Authors: Kitty Neale
The tears spilled now, and she said, ‘I’m an awful woman and I don’t deserve your pride.’
‘Don’t be silly, of course you aren’t.’
‘I don’t know how I’d have coped without you and Amy. She’s been wonderful, but I thought she wasn’t good enough for you and did everything I could to undermine your relationship. If it had worked I wouldn’t have my lovely grandson and Robert is such a comfort to me. When I hold him I can see Jeremy in his features, and it’s as though a part of him remains.’
That was too much for Tommy and standing abruptly he said, ‘I need a drink. Do you want one?’
‘Yes, a sherry please.’
Tommy poured it and a large whisky for himself. It was followed by another, but neither deadened his feelings. When Tommy reluctantly went home, he barely said a word to Amy as he sat morosely by the fire, staring into the flames as his mind smouldered like the burning coals. The evening passed, and though Amy spoke to him, his replies were monosyllabic, until at ten o’clock he abruptly said he was going to bed.
Amy followed fifteen minutes later, settling Bobby in his cot before she climbed in beside him. In that moment Tommy broke and he pulled Amy roughly into his arms, wanting to hurt her, to punish her. There was no love in the act, just anger as he forcefully entered her, ignoring her cries of distress.
‘Shut up! It’s no more than you deserve and if you get pregnant at least I’ll know it’s mine this time,’ Tommy spat as he carried on using her body, pounding into her until at last he was spent.
Amy lay sobbing, but hearing Bobby crying she got out of bed to pick him up, clutching him closely as unbidden words blurted out of her mouth. ‘You’re as bad as your brother. He … he raped me too.’
‘What! What did you say?’
‘That Jeremy raped me.’
Tommy said nothing at first, but when he did his tone was scathing. ‘If that’s the truth, why wait till now to tell me? No, don’t answer that, I can guess. Jeremy’s dead and buried so he can’t dispute it.’
Anger replaced tears and abruptly sitting on the side of the bed she spilled it all out. ‘Jeremy threatened me, said that if I cried rape he’d tell you that I led him on. I shouldn’t have listened – should have told you, but I was so frightened that you’d believe him and I’d lose you. Then … then when I found out I was pregnant, I nearly went out of my mind. I didn’t want a man like Jeremy to be the father of my baby,’ Amy gabbled on, unable to stop now that she had started. ‘He suspected he was, but I denied it. I saw him as a monster, hated him, feared him, and … and when you held Bobby for the first time and I saw how much you loved him I just couldn’t do it, couldn’t tell you. I … I
wanted
you to be his father.’
‘Oh God … oh God …’ Tommy groaned.
Amy heard the anguish in his voice, but she had to get it all out. ‘I … I think Jeremy had something wrong with his mind. He seemed to forget that he raped me and I think he became obsessed. He wanted me, wanted Bobby, so much so that no matter how much you deny it, I think he tried to kill you.’
‘No more … no more,’ Tommy said hoarsely.
‘Tommy, please, you’ve got to listen. Jeremy raped me, and if I wasn’t telling you the truth, if I had wanted him, there was nothing to stop me from leaving you. I could have gone off with him just as your father went off with Lena Winters,’ she said, spent now, her body sore and her mind exhausted.
There was only silence now, a silence that seemed to stretch and stretch, until at last Tommy spoke. ‘I’ve been an idiot, my mind all over the place, but I should have worked that out for myself.’
Amy waited for more, but Tommy was silent again. Bobby was asleep in her arms now so she gently put him back in his cot. Tommy threw back the blankets and came to stand beside her, looking down at him as he said softly, ‘He still feels like mine. The bond is there and my feelings haven’t changed. I love him, Amy, and I love you too.’
‘Oh, Tommy,’ she said, turning into his arms.
It would take time for the wounds to heal, for both of them, but their love was strong and somehow Amy knew it was going to be all right.
Kitty Neale was raised in South London and this working class area became the inspiration for her novels. In the 1980s she moved to Surrey with her husband and two children, but in 1998 there was a catalyst in her life when her son died, aged just 27. After joining other bereaved parents in a support group, Kitty was inspired to take up writing and her books have been
Sunday Times
bestsellers. Kitty now lives in Spain with her husband.
To find out more about Kitty go to
www.kittyneale.co.uk
Nobody’s Girl
Sins of the Father
Family Betrayal
Desperate Measures
Lost and Found
Forgotten Child
Lost Angel
Mother’s Ruin
A Father’s Revenge
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
AVON
An imprint of HarperCollins
Publishers
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www.harpercollins.co.uk
Copyright © Kitty Neale 2012
Kitty Neale asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Source ISBN: 9781847562449
Ebook Edition © December 2013 ISBN: 9780007384747
Version 1
FIRST EDITION
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