A Class Apart (35 page)

The music changed on the TV, and Kate looked up. She watched the familiar opening titles for the next programme, and thought of how often she had admired them. The picture changed, and there was Jenneen.

Quickly Kate reached for the remote, and switched off. Her hand was shaking, and she caught it to her, trying to calm herself.

She couldn’t look at Jenneen. She couldn’t bear to see her face. She had thought that she had seen pain in Jenneen’s eyes, and she wondered now if she had, or if she had only wanted to. Jenneen, dear, dear, Jenneen. All those terrible things she had said to her. All the blame she had thrown at her, trying to hurt her with the pain she herself had felt at the time.

She wanted to ask Jenneen to forgive her, but would it ever be the same again for them? So much had happened in such a short time, and all of their lives were changing. Would they grow apart? But no, they must never grow apart. She must see Jenneen, beg her to forgive her for saying all those terrible things. She must save their friendship. It was the only thing now that was worth saving.

Jenneen had been so dreadfully sad. Even before everything that had happened, she had been sad. The only one of the four of them who was lonely, even when they were together. Jenneen had no one, she turned to no one; she stayed remote, in her own private hell.

A private hell. Just like the one Kate had been through. Where an existence remained unrealized, and life, as yet, undiscovered. They must help one another now. Together, they would pull through.

But it might already be too late to hope. Would Jenneen ever be able to forget? Even if she forgave, would she be able to forget how Kate had so cruelly fuelled the flames of confusion and torment that burned in her heart? How, blinded by her own suffering, Kate had lashed out to hurt those around her, never stopping to think that they, too, might be suffering.

She turned her head to one side and her tears fell onto the pillow.

“Oh Jenn,” she whispered. “Jenn, please forgive me. I love you so much, please, please, forgive me.”

She didn’t hear the door open, did not realize that there was someone in the room until she felt a hand touch hers and lift it from the bed. She looked at the hand. It was a man’s hand, dark with long slender fingers and short hair on the backs of the fingers. It held hers, not too tightly, and she wondered at how tiny and white hers seemed against it. And then her heart turned over. It was Joel. He had come back to her, just like she had always known he would.

She looked up and saw that it was Nick, standing over her, smiling down at her. She closed her eyes, then tried to smile. So many tricks, would they never end?

“Hello.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him again. His face was almost exquisitely beautiful, but with the cragginess of a man, which lent a hardness to the beauty. His dark hair curled over his collar, and his blue-black eyes, which crinkled at the comers when he laughed, were smiling down at her and searching her face. She saw that he had a mole beneath his right eye; she had never noticed it before. She liked it. It was an imperfection on a perfect face.

“Hello,” she said.

He reached for the box of tissues beside the bed, and handed them to her. She took them, and wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” She tried to laugh. “I seem to be doing a lot of this lately.”

“Then maybe it’s time you stopped,” he said, gently. “Unless it makes you feel better, of course.”

She smiled, and struggled to sit up. “I’m not sure that it does, but I do it anyway.”

He pulled her forward, and adjusted the pillows behind her, then pushed her back against them.

When she looked at him again she could see that he was trying not to laugh.

“What is it?”

“Only that I feel completely absurd,” he said. “Coming in here, trying to play nurse, and now can’t think of a damned thing to say.”

“And that’s funny?”

“Not really,” he laughed.

She laughed too.

He pulled up a chair, and sat down beside the bed. “So you’re going home tomorrow?”

She nodded. “And not a day too soon. Being in here only reminds me.”

He looked away, and she wondered if he was uncomfortable, talking about it. She wouldn’t mention it again.

“I didn’t expect to see you again. I mean, after the last time we spoke. I shouldn’t have let you down, and I’m sorry. You sounded awfully cross.”

He chuckled. “I was. But it doesn’t matter now.”

Suddenly she wanted to touch him. “Would you like some grapes?”

He looked at the fruit beside her bed.

“I know,” she said. “I’ve been seriously considering starting a winery when I get out of here. How are you at treading?”

“Terrific!”

“Then you’ve got a job. I was thinking of calling it Kate’s Carafes. What do you think?”

“I think I’m glad to see you.”

She blushed. “I look dreadful,” she said, running her fingers through her hair.

“Mmm, I must say I have seen you looking better.”

“Such chivalry.”

His face became serious. “How are you, really?”

She looked away, and her eyes began to fill with tears again.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve upset you. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No. No, I’m fine really. I have moments when it all seems so terrible that I think I can’t carry on, but they pass.”

“Have you seen him at all?”

She turned back to him. “Joel?”

He nodded.

“No.”

She saw the muscles tighten in his face, and she thought for a moment that he was angry. But then his expression softened again.

“Maybe, when you’re feeling better, that is, we could have that day out we talked about?”

She looked into his eyes, and he looked back. Then she lowered her head. “I don’t know, Nick, I’m not sure if I want anyone in my life. Not now, anyway.”

There was a long silence before he spoke. “OK. But if you change your mind, will you promise to ring me?”

“You’ll be the first,” she smiled. “I promise.”

The look in his eyes was one of such tenderness, that again she wanted to reach out and touch him.

“Thank you for coming, Nick.”

He smiled. “I’ll be waiting,” he said, and getting up from the chair, he left the room.

TWENTY

“Stop worrying,” said Bob. “This sort of thing happens all the time to actresses, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.” He was sitting in the canteen at the back of the theatre, talking to Ellamarie and Nick. His denial that there was anything to be alarmed about in receiving so many anonymous bouquets was not ironing out the frown on Ellamarie’s face. “Look, the time to worry is when you get threatening letters, but there’s hardly anything threatening in a bunch of flowers, is there? If anything you should be flattered.”

“Well, I’m not,” Ellamarie retorted.

“All right, you’re not. But I’m here, aren’t I? I won’t let anything happen to you. Anyway, it’s not going to, so you can stop worrying.”

Ellamarie looked up at Nick and grinned. “My very own superman.”

Bob went on: “He’s probably very lonely and shy. Who knows, it could be that you remind him of his mother.”

Nick burst out laughing at the look on Ellamarie’s face. “I’ll take a swing at you in a minute,” she said to Bob, and he ducked as she did.

“No one serving coffee or anything yet?” said Nick, looking at his watch.

“Still early,” said Ellamarie. “Aren’t you going to sit down?”

Nick walked over to another table and picked up a chair. When he turned back again he saw that Bob was running his fingers over Ellamarie’s face, and whispering something to her. He sat down at their table and tried very hard not to feel like an intruder.

“Cheer up,” said Ellamarie, looking at his gloomy face.

He smiled. “I don’t know what it is, but every time I see you two together I think I feel jealous.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” said Bob, “but you can’t have her. She’s mine.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Well, you sure as hell can’t have him either,” said Ellamarie.

“Maybe that’s it,” said Nick, “you two are always so happy and relaxed with one another. Whenever I look at you I wonder what it’s like to be like you. Is life really as wonderful as it seems, in your world?”

Bob looked at Ellamarie, and she looked back at him. Then Bob shook his head. “No,” he said. “No. It’s even better than it seems.”

Ellamarie giggled, and turned back to Nick. “He’s so romantic. I wouldn’t even trade him in for a newer model.”

Bob pinched her, and she shrieked. “Well, maybe I would,” she said.

“As things go, I think you two must be the perfect couple.”

Bob looked him straight in the eye. “Not quite.”

Nick was immediately embarrassed. How stupid of him to have said that. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Hell, it doesn’t matter,” said Ellamarie. “We all have our crosses to bear. Have you seen Kate at all?”

Nick shook his head. “Not since she was in the hospital. How is she?”

“Not good, I’m afraid. Still depressed, but I suppose it’s only to be expected. I’m taking her off to a little place we know in Scotland for a couple of days tomorrow. I think she could do with a break.”

Nick didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t you call her?” said Bob.

“No, she knows where I am if she wants me. I don’t want to push it.”

Bob shrugged. “Up to you. But make sure you don’t leave it too long.”

He pulled out the script for the
Queen of Cornwall
, and the three of them began to discuss it. Although they had done their first read several weeks ago, it had only been with stand-in actors, to try the script out. Bob and Adrian Cowley, who was to produce the film, had had several meetings with bankers and businessmen and other possible investors. Interest was mounting, largely due to the fact that Bob’s name was attached to it.

“I shiver all over every time I think of myself, up there on the big screen,” said Ellamarie. “I can hardly believe that it’s going to happen. I never realized until now how much I’ve always wanted to do a movie. Well, I knew I wanted to, but now that it’s actually going to happen, I just can’t believe it. Me, a movie star! Just wait till . . . you’re laughing at me,” she said, looking at Bob. And he was.

He leaned across the table and dropped a kiss on the end of her nose. “Love you,” he said and winked at her.

“Are you staying for tonight’s performance?” she asked.

“Can’t, I’m afraid. I told Adrian I’d meet him at seven to talk over a few things, then I have to go to the Coliseum. But I’ll be back in time to pick you up.”

Elsie the canteen lady walked in at that moment and Ellamarie got up to get them all a coffee.

Standing at the counter watching the two of them, Ellamarie was thinking about Nick and Kate. She was sure that Nick was half in love with Kate. And there was no doubt that Kate needed someone right now. She needed her confidence and self-esteem putting back together. Maybe Nick was the right one to do it. She would talk it over with Ashley tonight, before she and Kate left for Scotland. Ashley would know what to do.

Elsie handed her three coffees, and she took them back to the table. She was looking forward to going to Scotland tomorrow. She knew she wasn’t only doing it because she thought it would do Kate some good – though she prayed to her Catholic God that it would. She was also doing it because
Twelfth Night
was to break for a week. Bob would be busy at the Coliseum with
Don Giovanni
, and Nick was going back into rep at the National with
Lady Windermere’s Fan.
Most of the rest of the cast were appearing in other reps around the country too, and as there wasn’t even as much as an audition on the horizon for her to look forward to, she had decided it might be better for her to be out of London, where she didn’t have to dwell too much on the lack of parts that were coming her way. Bob hadn’t been too keen on the idea, saying that he would miss her, but Ellamarie knew that he’d be too busy really to notice, and told him that right now Kate’s need was greater. She was going to take Kate to the place that Bob had taken her not long after they’d first met. It was where he had told her he loved her, and where they had first made love. She wasn’t too sure why she had chosen to take Kate there. As it was a special place for her, maybe it could be special for Kate too.

She pretended to listen as Bob and Nick went over the opening lines of the
Queen of Cornwall
, but her mind had wandered on to what Nick had said about her and Bob. Did they really seem to be the perfect couple? Sometimes she felt as if they were. But she couldn’t shake off this feeling of dread that it wasn’t going to last. That something terrible was going to happen, and she would lose him. How deceiving people can be sometimes, she thought. To look so happy, so at one with each other, but always there was something. Was there really any such thing as the perfect couple, with perfect happiness?