A Beautiful Dark (8 page)

“Did you lose someone you cared about in that school fire?”

He seemed to hesitate, then shook his head. “No.”

“You don’t seem as comfortable here as Asher.”

“This place . . . it isn’t
home
,” he said quietly.

“What was home like?”

He waved his hand out to encompass everything. “Like this. Not the snow and the cold. But the quiet. The beauty. The tranquility.”

“In Denver?”

“When you’re home, everything is easier. It’s all laid out for you.” A corner of his mouth inched upward. “No anger management was necessary.”

I laughed. “So you talked to the counselor?”

“No. It’s pointless. Asher is going to break rules . . . no matter what. Again and again. That’s who he is. And as long as he does . . . it just makes things harder for me.”

“He’s a real rebel,” I said, smiling.

The peacefulness in Devin’s features momentarily slipped away, and I wished I’d never brought up Asher. Finally he said, “Yeah, a real rebel.”

He grew silent again. I could see the tranquility easing back into him. I wondered if he was chanting in his head,
I will not let Asher upset me. I will not let Asher upset me.

Of course it was also possible that he was chanting,
Asher, die!
But I didn’t think so. Even though they’d gotten into the fight, he hadn’t delivered the first blow. He just didn’t strike me as the type who would hurt someone or wish him ill. He was more of a dove. Asher was the hawk.

The wind whistled through the gorge. As we sat there, the clouds were growing heavier, darker, and more twisted.

“I think we’re going to get more snow,” I said, glad that there would be a fresh layer for the ski trip in a few days.

“Why do
you
come here?” Devin asked suddenly.

I brought my feet up to the boulder and wrapped my arms around my legs. “It makes me feel closer to my parents. They died when I was six.” I paused. It was so easy to talk to him that I felt like I could just keep going, spilling all kinds of secrets without thinking twice. “Do you promise you won’t laugh if I tell you something?”

“Of course,” he said. His lips were serious, but his eyes were encouraging.

“Sometimes I have this insane thought that if I concentrated hard enough I could fly to wherever they are.” I hesitated, wondering if I should have said anything. “Which I know is ridiculous, because all I’d do is fall flat on the ground below, but still. Here I just feel a sense of . . . lightness.”

He was staring at me.

I laughed self-consciously. “But it’s one of the reasons I like to ski. Just that rush of motion, it’s almost like flying. Or what I think flying would feel like.”

Devin looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “No, it makes sense. A lot of sense. Do you ever dream about it? That you’re flying, I mean?”

I smiled. “Yeah, actually. The other morning, I woke up thinking that I actually
was
. Like I was floating.” I laughed. “It was really unnerving.”

Why was I telling him this? He might not be as funny or confident as Asher, but he was a good listener. And accepting.

“Flying,” Devin said, kicking a pebble across the frosted trail with his foot. “It’s sort of a strange sensation if you think about it. Nothing above you. Nothing below you.”

A gust of wind rushed up, hitting us suddenly, hard.

“It’s definitely going to snow.” I hopped off the boulder. “I’m cold, and I have warm cookies waiting for me. I should get home.”

“I need to head back, too.”

He slid off the boulder and fell into step beside me as we began to make our way back down the trail. I was careful to look out for icy patches this time, and I noticed Devin watching my steps closely. Several times when the slope got too steep and I’d start to lose my footing, he’d grab my arm and steady me. Protecting me again.

When my house came into view, an awkward silence hung between us. I felt so much closer to him now than I had before today, but that didn’t mean I was ready to invite him in for cookies.

“I have to go.” His gaze met mine. “Be careful around Asher. I know he’s charming, but he’s also very dangerous.”

“Because he doesn’t like to follow the rules,” I said lightly.

“Because he can get you killed.”

I opened the front door to the smell of cinnamon cookies wafting from the kitchen.

“Skye!” Aunt Jo called. “Where have you been? They’re getting cold!”

“Sorry!” I hung up my jacket and hat in the hall and ambled in. Aunt Jo was sitting at the table doing a crossword.

“Did the walk warm you up?” she asked.

I thought about Devin’s final words and shivered.

“Not remotely.”

She laughed.

“It’ll teach you a lesson about being thankful for the heat we
do
have, won’t it?”

“That’s for sure,” I said. “Cookies?”

“On the counter.”

“Milk?”

“In the fridge. Skye, seriously, did you just move here? Where’s your head right now?”
Good question. Somewhere in the clouds by the trail where I left it, probably.

I bit into a cookie and chewed it quietly.

“Aunt Jo, have you ever been in love?” I asked.

“Of course. I love you.”

I scowled. “You know what I mean. In love with a guy.” She dated from time to time, but there had never been anyone serious.

Chewing slowly, she stared at the ceiling. I wondered if she’d stored the answer up there so it would be readily available when she needed it.

“I’ve been crazy about some guys,” she finally said, “but the timing of our lives wasn’t right for anything permanent.” She gave me a speculative glance. “Why? Are you feeling something for someone?”

“Mostly confusion.”

“That’s usually how it starts.”

I laughed, licked the crumbs off my fingers, and reached for another cookie. “We have a couple of new guys at school.”

“New is good.”

“I don’t know. Our paths cross at the oddest times, in the strangest places.” I didn’t tell her about running into Devin during my walk. It just felt like a secret I wanted to hold close for the moment. “They’re a little strange. Like they’re competing with each other to get my attention—not because they’re necessarily interested in
me
but because they don’t want me to be interested in the other guy.” I shook my head. “And now that I’ve said that out loud, it makes no sense.”

“I have no doubt that if they are showing interest, it’s because they find you as amazing as I do.”

“You’re biased.” I sipped my milk.

“Just because I’m biased doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

By the time we’d finished eating our cookies and I’d gone up to my room to tackle some homework, I’d convinced myself that Devin was just being overdramatic with his warning about Asher. For whatever reason, he and his cousin weren’t close and they didn’t like each other. Some families were like that, I guessed. I didn’t really know. All I’d ever had were my parents—no grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, or siblings—and Aunt Jo.

Sighing, I dropped onto my bed, flipped onto my stomach, and pulled out my American History notebook, figuring I could distract myself by actually learning a thing or two. But dark thoughts tiptoed through my brain for the rest of the night. I’d always been so good, not wanting to disappoint my parents—even though they were no longer here to know—not wanting to be a burden to Aunt Jo. I followed the rules. Got to class before the late-bell rang. Always turned in my homework on time. Asher was a little bit wild. Alluring, maybe, in a bad boy sort of way. What would it feel like to be with someone like that? To not follow the rules?

Devin, on the other hand, was a rule follower. Rules created order. It was the reason every civilized society lived by them. A set of codes, moral and ethical. But what really appealed to me about Devin was the tranquility I could see on his face. He possessed that calmness that I had yet to achieve. Rules created order—
and order created calm.
I always strove for calm.

Hours of fruitless studying passed. I made sure the window was closed and locked before I got into bed. I lay wide awake, counting the fake stars on my ceiling till I couldn’t remember what number came next.

In my dreams, Devin was forgotten. Asher’s face was close to mine, his lips almost touching me as he whispered in my ear.

Chapter 8

T
he moment I saw Asher in homeroom on Monday, my face flushed embarrassingly and goose bumps trailed all the way down my arms. I looked away quickly. After my dream, I just couldn’t face him. I didn’t remember what he had whispered to me—only the feeling that had lingered afterward. Only the memory of his lips as they barely grazed my skin.

In American History, he tossed his backpack down and sat in the empty chair next to me.

“That’s Ellie’s seat,” I said, perhaps a little too sharply. Ellie and I were two of only three juniors on the ski team, and she’d kill me if I gave up her seat. “She always sits there.”

He crossed his arms and leaned way back in his chair, looking at me. “From what I understand, you need someone to keep you on task. There are a lot of dates to memorize in American History. And it doesn’t look like you’re doing too hot as far as World War One is concerned.”

I grimaced. He was right, of course. Since he’d arrived, I was having a difficult time concentrating in all of my classes, but for some reason, history, with its rote memorization, had been the hardest. Having him sit next to me was like sabotage.

“Hey, Skye,” Ellie said, appearing behind us. “Ready for practice today? I heard . . .” She trailed off as she noticed Asher. Her hand immediately went to her blond corkscrew curls, and she began twirling one around her index finger.

“Sorry,” I said. “He was just leaving.”

Ellie’s eyes grew wide.

“No!” she said quickly. “Really, don’t worry about it.” She smiled at Asher. “You take it. I forgot my glasses today anyway, so I should sit closer to the blackboard.” The flirtation in her voice was a little sickening. “Enjoy my seat. Keep it warm for me.”

She sashayed up the rows of desks to a seat closer to the front, eyeing us the whole time.

I turned to Asher, dumbfounded. He laughed.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” he said, hands up in surrender. “I can’t help it if I have that effect on people.”

“On girls, you mean,” I shot back.

“If you say so,” he said with a grin.

“I’d rather not.”

He leaned in, bringing his earthy scent with him. There was something primal and familiar about it, but with him leaning so close to me, I couldn’t concentrate hard enough to place it. “I know you’ve been spending some time with my cousin. Really not a good idea. You might want to avoid him in the future.”

“Funny. He said the same thing about you.”

His eyes widened slightly at that. “Yeah, I’ll bet he did.”

“What is it with you two anyway?”

He settled back in his chair. “We just have different philosophies on life.”

“I’m not sure that statement would hold up in court. You do know that most people who break the rules eventually end up in prison, right?”

“Right,” Asher said, grinning again as if we had some kind of secret between us. “Or they discover lifesaving medical procedures, or invent machines that make our life easier, or win Nobel Prizes for advances in world peace and get written up in history books. Rule-breakers color outside the lines. They change the world.”

I stared at him, trying to formulate a cutting retort—and failing.

He smiled smugly and leaned back in his chair.

We sat in silence for the rest of the period. Every time I glanced over at him, the look on his face made it clear that he thought he’d won the argument.

As I got into line in the cafeteria during lunch that Wednesday, Devin fell into place behind me.

“Hi,” he said. “How were the cookies?”

“Delicious. You should have come in for some.” I immediately wanted to slap my hand over my mouth. Why had I said that? Was I flirting with him?

“Maybe next time. Is your aunt back from her trip?”

“Yeah,” I said. “She got back a few days ago. She’s actually not my aunt, she’s my legal guardian. I just call her that.”

“Oh,” he replied. “Right.”

“She was my mom’s best friend. She adopted me when they died.”

“I’m sorry about your parents. That had to be hard.” His eyes met mine, and I saw sympathy and understanding there. Had he lost someone, too? If not in the fire then in some other way?

“Yeah,” I said. “It was. Is, I mean.” I wished we were back on the quiet trail in the woods. Maybe I could have talked more easily there, but in the bustling cafeteria, it was nearly impossible to get the words out. We were at the front of the line, and I turned from Devin to Greta, the lunch lady. “Turkey sandwich and an apple, please.”

“Enjoy your lunch,” he said.

I almost invited him to join me but stopped myself. “Thanks,” I said. “You, too.”

I spotted Cassie and Dan at our usual table, smiling and watching as I wove through the rows toward them. I smiled back, but an uneasy feeling was creeping up on me.

I had never mentioned anything to Devin about Aunt Jo—especially not that she’d been away.

“Now usually I’m not one to say I told you so. . . .” Cassie cooed as I sat down. “But that is what I told you. So.”

“Laugh it up,” I said.

“And the timing couldn’t be more perfect!” Cassie clasped her hands together.

We were leaving for our ski trip the next day, and as Cassie made sure to remind me, it was known for being hookup central. Apparently it was some rare combination of coming in from the cold, the endorphins produced by steaming mugs of hot chocolate, and the effect that cute ski outfits had on teenage guys. Cassie had it down to an exact science.

But I wasn’t so sure hooking up was what Devin and Asher wanted.

“Although you may have some competition,” she said. I followed her gaze across the cafeteria, where Asher was sitting at the end of one of the long tables—surrounded by girls. “Looks like he’s having no trouble fitting in.” I saw Maggie and Ellie on either side of him; Ellie was twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes at Asher, and Asher was eating it up, leaning in to whisper in her ear, making her throw her head back in a fit of laughter.