A Class Apart (47 page)

“Just hold me, and don’t ever let me go. Tell me you still love me, even now. Please, still love me.”

“Oh darling, of course I still love you. Don’t ever doubt it. I’ll always love you.”

“You won’t,” she cried, pulling away from him. “No, you won’t. You can’t.”

“Don’t be silly.” He tried to pull her back into his arms. “Of course I will.”

“You won’t,” she said. “You can’t. I’m pregnant, Bob! Do you hear me? I’m pregnant!”

They sat up all that long night, holding one another, sometimes crying, sometimes talking, but neither of them slept. Together they tried to find an answer to the turmoil, and that night brought them closer than they had ever been before.

Day was breaking when finally Bob plucked up the courage to ask her the question he had been wanting to ask all night.

“Have you considered an abortion?” he said, very tentatively, remembering only too well what Kate had been through, and knowing that it would be uppermost in Ellamarie’s mind too. “I don’t know if it’s the answer, but have you thought about it?”

She nodded. “Yes, I’ve thought about it.” She looked down into her lap, and clutched her hands together tightly.

“Well?”

“I would, if I could be sure that the baby wasn’t yours.”

“But . . .”

“I know, I know,” she said. “But I did a really silly thing. When Kate got pregnant I thought that, even though it wasn’t the answer for her, that it might be for us. So I stopped taking the pill. Oh Bob, I know I shouldn’t have done it, not without talking to you about it first, but I was afraid you would say no. And then I thought that if I was having a baby, that it would help you to make up your mind what you wanted to do. I only did it because I love you so much, and I couldn’t bear to ever think of losing you, and I thought that perhaps it would make you love me more, and that you would leave your wife, and come to me. I know how that must sound, but I just had to do something. Things were so good between us, and I wanted you to know how much I cared – how much I really cared, and how much I wanted you. And now everything is a mess, and it’s all my fault. But you see, because there is a chance that it might be your child, well, you must see . . .”

He took her face between his hands, and then, for the first time in over two months, he kissed her. Her lips were soft and warm beneath his, and the feeling of being close to her again was something he knew he never wanted to lose.

Finally he pulled away from her and looked into her eyes.

“I love you so much,” she whispered. “And truly, I do think it’s your baby. Truly I do. Somehow I just know it.”

“Of course it is,” he said, “and we mustn’t ever doubt it.”

She lifted her mouth for him to kiss her again, and for the thousandth time she tried to tell herself that it really was his child she was carrying.

He cupped her face in his hands. “How about some breakfast?” he smiled. Even if it was only a few minutes, he needed some time alone to think.

She nodded.

He told her to stay where she was, with her feet up, and try to rest. Later, he insisted, she would have to go to bed, and sleep, for the rest of the day.

She waited while he was in the kitchen, and although she was smiling, there was still trepidation in her heart. That he loved her, that he truly loved her, she was now in no doubt. But the baby, was it his? Please God, it had to be. But would he always look at it and wonder? Would he ever be able to truly accept it, like he had said he would? And what if, when it was born, it had those hideous pale eyes. Oh please God, no. She could never bear to live with those pale eyes, looking at her, watching her, every day. But she wouldn’t have to. It was Bob’s child she was carrying. Hers and Bob’s, and it would have the beautiful sapphire blue eyes that belonged to him.

But what was he going to do? Would he really leave his wife? With a doubt as great as this in his heart, would he be able to leave his wife and come to her?

And suddenly she knew she couldn’t let him. She couldn’t do this to him.

He brought the breakfast in, and looking at him her heart contracted with love. There were dark shadows under his eyes, and the silver lines in his beard stood out more strongly than she had noticed before. When he looked at her he smiled, and she thought how very handsome he was when he smiled. And she thought, too, of how she was going to miss him. She was going to miss him so badly that she didn’t know if she could bear it.

He put the tray on the table, and then pulled up a chair for her to sit down. “Every bit,” he said. “Nothing left on the plate.”

She stood up, but she didn’t go to the table. Instead she walked to the window and pulled back the curtains. When she turned back she saw that he was watching her, and she wondered what was going through his mind. She turned her head away, unable to meet his eyes.

“What is it?”

She tried to look up, but she couldn’t. “Will you sit down? Please. There’s something I want to say.”

He pulled up a chair and sat beside the table.

She walked across the room and taking his hands she knelt at his feet. She saw the look of confusion in his eyes, and all she knew was that she didn’t want to cause him any more pain.

She looked down at their hands. “Bob, I’m going to let you go.”

“What do you mean?” he said, tilting her chin to make her look at him.

“I mean that I can’t do it to you. I love you too much. And now that I know how much you love me, I just can’t hurt you like this. You must go. Bob, we can’t live a lie. You’ll only end up hating me, and I just couldn’t bear that.”

He looked deep into her eyes. “Ellamarie, I could never hate you. I love you too much.”

She tried to smile. “Not now, I know, but you will. You will feel trapped and resent me for it, and you’ll be right to.”

“Stop talking like that. I swore I would never leave you, and I meant it. I will never leave you again.”

“I don’t want you to go, you know I don’t. But you must. In a day or two you’ll see things more clearly, and you will know that I’m right. I promise you.” Her mouth was quivering, but she was determined to hold onto the tears.

He ran his thumb across her lips and tried to pull her up, but she resisted. “No, Bob,” she said. “No.”

Suddenly his face was angry. “Stop pushing me away. I love you, can’t you accept that? I love you and I am not going anywhere, no matter what you say.”

She got up and walked across the room. “Please, don’t argue any more.”

And then he was beside her, turning her to look at him. “There’s only one thing left to say, I want to marry you.”

Her eyes rounded.

“Will you marry me?”

“But . . .”

“Yes or no.”

She looked into his face for a long time, and he watched her eyes, searching to find the right way. And then at long last she began to smile, and he smiled too.

“Does that mean yes?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “If you’re sure, then yes, it means yes.”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” he said, and pulled her into his arms.

TWENTY-SEVEN

With a film editor either side of her, Jenneen took the stairs two at a time. They laughed as they reached the top and stopped to catch their breath.

“What brings you here so late in the evening?” Richard puffed.

“Just wanted to pick up a few things,” Jenneen answered.

“Bar’s still open,” said Gary. “Tell you what, I’ll let you buy me a drink.”

“Thanks for the honour.”

“I’ll buy,” said Richard.

“Sorry, too much to do.”

“You know what hard work did to Jack,” said Gary.

“And I’m even duller,” she said. “But seriously, I can’t tonight. If you’re around tomorrow lunchtime, I’ll buy you both one then, does that suit?”

“Well, I suppose it’ll have to do,” said Gary. “Give us a kiss then before you go.”

“Tomorrow,” and she started to walk away.

Suddenly she was swept off her feet and they were carrying her towards the bar on their shoulders.

“Put me down,” she laughed, but they walked right on into the bar, and dumped her in front of the counter.

“Two pints and a gin and tonic for the lady,” said Richard.

“Honestly,” said Jenneen. “Don’t you ever take no for an answer? Just a quick one then, and I’ll have to go.”

As she looked around to see who was in there she noticed Stephen Sommers sitting in the comer with several researchers from the
Afternoon Programme.
As their eyes met he gave her a sour look.

“See your fan club’s in tonight,” Gary remarked, as Jenneen turned back to the bar.

“He’s bloody furious about your new programme, you know,” said Richard, perching on a stool beside her.

“You mean he knows about it?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Silly question. What did he say?”

“I’d rather not repeat it,” said Richard, “but I’d watch him if I were you, he’s got it in for you.”

“Well, that’s nothing new,” said Jenneen. “Stephen Sommers has got it in for anyone female who has the audacity to be above the rank of secretary.”

“True,” said Gary.

They watched Stephen as he stuffed his cigarettes into his pocket, and left the bar. Jenneen shrugged, and raised her glass to the closed door.

When she had finished her drink Jenneen insisted that she really must go now. She went back along the corridor to the production office. The lights were still on when she got there, and looking at her watch she guessed that the late-night news team were probably using it for the last bulletin of the day, as it was nearer the presentation studio than their own.

Sure enough, as she rounded the filing cabinets, she saw a couple of journalists banging away on typewriters, and a secretary busy photocopying the scripts. She said hello to one of the journalists as he rushed out of the office, then walked on round the row of filing cabinets towards her desk. Suddenly she stopped. Someone she had not expected to see was Stephen Sommers.

Normally she would have ignored him, and not even bothered to wonder what he was doing there. But he was standing beside her desk, reading something that he had quite clearly taken from the drawer; he had left it open.

Luckily no one had noticed her come in, so she drew back behind the filing cabinets, and watched him for several minutes. It soon became evident from the way he was rummaging through the desk that he was looking for something in particular, and she wondered what it could be.

She didn’t have to wait long. From the bottom drawer, where she kept everything to do with her new series, he pulled out the small buff file that she had come back for. Quickly he flicked through it, barely giving himself time to read it. Obviously satisfied that this was what he was looking for, he walked over to the photocopier, duplicated the whole file, then replaced the original in the drawer.

She continued to watch as he tucked his copy inside his jacket, and started to walk towards her. Quickly she stepped back into Bill’s office behind her, and hid behind the door until he had passed.

When she was satisfied that he had gone, she walked over to her desk, and took out the file from the bottom drawer. What possible use could that file be to him? OK, she had never discussed the project in the office, but there was nothing to hide. The company had given the go-ahead for the pilot, and he only had to read the studio schedules to see that it was down for recording in two weeks’ time.

She shrugged. Well, if he was so fascinated by her and what she was doing, then good luck to him. Just to know what the idea was would do him no good that she could see, unless it was merely to satisfy his curiosity.

But in the following week or so, she couldn’t shake it from her mind. She had a nagging feeling that there was perhaps more to this than she realised.

Nick was quite taken aback when Kate threw open the door. Her face was covered in smiles, and she was almost jumping up and down with excitement.

“Have you heard?” she said, pulling him inside. “Have you heard?”

“Heard what?”

“About Ellamarie and Bob?”

“What about Ellamarie and Bob.”

“They’re getting married.”

“They’re what!” Nick gasped.

“Getting married.”

“But how? I mean when? I mean, well, how can they?”

“I don’t know,” said Kate, “but they are. Isn’t it simply marvellous! Come on, I’ve got some champagne. Let’s celebrate!” and she skipped off into the kitchen.

Nick laughed. “You’ve got champagne? But it’s them who are getting married.”

“What difference does that make? We can still celebrate, can’t we?”

He shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

“Will you pop the cork?”

He took the bottle from her, and she stood at the ready with two glasses. He filled them up, and they drank a toast to Ellamarie and Bob.