A Change of Heart (7 page)

Shaking her head in amazement, Annabeth drew another deep breath then reached up to knock on the door.
 
Her hand hesitated briefly but then she rapped quietly, and the girl inside jumped up immediately and walked over.
 
"Yes?" she asked through the door.

"I'd like to speak to R.J." said Annabeth.

"Who?" asked the girl.

"R.J. Welner," repeated Annabeth.

The girl's features clouded over then and she squinted through the glass.
 
"Oh," she said, standing up a little straighter, but still keeping the door shut, "You mean Buzz.
 
He's not here."

Annabeth laughed silently to herself first at hearing her husband referred to as Buzz, then realizing that there was no point in grilling the girl, she said, "All right, thanks," and turned and walked down the stairs.
 
It was true!
 
It was true!
 
Buzz!
 
Annabeth stumbled down the stairs and back to her car, but as usual it wouldn't start.
 
She turned the key repeatedly, wishing for nothing more than to be a million miles away from this place, from that girl upstairs, from this dismal scene, from this reality that had shattered her own life.
 
"Start, damn it!" she said, knowing that at any moment her eyes would flood with tears.
 

Just as the engine finally caught, Annabeth looked up to see R.J. standing beside her car.
 
Apparently he'd pulled into the lot in his van and she hadn't noticed.
 
"What're you doin' here?" he asked.

"What do you think?
 
I was up all night worrying about you, went to your mother's and she sent me here."
 
Her eyes blazed with anger although her voice was quiet.

R.J. gulped then said, "Look, I didn't wanna tell you, didn't wanna hurt you, but it's probably just as well you found out. I'm--um--sorry."

"Whose baby is that R.J.--that's not your child is it?"
 
Annabeth held her breath and when he shook his head she exhaled deeply.
 
"Well, thank God for that."
 
What was she supposed to say next to this man who was her husband?
 
She looked into his eyes, then looked away.
 
Who was he?

"I don't wanna be mean," he said improbably, "But don't come back here.
 
It's--um--unappropriate.
 
You need me for anythin', get me on the road on my cell phone.
 
Okay?"

What would she do now?
 
Would she go through the rest of her life all alone, no one to care for?What was it R.J. wanted that she had not provided?
 
Annabeth wondered but could not imagine, because she had worked hard to give him everything she thought he might have wanted, everything he had ever requested.
 
She had never thought of what he gave her, of what she needed, and whether or not he was offering it to her, and she did not think of that now.

She wished that she could back up the car then drive it right over her husband, flatten him like a cartoon character.
 
Instead, her heart still pounding, hands clammy, stomach upset, Annabeth drove forward, out of the parking lot and back toward her house.
 
What would she do?
 
Now she was really alone and maybe he'd never come back.
 
Even if he snapped out of it, could she ever want him back?
 
Maybe it wouldn't ever work out.
 
Maybe she'd be alone from now on.
 
It was too horrible a possibility to consider.

3

What she really wanted was to go home and crawl into the bed, to hide her head under a pillow and stay there forever, not to go over to Julie's to house sit and wait for the cable man while her sister went to a club meeting, but Annabeth had promised so she pushed her own feelings to the back of her mind and drove to her sister's house.

"Hi," said Julie, "The cable man's already been here, but I promised little Bobby you'd take him to lunch--his play date was canceled.
 
You forgot my muffins?"

"Oh, gosh!
 
They're still at the house."

"You can get them and bring them by later."

After strapping the child in securely, Annabeth drove to Fatty's Burgerama, but what had been Fatty's was now a pile of rubble.
 
Half the parking lot had been fenced off to allow the giant machines to move the debris into manageable piles so it could be hauled away.

"Wow," exclaimed little Bobby, "Awesome!
 
I have one of those," he added, pointing toward a big yellow bulldozer.

For a moment she was transported to the night she met R.J., a vision of herself in borrowed red shorts, allowed to work for just one night so she could help Maggie out, and excited to be a carhop, even if just temporarily.
 
There was R.J., looking neat and glamorous in his Air Force uniform and inexplicably flirting with her, probably the first time anyone had ever done so.
 
And for the first time she had felt so pretty, so desirable, so girly, as he repeatedly ordered additional items so she would have to return to his car.
 
He'd eaten eight burgers that night and their romance had begun.
 
And now, Fatty's was gone, and to her it seemed like a disastrous omen.

Annabeth was silent, her hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.
 
Her breath came in short gasps and her heart raced, the pounding echoing in her ears so loudly that she pressed her right hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath.
 
She was being ridiculous, but her heart continued to thunder, and before she could gain control she found herself weeping, then pressing her hands to her eyes. She had to get hold of herself, but somehow the tears would not stop.

Because he was so enthralled by the giant machines at work outside the window, little Bobby at first was unaware of Annabeth's tears, but shortly he turned toward her and noticed her, the soft sounds still unmistakable though muffled by the pressure of her hands.
 
He reached a small hand toward her, "Don't worry, Aunt Annabeth, we can go to Burger King."
 
He patted her arm as he spoke.

The sound of his voice so close to her caused her to snap out of it, and she lowered her hands and smiled toward little Bobby, not wanting him to worry about her.
 
Reaching in the pocket of her skirt, she removed a tissue and blotted her eyes, still smiling.
 
"I'm pretty silly, huh?"

"No--I get upset too if I have to wait for long when I'm real hungry."

Annabeth laughed and squeezed little Bobby's hand.
 
"You know, you're such a nice boy."

Little Bobby nodded sagely, replying "I know."

She wouldn't be completely alone, no matter what.
 
There would be children in her future, grandchildren and others like little Bobby.
 
That was a thought of some comfort as Annabeth walked along downtown after dropping her nephew at home.
 
Feeling a bit silly and very nervous, she walked down a small side street and into a shop that sold candles, incense, and had a hand-drawn sign in the window offering readings by Shauna, tarot card master.

She walked to the back of the store and spoke to a girl of about eleven who was sitting at a card table.
 
"Excuse me, I'm looking for Shauna."

The girl smiled sweetly, despite a mouth full of braces.
 
She twirled one of her braids around her finger and replied, "I'm Shauna.
 
Sit down right here."

Annabeth sat in the seat across from the girl, saying, "You're the tarot master?"

"Oh yes, don't worry.
 
I've been doing this for a really, really long time and I'm very good at it.
 
Everyone says so.
 
My dad owns this store."

"How long?" asked Annabeth, smiling.

"Almost a year.
 
Really long, you'll see, I'm good.
 
Now just shuffle these cards and then cut them.
 
And don't worry."

Shauna took the shuffled cards from Annabeth and laid them out on the table in what appeared to be a specific pattern because she was mumbling under her breath as she did it.
 
"So you're having some big, terrible problem now, right?"

Annabeth nodded.
 
How could she confide in a girl barely old enough to be a babysitter?

"It's okay, don't worry, I've heard a lot of stuff about life from people.
 
You won't scare me."

"Well, okay, it's my marriage."

"That's what I thought.
 
But everyone gets divorced nowadays.
 
It's hard on the kids but we get by.
 
But you must have pretty old kids, right?"

Annabeth laughed.
 
"Yes my girls are grown up."

Shauna nodded.
 
"I was only three.
 
That was real hard on me but look how good I turned out.
 
And I even help people."

"So you think my husband will divorce me?
 
He has someone else now."

"Here, let's see."
 
Shauna pulled a card from the deck.
 
"Wow!
 
Look at that!
 
You're definitely going to be married.
 
Hey!
 
How about that!"

Annabeth smiled.
 
"And you think he will be coming home soon?"

Once more Shauna pulled a card from the deck.
 
"Oh no, not too soon.
 
It could be a long time before he begs to come home.
 
I'm talking a really, really long time."

"How long?"

"Really long, like not 'till next semester."

"Oh you mean after Christmas, well that's only a few months away."

"I told you--really long.
 
Let me ask what you should do about this."
 
Shauna pulled out another card and squinted at it, then said, "Wait one second."
 
She reached for a book, flipped a few pages then said, "This doesn't make sense.
 
I'm getting another card."
 
After looking at both cards a moment, she said, "You should be concentrating on yourself now.
 
Don't worry about your husband.
 
Do your work."

Annabeth smiled.
 
"That's good advice.
 
And you're sure he will be coming home to me?"

"Oh yeah, begging to come back."

"How accurate are you, anyway, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh really, really accurate.
 
I predicted Jenny making cheerleader and nobody saw that coming.
 
And I said these two friends of mine would go steady and he said he didn't even like her but they're together now.
 
So you see?"

Annabeth nodded.
 
"Thank you very much.
 
What do I owe you?"

"You're welcome, Ma'am.
 
Would a dollar be okay?"

Annabeth smiled and handed the girl two dollars from her purse.
 
"You did a great job."

Annabeth felt good again.
 
Of course he wouldn't stay with that girl, and everything would all work out.
 
Shauna had made her feel better, and it was such a relief, she walked to a pay phone and dialed R.J..
 
Filled with plans for a reconciliation, she said "Hello, sweetheart," when he answered.

"Who is this?" he asked gruffly.

"Honey!
 
It's me."

"Oh, Annabeth.
 
What's up?"
 
His voice was cold and disinterested.

Putting the thought of that girl out of her mind, she said softly, "I'd like to see you, and it would be so nice to have dinner and just talk, don't you think?"
 
If only he were ready now to come home.
 
Perhaps….
 
"I could bake that chocolate pudding cake you like so much."

"Annabeth, for God's sake.
 
Are you gonna hound me to death?
 
We're separated.
 
We don't need dinner, we don't need talk, we don't need phone calls on my cell phone.
 
We need space.
 
I need space. I told you that like what--five times already."

"I just want to see you, to spend time with you."

"Look--I'm busy--I'm workin' and I don't need to be drove nuts.
 
Why'n't you just pretend I'm on the road like always.
 
You never drove me nuts with phone calls before so don't start now, okay?
 
I gotta go."
 
R.J. hung up without even saying goodbye.