A Cold White Fear (18 page)

I
lay with my eyes closed, sprawled out on the hard, cold floor, unable to move, unable to hide my shame. I felt only a pervasive numbness. My mind was a blank. I wanted to hide, to retreat, but I didn't know how. Maybe if I stayed here, it would all go away.

“Messing around on me, eh?” A female voice cut through the fog.

Who was this? I couldn't stay here. I had to do something. I breathed in deeply several times and willed myself to open my eyes.

A tall, muscular woman with a red tuque pulled down over her white-blond hair stood over the Serb. Tight pants and a red leather biker jacket only served to emphasize her curves. In one hand she dangled a snowmobile helmet. With the other she pointed a gun at my rapist's head.

It was his time to squirm. “
Sunce
, no woman good like you.... But it such long time without a woman....”

This was Jo.

Her timing couldn't have been better. But I didn't know whether to kiss her feet in thanks or cower back in fear. I inched away from the Serb. My hand touched the blanket. I snatched it up to cover myself.

He pushed the gun aside. “Give me kiss.”

Puckering his lips, he lifted his face up toward her, but she turned her head away. “Who's the bitch?”

“She own house.”

“I thought it was an old lady.”

“She dead.”

“What happened to your face?” She ran her fingers through the blood seeping from the wound, brought them to her lips, and sucked.

“The bitch cut me.”

She stopped sucking and aimed the gun at me. “I could kill you for hurting my man.”

Should I plead self-defence against being raped by her boyfriend? But her hard edge suggested she wouldn't care. I remained silent and wrapped the blanket tighter around my nakedness. My hands were trembling so much, I could barely hang on to it. I backed farther away.

Jo leaned over, grabbed his hair, and kissed him hard. He responded in kind. I glanced around, trying to make out Larry in the dark shadows of the room, but I didn't see him. I then realized it wasn't quite so dark. The greyness of dawn was creeping through the window.

The woman broke away. “You're still the best kisser I know, Tiger. It's sure been one hell of a long time.”

“You fuck no other man,
ne
?” The kiss had recharged him.

Now it was her turn to look guilty. She brushed a long, silken tendril off her face and shrugged. “Like you said, you're the only man for me.” She bent over, caressed his renewed hardness, and kissed it, and then she gave it a mighty pull.

He yelped.

“Where's the Viper?” she asked, straightening up. “We've got to get outta here.”

Ignoring the question, he asked instead, “Where Freddie?” He pulled up his pants, fumbled to shove everything back inside, and zipped them out of sight.

I strove to quell my shaking, my whirling thoughts as I grappled with what had just happened.

“Freddie's waiting for us on the main road. The road's cleared now. But I had to use the Ski-Doo to get here. Fuck, there's a lot of snow out there. But if it's slowing us down, it'll be slowing the cops too.”

“You see any?”

“Nah, not on the roads we were driving on, but the jailbreak's all over the news. I figure this side of Quebec will be crawling with cops soon. So we can't wait around.”

“You change mind? I thought we stay until dark.”

“Schedule has moved up. The boss heard the target was getting company later today, so it's gotta be done this morning.”

I was too worried about my own situation to wonder what they were talking about. I'd managed to zip up my pants. But my skin crawled with the memory of him. I desperately wanted go upstairs and scrub him away.

Slobo pulled Jo to him. Once again they were pawing each other like rutting dogs. I took the opportunity to slide past them and into the darkness of the hall. I was almost at the stairs when the woman yelled, “Bitch, get back here.”

I turned around to see her outline blocking the grey light seeping through the doorway.

“What's with all this fucking darkness?” she said, coming up to me. Her pistol hung loosely at her side. “Where's the damn light switch?”

“The power's out.”

“Fuck, just what I need. Get back in here where I can see you.”

“Please, I want to go upstairs to change.” I let the blanket fall to one side so she could see my ripped clothes.

“Jeez, what did you do?”

I didn't respond.

“He do that?”

I shrugged.

“Sure is one horny bastard, ain't he?” She grinned. “Okay, up you go … and take your time, eh?” She winked. She started to head back into the den and then stopped and turned back to me. “Look, I'm sorry. He can get a bit rough. I'll make sure it don't happen again.”

Before she could change her mind, I scooted upstairs. But instead of going into the washroom, I ran down the hall to my bedroom and crawled into bed and under the duvet. I shook from head to foot. All I could see was his leering face coming toward me. All I could feel were his rough, scaly hands kneading and pawing me. All I could hear was the sound of his zipper opening, the silence of waiting. His licking, his sucking, his saliva all over me. The stabbing, the scraping. I tried to rub him away, but I couldn't. My nostrils filled with the stench of his lust. My whole body cried out with pain.

I moved over to Eric's side of the bed and breathed in his scent to drown out the stench and failed.

“Oh Eric, my dear sweet Eric. I want you to hold me and never let go.”

I clung to his pillow. I tried to conjure up images of his dimpled smile, his gentle touch, his soft caresses, and failed.

Would Eric want to touch me now?

Would he think I was damaged goods?

Why, oh why did this happen to me?

Eric, where are you when I need you?

Why didn't you save me?

Why aren't you here now?

I punched and pounded the pillow. I threw it on the floor and stomped on it. Flung it back on the bed and pounded it and pounded it and pounded it, until I collapsed in a flood of tears.

I
felt more than heard a presence in the room. I stopped crying, cowered farther under the duvet, and braced for the attack. When it didn't happen, I cautiously poked my head out, praying I was wrong, that there was no one in the room. At first I didn't see anyone in the diffuse dawn light, but then I realized someone was lurking in the shadows just inside the door. It was still too dark to tell who waited there. However, I didn't sense a threat or the sexual danger of the biker. Rather, I sensed fear and indecision.

“Come here, Jid,” I whispered.

He ran to the bed, jumped in beside me, and clung to me. “I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. When I heard the gun go off, I thought they'd shot you. I thought you were dead.”

His body shook.

I wrapped him in the duvet and brushed the tears from his cheeks. “As you can see, I am very much alive. It was Professor who was shot.”

I wondered if he'd heard the rape. I didn't think I'd screamed or cried out. Hopefully he knew nothing about it.

“Yeah, I know. When I finally left the office, I heard Larry crying in the front room, so I went and looked.”

“Is Professor dead?”

“No, but I think he's hurt bad.”

At least the man was alive, but likely not in a condition to control the biker. There was no one to protect us now.

“Who's that lady?” Jid asked.

“Jo, the biker's girlfriend.” Maybe she would keep her boyfriend from harming us. But despite her sympathy, I had a feeling she wouldn't intervene. “What are they doing?”

“They're in the kitchen yelling at each other. She sounds real mad at him.”

“Good, maybe they'll be too busy to think of us.” Jid's trembling was starting to subside. “You're not supposed to be here. Why didn't you leave?”

“I tried to. I waited until it was real quiet, like you told me. But just as I was leaving Shome's office, Professor came down the hall. I ducked back inside. Then I heard the gun. It really scared me. I was so sure you were dead. I didn't know what to do.”

“Why didn't you stay in the office?”

“I started to think maybe you weren't dead but were hurt real bad. I thought I'd better take care of you. I figured those guys wouldn't help you. Larry might, but not the other guys. Well, maybe Professor, but not that really bad guy.”

I hugged him closer. “Thank you, Jid. You're the best kid in the world.” I felt him squirm from embarrassment. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him. “Do you think there is any chance we can escape right now?”

We had to keep trying.

“I don't think so. Like I said, they're in the kitchen.”

“That rules out the back door, and the tree is blocking the front door, but there is the dining room door. Or better yet, we could go out one of these windows.” I pointed to the two large sash windows overlooking the lake. “We could climb out onto the verandah roof and jump down into the soft snow.”

“What about our snowshoes and jackets?”

“Lots of warm clothes up here. We can make our way around to the back porch for the snowshoes.”

“What about Shoni?”

My dear sweet, little puppy. I hated to do it, but I had no choice. “I'm afraid we'll have to leave her behind. But they won't hurt her.”

“You sure?”

Not really, not with that demonic biker.
I'm sorry, Shoni, Jid's life is more important.
“Professor will keep her safe. Now, off you go to your room and put on as much warm clothing as you can. And not a sound, okay?”

I waited until he'd left before leaving the bed. I'd been afraid he would see my torn clothes. My only desire now was to wash the horror away. Clutching clean underwear, jeans, and a top, I tiptoed to the bathroom, filled the sink from the spare water container and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the touch of his hands, his tongue, his penis away. I didn't care if the water was freezing cold. I wanted him gone.

I was so intent on rubbing away the last vestiges of the monster that I almost missed the quiet tap on the door. “Auntie, you better hurry. I hear noise coming from downstairs. They might be looking for us,” Jid warned.

I hastily dried myself, slipped on the clean clothes, and threw every single item of the contaminated clothing into the garbage. I'd burn them later.

The two of us scurried back into my room and closed the door softly behind us, but not before I too noticed the increased sound of activity downstairs. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but it was obvious Jo and the Serb were standing close to the bottom of the stairs. We had to leave now.

I rummaged through my drawers and was very glad to discover a down-filled sweater tucked away in a corner. I hastily donned it and added an Icelandic wool pullover. Unfortunately, my mitts and gloves were at the back door, but socks would do in a pinch. I tossed Jid a pair. “For your hands.”

Nodding, he tucked them into his jeans pocket.

Boots were another problem. But I had a pair of trail shoes in my cupboard. I found another pair of wool socks and pulled them over the shoes and up over the bottom of my jeans in an attempt to keep the snow at bay.

“Are those worn-out runners all you have?” His red sock poked through a hole in the toe.

“Yah, my boots and the new kicks Shome gave me are downstairs.”

“Put a pair of Eric's heavy wool socks over them and tuck them into your jeans like I've done. Now help me get this window up.”

Although Aunt Aggie had replaced the original windows with thermal-paned ones, that was a good thirty years ago. Over time the sliders had become warped. It usually needed Eric's strength to wrench them upward.

For once, the gods were smiling down on us. With minimal strain, Jid and I managed to slide up the window closest to the front of the house and high enough for me to squeeze through. The air coming from outside felt only slightly colder than it did inside, so we should be okay with our makeshift winter clothing. The snow rising above the window ledge spilled onto the floor.

I heard someone tramping up the stairs.

“Quick. You go first,” I whispered.

Jid scrambled through the opening and sank up to his knees in the white stuff. I followed and found myself floundering too. It was impossible to tell where the edge of the roof was. I closed the window behind me in an attempt to throw them off, although the snow on the floor would give us away.

“Wait until I'm on the ground before you jump down, okay?”

I half crawled, half walked to where I thought the edge should be and guessed wrong. Without warning, my arm punched through to nothing and I was tumbling head first to the whiteness below. I managed to flatten myself out and landed body deep with a face plant into the cold froth. Fortunately, it
was
like landing in a cloud.

Sputtering out ice crystals, I struggled to stand up, only to realize I was in full view of the living room windows. Although I could see the faint glow of the fire, it was too dark to tell if anyone was looking my way.

“Jid,” I called out softly. “Follow my route, but come feet first.”

That was something I should've done. Since the ground floor of this side of the house was all windows, there was nothing I could do to prevent Jid from being seen. I could only hope that Larry was too busy helping his lover.

A minute later the boy was sinking into the drifts beside me. I helped him to his feet. With the snow thigh-high for him and knee-high for me, it was going to be impossible to move quickly. Fortunately, it was like fluff, so we should be able to wade through it as if it were water.

“Let's get the snowshoes.”