A Breath of Eyre (26 page)
Authors: Eve Marie Mont
“Why are we going here?” I asked.
“Because.”
“Is this some kinky high school boy fantasy? Get me to try on a bunch of sexy dresses while you sit outside the dressing room and watch?”
“Something like that,” he said, flashing a ridiculously sexy smile.
He opened the shop door, which jingled as we entered. The store was small but packed wall to wall with high-end dresses, accessories, and jewelry. I had never seen such nice gowns before—everything from little black cocktail dresses to stunning floor-length gowns. I walked through the aisles, running my hand along the different fabrics and textures.
“Choose a few to try on,” he said.
“What for?”
“Just humor me.”
I shopped around and chose two: a simple knee-length black dress with a sexy low back and a gray-blue chiffon dress with pretty beading and sequins.
I was heading for the dressing room when Gray said, “Take in a few more. Take this one.” He held up an above-the-knee strapless red dress in a flouncy material that was gathered in a knot right where my cleavage should have been. The dress was daring and sexy and definitely not me.
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“Why not? You wore red to the Snow Ball, and you looked sexy as hell.”
I felt vaguely uncomfortable, like I was playing dress-up for him. “That wasn’t my dress,” I said. “It was Michelle’s.”
“Well, you wore it well. I want to see you in red silk with roses in your hair and Tiffany diamonds around your neck.”
“Gray, I don’t want any of that stuff. I’d be far happier in this one,” I said, holding up the plain black dress.
“I know, I know. I just want you to choose a dress that’s going to make you feel the most beautiful when you come with me to my senior prom.”
I stopped moving and gaped at him. “What?”
He got suddenly shy and took my hands in his own. “Emma, would you go to my prom with me?” My heart flipped once, and for a moment I thought I’d heard him wrong. Had Gray Newman just asked me to his prom? Despite all this internal combustion, my face must have remained expressionless because Gray began to frown. “Well, will you?”
I nodded, and the look of relief on his face was so adorable that I threw the dresses over one of the racks and flung my arms around him. I could feel his warm breath against my ear, his hands wrapping around my waist.
“I was worried,” he said. “For a minute there, you looked like you hated me.”
“It’s called bluffing, Gray,” I said, smiling. “You should try it some time.”
“Oh, so now you’re teasing me?”
“Maybe.”
He bit his lower lip. “You know what’s teasing me?” he said. “The thought of you in that red dress.”
I shot him a playful look, then disappeared into the dressing room. Despite his numerous pleas, I did not model any of the dresses for him. It felt a little too voyeuristic, and besides, I didn’t want him to know which dress I’d chosen.
Afterward, I told him to wait outside for me, but he insisted on slipping his credit card underneath the dressing room door. On the way home he kept trying to peek inside the bag, but I slapped his hand away. We arrived back at Lockwood around six, and I felt that familiar knot of dread forming in my stomach.
“Do I have to go back?” I said as he braked in front of Lockwood’s gates.
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“Can’t we just drive around for a little bit?”
“Sure,” he said.
We drove right past Lockwood’s gates and meandered through the wooded country roads until we came to a small grassy lot on the side of the road with just enough room for a few cars. The sign at the edge of the lot said, OAKWOOD LANE PARK.
“Do you want to stop here for a little while?” Gray said.
My heart beat fast. “Okay.”
He pulled into the lot and cut the motor, leaving the radio on. Then he leaned back in his seat and stared at me wistfully. I leaned back, too, our hands drifting toward one another until his knuckles were grazing mine. “Just brushing your hand makes me crazy,” he said.
I took in a deep breath. “When can we see each other again?”
“How about Friday night? I’ll take you out to dinner. Somewhere fancy. Your choice. No sushi this time.”
“Gray, you really don’t have to spoil me like this. I’m not like all those other girls you’ve dated.”
“I know. And that’s exactly why you deserve it,” he said. “Come here.” The huskiness in his voice made me tremble.
He took hold of my arms and pulled me toward him. I hovered awkwardly over the gearshift for a few seconds. Then, placing his hands firmly around my waist, he guided me over to where he was sitting, so I was straddled across his legs. I had never been this close to a guy in my life. Since there was so little headroom, I had to lean into him to avoid bumping my head. He smelled like salt and spice and ocean waves. His shirt was open a little, and I could see his dog tags lying across his still-tanned chest. I slipped my hand inside and pressed my palm against his heart, where his pulse beat hard and steady against my fingertips. He shifted in his seat, then pressed the seat release so I fell on top of him. I gasped a little and laughed nervously.
He laughed, too, but then his face grew serious as he clutched my hips and stared into my eyes. I ran a hand slowly across his close-cut scalp, enjoying the feel of stubble against my palm. He closed his eyes and made a soft sighing sound. His hands strayed from my jeans underneath my sweater to my lower back, making the blood rush to my head.
His chest felt so strong and warm beneath me, like our bodies had been made to fit together. His hands came up to my face, and he gently drew my lips down to meet his. This time there was no pulling away. Waves of heat radiated through my body. The kiss grew deeper, warmer and wetter and more intense, until I wasn’t thinking about anything other than this kiss, letting myself fall headfirst into the white-hot madness of it. I was tumbling into him, losing thought, losing time. Other parts of my body began to engage, and I was all heat and light, tugging at his shirt, digging into his back, burrowing myself in the hollow of his neck.
Gray was the one who pushed away first, looking breathless and flushed like he’d just swum the 100-meter freestyle. “Whoa,” he said, panting.
I shook my head, unable to speak. I needed air, I needed water. I needed Gray. Even as he sat there looking worried about me, all I could focus on were his lips, seductively swollen from our kiss. “You’re not going to hit me if I tell you we should stop, are you?” he said.
I exhaled a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know,” I breathed. “I might.” Laughing, I collapsed onto his chest.
“God, you’re a good kisser,” he said. “Where’d you learn to do that?”
I sat up and flashed him a deadpan look. “Books,” I said. He burst out laughing, dispelling all the pent-up tension in the air.
I crawled back over to my side of the car, still out of breath, and we sat and listened to music for a while as we waited for our heartbeats to return to normal. It was after seven o’clock by the time we got back to Lockwood. Gray parked his Jeep in the visitor lot, then leaned over and lightly bit my ear. Reflexively, I arched my back, loving the feel of his hot breath on my neck. He took this as an invitation to roam down my throat, his mouth parting slightly as he did, rendering me senseless. I might as well have been on morphine.
“I thought you said we should stop,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said teasingly, but pulling back. “Seriously, I don’t want to mess things up with you by moving too fast.”
“Okay,” I said, not believing how much I wanted him. “Still, I wish you could come to my room.”
“I know,” he whispered. “It’s probably a good thing I can’t. I have a huge econ test tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to concentrate.” He reached his hand out to me, and I took it, drawing it up to my lips and kissing his wrist, delicately, like I was kissing a wound. “That’s not helping,” he said.
“Sorry.” I grinned playfully. “Okay, I’m getting out of the car now. Until Friday.”
“Until Friday.”
He leaned over and kissed me one more time—a long, slow burn of a kiss—and I felt that intoxicating breathlessness again. I didn’t want it to stop. Finally, I pulled away. Gray closed his eyes and made a frustrated moan, and I reluctantly got out of the Jeep and walked across the quad in a daze and up the stairs on a cloud of endorphins.
I was brought abruptly back to earth when I opened the door to my room and saw Michelle.
C
HAPTER
26
HAPTER
26
“H
ey,” I said. “You’re back!” I was still flushed from the kiss.
ey,” I said. “You’re back!” I was still flushed from the kiss.
Michelle gave me a look as if to say, “No duh,” but made no motion to get up or even change her position. We hadn’t seen each other since the night of the Snow Ball, and I was sort of hurt that this was how she’d chosen to greet me.
“So how are you?” I said.
“How do you think I am?”
“Pretty pissed off, I’d imagine.”
“Yeah, well, that’s an understatement.”
“I thought you were out for ten days’ suspension,” I said.
“Apparently they reconsidered. They said it’s better if I’m here, not missing any more classes.”
Silence fell between us, and it felt like the first day we’d met all over again. I sat down on my bed and tried to make small talk.
“How’s Darlene?” I asked.
“Angry at the school, but fine otherwise.”
“And Owen? Have you talked to Owen?”
“Sort of.”
“What happened with you guys?”
“It’s complicated.” She sighed, sounding exhausted. “He’s mad at me because I dropped out of the competition, and I’m mad at him ... well, for other reasons.”
“You’re really dropping out?”
She shrugged. “What’s the point? The system is set up for them to win and for us to lose. It’s easier to give up and accept the inevitable.” This person who sat across from me wasn’t Michelle. It was as if all the life had been sucked out of her.
“What’s up with you and Gray?” she asked. “Chelsea told me you were out with him tonight. I guess that means Elise knows about you two.”
“Good old Chelsea,” I said, trying to engage Michelle in some harmless banter about Lockwood girls. But her face remained impassive. For a moment I just wanted to have my old friend back, someone to share in the excitement that I had just had my first official make-out session with a boy. “He asked me to his prom,” I said.
“He did?” She made eye contact for the first time that night.
“He bought me a dress and everything.” I kicked the shopping bag lightly, but she didn’t ask to see it.
“Be careful with him,” she said, averting her eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“Owen’s heard things about him. He has a reputation. And not with girls like you.” She slumped down onto her bed like she just wanted to go to sleep.
“Oh, right,” I said. “He couldn’t possibly be interested in a girl like me, is that it?”
“That’s not what I said. You don’t have to get so defensive. I was just trying to be a good friend.” I hated her at that moment. She didn’t know Gray, and she had no right to squelch all my enthusiasm with stupid rumors.
Something inside me snapped. “Oh, yeah, Michelle, you’ve been such a good friend that you haven’t answered any of my phone calls and didn’t even come to visit me in the hospital.”
“If you haven’t noticed,
Emma,
I’ve been suspended.”
Emma,
I’ve been suspended.”
“I know,
Michelle,
but did they suspend your cell phone service, too?”
Michelle,
but did they suspend your cell phone service, too?”
Her voice got very quiet. “I didn’t want to talk to you.” “Why? I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong? Am I missing something here?”
“You miss everything!” she said, lashing out at me. “How could you possibly understand what I’ve been going through? You haven’t even been here.”
“That’s not fair,” I said.
“You know what’s not fair?” she said. “That I got blamed for sneaking out to Braeburn. That I got blamed for the fire at the stables. That I’m the only girl of color in a sea of white. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”
No, I didn’t. And I never would. No matter how hard I tried to understand Michelle, there would always be some part of her I could never know. It was the part that had grown so shriveled and bitter and hard, she’d hidden it deep inside herself like a dormant seed that would only grow if she learned how to forgive people.
“Michelle, I’m not the enemy,” I said. “I’m a scholarship kid, too. I’ve had it just as hard as you, and I don’t appreciate being treated like Elise or one of the other Lockwood snobs.”
“But you are like them,” she shouted. My mouth fell as I tried to comprehend what she was saying to me. “People treat you differently than they treat me.”
I stood up and approached her bed. “They do, Michelle, but not for the reason you think.” I was so angry, but I knew what Michelle needed to hear. “It’s because you speak your mind and I don’t. You scare the crap out of these spoiled students and prissy teachers. They don’t know what to do with you. I’ve always been timid and quiet, never one to make waves. That’s why they treat me differently. But you know what? Your way is better. I realized that. Last fall when you covered for me about the journal, I thought you were the bravest person I’d ever met. And that’s why I went to testify this week. On Thursday I stood before the disciplinary committee and told them the journal was mine, told them you were innocent. I even recited the Gallagher poem from memory in front of everybody—including him—to prove it was mine. I did that for you.”
She stared at me in astonishment. “You did?”
“Yeah. I also told Overbrook that I’d seen Elise and her friends smoking pot at the stables, and he basically threatened that if I testified to that at the hearing, he’d see that I lost my scholarship and any chance of getting into a good college.”
Michelle’s defensiveness finally buckled. “God, Emma. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I dragged you into all this.”
I pretended to slap her. “You didn’t drag me into anything. I was already in it. It’s my journal that started all this. My words. And I don’t care about going to a stupid Ivy League school. You, on the other hand, are destined to go to MIT.”
She dropped her eyes to the ground. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come visit you in the hospital, Emma,” she said. Her voice was muffled, ashamed. “I wanted to. But when this suspension thing happened, and you weren’t there to help me through it, I felt like I was going to lose my mind. So I took off.”
“What do you mean?”
“I went looking for my dad.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and I went to sit next to her on the bed. “What happened?”
Michelle snorted. “Darlene called the cops and filed a missing persons report before I could find anything out.”
“How did you even know where to look?” I said.
“Darlene forgot to tear up one of the envelopes with my monthly child support check, and I saw the postmark. I think my dad lives somewhere in Boston.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I never dreamed he’d be so close. All this time I thought he lived out in California or something.”
“So what did you do?”
“I printed out the address of every post office in Boston and planned to go to each one and ask about their regular customers. I must have sounded like a lunatic. I didn’t get very far before I realized how ridiculous it was.”
I laughed. “Why didn’t you ask Owen for help? He’s been really worried about you.”
“I couldn’t go to Owen. He’s one of the reasons I’ve been acting so weird around you for the past few months. It was nothing you did. I’ve been a jealous idiot.”
“Jealous?”
“I thought that Owen had a crush on you, stupid.”
For some reason, I felt guilty even though I had no reason to. “Well, he doesn’t.”
“But he did. It started the night of the bonfire. You went off with Gray, and all Owen could talk about for the rest of the night was where you’d gone and if you were okay. Later, he admitted that he liked you, and he was worried about you being alone with Gray. I was so mad at him, and I took it out on you. Then that night at the Snow Ball, when I saw the two of you dancing, I almost lost it. The champagne didn’t help.”
“But, Michelle, he likes you now. It’s so obvious.”
She fell back on the bed, her arms sprawled behind her. “I know. I screwed up. And now things are weird between us. Like they’ve been weird with you.”
I lay down next to her so our elbows were touching. “It’s okay,” I said. “Jealousy does strange things to a person.” I thought briefly about Elise and Gray, then shook the image from my mind. “It’s been a crap year for both of us.”
“Yup.”
“But I’ve missed you.”
She leaned up on her elbow. “I’ve missed you, too,” she said. I propped myself up so I could look her in the eye. “Why are you being so nice to me?” she said. “I’ve been such a bitch.”
I directed my eyes to the ceiling as if deep in thought. “I’m loyal that way. Besides, you’re pretty much all I’ve got.”
She looked falsely outraged, then swatted my arm. It felt good to have the old Michelle back. To have an ally in this horrible place. “Emma,” she said, “this hearing is no joke. If we both testify, Elise’s lawyers are going to be all over this school, and they may target you next. It could get ugly. You sure you’re ready for all that?”
“Bring it on,” I said.
“Who are you, and what have you done with my roommate?” she said, and we both fell forward, laughing at the absurdity of it all.
By the time we changed into our pajamas that night, things felt almost normal between us. But something still bothered me, some lingering doubts about Gray. I didn’t know whether it had to do with Michelle’s warnings or whether I just hadn’t learned to trust my own happiness yet.
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