A Beautiful Truth (10 page)

Fifi feels the twitch behind her legs like her hips want to eat their own peach. She puts the peach on the ground and makes soft noises to Mr. Ghoul who feels rich involutions from his throat down to his tightening balls of all that is unknown and good. He almost jumps down, but remembers the need for discretion.

He tosses another pebble at Fifi.

She wonders why.

He looks towards Podo who is lying on his side with his back against Mama. Mr. Ghoul climbs down to the ground and touches Fifi on the neck and leads her into the first grove of trees. It is cool in the grove and they move fast and shaky. Fifi bends forward and manoeuvres in the way she must for bent Mr. Ghoul. She looks over her shoulder and his hair and nails catch fire.

In the grove of trees are a million sugared hummingbirds screaming more is never enough, and before Fifi can blink there is a burst from the needles on the trees and ground that says, in fact, that’s enough.

Mr. Ghoul feels the oa.

Podo is asleep.

Fifi leaves the grove.

Mr. Ghoul stays behind.

There is no beginning and end to the trees, the ground, Mr. Ghoul and the wall.

He feels the oa.

He stays behind and thinks nothing.

He smells something and thinks of Fifi.

He would like to do that again.

Daily, monthly, the force of Looee’s moods increased, and whether he was happy, depressed, mischievous or malignant, he was growing and making more noise. Almost everything he did had an accompanying noise, and some grew so loud that when Judy was tired or uneasy she would shush him and say the neighbours are going to think we’re running a zoo.

Their house was indeed becoming infamous. They had no idea how many acquaintances and strangers drove by and said that blue one there’s the monkey house. People would knock on a Saturday afternoon with children wondering if they could see the circus. Looee was friendly at first, just as curious as they were, and Walt didn’t mind showing him off sometimes.

Looee was very excited around kids. He took the hands of those who were his size, or smaller, and showed them his toys and the kitchen. Their parents were worried and amazed. Judy didn’t so much like the look on some people’s faces—she saw judgment or arrogance or hints of dark questions she had not yet found the answers to.

Walt was not exposed to Looee’s moods as much as Judy was, but he sure knew it when Looee wasn’t happy.

Can’t you just tell us what the trouble is, you’re not a baby anymore.

Looee woke them up one night with screams that came from the hollows of everything manmade. They ran to his room and found him sitting up with his bedside light on, shrieking at something on the wall that none of them could see. He wouldn’t stop.

What is it Looee said Judy.

When they settled him and went back to bed they were less awake than they thought they were.

I’m wondering if you stop feeling blue just because you can say I’m feeling blue said Walt.

I feel better when I say it said Judy.

Their bodies were united by Looee’s screams and Judy thought there are no words for what you do not know.

Are you blue, Walter.

I think it’s just winter he said.

Looee reached his sixth or seventh year. He was more or less the size of an eight-year-old boy. He was big for his age because of Judy’s good food. Sometimes he looked small because he walked on his knuckles, and he still liked to be carried when he was tired.

They couldn’t take him out in public as much anymore. Walt took him to his office sometimes and had shown Looee how to use the phone. He would call Judy (Walt would dial) and she would tell him stories about the boy with the hairy face. He kissed the mouthpiece and heard very little.

He ate forty cobs of corn with Larry one summer and was proud. Judy dyed her hair more blond and Walt said I didn’t think you could look any younger. Looee was scared at first because he thought she was Barbie. Earlier that summer, Barbie had given him
strange feelings and he sat on her, naked, on and off, for a few afternoons.

He stayed up at night in his room thinking of ways to get out and visit Mr. Wiley and his fridge. For a few nights he heard small scratching noises coming from somewhere in his bedroom. He walked from his bed to the wall and put his ear to the wainscot. He tore the wood off the wall and discovered the tickles of feeding termites.

If he had grown up in Sierra Leone he might have developed a taste for termites, but he was full of chicken Kiev and wanted to play or make friends. He tore the rest of the wainscot off the wall and covered it with pillows and cushions to keep it quiet.

Judy discovered the torn-up wall in the morning. She told Walt who said goddamnit when he saw it. The wall would have to be replastered.

Later that week Looee threw the radio through the living room window because something in the song American Pie made him think that Judy was going to be attacked. He hugged himself but was heavily scolded.

Walt said when will enough be enough.

They built him his own house. Walt hired some contractors to make a reinforced concrete building adjacent to theirs, nicely hidden by the maples. It was attached to the main house by an inward-opening, self-bolting door and a short concrete corridor with high windows. The building was one large room, twenty-five by thirty feet, twenty feet tall with climbing bars and a raised pedestal bedroom that had a large reinforced window looking out to the front through the maples. Looee climbed a steel ladder to reach the bedroom, or he could jump to it from the climbing bars. There was a drain in the middle of the floor and a squat toilet in the corner.

It was concrete because of practicality, and it was only ever thought of as his own place, his suite, his domain. Walt had proposed it and Judy hadn’t objected in the least.

He would now have his own space to do whatever mischief he could, and would have to behave all the more when he was invited into the main house. There was a doorbell placed low beside his door and he learned to ring that whenever he wanted someone to get him.

Judy had sensed that Looee wanted to be alone more anyway. By the age of nine he was well into adolescence. Looee would sit with Judy reading magazines and she would wonder sometimes why he would suddenly start to display.

Not inside, honey. Not in the big house.

He had trouble stopping.

If Walt said not here goddamnit he would stop, but when Walt wasn’t around Looee might flip the coffee table over or run around the living room as fast as he could.

It took her a while to realize that things in the magazines were triggering his displays. Men holding up large fish in Walt’s Game and Fish magazines sometimes set him off: he wanted to be one of the men.

Bras in the Sears catalogue.

Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.

Judy saw him with his hand down the front of his pants as he lay right back on the couch. She wanted to give him privacy.

He didn’t seem to have much shame, but sometimes she would see him get up and leave the room, watching with the wisdom of a mother, sad about the things in his future that she might not be a part of.

He loved his house. He rang the doorbell constantly, often at night when he had a bad dream or to make sure that Walt and Judy
weren’t asleep. But when he was in his own house he never heard no, Looee, no.

He swung on the bars and wanted Walt to see, and imagined Walt was watching.

Looee’s house was the grocery store.

Looee was jumping from shelf to shelf and no one said no, Looee, no.

Walt was watching Looee jump from shelf to shelf, can Walt do this, it was fast. But Walt wasn’t there.

Popcorn.

One more swing.

Two more swing.

Popcorn.

Looee wasn’t in the grocery store, Looee was swinging over the creek. Look how far. Looee’s not touching the water. Swing. Don’t touch the water.

Popcorn.

Looee wanted popcorn.

Looee rang the bell.

Walt unlocked the door between houses and said mummy’s asleep, it’s Sunday.

Looee rang the bell again, and Walt said Mummy’s asleep I said.

Looee was hugging Walt’s waist and he took Walt’s hand and took him inside Looee’s house. Looee screamed louder than Walt could scream, and swung from bar to bar.

Wow said Walt. That’s great. Fast.

Looee wanted popcorn.

Looee swung and Walt said that’s amazing. Don’t hurt yourself.

Looee took Walt’s hand and pulled him down the corridor and Walt said I told you buddy, mummy’s sleeping.

Looee tasted popcorn butter and Walt knew his noises.

You’re hungry. I gotcha.

They made popcorn and watched the game.

When the fall came there was the usual feeling of melancholy and fragile possibilities. It was Walt’s favourite season and he told Judy he wanted to take Looee hunting.

She said I think he’s still too little.

You think.

I think so darling.

Walt rarely made the connection directly, but the richness that filled his nose and eyes when he stood in the middle of the woods made him think of his first wife and the fact that these colours will be taken by winter and today he can pluck meat from this waning abundance, and there’s permanence in that.

One day I want to take him.

They took him for a picnic instead. He watched them from his window as they loaded the pickup and he was screaming and jumping up and down. Walt put two gallons of gas and a chainsaw in the back so he could make a fire in the woods while Judy and Looee played. They packed bologna sandwiches, a Thermos of coffee, light beer and a bag of dried fruit. Judy went through the house to open Looee’s door and he ran out ahead of her, grabbing a work shirt and a plastic gun from the kitchen.

He sat between them and no longer grabbed the wheel when they drove, and the only time he was tense was when they went over the long Scott Bridge. When he was afraid or in pain he pulled his lips back over his teeth—it was the same smile you see on liars or half-brave men in pain, civil servants walking calmly through rough neighbourhoods. He made low mocking noises at cows and horses and dead raccoons by the road.

Freedom is eating and not having to give thanks, not sharing, not working for the food, wondering about its source, caring about when and how you eat or when it will run out.

Nobody is free said Larry. Looee’s got his own little place here, but nobody is free.

Looee let no one cross his threshold unless he really liked them. Larry came over a lot and they drank beer, and Larry and Walt talked about work while Looee swung and groomed and told jokes with his face like a grandpa to a baby.

Walt and Larry’s partner, Mike, was the planning commissioner for Addison County that year and was drifting away from their business. As owners of commercial property Walt and Larry had long ago realized the need for political connections, and both of them had served as selectmen in their towns. Mike was someone Walt brought on board for his political interests, and he was always the most eager to have his voice heard.

When there were efforts to rezone or raise taxes Mike would work in their mutual interests, but he wasn’t working so well lately, not always making decisions in their favour. Larry said he’s got his own life. Nobody is free. He looked at Looee and said Looee’s got his own little place here.

Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.

Looee woke up and climbed down to the squat toilet in the corner. He liked to leave a small mess around the edges on the floor for mummy to clean.

Summer heat was sweet as Tang. He rang the bell for breakfast.

Susan was going to come over in the evening to take Judy to her book-of-the-month club.

Looee was excited when he heard that Susan was coming over.

You really love Susan don’t you.

He felt nervous and happy and gagged on the egg in his throat.

The morning drifted invisibly and Looee watched Walt do this and that. Looee went back to his place and swung around. He thought about spaghetti and pretty ladies. He looked through a Better Homes and Gardens and rubbed the lips of a pretty woman on his balls.

He wanted a friend and no longer fully understood that Susan was coming over.

He grabbed his overalls and walked pantless to his door and rang the bell for mummy.

You want me to wash those.

He shooed her away and wedged the door with a rubber eraser—something he regularly got away with when mummy paid a visit. He looked for his pants with suspenders.

Walt wore suspenders on the days when he did little more than eat—holidays, mostly—and Looee learned to associate them with special occasions.

He felt like dressing up.

He collected some favourite things.

He felt a growing importance.

He had his own comb, which he put in his pants.

There was no mirror in his house but the clothes felt good. He smiled and made proud noises like when mummy says how handsome! and he grew more restless.

He heard a truck on the driveway and screamed.

Walt had arranged for some landscaping to be done, and the workmen arrived at noon. The men didn’t know what those noises were from the house, and knew even less when Walt simply said that’s Looee.