A Change of Plans (24 page)

I rubbed my temples, trying to clear my mind. Why was I doing and thinking things that only made me hurt more? I didn’t just feel accountable for having wanted to leave right away; I felt guilty because I was alive and Braedon and the boys probably were not.

Elle slid into the seat opposite me.

I watched her for a moment. “Do you think I’ll ever feel good about being alive again?”

Elle considered me. “Believe it or not, I understand how you feel.”

I shook my head, but she grasped my hand and squeezed it hard.

“Did it ever occur to you how I might have felt when they couldn’t find the catamaran?” She swallowed, and her eyes misted.

A lump grew in my throat, and I squeezed her hand back. I had known her for a very long time, and if I had thought of anyone but myself, I would have realized how she had felt. “You’re beating yourself up right now, aren’t you? Because you’d accepted we were dead and moved on.”

She crumbled then, and I moved over to her side of the
table and held her while she cried. It was strange, but with the reversal of our roles, I felt strong again—well, stronger. I cried with her. Cried for the lost lives, the lost futures, the years that could not be recovered, and the goodbyes that would never be said.

When we had cried ourselves out, I asked, “What happened on the boat with the pirates?”

Elle sniffed, grabbing some more napkins and wiping her face. “When Jori tried to give me his shirt, it started an argument with the pirates. Then there was a shout down on the catamaran, and the pirates looked away from us. Jori and the other two guys you practiced self-defense with took advantage of the moment and jumped the pirates. It was scary for a while. Jori got hit in the face with a rifle butt.” Her lips trembled. “It was crazy. He was bleeding, and the storm hit, and people were shooting guns.”

I smiled for the first time in days.

“What’s funny?”

“We were part of the plan. I’m glad it worked and you guys got away. Is Jori okay?”

“Broke his cheekbone and had to have a bunch of plastic surgery. I called him when we got back to the States, to see how he was doing. He said there’d be no more modeling for him ... but he sounded happy about it.”

“I’m not surprised. He hated it.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway.” Her voice became bubbly. “He’s made a big hit in the art world.”

“Good for him. Do you ever hear from him?”

Elle got a tender look on her face. “We kind of adopted him, but that’s a story for another time. He’s in Finland now for a series of shows. Do you think you’d like to talk to him?”

Jori was so tied in my memory to Braedon that the familiar knot formed in my throat. “I ... I can’t. Not yet. He’ll want to know about Jimmy and Braedon.” I briefly closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose. “Maybe I’ll be ready when he comes back to the States.”

“All right.”

I leaned back in my seat and felt some of the stress from the last few days leave my shoulders. “I guess Jimmy, Maria, and ... Braedon were the only casualties.”

“They confirmed some of those pirates trafficked in women,” Elle said, a sick expression on her face. “That’s what they had planned for us.”

We sat in silence for a moment. “I’m ready.”

Elle’s eyebrows furrowed. “Ready for what?”

“To go home.”

CHAPTER 24

O
N THE
flight to Hawaii from American Samoa, I had time to observe Elle and Aislinn together. They were more than sisters-in-law; they were very close friends. I was glad they’d had each other. They were a lot alike too, and probably better suited than Elle and I had been. The last two years had changed us, and I didn’t know what that meant for our friendship.

As I stared out the window, I wondered about my future. It was like my past had been wiped away. I would never go shopping with my mom again. No more stargazing with my dad. My brother serving overseas. What was I going to do?

Brought by neighbors, Kate waited at the airport in New York to greet us. The tiny girl had grown a lot but still remembered me. The feel of her gloved hand as she held mine made me feel better.

I knew Elle expected me to stay with her, but Aislinn surprised me when she said, “You’re welcome to stay at our house for a while, Lyn. I have a lot of Braedon’s things. I’m not
pushing them at you, but I thought you might like to see them when you’re ready.”

As we made our way to collect our luggage, I considered her offer. By the time we got outside, I had made up my mind. After my realization about Elle, I sensed Aislinn needed a chance to grieve. She had just lost her brother for the second time. Maybe I could help.

I looked at Elle, hoping she understood. She nodded, so I said, “I’d love to go with you, Aislinn.”

She blinked tears away, confirming my suspicions.

Elle took Kate’s hand. “Mal and I can take this little minx in our car.”

“Good thinking.” Mal tugged on the braid that hung from under Kate’s knit cap and grabbed some luggage.

Elle hugged me while Kate watched me with doleful eyes.

“I’ll see you in a little while,” I assured her.

New York in January can be bitter cold, and we arrived during a bad spell. A gust of frigid wind sent snow scurrying around us as we left the airport, ripping the breath from my lungs. For the first time, I was glad for all the clothes they had made me put on.

D’Arcy played chauffeur, leaving Aislinn and me to sit in the back. Not sure what she needed, I hoped she would say something. When she remained silent, I asked, “How long before you all gave up on us?”

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the seat. “A year.”

A year of searching. A year of waiting, ever hopeful that news would come that we had been found alive. A year of continual disappointments. “That’s a long time. I’m sure everyone told you to let it go long before that.”

Aislinn smiled bitterly. “Yet you were both alive when we gave up.” Her voice broke. “I feel like I betrayed him.”

I put my arm around her, and she laid her head on my shoulder and cried. What a mess we all were. Talking about Braedon seemed to have helped before, so I decided to tell her about our time on the catamaran. Once I got to Jimmy’s burial, I couldn’t continue.

Aislinn lifted her head, wiping her eyes. “Thank you.”

We sat in silence the rest of the way and finally entered a gated community.

It had just begun to snow, and I shivered. We pulled up to a large house and D’Arcy activated the garage door opener and drove in. My teeth were still chattering by the time we got in the house.

“I’ve got the luggage,” D’Arcy called as he went back into the garage.

I followed Aislinn into the kitchen where we were met by Kate, who had just arrived together with Elle and Mal.

“Mommy, can I make Aunt Lyn a cocoa?”

“If she wants one.”

“That would be nice. Can you put extra water in it?” I asked.

Aislinn pointed to a knife. “Would you like to help cut up the vegetables for the salad while you wait for your drink?”

“Sure.” After washing my hands, I inspected the workmanship of the knife. “What we could have done with a knife like this.” I winked at Kate. “We didn’t get a lot of vegetables on the island. Mostly only during the monsoons when the bamboo sprouted.”

With care, Kate set the cup of hot chocolate she had heated in the microwave by my hand. I put down the knife and picked up the cup, warming my hands on the sides.

“Aren’t monsoons really bad storms?” Kate asked.

I nodded. “We’d stay in a cave then and could only check on our tree house when the weather let up.” I almost rolled my shoulder at the memory.

Kate’s eyes grew large. “You built a tree house?”

“In a Banyan tree.”

“Oh, we saw those in Hawaii.” Kate turned to her mother. “Where’s Uncle Mal and Aunt Elle?”

“Went to get pizza, you little munchkin.” D’Arcy stomped his feet at the door. With a leap, he swept Kate in his arms and tickled her. She giggled, and he headed toward the dining room. “Why don’t we go set the table?”

It was easy to imagine Braedon here, joking with D’Arcy, teasing Kate and Aislinn while he helped prepare the table. The lump in my throat choked me and made my eyes water. I glanced at Aislinn.

She had been watching me, her own eyes misty. We must have been thinking the same thing.

“What about your father?”

Looking uncomfortable, she shook her head. “He was going to come, but when he found out ....” She dropped her eyes to the celery on the counter. “Well ... when he found out about you, he stayed in Montana.”

My stomach twisted. “Me?”

“Don’t worry about him.” Aislinn met my eyes. “He’s dealing with grief in his own way.”

I went back to chopping, unsettled. “Braedon talked about him a lot, and I’d hoped to meet him.”

“Maybe. Someday.” Aislinn sounded doubtful. “When he’s ready.”

By the time the pizza arrived, I had little appetite and only
ate some salad. While the others chatted, I wondered what issue Braedon’s father had with me. I didn’t realize I had dozed off until my head dropped, and I jerked awake.

Elle laughed. “You need to go take a nap. The jetlag’s hitting you hard.”

“I think I will, if that’s okay.” I rose.

“Can I come with you?” Kate asked.

“Kate ...,” Aislinn warned.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Kate skipped to join me, clasping my hand. She led me to the bedroom. “This is Uncle Bray’s room when he stays here. Mama thought you’d like to be in here.”

“She’s right.” I scanned the room with interest, my weariness forgotten. I ran my hand over the old-fashioned quilt on the bed.

“Want me to show you something of Uncle Bray’s?”

She went straight to a bookcase, grabbed a photo album, and climbed onto the bed. We propped up the pillows, and she opened the book.

The album held pictures from Braedon’s summers in Montana. I could see why he had loved the ranch. The rough land in the west is so different to the soft hills of the east. It takes a special kind of person to live there and love it.

Braedon looked about twelve in one of the first pictures. I touched his face. He seemed very happy.

“That’s Grampa.” Kate pointed at a man standing by as Braedon mounted a horse in another snapshot.

It was easy to tell they were father and son, and I could see how Braedon might have looked if he had ... I shut down that thought and turned the page where a younger Aislinn grinned for the camera.

“You look a lot like your mother.” I glanced at the little girl. “Does your mom like to visit Montana?”

“She does, but she likes it better here,” Kate paused as her face became contemplative. “She doesn’t love Montana like Uncle Bray does.”

“Do you like it in Montana?”

“Yes, but I think I’m like Mama. I like it better here.”

As we made our way through the album, Kate told me who the people were and talked about the places. When we were finished, she paused in thought. “Aunt Lyn, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” I hoped I could answer whatever that grave little face portended.

“I always thought I was going to be the flower girl at Uncle Bray’s wedding.” She sounded distressed. “When did you and him get married?”

“I was wondering the same thing,” came a voice from the doorway.

Both Kate and I started, and Kate cried, “Daddy! You scared us!”

D’Arcy grinned. “Bath time for you, little lady. You have school tomorrow.”

She groaned but didn’t argue, giving me a quick hug and scooting off the bed. She embraced her father as she went by. D’Arcy remained leaning against the doorframe, watching me, and I knew he was waiting for me to answer his question.

I twisted my wooden ring. “Braedon and I exchanged vows about two years ago.”

D’Arcy remained silent for a minute. “Before Hawaii, Aislinn wondered if you two might make a match ...”

“Before I behaved like an idiot.” I leaned my head against the headboard.

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Sounds like you came around.” He looked over his shoulder in the direction Kate had gone before turning back to me. “I hope it’s okay that Kate calls you Aunt Lyn. It was Aislinn’s idea.”

I smiled, my heart heavy. “I like it. It makes me feel like I might have had a place here.”

Straightening and striding to the bed, D’Arcy snapped, “You do have a place here, Lyn. I don’t care what Jack says.”

“Jack?” I stared up at him, surprised at his vehemence.

D’Arcy swore. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Don’t tell Aislinn.”

“Tell Aislinn what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Let’s leave it at that, then. I just came up to make sure you know you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you like, and staying at Elle’s is a given.” He patted my shoulder and left.

I sat there for a few minutes, thinking about D’Arcy’s kind offer. They had already done so much, and they had no obligation to me. I wondered how long I could stay here or even with Elle. But what was I doing here exactly?

Even more than on the plane, the reality of my parents’ loss struck me. Knowing they wouldn’t be there, ready to welcome me home, to help me build a new life, made me feel adrift. I had been dead to everyone I knew for over two years. What should I do? Where could I go? Parents gone, Marc abroad, and Elle married and living on the East Coast. All my plans with Braedon destroyed.

Alone, I opened the photo album and examined the pictures again. They filled me with an even stronger desire to visit his
father’s ranch. I wanted to see the places Braedon had talked about so fondly and meet the people he had loved.

The sense of needing to do
something
began that night, though it was some time before I knew what it was.

Exhausted, I returned the photo album to the bookcase and put on my new pajamas. Pulling the heavy quilt and a pillow off the bed, I lay on the floor. I had thought we had made our bed pretty soft on the island, but I found my back ached when I slept in a bed now. Like my taste buds, my back would need to adjust to being home again.