“Ah, from everybody, everything.”

“I thought, you know, you and me were cool. We were doing our thing and then you just disappeared. Did I do something?”

“You asked that already.” Roxanne was starting to get highly annoyed. She didn’t like having to explain herself to anyone. She couldn’t tell him the truth. She didn’t want to. A man’s feelings were the least of her worries.

“Well did I say something wrong? I don’t even know what I did.”

“No Quincy you said nothing. You did nothing.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. She was so done with this entire conversation.

“So what’s the deal?”

“I’m having some personal family problems. That’s why I haven’t been around much.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Well I’m sorry you feel that way.” Roxanne went back to scribbling in her notebook with her pink highlighter.

“I miss hanging out. Maybe we could go to a movie tonight and hang out?”

“Quincy I really can’t. I’ve got too many things going on.”

“The movie could help you get your mind off things, whatever those things are.”

“You don’t want to take me to a movie.”

“Yeah I do.” Quincy was too baffled to take the brush off she was serving him.

“You want to sleep with me.” Roxanne’s eyes glowed with fury. She wasn’t even sure why she was so upset or why she felt the incessant need to direct her anger at Quincy.

Quincy looked around to make sure no one overheard Roxanne’s little outburst. Her cold demeanor seriously confused him. He had always treated Roxanne with respect and he sort of thought they were a couple although they never defined their relationship out loud.

“What does that mean?” He asked.

“I don’t do that anymore.”

“Do what? We already had sex plenty of times.” Quincy thought of all the times she initiated the sex. He was now even more confused. “I really did want to see the new Tom Cruise movie.”

Roxanne gave Quincy an evil look. It was like she was a completely different person than he remembered. “Yeah right.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked.

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” Quincy looked hurt, angry, damaged and perplexed. There were just too many words to describe his facial expression.

“Okay, whatever psycho. You obviously have a major problem.”

“Yes and right now it’s you.” Roxanne smirked.

“You need to get your mind right. Lose my damn number.”

“It’s lost.” Roxanne sneered.

Quincy chuckled out loud but was hurt on the inside, deeply wounded. Roxanne was the nicest, sweetest girl he knew. He stood to walk away but couldn’t help but turn back to get the last word.

“Oh Roxy you need to cut back on the Cheetos it looks like you put on a few pounds.”

Quincy walked away fast enough to blow a few sheets of loose paper off the table and onto the carpet.

Sadly Roxanne didn’t feel bad. If she had to hurt Quincy to get him to stay away that was what she would do. She was damaged goods. She didn’t have time for guys in her present situation.

Thinking of a man touching her body made her sick to her stomach. Then there was the matter of this pregnancy. What was she going to do? Acting like this wasn’t really happening was getting old. She had to man-up. Whatever that meant.

Roxanne had to finally admit she needed help. Where could she get the help she needed? Where could she turn to gain some clarity in such an unclear situation?

The next day she decided to go to First Baptist Missionary Church. Roxanne walked slowly down the center aisle. She took notice of all the beautiful artistry and craftsmanship that went into the eighty-year-old church.

Pastor Gregory was the man to see. He had been handed down the historical church from his father. This church and this congregation had been in the Gregory family for decades. The Gregory men were upstanding pillars of the community.

Pastor Gregory was a well-groomed man. He was very attractive for his age. Roxanne placed him somewhere around fifty. He was married for twenty-five years and had four kids. Roxanne had always respected him. She had never heard any bad things about him. He was one of the few men that didn’t look at women like they were sex objects. There was always the possibility that he was good at hiding his lust but he really seemed like a man of God.

Pastor Gregory took notice of Roxanne and he met her halfway down the red carpet.

“Roxanne Potts.”

“Hello Pastor Gregory.”

Pastor Gregory held out his hand in a motion to direct Roxanne into a seat in a pew. Roxanne soon remember that she liked that he wasn’t all touchy feely. A lot of those church guys were perverts always trying to get hugs so they could push your breasts into them and feel you up. The Pastor was different. He didn’t hug on all the women. She liked that about him. They both sat side by side in the pew.

“How are you doing?” He asked.

Roxanne shrugged.

“How’s college?” The pastor asked.

The pastor knew everybody’s business. He remembered she was in school at Northern University.

Pastor Gregory was easy to talk to. So his parishioners spilled their guts regularly. Roxanne knew he had secrets that could set the entire town ablaze if he ever decided to blab.

“School is fine I guess.”

“Just fine?”

Roxanne noted how concerned he looked. He could be a very successful talk show host. She mused. “Well I’m having a hard time but not with school.”

“Making a decision.”

“Yes sir.” How did he figure that out? Was he clairvoyant? “There is something happening and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face.”

“Have you prayed and asked for guidance?”

“Yes, it just seems that no matter what decision I make I will end up not having everyone’s approval.”

“You don’t need any man’s approval. Your blessings come from God. Sometimes the worst trials and tribulations are actually blessings in disguise.”

Roxanne didn’t want to confess her recent trauma but she knew her words would be safe with the pastor.

“I was attacked by a stranger. I didn’t report it to the police. I didn’t go to the doctor after the attack. Now I’m pregnant.” The words jumped out without any candor.

“You’ve been to see a doctor about the pregnancy.”

“Yes I’m definitely pregnant. I never believed in abortion but this situation is different.”

“It is different but not unique. This has happened to other women and you need to know that you are not alone. You should hold firm in your beliefs. You shouldn’t let any man, monster or devil in disguise kill your spirit, change who you are inside or corrupt what you believe in your heart. You feel me?” Pastor Gregory smiled. “Isn’t that what you young folks are saying nowadays?

Roxanne almost laughed. She wouldn’t dare tell him that saying was played out. She loved the way the pastor could take a serious situation and give it a brand new life. That’s why his church was packed on Sundays. That’s why people were catching the Holy Ghost on Sunday like it was the flu in the dead of winter.

“Listen I know what the church is supposed to preach but I would never presume to tell a young woman what to do with her body. I will tell you this. You are smart. You have never given your mother a bit of trouble like some of these young folks. That’s what I know. I definitely don’t want you to drop out of school. This world needs an educated young black woman like you. If you feel you don’t have the strength to bear it all, I can tell you right here and now, you do. God is not the only one that can turn rain into sunshine. I’m a witness. One man’s worse day can be another man’s blessed day. I know you’re smart enough to know what I’m talking about.”

“I understand.”

“I support your decision as long as you consult with the Lord before you make it.”

“I will.”

***

A few days later Roxanne invited Erika over to her mom’s condo. The doorbell rang and Roxanne buzzed her friend in. Roxanne ran from her room and turned a corner to the front door. She looked out the peephole. She knew it was Erika but now she took extra precautions with everything.

Erika was standing on the opposite side of the door. Roxanne unlocked and opened the door letting Erika in. She closed the door and led Erika into the living room where they both sat down on the cream colored sofa.

“What’s so damn urgent?” Erika asked.

“I went to the mall and I bought something.”

“You bought something?” Erika’s head snapped back.

“Yeah.” Roxanne smiled.

“For me?”

“No.”

Erika glowered. “Okay what did you buy?”

Roxanne went into a shiny red Macy’s shopping bag and removed a mint green infant one-piece jumper with the price tag still attached. “Look at this adorable little thing.” Roxanne gushed.

Erika’s mouth hung open. Roxanne displayed the matching hat and booties.

Erika leapt forward and snatched the infant outfit from Roxanne’s relaxed hands.

“What the hell Roxanne? Are you crazy?”

“What’s your problem?”

“Last time I talked to you this was a wrap. I thought you were calling me to take you to the abortion clinic like we discussed.”

“No I wasn’t calling you for that.” Roxanne snipped.

“Pretty soon people will be able to see you’re pregnant. You’re almost four months, four months. What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

“Shittttttt!”

“I want to keep this baby.”

“You have lost your damn mind.”

“Hold up.”

“Why, why would you keep this baby? Why?”

“I just, I just don’t believe in abortion. You know that.”

“Bullshit! I know that there is absolutely no good reason for you to have this baby. There’s no reason for you to have a baby period.”

“That’s not true. I have never believed in abortion.”

“This is a special circumstance.”

“Right and this baby can’t help the circumstances that surround its conception.”

“It’s ridiculous to consider having a rapis--”

“Don’t say that. You better not say that word.”

“Well fine.” Erika took in a breath and decided to choose her words wisely, with a little bit of sensitivity. “This kid has no father.”

“That’s not fair. You don’t have a father.”

“No I don’t. Thanks for pointing that out. That’s painful for me. Is there any chance this baby is Quincy’s.”

“There is no chance. I never was on birth control but we always used condoms.”

“You could act like it is his baby.”

“Did you hear me? We used condoms Erika, every single time. Besides, I would never lie about something like that.”

There’s a brief period of silence, a period of letting the events sink in. Erika folded her arms in front of herself and turned her back to Roxanne.

“I’m keeping the baby, my baby.”

Erika whipped around to stare at Roxanne. “It could be a crack baby or something.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. Do you understand that this will be a constant reminder of the night you were raped? Every time it cries. Every time you look at this baby, you’re going to think about it.”

“Seriously? Did you just say that?”

“The truth hurts sweetie… Okay and what about school?”

“I’ll graduate before the baby is born. You can’t talk me out of it. I need your support. I need you to be a friend. This was a hard decision for me.”

“I am your friend. This is a dumb decision.”

“I’m going to tell my mom when she gets home from work. Are you going to help me tell her?”

Erika reluctantly shook her head yes. “Yeah whatever.”

Erika was confused. She couldn’t understand why Roxanne would take the hard gravel road when there were so many other options for her like the newly paved clear and free road.

Erika wasn’t sure if Roxanne was brave or just plain ole stupid. Maybe her friend had book smarts and no common sense.

CHAPTER 7

Time moved with a swift quickness. The graduation ceremony went off without a hitch. Young adults with various degrees spilled out of the auditorium and into the streets. Everyone seemed happy to Roxanne but no one seemed pregnant. She was sure she was the only one with child.