A Beautiful Struggle (5 page)

Still sucking on the straw
, I looked over at the bartender, whose eyes were now dilated and his Adam’s apple was moving up and down rapidly. Blinking at Jade, who was now biting her bottom lip, hotstuff yelled over his shoulder, “I’m taking my break now.”

Quickly gulping down the mouthful I had, my jaw dropped open.
I couldn’t believe how easy it was for Jade.

Giggling
, Jade jumped up from her seat and walked over to the exit with the bartender. I shook my head back and forth and muttered, “Unbelievable,” under my breath.

I
concentrated on the drink in front of me when I heard, “Tell me about it.” The voice was sexy and right next to me.

Turning to see who the guy was
, my eyes widened when I saw just how gorgeous he was.
No. He isn’t gorgeous. He’s beautiful.
He had these puffed out, chiseled muscles. They were muscles upon muscles. Straight, white teeth. Silky, brown wavy hair and a little bit of scruff all over his face that instantly made me harden. Deep brown, twinkling eyes and he stood at about 6 foot 3.

“And you are?”
I asked.

“DERRICK!”
I heard in unison.

Blinking
, I looked over at Ashlynn and Iz approaching quickly. Stopping right next to Derrick, Ash wrapped an arm around his waist and smiled up at him. Iz took my hand in hers and gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Looking down at her, I smiled. Winking at me, Iz looked over towards Derrick and said, “Patrick, this is Derrick.”

Glancing at him
, I was completely stunned when I saw Derrick checking me out. I was broken from that trance when I heard Ash say, “Derr, this is Patrick.” Releasing her arm from around his waist, Ash stepped back to give us some room. Giving my hand one final squeeze, Iz let go and started to walk onto the dance floor with Ash.

Derrick looked at me.
Extending his right hand towards me, he lowered his head and
goddamn!
“It’s nice to meet you Patrick,” he said, his eyes blazing.

God
, even the way he said my name was sexy as hell.
I extended my hand and said, “It’s
very
nice to meet you, Derr.” I couldn’t believe I was actually talking to this hunk!

Holding tightly onto each other’s hands
, we shook them for a few more seconds than normal. I guess neither of us wanted to let go. The whole time I was shaking his hand though, I couldn’t help but think about how I wanted to shake something else of his in my hands.

I smiled up at him
as we . I couldn’t believe just how beautiful this man was and for the moment he was all mine.
Now if I could only think of something to say
. I don’t know about all of you, but when I’m staring at a beautiful man I can’t seem to form words.
Opening up my mouth, I was dumbfounded because I couldn’t do something so simple as form words.
This is definitely going to be a struggle.

Chapter 5

Derrick

This man literally took my breath away.
I was trying to stay calm and relaxed, but he was making me so nervous. I would have to thank Ash later because Patrick Christiansen was definitely my type of guy. He was tall and lean. While I was going to give Ash a hug later, I thought I might have to slap the bitch too because she said he was lanky.

He wasn’t lanky in the slightest.
I could see he had defined muscle under that tight shirt he was wearing. I wanted to take another look at his tight little ass but I knew there would be time for that later. For now I just wanted to take in every word he had to say.

“BODY SHOTS!”

“What?” I asked, confused. That’s when I heard everyone in the bar yell, “BODY SHOTS!”

Apparently the first Saturday of every month the bar had this thing where you did body shots off of people
. I
clearly
hadn’t been aware of this.

I looked over and saw Patrick jumping up and down yelling, “Oh let’s go!”
Grabbing my hand, he pulled me behind him as he sprinted off to the other side of the bar where the body shots were being held.

Standing
there waiting while other drunk patrons were doing tequila shots off of one another, I noticed that Patrick was still holding my hand. Looking down at our intertwined fingers, I felt little fireworks shoot off in my stomach and my lip twitched up into a smile. It felt good to be out in public holding a man’s hand. Knowing that I was okay to be out in public and I was being me.
Finally.

Patrick pulled his
hand from mine but then he started grinding into my junk. Bent over in front of me. I couldn’t believe how good of a dancer he was and how hot it was feeling his ass grind into my crotch.

Hearing hoots and hollers from around us
, my mouth fell open. I thought for sure people would say something along the lines of, “gross,” or, “disgusting,” but that didn’t happen and I couldn’t have been more appreciative and secure. Now granted, these people were more than likely drunk, and they were strangers in a sense, but I still felt at home. I was grateful people were accepting me.

But then it made me wonder how my family would react to my sexuality.
I wondered if they would accept me and love me for me. I felt my heart plummet and my stomach drop. I was so nervous. I knew I had to have that conversation with them at some point—sooner rather than later. But for right now? I was going to finally have some fun and let loose.

Placing my hands on Patrick’s waist
, I started to grind into him, dancing along and getting into rhythm with him. When he would push back into my crotch, I would push into his ass. I knew he could feel my hardness when he pushed back against me but I didn’t care. I knew tonight was going to be the change I needed. I was done struggling with my sexuality. Tonight I decided to make a promise that I would live each and every minute of my life—from this moment on—being me. No more struggling and keeping quiet.

Releasing my hands from his waist
, Patrick fully bent over and shook his ass up against my crotch. I couldn’t believe how hot it was and I wondered what he would look like naked doing it.

Standing back up
, Patrick started to turn around when the bartender yelled, “NEXT!”

Turning around
, Patrick winked at me and said, “Well, come on, hotstuff.” Placing his hand in between my belt buckle and my jeans, Patrick pulled me up to the bar and smirked, “Hop on up.”

Placing my hands on the bar top
, I jumped up and sat on the edge. The second I got onto the top, my pants soaked up the liquor that had spilled from the previous participants. The only thing that came to mind was, “What a waste. Patrick better drink up all that alcohol.”

Sitting on the ledge of the bar
, I looked out at all of the bystanders watching me. I could hear Ash and Iz yelling, “Get ‘em, Patrick!” and screaming, “Woohoo!” at me.

I didn’t want to be like the people before me who were being the body shots
, I decided to make taking off my shirt a strip tease. At the exact moment I placed my hands at the hem of my shirt, “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
started to play on the jukebox.

Smirking down at Patrick
, I noticed he didn’t have eyes for anyone except me. His pupils were dilated and he had a huge smile on his face with his dimples showing. Winking at him, I then started to raise my shirt up. Hearing hoots and hollers, I looked out at everyone and stopped. Hearing disappointed aws, I asked, “What?” I tilted my head to the side. “Wait a second. Do you guys want to see more?”

Hearing a million
yeses from girls, I really started to laugh when I heard over everyone combined Patrick yelling, “Hell, yeah!”

I smirked
as I glanced at him and said, “Oh, you definitely will,” and ripped off my shirt. I knew I had a nice body. I’d been an athlete all of my life, playing basketball, baseball, football. Basically, you name it, I did it.

My eyes never left Patrick’s when I ripped off my shirt and I couldn’t help but smile widely when I saw Patrick’s mouth fall open.
Leaning down so only he could hear me, I whispered, “You might want to close that before I put something in it.”

Laying
down on the bar, I looked up at the bartender and said, “Ready.” I smirked at her as she checked me out.

Meeting my eyes
, she giggled, “Well, yes, you are.”

I knew what she was talking about.
I was hard as a fucking rock. I couldn’t hide it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to. I wanted Patrick to know that I wanted him. I knew he could feel it earlier, but I wanted to see his face when he saw my hardness pushing up against my jeans.

I knew he was checking me out and the second he saw my hardness
, he gasped. I watched as his eyes moved up to mine; he had the biggest smile on his face.

T
he bartender poured tequila in my belly button, squeezed lime juice on my chest and salted it, and then finally placed a lime in my mouth. She smiled at me.

Patrick
shot the bartender a smile, then looked down at me, and without any indecisiveness in his eyes he said, “I’m so ready.”

My face suddenly felt hot.
Patrick winked at me and then I felt his lips on my body. They were soft and plump. I felt him suck up the tequila from my belly button, and getting every last drop. Then he slowly trailed his tongue up my chest to lick up the salt. My heart started to race. I knew Patrick was close to getting the lime wedge from my mouth. I couldn’t wait to feel his lips against mine, even if he was just getting fruit from my mouth.

Before I knew it
, I saw Patrick’s face in my view. Looking down at me, he smiled and then leaned in. I just wanted to grab his face and kiss him, but I kept my arms down at my sides. Feeling his lips touch mine gave me butterflies in my stomach. I wanted to kiss him, but instead I let him take the lime from my mouth and suck on it.
I want him to suck on something else.

Sitting up
, I watched Patrick suck all of the juice from the lime. He took the lime from his mouth and placed it on the bar. His eyes met mine and I saw a look in them I hadn’t seen before. I mean, I had only met him about thirty minutes earlier, but there was something about Patrick—I felt like I had known him all of my life and we could relate on things.

Never breaking eye contact with me, Patrick scooted in between my legs and placed his hands on my upper thighs.
Feeling chills go up my spine just from the contact, I twitched a little. My body… and my cock.

I saw his lips twitch.
Breaking eye contact with him, I looked at his mouth and the second my eyes reached his lips, his lips reached for mine. Feeling the velvet touch of his lips, I moaned into his mouth. Placing my hands on his hips, I pulled him closer and felt his hands slowly move up my body and entwine in my hair.

At first we were sharing a closed mouth kiss
, but then I felt Patrick’s open and his tongue slowly pushed mine open as well. He was begging for entrance and I needed to feel his tongue touch mine. I wanted to know what it felt like to finally have
the
kiss.

I had shared kisses with others before Patrick, but they were all girls.
The kisses weren’t hot and steamy. They weren’t mind blowing and sexual. They weren’t extraordinary, cock twitching, ball tightening kisses. No. They were plain vanilla. It felt like I was kissing my mom or my grandma. I wanted chocolate and strawberry and caramel. I wanted sprinkles and cherries. Whipped cream and nuts.
Mmm, nuts.

Kissing me one last time
, Patrick leaned away and looked into my eyes. The only thing I could think of when I looked into his dark brown eyes was that
sharing an opened mouth kiss with Patrick was… incredible.
I really wanted to know what was running through his mind because his eyes kept searching mine. We had just shared a kiss. For all I know,
this
could be a one-night thing and nothing more.

Leaning away from me
, Patrick winked. “You might want to put your shirt on.” Pausing, he smirked and said, “You’re all mine.”

Smiling at him
, I grabbed my shirt off the bar and jumped down onto the floor. Quickly putting my shirt on, I looked down and saw Patrick was holding his hand out for me to take. I met his eyes and saw he was staring at me. Giving a small smile, I met his hand and out onto the dance floor we went.

***

With me and Iz sitting on either side of Patrick in the cab, I rubbed my hands through his hair to soothe him. I knew he would be feeling it tomorrow. That’s what I didn’t like about drink. I hated the hangovers the next day. Most of the time I would just have one beer and babysit it the entire night. I also didn’t really like the taste. Some beers were okay, but for the most part I liked drinking wine. I guess you could call me a “wino.” I always had a box of wine in my fridge. Not only did it taste good, but in the end it was cheaper than buying a bottle.

Hearing Patrick moan and groan
, I whispered, “It’s okay, we’re almost to your apartment,” and continued to rub his head. I couldn’t believe how drunk he’d gotten. I didn’t even know he’d drank that much. We had hung out most of the night, but I also wanted to hang out with Ash as well. I wanted to thank her for setting me up with Patrick. I was having a lot of fun up until I saw Patrick stumbling over to me. He almost fell to the floor, but thankfully I’d grabbed him by the waist and held him to me. That’s when I knew it was time for us to leave.

Iz
was sweet enough to help me get Patrick back to his apartment. She knew where he lived—I didn’t. I realized the cab was slowing down and then coming to a stop. I saw Iz pulling money out of her purse but I stopped her.

“
Iz, I’ve got it,” I said as I started to pull my wallet out of my back pocket.

Smiling at me
, she said, “Thanks, Derr,” and tried to wake Patrick up. I knew it was going to be no use. I’d have to carry him to his apartment. After paying the driver, I opened my car door and started to pull Patrick to my side. Iz walked on over to my side and helped me get Patrick up. Bending down, I carried him on my shoulder up to his apartment.

Iz
told me on the ride over that he lived in an apartment above his grandparents and that she was going to be moving in soon. I knew there was a story, but I didn’t ask.

Walking up the stairs to his door
, I bent over so Iz could get his keys out of his back pocket. Once she opened the door, I walked in. “Which way to his bedroom?”

“Just keep walking back and it’s the door on the left
,” she said. I caught glimpses of his apartment on the way. It wasn’t big by any means, but it was comfortable for two people. Hearing little footsteps behind me, I stopped and waited for Iz to open his door. I thanked her then walked in and very carefully laid him down on his bed. I knew he’d be suffering tomorrow from a headache, so I didn’t want to add more problems to that.

Standing back up
, I looked down at Patrick. Even drunk off his ass, passed out, he was still a beautiful man. I had gotten a bit caught up in his appearance when I heard Iz walk over to the other side and place a bottle of water and some aspirin within easy reach.

I grab
bed the little garbage can in the corner of his room and placed it by his bed. Looking over at Iz, I asked, “Are you going to stay the night?”

“Yeah
, I guess.” She smiled. “Thanks, Derr.”

I nodded.
“Anytime. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“It seemed like you
really like Derrick.”

“Yeah
, we did.” I hesitated. “Well, good night, Iz.”

“Good night
, Derr.”

I’d just reached the door when I heard Patrick.
“Stay.”

Turning around
, I saw Patrick’s glossy eyes staring at me. Looking at Iz, I said, “I guess I’ll stay and you can go, Iz.”

Nodding
, Iz looked down at Patrick. “Well, get better, hotass,” she said as she leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.