A Benjamin Franklin Reader (31 page)

Franklin was a very orderly man, and around the time he had been considering getting married he came up with a method for making complex decisions. He described it in a letter he wrote to one of his closest London friends, the scientist Joseph Priestley, who wrote a history of electricity that featured Franklin’s kite experiment and who isolated the element oxygen.

J
OSEPH
P
RIESTLEY
, S
EPTEMBER
19, 1772

Dear Sir,

In the affair of so much importance to you, wherein you ask my advice, I cannot for want of sufficient premises, advise you
what
to determine, but if you please I will tell you
how.
When these difficult cases occur, they are difficult chiefly because while we have them under consideration all the reasons
pro
and
con
are not present to the mind at the same time; but sometimes one set present themselves, and at other times another, the first being out of sight. Hence the various purposes or inclinations that alternately prevail, and the uncertainty that perplexes us. To get over this, my way is, to divide half a sheet of paper by a line into two columns, writing over the one
pro,
and over the other
con.
Then during three or four day’s consideration I put down under the different heads short hints of the different motives that at different times occur to me for or against the measure. When I have thus got them all together in one view, I endeavor to estimate their respective weights; and where I find two, one on each side, that seem equal, I strike them both out: if I find a reason
pro
equal to some two reasons
con,
I strike out the three. If I judge some two reasons
con
equal to some three reasons
pro,
I strike out the five; and thus proceeding I find at length where the balance lies; and if after a day or two of farther consideration nothing new that is of importance occurs on either side, I come to a determination accordingly. And though the weight of reasons cannot be taken with the precision of algebraic quantities, yet when each is thus considered separately and comparatively, and the whole lies before me, I think I can judge better, and am less likely to make a rash step; and in fact I have found great advantage from this kind of equation, in what may be called
moral
or
prudential algebra.
Wishing sincerely that you may determine for the best, I am ever, my dear friend, yours most affectionately,

B. Franklin

In the summer of 1771, Franklin had begun writing his autobiography at the home of Jonathan Shipley, an Anglican bishop who had five spirited daughters. Franklin delighted in the company of young women, and he had his wife send over a pet squirrel from America as a gift to the girls. When it met an untimely end the following year in the jaws of a dog, Franklin composed a flowery eulogy, that reflected on the perils of liberty, and then added a little epitaph that would become famous.

T
O
G
EORGIANA
S
HIPLEY
, S
EPTEMBER
26, 1772

Dear Miss,

I lament with you most sincerely the unfortunate end of poor
Mungo
: few squirrels were better accomplished; for he had had a good education, had traveled far, and seen much of the world. As he had the honor of being for his virtues your favorite, he should not go like common Skuggs without an elegy or an epitaph. Let us give him one in the monumental stile and measure, which being neither prose nor verse, is perhaps the properest for grief; since to use common language would look as if we were not affected, and to make rhymes would seem trifling in sorrow.

You see how much more decent and proper this broken style, interrupted as it were with sighs, is for the occasion, than if one were to say, by way of epitaph,

And yet perhaps there are people in the world of so little feeling as to think,
that
would be a good-enough Epitaph for our poor Mungo!

If you wish it, I shall procure another to succeed him. But perhaps you will now choose some other Amusement. Remember me respectfully to all the good Family; and believe me ever, Your affectionate Friend,

B. Franklin

Franklin’s penchant for air baths were part of his theory about the cause of the common cold. Although germs and viruses had yet to be discovered, Franklin was one of the first to argue that colds and flu “may possibly be spread by contagion” rather than cold air. The best defense was good ventilation. Throughout his life, Franklin liked open windows, even in the midst of winter.

T
O
B
ENJAMIN
R
USH
, J
ULY
14, 1773

Dear Sir,

…I shall communicate your judicious remark relating to air transpired by patients in putrid diseases to my friend Dr. Priestley. I hope that after having discovered the benefit of fresh and cool air applied to the
sick,
people will begin to suspect that possibly it may do no harm to the
well.
I have not seen Dr. Cullen’s book, but am glad to hear that he speaks of catarrhs or colds
by contagion.
I have long been satisfied from observation, that besides the general colds now termed
influenzas,
which may possibly spread by contagion as well as by a particular quality of the air, people often catch cold from one another when shut up together in small close rooms, coaches, &c. and when sitting near and conversing so as to breathe in each other’s transpiration, the disorder being in a certain state. I think too that it is the frowzy corrupt air from animal substances, and the perspired matter from our bodies, which, being long confined in beds not lately used, and clothes not lately worn, and books long shut up in close rooms, obtains that kind of putridity which infects us, and occasions the colds observed upon sleeping in, wearing, or turning over, such beds, clothes or books, and not their coldness or dampness. From these causes, but more from
too full living
with too
little exercise,
proceed in my opinion most of the disorders which for 100 years past the English have called
colds.
As to Dr. Cullen’s cold or catarrh
frigore,
I question whether such an one ever existed.

Traveling in our severe winters, I have suffered cold sometimes to an extremity only short of freezing, but this did not make me
catch cold.
And for moisture, I have been in the river every evening two or three hours for a fortnight together, when one would suppose I might imbibe enough of it to
take cold
if humidity could give it; but no such effect followed: boys never get cold by swimming. Nor are people at sea, or who live at Bermudas, or St. Helena, where the air must be ever moist, from the dashing and breaking of waves against their rocks on all sides, more subject to colds than those who inhabit parts of a continent where the air is driest. Dampness may indeed assist in producing putridity, and those miasmas which infect us with the disorder we call a cold, but of itself can never by a little addition of moisture hurt a body filled with watery fluids from head to foot…

With great esteem and sincere wishes for your welfare, I am, sir, your most obedient humble servant,

B. Franklin

In the fall of 1773, Franklin anonymously published in the London papers two of his most famous parodies designed to make the British come to their senses about their treatment of the American colonies. They reflected his youthful love of satire. The first referred to “an ancient sage” (it was Themistocles) who had described how to turn a little city into a great one, and Franklin turned it around to produce the rules by which an empire could do the reverse. The second purported to be a declaration issued by Prussia’s King Frederick II.

T
HE
P
UBLIC
A
DVERTISER
, S
EPTEMBER
11, 1773

Rules by which a Great Empire may be reduced to a Small One.

An ancient Sage valued himself upon this, that though he could not fiddle, he knew how to make a
great City
of a
little one.
The Science that I, a modern Simpleton, am about to communicate is the very reverse.

I address myself to all Ministers who have the management of extensive dominions, which from their very greatness are become troublesome to govern, because the multiplicity of their affairs leaves no time for
fiddling.

I. In the first Place, Gentlemen, you are to consider, that a great Empire, like a great Cake, is most easily diminished at the Edges. Turn your Attention therefore first to your remotest Provinces; that as you get rid of them, the next may follow in Order.

II. That the Possibility of this Separation may always exist, take special Care the Provinces are never incorporated with the Mother Country, that they do not enjoy the same common Rights, the same Privileges in Commerce, and that they are governed by
severer
Laws, all of
your enacting,
without allowing them any Share in the Choice of the Legislators. By carefully making and preserving such Distinctions, you will (to keep to my Simile of the Cake) act like a wise Gingerbread Baker, who, to facilitate a Division, cuts his Dough half through in those Places, where, when baked, he would have it
broken to Pieces.

III. These remote Provinces have perhaps been acquired, purchased, or conquered, at the
sole Expense
of the Settlers or their Ancestors, without the Aid of the Mother Country. If this should happen to increase her
Strength
by their growing Numbers ready to join in her Wars, her
Commerce
by their growing Demand for her Manufactures, or her
Naval Power
by greater Employment for her Ships and Seamen, they may probably suppose some Merit in this, and that it entitles them to some Favor; you are therefore to
forget it all,
or resent it as if they had done you Injury. If they happen to be zealous Whigs, Friends of Liberty, nurtured in Revolution Principles,
remember all that
to their Prejudice, and contrive to punish it: For such Principles, after a Revolution is thoroughly established, are of
no more Use,
they are even
odious
and
abominable.

IV. However peaceably your Colonies have submitted to your Government, shown their Affection to your Interest, and patiently borne their Grievances, you are to
suppose
them always inclined to revolt, and treat them accordingly. Quarter Troops among them, who by their Insolence may
provoke
the rising of Mobs, and by their Bullets and Bayonets
suppress
them. By this Means, like the Husband who uses his Wife ill
from Suspicion,
you may in Time convert your
Suspicions
into
Realities.

V. Remote Provinces must have
Governors,
and
Judges,
to represent the Royal Person, and execute every where the delegated Parts of his Office and Authority. You Ministers know, that much of the Strength of Government depends on the
Opinion
of the People; and much of that Opinion on the Choice of Rulers placed immediately over them. If you send them wise and good Men for Governors, who study the Interest of the Colonists, and advance their Prosperity, they will think their King wise and good, and that he wishes the Welfare of his Subjects. If you send them learned and upright Men for judges, they will think him a Lover of Justice. This may attach your Provinces more to his Government. You are therefore to be careful who you recommend for those Offices. If you can find Prodigals who have ruined their Fortunes, broken Gamesters or Stock-Jobbers, these may do well as
Governors;
for they will probably be rapacious, and provoke the People by their Extortions. Wrangling Proctors and pettyfogging Lawyers too are not amiss, for they will be for ever disputing and quarrelling with their little Parliaments, if withal they should be ignorant, wrong-headed and insolent, so much the better. Attorneys Clerks and New-gate Solicitors will do for
Chief-Justices,
especially if they hold their Places
during your Pleasure:
And all will contribute to impress those ideas of your Government that are proper for a People
you would wish to renounce it.

VI. To confirm these Impressions, and strike them deeper, whenever the Injured come to the Capital with Complaints of Mal-administration, Oppression, or Injustice, punish such Suitors with long Delay, enormous Expense, and a final Judgment in Favor of the Oppressor. This will have an admirable Effect every Way. The Trouble of future Complaints will be prevented, and Governors and Judges will be encouraged to farther Acts of Oppression and Injustice; and thence the People may become more disaffected,
and at length desperate.

VII. When such Governors have crammed their Coffers, and made themselves so odious to the People that they can no longer remain among them with Safety to their Persons, recall and
reward
them with Pensions. You may make them
Baronets
too, if that respectable Order should not think fit to resent it. All will contribute to encourage new Governors in the same Practices, and make the supreme Government
detestable.

VIII. If when you are engaged in War, your Colonies should vie in liberal Aids of Men and Money against the common Enemy, upon your simple Requisition, and give far beyond their Abilities, reflect, that a Penny taken from them by your Power is more honorable to you than a Pound presented by their Benevolence. Despise therefore their voluntary Grants, and resolve to harass them with novel Taxes. They will probably complain to your Parliaments that they are taxed by a Body in which they have no Representative, and that this is contrary to common Right. They will petition for Redress. Let the Parliaments flout their Claims, reject their Petitions, refuse even to suffer the reading of them, and treat the Petitioners with the utmost Contempt. Nothing can have a better Effect, in producing the Alienation proposed; for though many can forgive Injuries,
none ever forgave Contempt.

IX. In laying these Taxes, never regard the heavy burdens those remote People already undergo, in defending their own Frontiers, supporting their own provincial Governments, making new Roads, building Bridges, Churches and other public Edifices, which in old Countries have been done to your Hands by your Ancestors, but which occasion constant Calls and Demands on the Purses of a new People. Forget the
Restraints
you lay on their Trade for
your own
Benefit, and the Advantage a
Monopoly
of this Trade gives your exacting Merchants. Think nothing of the Wealth those Merchants and your Manufacturers acquire by the Colony Commerce; their increased Ability thereby to pay Taxes at home; their accumulating, in the Price of their Commodities, most of those Taxes, and so levying them from their consuming Customers: All this, and the Employment and Support of thousands of your Poor by the Colonists, you are
entirely to forget.
But remember to make your arbitrary Tax more grievous to your Provinces, by public Declarations importing that your Power of taxing them has
no limits,
so that when you take from them without their Consent a Shilling in the Pound, you have a clear Right to the other nineteen. This will probably weaken every Idea of
Security in their Property,
and convince them that under such a Government
they have nothing they can call their own;
which can scarce fail of producing
the happiest Consequences!

X. Possibly indeed some of them might still comfort themselves, and say, Though we have no Property, we have yet
something
left that is valuable; we have constitutional
Liberty
both of Person and of Conscience. This King, these Lords, and these Commons, who it seems are too remote from us to know us and feel for us, cannot take from us our
Habeas Corpus
Right, or our Right of Trial
by a Jury of our Neighbors:
They cannot deprive us of the Exercise of our Religion, alter our ecclesiastical Constitutions, and compel us to be Papists if they please, or Mahometans. To annihilate this Comfort, begin by Laws to perplex their Commerce with infinite Regulations impossible to be remembered and observed; ordain Seizures of their Property for every Failure; take away the Trial of such Property by Jury, and give it to arbitrary Judges of your own appointing, and of the lowest Characters in the Country, whose Salaries and Emoluments are to arise out of the Duties or Condemnations, and whose Appointments are
during Pleasure.
Then let there be a formal Declaration of both Houses, that Opposition to your Edicts is
Treason,
and that Persons suspected of Treason in the Provinces may, according to some obsolete Law, be seized and sent to the Metropolis of the Empire for Trial; and pass an Act that those there charged with certain other Offences shall be sent away in Chains from their Friends and Country to be tried in the same Manner for Felony. Then erect a new Court of Inquisition among them, accompanied by an armed Force, with Instructions to transport all such suspected Persons, to be ruined by the Expense if they bring over Evidences to prove their Innocence, or be found guilty and hanged if they can’t afford it. And lest the People should think you cannot possibly go any farther, pass another solemn declaratory Act, that King, Lords, and Commons had, hath, and of Right ought to have, full Power and Authority to make Statutes of sufficient Force and Validity to bind the unrepresented Provinces in all cases whatsoever. This will include
Spiritual
with temporal; and taken together, must operate wonderfully to your Purpose, by convincing them, that they are at present under a Power something like that spoken of in the Scriptures, which can not only
kill their Bodies,
but
damn their Souls
to all Eternity, by compelling them, if it pleases,
to worship the Devil.

XI. To make your Taxes more odious, and more likely to procure Resistance, send from the Capital a Board of Officers to superintend the Collection, composed of the most
indiscreet, illbred
and
insolent
you can find. Let these have large salaries out of the extorted revenue, and live in open grating Luxury upon the Sweat and Blood of the Industrious, whom they are to worry continually with groundless and expensive Prosecutions before the above-mentioned arbitrary Revenue-Judges, all
at the Cost of the Party prosecuted
though acquitted, because
the King is to pay no Costs.
Let these Men
by your Order
be exempted from all the common Taxes and Burdens of the Province, though they and their Property are protected by its Laws. If any Revenue Officers are
suspected
of the least Tenderness for the People, discard them. If others are justly complained of, protect and reward them. If any of the Under-officers behave so as to provoke the People to drub them, promote those to better Offices: This will encourage others to procure for themselves such profitable Drubbings, by multiplying and enlarging such Provocations, and
all with work towards the End you aim at.

XII. Another Way to make your Tax odious, is to misapply the Produce of it. If it was originally appropriated for the
Defense
of the Provinces and the better Support of Government, and the Administration of Justice where it may be
necessary,
then apply none of it to that
Defense,
but bestow it where it is
not necessary,
in augmented Salaries or Pensions to every Governor who has distinguished himself by his Enmity to the People, and by calumniating them to their Sovereign. This will make them pay it more unwillingly, and be more apt to quarrel with those that collect it, and those that imposed it, who will quarrel again with them, and all shall contribute to your
main Purpose
of making them
weary of your Government.