A Chosen Life (27 page)

He walked into his tent, set the basket on the floor, dropped face down on the cot, and squeezed his eyes shut against the pain.

Chapter Twenty-Five

A Watcher’s
Farewell

Macy stared up at the dirty canvas roof of the tent, trying to ignore the emptiness in her heart. She’d known she would have to lose Bastian one day. She’d known it would be hard. She had no idea it would be this hard.

She looked down at her healed arm, perfectly strong leg, and wished she could punch Tolen. Heck, she wished she could punch anyone.

She bit her lip in frustration. It was hot enough, and light enough, that the sun had to be fully up, but she hadn’t gone outside yet. Why bother? She didn’t want to see anyone.

She heard someone approaching but made no move to sit up. The tent flap opened but she didn’t bother to look over. It was probably just the Houseman. When she woke up, he’d been sitting by her head sprinkling smelly herbs all over her face. He’d nodded once with a grim smile and left.

“Time to get moving McLacy Allicandra.”

Macy shot upright. Some old fart stood in the tent door leaning on his cane.

“How do you know my real name?”

“Forrest Bastian is a good Watcher.”

“Was—”

“
Is
.” The old guy sighed and shook his head. “You and the boy share the same misunderstanding. Death does not stop duty.”

Macy clenched her teeth.

“My name is Jonas, Sphere and leader of this camp. It is time for you to join us.” Jonas’s cobwebbed brown eyes bored into her face. “The ceremony is about to begin.”

“No, it’s time for me to leave. I did what Bastian asked. I brought the kid to the Radia Warriors.”

“That is not what your Watcher asked of you. He told you to protect the Ninth. If you leave now, you would be breaking your promise. Tolen needs you. The Balance put you together for a reason.”

Macy’s face burned. “Oh yeah? Well I’m sick of the Balance messing with my life. Why the crap did the Light have to choose me anyway?”

“That is a very good question, and only you can find the answer.”

Macy sat back on the cot and dropped her head into her hands.

Jonas shuffled over and put a hand on her shoulder. She tried to shrug him off, but for an old guy he had a pretty firm grip. She gave up and settled for glaring at the floor.

“The Balance can feel the depth in every life force on this planet. It is made up of both good and evil, touchable matter and untouchable energy. It shifts and sways like the wind. The Light within the Balance finds those souls that are pure and good, just as souls filled with evil are sought by the Dark. The Light chose you because there is something within you that shifted the Balance so much that it knew it needed you. You have a purpose McLacy—a purpose far greater than being a Chosen protector for humankind. You need to find your purpose, you mustn’t let your parents’ or Bastian’s loving sacrifices be for naught.” He paused as if waiting for her to speak. When she refused to take her eyes off the floor, he continued.

“You understand that selfishness is for the Dark. You have felt for yourself the joy that comes from realizing that your life, though a sacrifice, saves countless others. You, although you deny it, care more for the lives of others than you do for yourself, and you know that this is the way it should be. If the people of the world did not love themselves more than everything and everyone else, there would be no darkness. If so much of humankind and Hidden kind did not believe that life is about the fulfillment of selfish and wicked desires, even at the expense of those around them, darkness would fade and light and truth would take its place.

“McLacy Allicandra, you are pure in heart, even though you do not yet see it. You have a great purpose. You must find it. You are too important.” Jonas lifted his hand. “Now, get up and come with me. It is time to give Forrest Bastian a proper farewell.” He turned and shuffled out of the tent.

Macy rubbed her hands across her face. Jonas’s words pounded through her head. If Tolen had been what he was supposed to be, Bastian would still be alive. If he hadn’t separated her from the fight, Bastian would still be alive. Every way she looked at it, Tolen’s weaknesses had caused Bastian’s death.

She shoved off from the cot, pushed her hands into her pockets, clenched her teeth, and followed the old geezer through the tent door.

A tug in her stomach, that was becoming more and more familiar, made her glance up from the ground as she neared the camp. Tolen sat on a log about fifty feet in front of her, head down, staring at his watch. He looked up, their eyes met, and he jumped up so fast he almost fell over. Macy looked away, pulled a sucker out of her pocket, ripped off the wrapper, and shoved it in her mouth.

“Macy?” Tolen asked softly.

She allowed him half a glance.

“Macy, I’m so sorry about Bastian. I—”

She waved him off, fighting the stab of pain at the mention of Bastian, and turned to Jonas. “So, where are you doing the ceremony?”

Tolen sighed and shoved his hands into his back pockets.

Jonas swung his head side to side. “Time, place, truth, lies, love, and hate; all things that make life what it is, also make it what it shouldn’t be.”

Macy looked at the ground and rolled her eyes.

“Come.” Jonas pointed deeper into camp. “The ceremonial hut is this way.”

They followed Jonas to a low wooden shanty. Macy kept tight to Jonas’s opposite side, as far from Tolen as the small walkway between tents would allow, trying to pretend he wasn’t there or, better yet, that he didn’t even exist.

She felt him slow down, allowing the space she put between them, and fought against the glimmer of pity trying to worm its way into her thoughts. The corrosive hatred toward him she’d been feeding writhed and twisted in her stomach. She clenched her teeth. Her feelings were justified.

Tolen was dangerous. Everyone he cared about ended up dead or taken by the Dark.

Jonas ducked under the low open doorway of the shanty. Macy dropped her sucker into a patch of bushes and followed in behind. Tolen nearly had to bend in half to fit. At the front of the tiny room, a small gathering of six people sat on logs in a circle with three spaces left. Jonas took the head, leaving two for Tolen and Macy. Macy hurried to the empty seat between two crotchety looking old women. Tolen sat next to a middle-aged man and an ancient looking woman. They both acknowledged him with a nod. He folded his arms on top of his knees, and stared at the floor.

Macy looked away, squared her shoulders, and turned her attention to Jonas as he started to speak.

“For thousands of years the Beings of this world have tried to make sense of mortality. What factors determine how long we should be allowed to live? Why do some who seem so young, healthy, and filled with potential, die without reason, while many aged souls live on? But only one truth explains what cannot be explained. This life is not the end. Once we pass through Light’s door, we enter into a far more glorious state—shedding mortality for immortality in the form we began in.”

All thoughts of Tolen fled Macy’s mind and suddenly the room seemed too small for all these people. Her pulse raced and sweat pooled on her upper lip. She wiped it away, fighting the urge to run.

“Those of us left behind have the greatest struggle. It is us who must learn to exist without
them
, go on without them. Too often we mistakenly believe we can go back to who we were before our loss, but this is not possible. We can heal, we can be strong again, but we will not be the same. We can choose to allow our loss to fill us with bitterness and anger, or we can take all those things we gained from our association with our loved one and let them mold us, help us grow into our own potential, forever grateful for the time we had.”

She had to get out of here. It hurt too much!

Jonas started to sing in the language of the Hidden. Soft, melodic, poignant, devastatingly beautiful. The desire to flee disappeared as the pain in her heart nearly dropped her to the floor. Her head fell onto her arms and she pressed her eyes shut, but she couldn’t stop the tears from pushing out the corners.

The tiny room filled with warm light that Macy could see through her closed lids. She sensed Bastian’s presence and a gentle breeze ruffled her hair, almost like a gentle touch on the top of her head. Her breath caught, she had to bite back a sob, and then the feeling disappeared. She didn’t know how much time passed before she finally looked up, but when she did, there were only three people left in the room. Jonas, herself, and Tolen.

Tolen’s eyes were fixed on the dirt floor, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped between his legs. He seemed to be barely holding himself together. She could see it in the way he hunched his shoulders, the shallow breaths he took, and the despair that radiated from him.

She gritted her teeth and looked away from his pain, sorrow shoved away as the anger returned. He barely knew Bastian. The only excuse he had for being upset was because he felt guilty. As he should. She looked over to see Jonas staring at her, shaking his head slowly, his hands wrapped around his spindly cane. She took a deep breath and stood up.

“Tolen, it is time for you to speak to the Guardians,” Jonas said softly.

Macy started toward the door but Jonas held up his hand. “McLacy. Stay.”

“Why—” Jonas raised an eyebrow and she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and sat back down, her hands tingling.

The room was suddenly bathed in darkness. Small pinpricks of multi-colored lights began to appear on the ceiling, walls, and floor until the entire room looked like the night sky.

“There is no beginning of Light and Dark.” The deep voice—no
voices
, synchronized voices—seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

“They have always been. Worlds have been formed and destroyed. Lives have been created and obliterated. Alliances have been made and broken. Always the Light inspires. Always the Dark enslaves. You have been chosen by the Balance to fight for the Light. Two choices lie ahead for you with the greater call. Follow the road that will save
both
worlds, or ignore your destiny and watch them fall.

“You have been chosen, Tolen Daedal Téloran. Will you accept your destiny?” The voices faded.

“You must answer, Tolen,” Jonas whispered.

“Yes.” Tolen’s voice cracked. “I-I accept.”

Wind rushed through the room. Macy felt the joy from her Radia Shard pulse through her and she clenched her fists.
We need him . . . or at least they think we do. Accept it.
But her internal pep talk didn’t stop her hands from shaking.

“Your sacrifice has been accepted.” The deep voices echoed. “You are now truly a member of the Chosen Ones. The Light will guide you so long as you seek it out. Learn your purpose—ask for what you need with a pure heart and the Light will give it to you.”

The stars disappeared and sunlight filtered in through the doorway.

“What was that?” Tolen looked up at the wooden ceiling that moments ago had been covered with stars.

“A communication link to the citadel. You just spoke to the Guardians.”

“I did?”

“Yes.” Jonas tapped his arm. “Wait here. Incrah will be coming to take you to meet the Dominants.”

He gave Macy a significant look and she glared back.

Jonas sighed and left.

Macy got up to leave but Tolen blocked her path. “Macy, wait. Please.”

She tried to step around him, but hunched over he completely blocked the door.

She took a deep breath. “Move.”

“Macy, please?”

She stepped to within an inch of his face—their eyes level with him bent low—anger, pain, and fear feeding the hate-monster growing inside her. “Look Tolen, just because Bastian and I found you does not mean we were ever meant to be anything but mutual acquaintances. That’s it. If it weren’t for the fact that the Light can’t win without you, I never would have put up with your crap!”

Tolen flinched and clenched his teeth, but didn’t back down. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what happened and I don’t expect you to want to have anything to do with me ever again, but don’t,” he ran his hand through his hair, “don’t let your anger ruin your life.” He pointed out the door. “Jonas was right. Don’t be bitter. You had a great life with Bastian. He loved you. He’d want you to be happy.”

That’s it!
“Don’t give me advice about what Bastian would want,” she spat. “You hated him, even after everything he tried to do for you. He’d still be here if you weren’t so weak!” A sliver of vicious satisfaction slithered in her gut as Tolen’s face fell.

His eyes hardened, the blue eye dilating so wide it became almost black as he lashed back. “I don’t know what I’m talking about? You are so selfish! You really think you’re the only person in the world to have ever suffered? Fine, your story is tragic and terrible, but taking it out on everyone else is b—”

Macy’s fist connected with Tolen’s jaw, all her anger driving the punch. He flew sideways into a wood beam that cracked on impact. The ceiling started to crumble over him as Macy fled, the heat building inside her no longer containable. Flames shot out of her palms and she couldn’t even care what she lit on fire as she ran into the secluded forest.

As the heat faded from her hands, Macy scrubbed the tears from her face as she ran to the seclusion of the trees. Jonas’s earlier words pounded through her head. She felt like her insides had been scooped out and all that was left was hollow space. Bastian would be disappointed in her behavior, but as much as she didn’t like the idea of disappointing him, she couldn’t stop the anger that threatened to consume her. But the thought returned that if Tolen had been what he was supposed to be, Bastian would still be alive. He would still be here fulfilling whatever mission the Light had for him.

A tiny voice in the back of her mind whispered that maybe, just maybe if they’d told Tolen his destiny he would have been prepared for what waited for them in the forest above the Binithan. That maybe it wasn’t all his fault. Maybe he really was sorry and wanted to help her face her grief.

She clenched her fists and pushed her way deeper into the trees. So what? It didn’t matter either way. Bastian was still dead and nothing could change that. The world might need the Ninth, but she personally didn’t. She’d make sure they had what they needed to train him. She would fulfill her promise and make sure he was protected, and then she would go back out and fight the Dark,
on her own.