A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire (27 page)
Authors: Ogi Ogas,Sai Gaddam
BOOK: A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire
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Put yourself in his shoes. You’re committing a crime, one risking public humiliation and even physical harm. Imagine the danger—and the feeling of
transgression
.
transgression
.
Now the clock is ticking. I strip naked. I am totally sexually excited. I masturbate while I imagine the “lady of the house” walking around. I have some thoughts about what she looks like, but what excites me is knowing that the “man of the house” could be home any minute. He will come home and open the door and then the closet door and then . . . I climax. It is the most exciting sex I have ever had in my life.
Forbidden acts have a very special power to arouse. Unlike breasts and butts, transgression is a
psychological
stimulus. It’s an
interpretation
of a situation or person, rather than a piece of anatomy or the sound of a voice. Though previous chapters explored the wide variety of psychological cues used by the Detective Agency, in this chapter we’re going to examine a few psychological cues that have the unique power to activate male desire. But first, we’re going to consider
transgression
—a psychological stimulus that arouses women and men both.
psychological
stimulus. It’s an
interpretation
of a situation or person, rather than a piece of anatomy or the sound of a voice. Though previous chapters explored the wide variety of psychological cues used by the Detective Agency, in this chapter we’re going to examine a few psychological cues that have the unique power to activate male desire. But first, we’re going to consider
transgression
—a psychological stimulus that arouses women and men both.
“I first discovered porn-stories when I was 15-years-old,” writes Shannon, a twenty-three-year-old woman on her online journal. “The strange thing, though, was that I was almost immediately attracted to the ‘taboo’ subjects rather than the ‘normal’ ones. Stories about humiliation, incest, and other ‘disturbing’ topics got me off a lot better than stories of romance ever did.”
Both sexes can get wildly turned on by situations that are immoral or dangerous,
because
of their immorality or dangerousness. In the 1967 French film
Belle de Jour
, Catherine Deneuve plays a doctor’s demure housewife. Surprisingly, she is not turned on by her young, handsome, devoted husband. Instead, she is plagued with dark fantasies that drive her to secretly begin working in a brothel. By day, she is a prostitute appropriately named Belle de Jour. One of her first clients is an ugly, violent gangster. To her surprise, he incites a wild, lustful passion within her. Though the gangster’s alpha male status is surely part of his appeal, the movie makes clear that Deneuve’s character is most excited by the danger and wrongness of her behavior; when the gangster eventually tries to romance her, she feels cold. She only wants him for degrading, taboo sex.
because
of their immorality or dangerousness. In the 1967 French film
Belle de Jour
, Catherine Deneuve plays a doctor’s demure housewife. Surprisingly, she is not turned on by her young, handsome, devoted husband. Instead, she is plagued with dark fantasies that drive her to secretly begin working in a brothel. By day, she is a prostitute appropriately named Belle de Jour. One of her first clients is an ugly, violent gangster. To her surprise, he incites a wild, lustful passion within her. Though the gangster’s alpha male status is surely part of his appeal, the movie makes clear that Deneuve’s character is most excited by the danger and wrongness of her behavior; when the gangster eventually tries to romance her, she feels cold. She only wants him for degrading, taboo sex.
Why do Mr. Closet, Shannon, and Belle de Jour all desire the forbidden? Do they all share a psychological cue for transgression? Perhaps not. As Donald Symons points out, cues are evolutionary adaptations, designed with a particular purpose. The male cue for youth guides a man to find a partner who will maximize the number of healthy children he will have. The female cue for social dominance guides a woman to find a man who will maximize the chance of success for her children. A transgression cue that drives people to masturbate in strangers’ closets or seek out degrading sex would be a very dangerous guide, indeed.
You might guess that the function of a transgression cue is simply to motivate men and women to engage in ordinary sexual intercourse. After all, sex is often treated as a prohibited act in many societies. Or maybe men need to overcome a natural aversion to penetrating someone else’s body. We all instinctively feel it’s wrong to jab a stick up someone’s nose; perhaps, a transgression cue renders physical penetration exciting instead of horrifying.
But men need little prompting to engage in sex, no matter what the cultural constraints. In addition, it appears that the male psychological cue of dominance and the female psychological cue of submission provide the necessary incentive for a man to physically penetrate a woman and a woman to accept penetration. So if evolution did not design a transgression cue, and if transgression is by definition not a product of socialization, then why is the forbidden so thrilling? Surprisingly, it might be a strange quirk of our brain wiring.
Our
visceral nervous system
, also called the autonomic system, manages many unconscious processes in our body, such as digestion, salivation, and respiration. The visceral nervous system is like a team of air traffic controllers: you never see them doing their job, but without their constant effort everything would come crashing down. One part of our visceral nervous system known as the
sympathetic nervous system
is responsible for our fight-or-flight response. When confronted with a scary or risky situation, the sympathetic nervous system readies our body for action. It speeds up our heart rate, increases blood flow to our muscles, and makes us take deeper breaths. We get ready to battle or bolt. But the sympathetic nervous system also controls another critical bodily process: orgasm.
visceral nervous system
, also called the autonomic system, manages many unconscious processes in our body, such as digestion, salivation, and respiration. The visceral nervous system is like a team of air traffic controllers: you never see them doing their job, but without their constant effort everything would come crashing down. One part of our visceral nervous system known as the
sympathetic nervous system
is responsible for our fight-or-flight response. When confronted with a scary or risky situation, the sympathetic nervous system readies our body for action. It speeds up our heart rate, increases blood flow to our muscles, and makes us take deeper breaths. We get ready to battle or bolt. But the sympathetic nervous system also controls another critical bodily process: orgasm.
Could the sympathetic nervous system influence our capacity to become sexually aroused from transgression? Two Canadian psychologists decided to test this hypothesis with an ingenious experiment. In North Vancouver, British Columbia, the Capilano River winds through a deep canyon. The experiment used two bridges. The Capilano Canyon Suspension Bridge is a footbridge constructed of wooden boards attached to wire cables. The bridge is 450 feet long but only five feet wide, with low handrails of wire cable. The bridge tilts, sways, and wobbles, creating the impression that you are about to fall over the side and plunge 230 feet to the rocks and shallows below.
The other bridge is farther upriver. It is wider, firmer, and constructed of heavy cedar with high handrails. Below is just a ten-foot drop to a small rivulet. An attractive female interviewer approached men as they were crossing each bridge and asked them to fill out a questionnaire while they remained on the bridge. They were also asked to write a brief dramatic story based upon a picture of a young woman. The interviewer also offered her phone number to each man “in case he wanted to talk further.” Presumably, the only difference between the two groups of interviewed men was the level of activation of their sympathetic nervous system. So what did the psychologists find?
The men on the rickety, anxiety-provoking bridge wrote stories with significantly more sexual content than the men on the safe bridge. Nine out of eighteen men on the rickety bridge eventually called the female interviewer. Only two out of sixteen men on the safe bridge ended up calling her. The increased sense of danger appeared to enhance sexual arousal in men. But what about women?
In women, things are a little more complicated. As we’ve learned, the software controlling sexual arousal in women is split into two components—conscious psychological arousal and unconscious physical arousal. The separation of the two types of arousal is governed by the Detective Agency. When it comes to the activation of the unconscious sympathetic nervous system, the Detective Agency appears to get involved, as can be seen in an experiment by two other Canadian psychologists.
The experiment presented female subjects with two different conditions. In one, subjects watched a neutral movie about traveling, followed by an erotic movie containing heterosexual foreplay and sex. In the other condition, subjects watched an anxiety-provoking movie about threatened amputation, followed by an erotic movie. Women’s physical arousal was measured using a vaginal plethysmograph. Psychological arousal was measured using a questionnaire.
After watching the amputation movie (and then the erotic movie), women showed significantly increased
physical
sexual arousal. Their bodies were turned on. But they reported significantly decreased
psychological
arousal. Miss Marple was still reacting to the amputation, even if her body was getting excited. But perhaps amputation is not really the right stimulus to test anxiety—after all, some people might react to a threatened amputation with revulsion rather than nervousness or fear. Perhaps we should look at a more frightening stimulus.
physical
sexual arousal. Their bodies were turned on. But they reported significantly decreased
psychological
arousal. Miss Marple was still reacting to the amputation, even if her body was getting excited. But perhaps amputation is not really the right stimulus to test anxiety—after all, some people might react to a threatened amputation with revulsion rather than nervousness or fear. Perhaps we should look at a more frightening stimulus.
In his book
Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head?
, psychologist Brett Kahr recounts a sexual fantasy shared with him by an elderly Jewish woman. Her parents died in the Nazi Holocaust. One imagines that her attitude toward the Nazi regime must be one of anger and terror. This makes her fantasy seem quite surprising. “She imagines a group of S.S. officers in jackboots and other Nazi regalia forcing her to strip naked before strapping her to Josef Mengele’s medical examination table, where she must submit to probing of the most deadly surgical nature.” The same men who murdered her parents have become the subject of her most intimate, secret fantasies, producing “the most explosive of orgasms.”
Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head?
, psychologist Brett Kahr recounts a sexual fantasy shared with him by an elderly Jewish woman. Her parents died in the Nazi Holocaust. One imagines that her attitude toward the Nazi regime must be one of anger and terror. This makes her fantasy seem quite surprising. “She imagines a group of S.S. officers in jackboots and other Nazi regalia forcing her to strip naked before strapping her to Josef Mengele’s medical examination table, where she must submit to probing of the most deadly surgical nature.” The same men who murdered her parents have become the subject of her most intimate, secret fantasies, producing “the most explosive of orgasms.”
This Nazi fantasy, Mr. Closet’s masturbatory behavior, and the bridge experiment provide convergent hints at one reason we may find transgression so exciting: the part of our nervous system that reacts to threats can also generate a sexual response. If so, that would make transgression a unique source of desire in both women and men. Transgression may not be an evolutionary cue like small feet or tall men. Instead, it could be a counterintuitive enhancement of erotic feeling due to our quirky brain wiring—an evolutionary by-product, rather than an adaptation. Anything perceived as dangerous or taboo—including sociocultural risks and violations—may simultaneously activate a fight-or-flight response and enhance sexual arousal.
We now turn to a psychological cue exclusive to the male brain that seems just as counterintuitive as transgression.
LOVING WIVES AND INDECENT PROPOSALSJealousy is the green-ey’d monster
. When Shakespeare penned this line in
Othello
, he certainly had
sexual
jealousy in mind. Evolution has endowed men with a paranoid vigilance for sexual betrayal. Unlike women, a man can never be certain of his paternity. In an analysis of about twenty-four thousand children across nine mostly Anglo-Saxon countries, about 3 percent were found to have been fathered by a man other than the presumed father. That means that about one out of thirty men was unknowingly raising someone else’s child—a seemingly small number, unless you happen to be one of the duped fathers. In 2007–2008, about 3,500 paternity claims were brought to the British Child Support Agency. These were cases in which a man suspected that he wasn’t the real father. Nineteen percent of the children in these cases had not been fathered by the presumed dad.
. When Shakespeare penned this line in
Othello
, he certainly had
sexual
jealousy in mind. Evolution has endowed men with a paranoid vigilance for sexual betrayal. Unlike women, a man can never be certain of his paternity. In an analysis of about twenty-four thousand children across nine mostly Anglo-Saxon countries, about 3 percent were found to have been fathered by a man other than the presumed father. That means that about one out of thirty men was unknowingly raising someone else’s child—a seemingly small number, unless you happen to be one of the duped fathers. In 2007–2008, about 3,500 paternity claims were brought to the British Child Support Agency. These were cases in which a man suspected that he wasn’t the real father. Nineteen percent of the children in these cases had not been fathered by the presumed dad.
Men have always faced a non-negligible risk that they might devote time, emotion, and resources to another man’s child. Sexual jealousy motivates a man to conduct his own detective work looking for clues of a partner’s promiscuity. Jealousy is a dark, consuming emotion that can instantly explode into a violent rage when confronted with evidence of a wife’s infidelity. This fury can even drive a man to murder, as shown by Othello and possibly O. J. Simpson.
So then, what are we to make of the enormous popularity of
cuckold porn
?
cuckold porn
?
A cuckold is a man whose wife has sex with another man. Paradoxically, many men are intensely aroused by the thought of their wife cheating on them. Here’s the account of one such man, writing on a cuckold message board:
She wore her very best lingerie, an expensive and very hot silky set from Victoria’s Secret. She never wore that for me. I didn’t even know she had bought it. She spent hours on her hair and makeup. As soon as I got to see her, fully decked out in her erotic best, there was a knock at the door. He had arrived. She sashayed to the door and opened it, completely ignoring me. He walked in. He was a foot taller than me, with huge biceps. He looked my wife over from head to toe and smiled. He was very happy. I could tell how happy by the huge bulge in his pants. But I already had a bulge in my pants, too.
Cuckold porn is the second most popular heterosexual interest on English-language search engines. Only
youth
is more popular. On PornHub, men who search for “cheating wife” view the greatest number of videos. There are 343 Web sites on the Alexa Adult List that portray female partners having sex with strangers, including Please Bang My Wife, Cream My Girlfriend, and Cheater Sex Spy.
youth
is more popular. On PornHub, men who search for “cheating wife” view the greatest number of videos. There are 343 Web sites on the Alexa Adult List that portray female partners having sex with strangers, including Please Bang My Wife, Cream My Girlfriend, and Cheater Sex Spy.
One of the most common scenarios in cuckold porn is wives getting
paid
to have sex with another man. Usually, these Internet videos are nothing like the 1993 movie
Indecent Proposal
, where Demi Moore’s character receives a million dollars for an evening of adulterous lovemaking in an expensive penthouse with the handsome Robert Redford. Instead, the videos on Sell Your Girlfriend are more typical. The girls are paid a few hundred bucks to have sex with a tattooed biker on a ratty sofa.
paid
to have sex with another man. Usually, these Internet videos are nothing like the 1993 movie
Indecent Proposal
, where Demi Moore’s character receives a million dollars for an evening of adulterous lovemaking in an expensive penthouse with the handsome Robert Redford. Instead, the videos on Sell Your Girlfriend are more typical. The girls are paid a few hundred bucks to have sex with a tattooed biker on a ratty sofa.
In cuckold porn, the boyfriend or husband almost always watches from the sidelines, usually with a look of frustration and dismay. Frequently, the wife calls out to her husband as she’s being serviced, touting the superior skills or better equipment of the
bull
—a common term for the cuckolder. (The woman is known as a
hotwife
or
cuckoldrix
.) On a small minority of cuckold sites, like Forced BiCuckolds, after the hotwife has been satisfied she compels the husband to perform fellatio on the bull.
bull
—a common term for the cuckolder. (The woman is known as a
hotwife
or
cuckoldrix
.) On a small minority of cuckold sites, like Forced BiCuckolds, after the hotwife has been satisfied she compels the husband to perform fellatio on the bull.
One of the most popular categories of stories on Literotica is
Loving Wives
. Apparently, what these wives love most is having sex with men other than their husband. The sex is usually voluntary, though some of the narratives involve coercion or blackmail. Wives have sex with loan officers to acquire a mortgage, with their husband’s boss to help him get a promotion, or with a dozen of her husband’s friends to celebrate a Super Bowl victory.
Loving Wives
. Apparently, what these wives love most is having sex with men other than their husband. The sex is usually voluntary, though some of the narratives involve coercion or blackmail. Wives have sex with loan officers to acquire a mortgage, with their husband’s boss to help him get a promotion, or with a dozen of her husband’s friends to celebrate a Super Bowl victory.
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