A Chosen Life (19 page)

He’d slept for fourteen hours according to his watch. It was 10:00 a.m. He’d been on the run for two days. His mother had been missing for more than twenty-four hours. He had to talk to someone, anyone. He couldn’t keep waiting.

He stood up and was about to leave the infirmary, despite the possibility of getting lost, when Helga walked through the door. She noticed he was awake, gave a clap of glee, turned, and left.

He moved to follow her, but she reappeared seconds later carrying a tray of food and a water jug.

“You are hungry, yes?” Her dark eyes were kind.

Tolen’s stomach rumbled. “Yes, but—”

“No, but. Sit. Eat.” She smiled as she pushed him back toward the bed, placed the tray carefully on his lap and sat the jug on the bedside table.

“Thank you.” He looked at the tray and picked up a piece of what looked like black bread. “I was wondering—”

“Eat.” Helga pointed to the plate and waited with her finger raised. Maybe if he started eating she’d let him ask her some questions.

He bit off a chunk of bread. It was grainy and tasteless, but his empty stomach didn’t care one bit. He took a swallow from the jug of water. “Um, are Bastian and Macy awake?”

She sighed and pointed to the plate again. “Macy is healing. The Watcher in council.”

Tolen swallowed a spoonful of stew. It was unlike anything he’d ever had before, but not terrible, sort of like flavorless, thick, chicken noodle soup. “So, I um . . . I was wondering . . . do you-do you know Dane?”

Her gaze fell to her lap. “Dane was good friend.”

Tolen’s stomach dropped. “
Was
?”

She raised her head and met his gaze with fierce eyes. He’d offended her with his question. “I say no more. You eat, now.
No
talk.”

Tolen felt an additional pang of guilt for upsetting the kind woman and went back to eating his meal in silence.

Helga waited until he ate every last crumb of bread and drank every drop of soggy stew. She took the tray and turned to leave.

“Wait. Can I talk to someone in charge?” Asking her had been a bad idea, but surely he could talk to someone.

“No.”

“Hander!” Tolen remembered the little man who’d led him here. He’d seemed important. “Can I talk to Hander?”

“No.” She repeated. “Sleep. Heal.” She tilted her head, gave him a searching look, and left quickly the way she’d come.

Tolen jumped up, determined to try to follow, but when he stepped out of the same door she’d left, he found himself in a small antechamber with four golden hallways, each leading in different directions. He had no idea which direction Helga would have gone. He scratched his head, then turned and trudged back to the infirmary. He dropped back onto his bed, leaned against the wall, and rubbed his eyes with his fists. He didn’t like being alone with his thoughts, which were torturing. How long would he be stuck in this room? What would he have to do to get someone to help him? Or even talk to him? He stretched his arms above his head, popping his joints.

He jumped off the beds and did a few sit-ups, trying to wake up his body. His broken hand burned a little and his muscles were stiff and sore. Other than that, he had no proof of all that had happened in the Lava Beds. It felt like a dream—or rather a nightmare—the things he’d been able to do without even knowing how or why. He knew it wasn’t his subconscious taking over. He hadn’t necessarily been in control, but the power he felt hadn’t scared him the way it did when his subconscious took over. This had seemed more like instinct. As if somewhere buried deep inside, he already knew how to do everything. He simply needed to
remember.

He stood up and started to jog in place. Five minutes later, Bastian walked into the infirmary. He peeked in at Macy before making his way to Tolen’s side.

Tolen cleared his throat, feeling awkward and unsure how to act. So much had happened since their last conversation. Even though he’d decided he didn’t hate Bastian, he still didn’t necessarily like him. It was uncomfortable talking to someone you didn’t like. “How is she?”

Bastian smiled, but his eyes were wary. He looked exhausted. “She is much better today. How are you?”

Tolen shrugged. “My body feels weak and rubbery, but I’m wide awake.”

“That is normal. It takes your physical body longer to regenerate after such an experience than it does your life force. Give it time. Do not push too hard. You need to let your body rest.”

Tolen sat back on the beds and took a long drink of water. He could feel the truth of the Watcher’s words, but he didn’t like it. His eyes wandered to Macy’s side of the room. He wanted to see for himself that she was okay. All the anger he’d felt toward her when they’d entered the Lava Beds had completely evaporated. “She’s not like I thought she was when I first met her.”

Bastian sat down on a low stool beside the bed, rested his elbows on his knees, and dropped his chin onto his clasped hands. “No, she is much more than a snotty teenager.” He chuckled once then added seriously. “You saved her life.”

Tolen put the jug on the table, keeping his eyes off the Watcher’s face. It was easier to talk to him that way. “How bad was she? I couldn’t really tell as I healed her.”

“You will be able to recognize more with practice.” Bastian took a slow breath. “Most of Macy’s ribs were shattered by the Phantom tree; her left arm and leg were broken in several places. She had some internal bleeding as well, from where the ribs had pierced her lungs. If you had not healed her, she would have been dead by the time we reached the door.” Bastian’s voice broke. “I owe you so much.”

Tolen shook his head and glanced at Bastian. “You don’t owe me anything.” He didn’t like to see the Watcher weak. It made him feel pity he didn’t want to feel.

Bastian’s strange eyes raked over Tolen’s face. “You are much more than I expected you to be as well, especially given your circumstances.”

Tolen sighed. “Am I supposed to know what you mean by that?”

Bastian shrugged a shoulder. “I suppose not.”

Tolen stared back at Macy’s curtains. “How did I do it? How did I heal her?”

“You have your mother’s gift of healing, Tolen. Your gifts are part of you, even if you do not recognize them. You were right in your thoughts earlier. You do know your gifts; you just have to be taught to recognize them, and how to use them. The words I have taught you, the word you remembered out there with the Phantom, they are all part of our world, part of you. You were able to call on them in your time of need.”

“Why did the Phantom disappear when I pulled it out of the tree?”

“Phantoms are made up of darkness itself. Where the light is, darkness cannot be. ‘
Radi’non
’ means ‘light come forth’. The sun heard you, sent a ray of its light to you in one quick burst, and killed the Phantom.”

Tolen tugged on the bottom of his shirt. “Where the light is, darkness cannot be.” A shiver ran along his shoulders.

“Yes.”

“It’s deeper than that, isn’t it?”

Bastian leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. He looked so tired. Tolen wondered if he’d slept at all since they’d got here.

“So much deeper. Light is knowledge and truth. It is love and compassion. It is what bonds families and gives a person something worth fighting for, worth dying for. Dark is the exact opposite. It is hatred and cruelty, malice and anger. It is revenge and bloodlust, greed and selfishness.”

An uncomfortable sensation moved into Tolen’s stomach. The Dark embodied all those feelings he had toward the Watcher in this moment. Hatred, anger, and selfish need. He cleared his throat and pushed the guilt away. This was different. He was justified in his anger; anyone could see that.

Bastian’s countenance fell and Tolen remembered he would know his thoughts. He squirmed, but Bastian went on as if he’d heard nothing and Tolen turned his focus to the Watcher’s next words. “The Light shows you its goodness and invites you to follow, whereas Dark enslaves, chains you to it, and then uses you for its own selfish means.”

Tolen leaned forward. “You talk like they’re people.”

“They are.”

“Huh?”

“Light and Dark are forces that have existed before the earth, before this universe. Light creates. Dark is drawn toward creations who have turned their hearts to evil and destroys them. You see, their strength comes from the people who choose one over the other. In recent years, the Dark has become more devious in its tactics; it is gaining strength at an alarming rate. So many people have fallen into the Dark’s foul clutches without even realizing it. As more people become slaves to the Dark, our work as followers and defenders of the Light becomes more and more difficult. It will not be long before a full scale war will be upon us.”

“Another war?”

“We are already at war, Tolen. It is just that the war up until now has taken place outside the knowledge or awareness of humans.”

Tolen thought about the Shadows, the Raksasha, and the Phantoms, just a small number of creatures of darkness. Yes, they were definitely already at war. “I’m finally starting to understand why my mother was always afraid of thunder storms, and hated night.” He swallowed back the memory. “Is it always like this for the Chosen? Are you constantly running from, or fighting the Dark?”

Bastian looked uncomfortable. “It is usually not to such an extreme degree, no.”

Tolen lifted his eyebrow. “Will you ever tell me whatever it is you’re hiding from me?”

“Yes, Tolen. When I believe you are ready to know, I will tell you.”

Bastian held Tolen’s gaze and something passed silently between them.

Bastian knew Tolen wouldn’t forgive him, and didn’t like him, but he also knew how desperate Tolen was for answers. Tolen realized that even though Bastian was here and determined to be Tolen’s Watcher, he too had misgivings about his new ward. He didn’t believe Tolen ready to hear the whole truth. But he did know things, things the Doogar wouldn’t be able to answer. If Tolen could prove himself to him, Bastian would eventually tell him everything.

They were at an impasse. One of them would have to give in and Tolen knew who it would need to be if he wanted to get what he was after.

Bastian did too. He took a deep breath and settled lower on the stool. He didn’t look smug or relieved at his minor victory. Only determined. “Ask your questions, Tolen.”

“But will you answer honestly?”

The Watcher nodded. “I may choose not to answer, but I will not lie. If I feel you are not ready to hear something I will tell you why. I do not believe in secrets. I believe in timing.” He gave Tolen a long look. “You will also have a chance to talk to a Doogar leader, but they will not give you audience just yet. Doogar are a very traditional people and you must wait until they have finished their preparations.”

“Preparations?”

“For our stay.”

“How long will I be here?”

“Until Macy finishes healing and you learn to shield yourself from the Dark.”

Tolen met the Watcher’s eyes and his blue eye burned again. He rubbed it with his fist. “And you’re going to teach me to do that?”

Bastian nodded.

“And you’ll answer my questions . . . as much as you choose to anyway?” He added with slight irritation.

He nodded again.

“And I will get to talk to a Doogar leader?”

Bastian ran his fingers through his beard. “Yes, but Tolen, I am aware of your plan and there is one thing you should know before you ask them to help you find your mother and Dane.”

Tolen’s heart pounded with unease.

“Dane’s connection with the earth has been lost.” His voice was grave.

“What does that mean?” Tolen felt he knew exactly what it meant, but he wanted Bastian to confirm it, or by some slim chance, deny it.

“The Télora are connected to one another through their connection to the earth. The other Télora here cannot feel him anymore. Handrak—or Hank as you call him—has also been to the canyon, studied the evidence himself, and sent word here. I am sorry, Tolen. He is gone.”

It felt like someone kicked him in the stomach. He gazed at the floor as a loud buzzing started in his ears. “My mom?” He looked up at Bastian to see his expression.

The Watcher’s eyes were guarded, but it was clear he was telling the truth when he answered softly. “They are uncertain. They have never been able to sense her, unless she initiated the connection, but her chances are not good. As I said, Handrak studied the evidence and he does not believe they took her captive.”

Tolen’s hands trembled and he squeezed them in his lap. “But that doesn’t mean they didn’t.”

“No. It does not.”

“So there’s still a chance.”

Bastian sighed. “A very slim one. Yes.” He leveled his gaze on Tolen’s eyes. “But, I beg you Tolen, wait to put your plan into action. Ask the Doogar what you will, but give me a chance to train you and help you get stronger. If you go after the Dark too soon, they will defeat you.” It was not said coldly, but Tolen still bristled.

“Fine. Tell me about my dad.”

Chapter Sixteen

Watchers
and Wards

Tolen looked at the Watcher’s face, fighting against the part of him that said he should let the man rest. Give him time to
regenerate
or whatever, but Tolen had to do something to feel like he was at least trying to help his parents, or the guilt would eat him alive. He swallowed and tried to soften the question. “
Will
you tell me about him?”

Bastian sat up a little taller on the stool and took a deep breath. “I will tell you what I know, or have been told in the legends.”

Tolen moved to the edge of the bed. His dad was a legend?

“Daedal Téloran was one of the most revered Protectors—that is the title given to the greatest warriors for the Light—of all time. He led the Radia Warriors in the victory against the Dark during the Radia Revolution. He was instrumental in the imprisonment of Darsapean, the leader of the Dark,
and
in the banishment of Daemon, Demon Master and High Captain, to the Shadow Realm.”

“Macy said the revolution took place over a thousand years ago. Are you saying my father is over a thousand years old?”

“Your father is two years my senior.”

“You’re over a thousand years old?” Tolen looked at the dark haired, muscular man, dwarfing the stool he sat on, in disbelief. The Watcher looked barely a day over twenty.

“Hidden age slower than humans and some may be restored to a younger state by the Balance, if necessary.”

“How old is my mom then?” It hurt to ask about her, but she was beginning to feel as much a stranger to him as his father.

“That I do not know. I had never heard of, nor seen, your mother before.” He reached out as if to pat Tolen’s arm, but pulled back and folded his arms again. “When you first told me your father’s name it surprised me. Protectors are bound to their oath. They cannot marry. Your mother told me later that they both served at the Citadel of Light—home of the Guardians.”

“What did my mom do there?”

“Your mother belongs to the race of Spheres. They have the ability to manipulate the Balance surrounding other people in order to hide their life force from detection. They can also manipulate the cells in the mortal body, ask them to return to their state of wholeness—it is how they heal. Her duty would have been to help shield the Guardians and care for those who came to the citadel in need of healing.”

Tolen thought about his conversation with Macy about particles and scientific theory. It wasn’t too hard to imagine how his mother’s gifts might work. It’s what he’d felt when he’d tried to heal Macy. Almost as if he could tell the cells wanted to move, they just needed help getting back to where they belonged. “So they met and fell in love at the citadel?”

“I do not know if that is where they first met. I only know the stories of your father from the revolution, and I met him but one time, not long after the war, when he was at the citadel and I was there being set apart in my duties as a Watcher. According to your mother, they ran away from their duties and married. I do not know how long ago that was, or how long they were married before they had you. A miracle in itself.”

“A miracle, how?”

“Our laws cannot be broken without serious consequences. Your parents’ marriage broke the oaths they made with the Guardians—it should have rendered them unable to procreate. Your birth is legendary in many ways. There is a change happening, a change that goes deeper than any of us can imagine.”

Tolen didn’t like the idea that his birth was legendary. “If my father was such a legend, how did he get captured, and why do the Shadows want him?”

“Those are good questions. A man of his ability should have been strong enough to avoid capture. As to why the Shadows want him, the Dark wants control of every powerful being. They want to try and turn your father.”

“So, he’s there now. In the Shadow Realm? With Daemon and all those evil creatures torturing him?” Tolen swallowed. What if that was where his mother was now? What if they were torturing her too? His stomach turned and he started to wish he hadn’t eaten.

“Yes. That is where your father is.” Bastian didn’t say anything about if Tolen’s mother was there too. He didn’t know, so why speculate aloud on something so horrible?

Tolen had to do something. Something to help them. He had failed his best friend, but if his mother was still alive he would find out, and if they were both in the Shadow Prison he would find a way to save them. Bastian himself had said back in Green River that the Light wanted Tolen to go after his father!

Bastian leaned forward and put a hand on Tolen’s shoulder. “I did say that Tolen, and I do believe you are meant to try. But, as I said before, you are not ready. Let the Doogar train you. Let me train you. Trust me enough to believe that I will do all I can to help you.”

Tolen looked into the Watcher’s face and knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t have to forgive the man for what happened in order to trust him, right?

He closed his eyes, pretending for a moment he did not have an audience, and tried to look beneath the guilt to the real emotion. At the truth he needed to see, and grasp onto. “I have one question before I decide to trust you and wait to put my plan into action.” He spoke with his eyes closed.

“All right.”

Tolen licked his lips and opened his eyes to see the Watcher regarding him thoughtfully. “If the Light is so powerful, so loving, so
perfect
, as you describe, how could they let the Dark hurt so many people and not stop them?” He clutched the blanket beneath him in his fists. “How can they ask me to fight for them when they did nothing to protect my parents?”

Bastian tilted his head and crossed his feet in front of him. “That is a deep question Tolen, without a simple answer. Do you remember what I told you about the Light and the Dark?”

“Light beckons. Dark enslaves.”

“Yes. And in that lies your answer in all its complexity. The Light and the Dark are complete opposites. Light is choice and freedom. Dark is forcefulness and domination. The Light can give us aid when, and only when, we ask for it. The Dark will force its evil upon us every chance it gets. The Light cannot change a course of actions set in motion by our own choices, but it can give us aid, and help us through our afflictions when we ask for its help, and then choose to listen and accept it. It cannot force its help upon us or it would not be the Light. Do you understand?”

Tolen folded his leg beneath him and tried to grasp what the Watcher meant. “The Light couldn’t change what happened in the canyon because it was our choices that led us there?”

Bastian nodded. “But it was there helping us Tolen. Not a day of my life has gone by when I have not asked the Light for its help and guidance. Macy holds a gift of the Light and she was there doing all she could to protect you, your mother, and Dane. Dane used his gift to help us by his own choice. The Light was with us all that night, Tolen. It could not change the events, but it never left us alone as we fought the darkness that sought to take all our lives. It was your mother’s and Dane’s choice to stay behind and save the rest of us. Theirs was a sacrifice, not a punishment, or abandonment.”

This concept felt true, but it was hard to accept. He still wanted to feel angry and abandoned and he wanted to feel justified in that anger. He understood right and wrong, so it made sense in that way, but the Light and Dark were a lot bigger than just right and wrong. His mother had taught him the difference between good choices and bad ones, and it had never been in his nature to seek after anything that felt evil or wrong.

“Okay, what will I be learning first?”

Bastian tapped his chin. “Well, unfortunately, Macy was right about one thing. Your life force is immensely powerful and the Dark can sense the shift it causes in the Balance, so they will always know where you are. First and foremost, we must teach you to shield the power of your life force in order to keep it from affecting the Balance. You have to learn to contain its strength within your physical body. It is extremely difficult to do, but extremely necessary if we are to ever leave here without being captured.”

“Why can’t we stay here and train, if it’s safe?”

“For one thing, the Dark knows you are here. We cannot, in good conscience, allow the Doogar to risk their home for us indefinitely. Eventually, the Dark would find a way in and destroy this place.”

Tolen shuddered. No, he wouldn’t stay here and do that to Dane’s people. Not after all they’d done. Not after everything Dane had done for him.

Bastian nodded. “Exactly.”

“Once I learn how to shield myself, where will we go?” A small degree of excitement began to build in Tolen and he started tapping his fingers on the bed. Now that there was a plan, he wanted to get moving.

“You need advanced training that I cannot give. The Radia Warriors have camps all over the world where they train their forces. Hander knows of one concealed not too far from here, in the Klamath National Forest. Once you are ready, and Macy has healed, they will lead us there.”

Something Bastian said earlier suddenly clicked in Tolen’s brain. “That’s why my mother was sick. It was because she was shielding me all those years, and it was weakening her, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Spheres are the only Beings capable of shielding a life force besides their own, and it takes a lot of power. That is why there are so many who serve at the citadel, so they can share the burden. Do not let her choice cause you any guilt. If your mother had brought you to the Guardians or allowed you to have a Watcher, you could have learned to shield yourself.”

Tolen planted both feet on the floor and bit back the defensive remark he wanted to say. Instead he asked the question that would hopefully make it make sense. “
Why
didn’t she take me to the Guardians and let me have a Watcher. Was it because they’d broken the law? Would they have taken me away from her?”

Bastian took a deep breath. “You would have been placed in the care of your Watcher, yes. I do not know what her punishment would have been, but the biggest reason your parents did not do as they should have concerning you, is
Fear.”
He lifted his hand up. “Do not misunderstand. I am speaking about more than simply being afraid of something. I am speaking of an
unnatural
fear, something that is in and of itself. It is what you felt as we approached the Shadows—the overpowering feeling that dropped you to your knees when the door closed on the Binithan.”

“Ardia said the Shadows magnify Fear to the highest degree. I didn’t realize it was an actual thing.”

“The Dark created a weapon more powerful than our kind knew how to combat. When Fear first reared its ugly head, we had no idea how to fight it. Many who heeded its cunning subtleties were destroyed.

“Fear is not simply an emotional response to something frightening—although it may begin that way. When you dwell on that fear, focus on it until it affects your thoughts and actions, it weakens you until the Dark can sense your distress as it affects the Balance. At that point, they send in their creations.

“This unnatural fear seeks you out and pulls you down to the Dark without you even realizing it. When it takes you, it affects your thoughts; it makes you do things that are neither rational nor ethical. Fear, used as a tool of the Dark, poisons the soul, making its way deeper and deeper into the individual until it takes over that person’s heart and mind. You are not evil—just lost in doubt and anxiety, making you a much easier target. I believe this is what happened to your mother. Fear weakened her. Only her superior gifts as a Sphere managed to keep the Dark from finding you both. As you grew stronger, so did her fear for you. There were moments when her shield weakened and the Dark sensed you briefly, which is why crows were watching you even before Macy and I found you.”

Tolen looked at his hands—if only he’d known. He didn’t want to be angry with his mother, but some of the earlier resentment that he’d felt back before they’d left home was still there. If he’d known about himself, and how to use his abilities, he could have helped her. He could have protected them. He ran a hand through his hair and turned his attention back to Bastian.

“When you were born, your parents were hiding from the world of the Hidden, trying to be something they were not, making them vulnerable to the tactics of the Dark. When you were Chosen
,
they knew this would take you into that Hidden world. Their fear of losing you drove your father to try something impossible.” Bastian looked at Tolen with sadness. “He tried to interfere with the Balance; he tried to change your destiny.”

“My destiny? How?”

Bastian lifted a necklace from his shirt. Two shining crystals dangled from it. Bastian slid the smaller of the two off the necklace, pulled a piece of cord from his pocket, and laced it around the crystal. “This is yours.”

“Is that what Macy called a Radia Shard?” Tolen’s mouth went dry.

“Yes. When the Balance selected you, it came to your home. Your father took it and tried to find the Guardians to persuade them to take it back.” He shook his head. “But the shift in the Balance had already occurred. Fate was already in motion. The Balance read your heart and knew that your life force contained everything the Chosen would need . . . ” He opened his mouth as if to go on, shook his head once more, and looked at the necklace in his hand before holding it out to Tolen.

Tolen took the shard. It glowed brighter once it touched his skin. It was warm and throbbed like a tiny heart.

“I do not know how long after your father left you that he was captured.” He nodded toward the shard. “But your shard only found me a few days ago. It led me to you.”

Tolen thought of the image of the zombie-like man who haunted his dreams. “I’ve been dreaming about my father for weeks. Is he going to die in that prison?”

Bastian shook his head. “I do not know. To my knowledge, no one has ever left the Shadow Prison alive, but your father was a very formidable Protector. I am sure that is why he has survived this long.”

“What if he dies before I learn how to use my abilities and can try to save him?” He squeezed the shard in his hand until the sharp edges dug into his skin.