A Beautiful Fate (38 page)

Ari began stroking the tally marks on my left wrist. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I just wish I could have been the one that was there for you.”

I looked down at my wrist remembering all of the horrible things I had done. A cold shiver ran down my spine.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?”

I shook my head no. I took my wrist out of his hands and covered my tattoos up with my other hand. “I can’t tell you what I did, Ari; I’m sorry.”

I had never told Ari any details of what had happened that night on the beach with Kakos No. 1 and No. 2. The only story he knew is what was on the news -- and that had been all wrong. I did horrible things and I have had to relive them every night in my dreams. There was not a night that went by that I didn’t see No. 5’s skin melt from his face, or feel No. 3’s blood running down my hands as I sliced his thick neck open. There was no way I would allow Ari to be haunted with these images.

“I love you, Ari, but there are just some things I can’t talk about.”

He kissed me tenderly, “I understand, but if you ever need to talk, I want you to know that I will always be here.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

He paused for a moment and stared straight at my toe. Ari’s mouth turned into a little ‘
O
.’

“What?” I asked with a giggle.

“Is that what I think it is?”

I looked down at my foot and wiggled my toes. Ari had finally found my second freckle – took him long enough. He pulled my leg up onto his lap and kissed the little freckle. Then to my surprise he slid my little toe into his mouth. My body has never reacted so immediately to any touch like that ever before. My back arched and my body squirmed. I let out a loud giggle. I could feel his touch throughout my whole body.

“Hey! Hey!!”

I kept giggling and squirming and Ari refused to stop. Neither of us was paying attention to Andy and Aggie as they hollered at us.

“Hey, you two -- stop it!” But Ari kept on until suddenly we were hit with what felt like a bucketful of water. Cold water.

“Lauren is down here! Let’s have a little decorum.” Andy scolded us.

Aggie climbed out of the pool, grabbed a towel, and sat next to Ari. Apparently, she felt as though we were in need of a chaperone.

“What has gotten into you?” she demanded of her son.

“I’ve been hunting for that little thing down there on Ava’s toe,” and he pointed to the freckle, “for nine months. I finally found it and I was celebrating.”

“Well, congratulations, Ari,” Aggie said and rolled her eyes.

“Oh, don’t congratulate me just yet. I’m not finished. If my memory serves me correctly, there is still one more freckle out there.”

Aggie tilted her head back and laughed.

“Ari, she is in the tiniest bikini ever. If you can’t see the freckle right now, you’re going to have to take her inside and look for it behind closed doors.”

He groaned and leaned back in his chair. “Not today, Mom.”

I shot them both a dirty look and wrapped a humongous towel around my body. My bikini wasn’t that small.

Once everyone cleared out of the pool, we sat on the deck and watched Andy cook on the grill. I told Julia, Rory and August that we were leaving on Sunday. Ari was right; Rory was disappointed when he found out that we were going to Canada. I tried to convince him to stay home but he refused. August, on the other hand, was very excited to be returning to a French speaking country. We sat out on the patio and ate together -- Ari, Andy, Aggie, Lauren, August, Rory, Julia, Nick, Gianna, and Thais. My family, the people I love the most in the world.

Amazing, Breathtaking, Awe inspiring

The rest of the week was nice and peaceful; I kept the Cubs series off and spent a lot more time by the pool, soaking up the sun. I also spent a lot more time snuggled up with Ari in his marvelous, too-big and oh-so-fluffy bed. My birthday was on Saturday, the day before we were flying out to Quebec. I told Ari over and over again not to do anything for it. I hate attention – it makes me feel so uncomfortable – but he said he couldn’t make any promises.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I was cradled in Ari’s arms in a knotted mess of blankets, pillows, and skin. He was still asleep, so I nuzzled in deeper, breathing in his alluring scent. If staying there with him were all I did for the day, my birthday would be perfect.

“Morning, Ava Baby,” Ari said in a sleepy voice, “and happy birthday.”

“Mmm.”

“What do you want to do today?”

“This.”

He somehow pulled me even closer to him and I felt my nerves go on edge with anticipation and my stomach did a little flip.

“That might be a little dangerous,” he answered, “but I am more than willing to give it a try.” Then he hopped out of bed and walked across his room.

“Where are you going?” I asked with a pout, upset that he had left my side. He smiled at me and locked his bedroom door then jumped back in bed. He softly ran his fingers up the inside of my arm then traced lightly on my face.

“I love you, Ava.”

“I love you.”

“Promise me you won’t ever leave me again.”

“I promise. Never again.”

“I never want to feel the way I felt when you left me.”

I pulled my hand up to his face and touched the stubble on his cheeks then brushed my fingers across his soft pink lips.

“Ari, I am sorry I hurt you, but I felt I had to do it. I can’t help who I am. I have been left with a burden and it is mine to bear, not yours. I felt you would have a much happier life without me, and if I were a stronger person, I would leave for good and you would never see me again. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. The pain I felt was beyond anything I have ever experienced. But I am human and therefore selfish, so I will stay by your side until you see me for what I am and finally push me away.”

He answered, “Ava, I want you forever,” then pulled me on top of him and kissed me while his hands slowly ran up my legs. He sat up and wrapped my legs around him moving his hands up my back, under my tank top. I kissed him more deeply and my fingernails dug into his bare back. Our breathing turned heavy.

“Oh, Ava, the things you do to me,” Ari moaned in my ear.

Oh, my God I want this.

My mind began to become seriously clouded but I didn’t stop, I only kissed him with more desire as the need overcame me. He pushed me back with gentle force and my head landed ever so lightly on his pillow. He climbed on top of me, his hands now on my thighs, his fingers nearing the lace on my underwear. My body quivered. I wanted him so badly I did not think I could stop. My breathing turned ragged and my pulse quickened. Ari ran his fingers higher up my legs in a slow tortuous way. He kissed every inch of my body and each touch brought on a new sensation. My skin tingled with pleasure.

Ari stopped and looked up at me. “Ava, have you thought any more about what I said the other night about you and me and this?”

I shook my head no and sighed. Ari quickly took his hands off my thigh and moved to neutral territory.

“Ari,” I said, shifting to face him, “I want to, I really want to, it’s just… I don’t want my first time to be anticlimactic.”

A smile spread across his face. “Believe me Ava, it won’t be.”

I threw a pillow at him and rolled my eyes.

“I didn’t mean like that. I meant once the moment is over, I don’t want to walk out in the hall and see your mom at the kitchen table. I want it to be something that when the moment’s done, I don’t have to come back down to reality for a while… or ever.”

“That’s a good start. Think about what you want, Ava, think about where and when, too – here, Canada, Mexico, eighteen, twenty, twenty-five. Let me know and I will make it happen.”

“So you want me to say… August fourth at ten o’clock?” I laughed pulling a random date out of my head.

“Yes, if that’s what you want. Ava, I love you. I would do anything for you.”

My cheeks turned red hot and I’m sure bright red with embarrassment. I was not used to being so candid about sex. I had never spoken about it to anyone besides my mom. I even faked being sick in the sixth grade so I wouldn’t have to attend that embarrassing sex talk in school – the one where they pass out deodorant and maxi pads. Or so I was told by my friends who actually showed up to find out. Just the thought of that talk made me want to run for the hills.

I was lucky to have a mom who saw me through some of life’s issues. She approached everything from a physician’s perspective and had excellent bedside manner. When I was younger and my anxiety really started kicking in, my period became irregular. Mom took me to a doctor, who put me on the pill straight away, to help my cycle. I was mortified by the entire experience. I wanted to bury myself in a hole. My mom pulled me out of my room with a giggle and said, “
C’est la vie
, Ava.” “That’s life” – her motto for everything. She gave me “the talk,” and I remember feeling so embarrassed.

“Ava, that’s life. There is nothing in which to be embarrassed. One day you’ll have a conversation kind of like this one with a boy, you know.” She even winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at her and said, “So gross, Mom, no I won’t.” She laughed at me and brought me a cup of hot tea. She had such an uncanny ability to be right about everything.

“What’s the matter?” Ari was looking at me with a puzzled expression while tracing his fingertips over the tops of my cheeks.

I looked up at him from under my lashes. “This. This whole conversation is hard for me. I don’t know how to process it. You talk about sex as if you are making a date to get coffee.”

“I am making a date to share my love with you, Ava. I am not trying to be cavalier. If I’m candid, it’s because that’s how I was raised,” Ari shrugged. “My parents, and the rest of my family for that matter, are very open with each other about all matters. We don’t get embarrassed. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just don’t want you to regret me.”

I let out a breath and promised again to think things over. Ari had mentioned boundaries before and I finally saw that he was right. As embarrassing as these conversations might be, I would be wise to make some better ground rules for myself and for him, especially since we were once again sleeping in the same bed and were planning to travel together.

We talked more about our relationship and Ari actually made our conversation kind of fun. Sure, I blushed a lot and I learned a lot, but I also giggled uncontrollably at some of his comments. By the time we nailed down the details of what I’m comfortable or uncomfortable with, I felt more confident and less shy with him – and that was a nice feeling.

Ari owned all nineteen episodes of
My So-Called Life
on DVD. After our lengthy talk, he put the first disc on while we packed our bags for a long summer’s stay in Canada.

“Just so you know,” Ari said, interrupting Claire on the TV, “my family is going to want to see you at some point today, and my mom wants to have dinner.”

I zipped up my bag and climbed to my knees.

“In that case I had better get in the shower.”

“You want company?” he asked with a sly smile on his face. I knew he was joking after the long conversation we had just had – that was a definite no. But still, a part of me, a very large part of me, actually, wanted to tell him “yes.”

“I always want your company, but I can’t invite you along.”

He smiled playfully at me, “Why’s that?”

“Well,” I leaned in close to him, my mouth on his ear, “I have never told anyone this before, but I shower in the nude.”

Ari faked astonishment.

“How very brazen of you, Ava.”

“Promise not to tell anyone?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

****

That evening, we all sat down at the large table for dinner. Usually the dinner conversation is nonstop and there is normally more than one discussion being held at once, but tonight Andrew commanded the room. He began talking to me and everyone was interested in what I had to say.

“So Ava, where do you see yourself when the situation with the Kakos is all over?”

“Uh, I don’t know exactly,” I said and then paused. “I guess I haven’t given much thought to future plans. I mean, I was accepted at some schools in Chicago but I don’t think I want to go to any of them anymore. I don’t really have anyone left there to go back to.”

Andy nodded his head.

“So do you think you’ll be staying in Canada then? Or do you think you might come back to California?”

“Well, I’ve already asked the caretaker of the Montréal house to list it for sale this fall. I don’t want to live up there. I would rather take that money and invest it in something else.”

He nodded again. “You may come back to California, then?”

“Actually, yes. I guess I am planning to come back to California with Ari. I mean if this is where he is going to be, then it’s where I want to be, too, as long as he wants me.” I squirmed in my seat and blushed at my own comment, but everyone, including August, seemed to let out a sigh. I looked down the table with a puzzled expression, but when I got no explanation for the obvious relief, I just shrugged it off. Ari smiled at me and kissed my temple, causing me to blush again.