A Child in Need (10 page)

He did no such thing. The emptiness was almost tangible. But emptiness was his life. It was what he was accustomed to, and he didn't know how the heck to cope with anything else.

So he steered the car toward the town and he clenched his hands on the steering wheel and he said nothing.

For a few minutes she watched him in matching silence. ‘Nick, what's wrong?' she asked at last, and the teasing tone had become serious.

‘Nothing.'

‘When I say that to my kindergarten students and they say, “nothing,” it usually means they've just made a puddle.'

He grinned at that. ‘Miss McDonald, I can assure you that I haven't made a puddle.'

‘I'm very glad to hear it.' She looked at him for a long
moment, questioning, and then gave a slight shrug and turned to look over her shoulder at the sleeping Harry. ‘He's had a wonderful day,' she said softly.

‘Yes,'

‘And you, Nick? You've had a good time?'

‘I…yes.'

‘I'm glad,' she said warmly, probing no deeper. ‘My family think you're great.'

‘Because I'm not John?'

‘There is that.' She chuckled. ‘Oh, dear. I was a twit for thinking I could marry him.'

‘There'll be other fish in the sea.'

‘I guess…' Her voice faded. ‘Nick…'

‘Mmm?'

She looked across at him as if she was about to ask something, thought better of it and pressed her lips together. More silence. Then the town boundary came into view, and it was say something now or the opportunity would be over.

‘Will you see Harry again?' she asked.

‘I don't know,' he said stiffly. ‘Not for a while.'

‘Because you're busy,' she agreed cordially. ‘I guess.'

‘I need to go to Melbourne next weekend.'

‘To change suits and ties? I hoped you'd kicked the habit.'

He grinned at that. ‘Yes, okay. I've kicked the habit. But I do have another life.'

‘You have a girlfriend in town?'

‘No.'

‘I see.' She didn't see at all. She stared ahead as the car turned into the street leading to the children's home. Time was running out. It was now or never…

‘Nick, Harry's dad took him to Melbourne every weekend,' she said, her voice suddenly urgent. ‘He worked here in the timber mill, but every Friday night he and Harry headed for the city. Harry's grandmother lived there.'

‘He has a grandmother?'

‘She died just before Peter did. But Harry still remembers going to the city.'

‘Are you suggesting,' Nick said slowly, thinking this through, ‘that I take Harry to Melbourne?'

‘I don't see why not. I think he'd love it.'

‘I can't cope with a baby on my own.'

She thought about that and shook her head. ‘Of course you can.' She was all decisive now, right back into the bossy mode Nick was starting to know and, he had to admit, enjoy. ‘You're a clever, competent man, Nick Daniels, and Harry is one very small boy. You can cope if you want.'

‘Then I don't want,' he said bluntly. Harry in his favourite restaurants or with his sophisticated friends? No and no and no.

But now Shanni was looking at him as if he'd personally betrayed her.

He couldn't let it matter, he told himself desperately. He couldn't let her drag him into this mess so that he was personally involved.

But yet… As he stopped the car and went to lift the sleeping Harry from the back seat, he was aware of a lurch of pain in his gut.

Harry was so small. His cast looked so heavy and there were shadows of tiredness on his pale little face. He stirred in sleep, his eyes fluttered open and he smiled, just ever so faintly, as he saw who was carrying him. Then his eyes fell closed again and he relaxed absolutely in Nick's arms.

Nick might not want to get personally involved—but he was already.

He had to walk away.

 

And with Harry safely left in Wendy's charge—the little boy hadn't stirred as they washed him and popped him into bed—he had to take Shanni home. Another five minutes in the car. Get this over with fast, he told himself harshly. Move on.

But as the car pulled into the farmyard he was aware of a stab of absolute longing—to somehow prolong the moment.

‘I…they tell me it's the mayoral ball on Friday week,' he told her, and he was speaking too fast. Which confused him totally. For heaven's sake, he didn't mess up invitations. Where was the smooth Nick Daniels now? ‘I gather I'm expected to attend. I don't suppose you'd like to go with me?'

She stared at him for a long minute, considering.

‘Isn't that a bit dangerous?' she said at last, her teasing voice back. ‘You'd be expected to dance with me.'

‘Dancing's okay.'

‘Just not emotion.'

‘I guess.'

She sighed and shook her head, teasing fading. ‘Nope. This is never going to work. You won't even let a tiny little boy touch your life.'

‘Hey, I'm not asking for emotional entanglement here,' he said, startled. ‘Just a date.'

‘I know you're not asking for emotional entanglement.' She sounded angry, and he stared.

‘What's wrong? You're upset that I won't take Harry to Melbourne next weekend?'

She tilted her chin. ‘Yes,' she said flatly. ‘I am. You have the chance to do so much good, Nick Daniels, and you daren't do it because of your precious independence. You won't take a risk—and Harry suffers because of it.'

‘So if I said I'd take Harry to Melbourne then you'd come to the ball with me?'

It was the wrong thing to say and he knew it the moment the words were uttered. She drew in her breath in a sharp, angry hiss and she drew away from him, her anger tangible in the still night air.

She was struggling for words—struggling to say anything. And, in the end, all she could manage was a furious, ‘How dare you?'

His brows rose. What on earth was she on about? ‘How dare I what?'

She was almost beside herself with anger. ‘You'd barter a little boy's love for…a
date
?'

‘That's not what I said.'

‘That's exactly what you said,' she snapped. She hauled herself out of the car, slammed the door shut and glared at him for all she was worth. The emotions of the day bubbled to boiling point, and the steam had to be let out somehow. And here it came!

‘You arrogant, selfish…toad!' she threw at him. ‘You know what Harry needs. He needs a friend who cares for him. That's all. He's not asking anything more of you than that. But you sit there in your icy, calculating world and you won't let anyone near. And everything's bought or sold or thought of as payment due. Take Harry to Melbourne and get yourself a date for a ball you don't want to go to. Come and be a country magistrate and get yourself the next step up the career ladder. Buy and sell—and don't ever get involved. You make me sick, Nick Daniels. You make me absolutely sick.'

‘Shanni…'

‘Goodbye.'

And she stalked up the verandah steps without saying another word, while Nick sat stunned.

The front door slammed shut behind her.

And Nick wasn't able to see that, with the door safely closed, Shanni leaned against it and burst into tears.

‘M
ESSED
up your love life, have you?'

‘I beg your pardon?' Gowned and groomed—if you didn't count his non-smoothed hair—Nick was ready for his Monday morning list. So was Mary.

‘You're glowering like you've just learned you're having no holidays for a year—and our Shanni's looking the same.'

‘What Shanni does is nothing to do with me.'

‘Funny.' Mary tossed him an impudent grin. ‘That's what Shanni says about you. We'll just have to see what happens.'

‘Mary…'

‘Hmm?'

‘Put a sock in it,' he said dourly. And then he stared at his court list. ‘Mary, why does it say Bart Commin is appearing first up? I thought I sentenced him to ten days…'

‘We're appealing,' she said cheerfully. ‘Rob organised it. Emma's going nuts.'

‘How can it be an appeal when he's not being represented?'

‘Rob's representing him.'

‘A policeman,' Nick said carefully, ‘cannot lodge an appeal.'

‘Where does it say that?' Mary demanded, and Nick stared.

‘I…'

‘They often do,' she told him kindly—clerk of courts dispensing wise legal advice to magistrate. ‘Surely you know that. The state has the right to appeal if they believe
the sentence is too lenient. So we figured, what if the sentence is too tough? What's the difference?'

‘Mary…'

‘Which it is,' she told him sternly. ‘Bart's screaming the place down. Shivering, sobbing—the works. If you let him out then old Doc Harris will pop him in hospital for a couple of days; he'll sort him out and we'll all be happy.'

‘I'll organise him to be shifted to hospital while he serves his time.'

‘Not here you can't, Your Worship,' she said primly. ‘Not while he's supposed to be in jail. Bay Beach has a country bush hospital with no secure wards. He'd have to go to the Warrbook hospital, and he'd hate it.'

‘Oh, great. So now we're into personal preferences.' Nick raked his hair in exasperation. ‘Mary, he's a prisoner. He's a convicted thief with a record longer than your arm.'

‘He's stolen nothing but beans—and he's a nice old man.' Mary's voice was reproachful. ‘He might be a drunk but we all like him. Go on, Nick. Have a heart.'

So fifteen minutes later Nick found himself reducing Bart's sentence by six days—and he found himself wondering just how much more heart was required in this job. And how much more he had to give.

 

Harry required heart.

All day Monday Harry stayed in his mind, niggling like a bad conscience. And all day Tuesday.

Shanni was in his mind too—but there was nothing he could do about Shanni, he told himself savagely. Shanni didn't need him.

And he couldn't even begin to think that he might need her.

No. Concentrate on Harry. Leave Shanni to her queues of suitors… He
had
to concentrate on Harry.

Tuesday night he walked over to the home and almost
knocked on the door—and then he walked away. He did a few miles of jogging on the beach, came back, stared at the darkened children's home, swore at himself and then went back to his apartment above the courthouse. And thought…

Shanni. Harry. Shanni….

Harry!
Wednesday night he returned, and this time he knocked. It was too hard not to.

‘Nick.' Wendy met him at the door, her face wary. There were two little girls in the hall, playing with dolls. Wendy half opened the door but she didn't invite him in. ‘Can I help you?'

‘I came to see Harry.'

‘Have you, now?' There was caution in her voice—not the open friendliness she'd shown him last week.

What had Shanni said to her?

But Shanni, it seemed, hadn't said a word. The wariness was all Wendy's.

‘Harry had a lovely day on Sunday, Nick,' she said. ‘Just wonderful. But then…on Monday he sort of thought you'd come. Shanni didn't know if you would, I wasn't sure, so I rang the courthouse. Mary said she'd have you ring back. Didn't you get my message?'

Yeah. He'd got the message. It had taken him up until now to figure out what he wanted to say.

‘I'm sorry.'

‘Harry doesn't mind you not coming so much,' Wendy said. ‘Well, to be honest, he does mind, but he can cope. What he can't cope with is not knowing where he stands with you. Whether he has a friend or not.'

And there it was. If he committed now he'd be committing totally. This wasn't like a relationship with an adult that he could explain away at some time in the future.

Not like his relationship with Shanni…

For heaven's sake. Think of Harry. Harry! There was no way he could back out now.

‘Can I talk to you?' he said.

‘I'm here to be talked to,' Wendy said. She held the door open a little wider but still she didn't invite him in. ‘Harry's in the kitchen. Talk here.'

You need to make a decision before you go one step further, her voice warned him, and he nodded.

‘Wendy, I'm not talking about taking Harry on long-term or anything,' he warned. ‘I can't adopt him or foster him.'

‘No one's asking you to do that.' Her eyes were still wary, and she was reading his eyes. ‘Harry isn't asking that. He expects nothing of the world. But he needs a friend. Desperately. A friend who's constant—who says I'll see you once a week and who doesn't break that promise unless there's a darned good reason and Harry knows what that reason is.'

‘Once a week…'

‘Any less than that and it's not worth it,' she said bluntly. ‘He's just a baby, and he's too little to remember. So, yes. Once a week or nothing.'

Nick took a deep breath.

And took the plunge.

‘I can do that.'

There. It was said. The commitment made him take a step back. He'd never made such a promise in his life. But…it wasn't such a bad feeling.

Except it scared him half to death. And Wendy saw.

‘Did you ever have any decent relationships with anyone?' she asked gently. ‘When you were little?'

‘I…no.'

She shook her head, and the wariness was gone. There was only gentleness and caring left. ‘Then, praise be,' she said softly, ‘it seems Bay Beach has itself quite a magistrate. If you can get over that…'

‘Hey, I don't…'

‘You already have,' she said warmly, and threw the door wide. ‘Tonight you've taken the first step. Let's see where we go from here.'

He still had to go to Melbourne for the weekend. It wasn't just ties, he thought dryly. He'd only brought necessities, thinking he'd be back and forth all the time, so he needed to go.

But when he told Wendy and Harry that…

‘I like Melbourne,' Harry said, sitting up at the kitchen table eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream and trying not to look as if he'd been given the world because
his
Nick had come to visit. Because
his
Nick was eating chocolate ice cream beside him. ‘Me and Daddy went to Melbourne every weekend.'

‘Did you?' It was impossible for Nick not to hear the hint in the little boy's voice. The longing…

And for a whole five seconds he stayed strong. But Wendy was watching him. Daring him. Wendy who was Shanni's friend, and Nick knew what Shanni would expect him to do.

Harry was watching, too, with eyes that said he expected nothing.

It was too much. A tougher man than him would break under this pressure.

‘Would you like to come?'

‘Yes,' Harry said, so promptly that Nick nearly choked on his ice cream. For heaven's sake, what had he done?

But it was too late to draw back now.

‘I'll pick you up on Friday after work,' he said, casting a desperate look at Wendy. She grinned.

‘See—doesn't hurt at all.'

‘I don't know how to care for him—look after his leg…'

‘I'll write you a list of instructions,' she said blithely.
‘But kid-care's a doddle. Easy as falling off a log. I'll even organise a booster seat for the car.'

But there was one more problem and it wasn't Nick's. ‘I…I don't want to go in the car,' Harry said, and his voice was suddenly desperately anxious. He even stopped ice-cream-eating. Wendy sighed, scooped him up and placed him on her knee. She understood this fear.

‘Harry, you and your daddy had a terrible car crash but that was a really unlucky time. It's not going to happen again.'

But Harry was torn. Nick could see it. He desperately wanted to go to Melbourne—with his Nick—but hours in a car with all of his dreadful memories was almost too much to face.

Okay, then. In for a penny… ‘We'll take the train,' Nick said.

Wendy almost dropped Harry. ‘You're joking.'

‘I never joke,' Nick said heavily. ‘More's the pity. We'll catch the evening train on Friday. Will you be ready, Harry?'

‘Yes,' he said joyfully, and he wriggled off Wendy's lap and burrowed his face into his ice cream as if it was champagne.

 

What had he done?

He couldn't believe he'd offered. For the next couple of days Nick worked in a stunned stupor. Taking a tiny child to Melbourne… Giving up his car for the weekend…

His friends would die laughing.

They wouldn't see, he decided. He couldn't take Harry to his usual haunts.

Where would he take him?

‘You're quiet,' Mary said, as she gave him his Friday court list. Heaven knew whether she'd heard of his weekend plans. Probably not, he decided. She'd have said some
thing. But it was unlike this town to keep things quiet. For Wendy not to talk…

Mary was waiting for an answer and he had to dredge one from somewhere. ‘It's just…I'm looking forward to a weekend away.'

‘I'll bet you are,' she said softly, and her eyes held a look he didn't understand in the least.

 

He was running late. Since when did court cases ever run to time? he thought bitterly, grabbing his overnight bag and heading for the station with speed. He had minutes before the train left. Please let Wendy have Harry on the platform.

She did, and she had tickets in her hand as well. Bless her. The whistle blew as she handed over tickets, Harry's overnight bag—and Harry.

‘Have fun, boys,' she called as they disappeared into their carriage. And then she grinned.

‘And have fun, Shanni,' she added, and she walked away with her fingers crossed.

Car three, compartment five…

The train jolted into motion; Harry clung onto Nick's hand like grim death and they made their way carefully down the corridor as Nick checked seat allocation.

‘I wonder if we have the compartment to ourselves,' Nick said, and then he stopped.

He was at the right door, but there was already a passenger in the compartment.

It was Shanni.

 

For all of ten seconds they stared at each other, shocked into immobility. In the end it was Harry who broke the silence. His smile, unused for so long, now threatened to split his face.

‘Are you coming to Melbourne with us?' he asked her, deeply pleased.

‘I am, but…' Nick saw she was as flabbergasted as he was. ‘Are you going on the train to Melbourne, too?'

‘Yes,' said Harry firmly, hitching himself up on to the seat beside Shanni and wriggling his small backside deep into the leather. ‘I am. Me and Nick.'

‘Why,' she asked carefully, looking at Harry and not at Nick, ‘are you not driving to Melbourne in Nick's car?'

‘I don't like cars,' Harry said.

Silence while she chewed that one over. Nick put the baggage up in the racks and tried to think of something to say. Anything.

She was as stuck for words as he was, and when she finally spoke her voice was loaded with bitterness. ‘I think,' Shanni said carefully, ‘that I've been set up.'

‘Not by me,' he told her, and sat down opposite. Nick's voice sounded angry, and Harry looked at him in surprise. Unnoticed, the train gathered speed and Bay Beach faded into the distance behind them.

‘I guess I could always get off at the next stop.' Shanni looked as if she'd like to jump off right now.

Great. But… Nick bit his lip and looked at Harry's drooping face. He'd looked so pleased! ‘Why are you going to Melbourne?' he enquired at last.

‘To visit my Aunt Adele. She's ill, and my mother's worried.'

‘I see.'

‘Except now…' She was deep in thought, not seeing him, and she was almost talking to herself. ‘My family have been odd. Mary's been telling me how worried Mum was about Adele, and Mum was sort of agreeing—only not saying much—and then when I said I'd phone Adele, Rob said Emma phoned her this morning and she was miserable. Then Mary offered to buy me a train ticket. As the family contribution…'

‘You think they've set this up?' Nick said. He couldn't
see any other reason behind this, and he wouldn't put it past Mary for a minute.

‘I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.' Shanni's anger matched his. ‘John came around last night and Louise told him—right in my hearing—that he wasn't welcome and I was in love with
you
! He drove off before I could reach him. I ask you. In love with…
you
!'

She said
you
as if he was some sort of dung-beetle—and, despite his annoyance, Nick had to grin.

‘Which is ridiculous,' he said politely.

‘Which is ridiculous,' she said, and glowered.

‘So what do we do?'

‘We're all going to Melbourne,' Harry said, pleased again now Shanni had stopped talking of getting off. ‘You and me and Nick.'

‘I imagine we can put up with each other for the journey,' Nick said politely. ‘You never know, your aunt might be sick.