A Beat in Time (7 page)

“Something is different. You’re not your morose self.”

“That’s so sweet,” I said, all sugary.

“You know what I mean.”

“Let’s just say I got a blast from the past.”

“Jensen?” Marisol glanced my way.

I sucked in a breath.

“Yeah, I know all about him. I was there when mom and dad bailed you out of jail. Not that you would remember that as fucked up as you were.”

I sighed and dragged my hands down my face.

“That was a long time ago, and I think I’ve more than made up for my behavior.”

“You didn’t see mom, Serena. I did. She cried all the time during that period of your life. Never knowing where you were, if you were alive or not.”

“Well, I’ve changed,” I grumbled stubbornly.

“Have you? Because if this goes south, I don’t think she can handle you in melt-down again.”

“There is more to life than men, Marisol.”

“So, did you get a kiki mechanique?”

I laughed and snorted margarita up my nose. I went into a coughing fit and Marisol slapped my back. I should have known she and my mother talked.

“It’s good to have you home, Serena.”

“It’s good to be back,” I choked out.

~*~

I planned to leave in the morning, but I had a stop to make first. I remembered where Jensen lived when we were in high school and I knew where his mother would be. I passed the gates of the cemetery and went inside. The woman behind the desk gave me the plot number and then I followed her in a golf cart. She left me to myself and I walked up to Jensen’s mother’s resting place. There was a slight breeze and birds chirped all around me. I sat down and stared at the clear blue sky above me.

“I still love him, you know? I know you and I didn’t get along at first, right up until you realized that Jensen was the bad influence, and not me.” I chuckled softly. “He really hasn’t changed at all. He’s still that smartass punk he always was. Too bad I find that endearing, huh?” I ran my hand along the grass. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner, if I had known, I would have. You treated me like a daughter, and I am so thankful for that. I’m not sure what to do right now. He’s back in my life, but I can’t handle him hurting me again. I don’t know if I should pursue him or not.” I sighed and stared up at the heavens. “I wish I knew what to do.”

~*~

I couldn’t believe the temperature drop as I drove back to Flagstaff. I finally figured out why I was puffy as fuck, too. Damn altitude adjustment. I pulled into my garage and entered the house. It was cool and quiet, just how I liked it. I dropped my bag off in the living room and grabbed my notebook on the counter. I had to outline this stupid damn book and I still had no clue as to who the male and female leads would be. Using myself was just…I didn’t know, weird? Who the hell wanted to hear my thoughts? My phone chirped and I looked at the text. It was from Jensen.

Busy
?

I hated my gut’s reaction just from a damn text. The man could still tie me up in knots.

Just got home from Tucson
. I texted back.

Oh? What were you doing there
?

Visiting my sister. I stopped in to see your mom
.

That’s nice of you. What did you guys talk about
?

I’m not telling you that
.  I chuckled.

My mom would want you to tell me.

Is that right?

Yep.

Sorry. Not going to happen.

Fine. Ready for a drum lesson?

I thought that was tomorrow?

I’ve got some free time right now if you can manage it?

I just got home and I’m tired and hungry. Rain check?

How about I bring some beer and food and we hang out?

I tapped my fingers on the counter and then went to my room. I stopped in the bathroom mirror and took a look at my haggard appearance
.
My phone dinged again and I looked down at the screen.

I’m sure you look fine, Serena.

My jaw dropped as I read the text. How the fuck did he know?

See you soon
.


I ran a comb through my hair and fixed my makeup. I stared at my reflection. When had I gotten old? I was thirty…something for crying out loud. I went back to the living room and straightened the blankets on my couch, fluffing pillows and setting things to right on the coffee table. By the time I was done cleaning my kitchen counters, there was a knock at my door. I took a deep breath and walked over to it, steeling my nerves as I unlocked it. Jensen stood on my front stoop with a bag of food and a smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah.” I moved to allow him in and Jensen took a look around my living room. The last time he’d been here, he didn’t really look around much. Just dragged me out of the house.

“Nice. Split level?”

“Yes,” I answered, taking the bag of food from him. I peered inside and then smiled. “Tacos?”

“I know how much you love them. I got beer, too.”

“I see that. Corona with lime, huh? Who have you been talking to?”

“No one,” Jensen answered quickly.

“Really?” I leaned against the counter and narrowed my gaze.

“When we had the cash back then, that’s what you drank.”

“If we didn’t, it was Pabst.” I chuckled.

“Or something equally cheap,” Jensen agreed.

I took a taco out and unwrapped it. I handed it to Jensen and grabbed another for myself. Jensen sat at my island counter and opened a beer for me.

“Do you remember what you used to cook for me all the time?” I asked.

“Omelets and or quesadillas, if I remember correctly.”

“You were a great cook.”

“I was a shitty boyfriend, I guess,” Jensen mused.

“No. I wouldn’t say that. The only time we ever fought was over your drug use.”

Jensen shifted uncomfortably on the chair and I changed the subject quickly.

“So, um, how’s your dad?”

“He moved to California. He plays golf a lot. How are your mom and dad?”

“Good. Retired and cruising the world.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“What about your brothers?”

“Still good. Making babies and getting married.”

I studied Jensen closely. He seemed uncomfortable. It was like a big hairy elephant was standing in the middle of the room and neither one of us wanted to acknowledge it. After all these years, I had Jensen Pratt right where I wanted him and I couldn’t bring myself to ask him what I really wanted to know.

“So.” We both said at the same time. We both nervously laughed and then Jensen’s eyes met mine. There was something there I hadn’t seen since we were together.

Longing.

I cleared my throat.

“So, tell me about the band and all your tours.”

That seemed to relax him and Jensen told me all about their first tour of the U.S. Turns out he’d been right by me in New York. I spent time all over the world trying to forget the one man that was currently sitting right in front of me. 

“God, remember that night in the hot tub at my dad’s?” Jensen laughed.

“We tried to have sex. As I recall, it wasn’t very comfortable.” I chuckled.

“No. It wasn’t. We ended up at my mom’s, in my room.”

“Where I promptly hid under the bed until she went to sleep.”

“You spent a lot of time under my bed.”

“I spent a lot of time in it, too. You were like a sex machine; you could never get enough.”

“I couldn’t get enough of you, Serena.” Jensen said huskily.

Fuck. I was pretty sure my panties just got soaked. Was it sad that one look from Jensen would make me wet? Fuck it, I didn’t care. Jensen was across the room in the blink of an eye and I was pinned to the wall. I gasped as his leg slipped between my thighs and pushed up.

“You remember those nights, Serena? We couldn’t get enough of each other. I wanted you on any flat surface, any way I could get you.”

Jensen’s hands gripped my hips as he shoved his knee into my crotch. Some strange noise I haven’t made since the last time I was with Jensen rumbled out of me.

“Fuck I loved going down on you, the noises you made,” Jensen practically growled in my ear.

“Shut up,” I rasped, dragging his mouth to mine.

Jesus, it was an all-out feeding frenzy. Both of us scrambled to get the upper hand in a kiss so damn ferocious, I couldn’t breathe. Jensen’s mouth was just as talented as I remembered. Years of pent-up sexual frustration came pouring out of me and I grabbed Jensen’s dick through his jeans.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Jensen moaned, biting my bottom lip. “Want to taste you.”

His hands fumbled with the button on my jeans and I broke the kiss, pushing him back towards the couch. We fell on it, Jensen landed on top of me and snapped the button on my jeans. My back arched as he slipped a finger inside me.

“Jesus, Serena,” Jensen moaned against my lips. “So fucking wet.”

I tried to spread my legs further apart as Jensen finger-fucked me, I couldn’t get enough of his mouth or his touch. He withdrew his fingers and broke the kiss. I stared up at him as he slipped his fingers in his mouth.

Fuck that was hot.

“You taste so fucking good.”

Jensen pulled my jeans down past my ass and I grabbed his dick, stroking him through his jeans.

“Damn, your skin is still so fucking soft.”

“I missed your hands,” I groaned as Jensen grabbed my crotch, squeezing.

I unzipped Jensen’s jeans and pulled his throbbing cock out. We attacked each other again, both of us nipping and sucking on tongues. Jensen’s cock rubbed up against me and I gripped the nape of his neck, pushing for more friction.

“Want to be inside,” Jensen groaned in my mouth.

“Wait.” I tried to get some air into my lungs.

“What? Don’t you want this as much as I do?”

“Fuck! What do you think? Of course I want this, but I can’t go there again, Jensen. I need to know where you’re coming from.”

“I’m coming from an innate need to be inside you.” Jensen pinned me with a look.

I shook my head and sighed. “You need to go.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Jensen motioned to his hard cock.

“No, I’m not. Go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jensen got up, tucked himself back into his jeans and zipped up. He threw a look at me as he walked to my front door. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob.

“I know you wanted this to happen, Serena.”

“I did, I’m not going to deny it, but that doesn’t mean it should.”

I sighed as the door slammed shut and Jensen tore out of my driveway.

“Well, that went well.”

Okay, obviously I was being punished for making Jensen leave last night. I had been sitting in this sound proof room for twenty minutes while Jensen made me play the same shit over and over again. I was still nervous around him and, after last night, I couldn’t think of anything other than him fucking me. I was a pathetic person, yes, I know. He was also extremely sexy when he was pissed off.

“Serena!” Jensen barked.

“What?”

“Boom, chick, tap, chick! Not boom boom!”

I cracked up and Jensen cocked a brow at me.

“Your timing is all off.” Jensen shook his head.

“Well, I’m sooo sorry.”

“Are you going to take this seriously or not?” Jensen planted his hands on his hips.

“You look sexy when you’re irritated.” I batted my lashes at him.

“I could have shown you sexy last night.” Jensen glared at me.

“Look—”

“Oh, no. Don’t worry, I get it. You can’t handle all this.” Jensen motioned to his body, with a smirk. “It’s okay. Not all the ladies can handle my awesomeness.”

Fucker thought he was funny? I pointed a drumstick at him.

“If you don’t stop being an asshole, I’m going to shove these up your ass.”

“See, unlike the guys in your books, I’m not into that.”

“We’ll see,” I grinned.

“Um, no. We won’t.” Jensen grabbed a file off the bookshelf and opened it. “Okay, I’m going to break this down for you.” Jensen drew a circle on a piece of paper. “What’s your favorite kind of cake or pie?”

“Why are we discussing dessert during a drum lesson?”

“Just pick one.”

“Um. Cheesecake.”

“Okay, so this is your cheesecake. The whole cheesecake is round, it represents a whole note in reading music. Now we’re going to subdivide it into fractions.”

“Okay, you already lost me when you made this about math.”

“Let’s cut it in half and say Amanda’s coming over to share it with you. So then you each get half of your cheesecake.”

“Why are you giving away my cheesecake? You don’t give cheesecake away.”

“Jesus, Serena. It’s an analogy.”

“I don’t care. No one touches my cheesecake.”

Jensen sighed in irritation. “Okay, give me a different cake then.”

“How about fruit cake? No one likes fruit cake. You can give that shit away.”

“Or mincemeat pie.” Jensen shivered.

“Eww.”

Jensen straightened and a serious look crossed his features.

“You’re mad at me,” I guessed.

Jensen stood up and began pacing the small room. He stopped suddenly and stared at me.

“Why did you stop it?”

“I think you know why.”

“No. I don’t. Okay, so things could get complicated—”

“Could?” I snapped.

“Look, it can be about just two people scratching an itch,” Jensen reasoned.

“If you have an itch, get some calamine lotion.” I stood up and grabbed my purse. “I think this lesson is over.”

“Is it? I think there’s more lesson to learn.”

“I think you taught me enough.” I grabbed for the door and Jensen slapped his hand on it.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Seriously? Now you want to talk about the big, fat, hairy elephant in the room?”

“I haven’t gained that much weight,” Jensen deadpanned.

“Fuck you, Jensen.”

“I tried to do that last night.”

“Jesus! I can’t sleep with you, okay? I’m not going back down that fucking road! You got to walk away, Jensen! I got to deal with the heartbreak!”

“
I
didn’t have heartbreak? Jesus, Serena! Why do you think I broke things off with you?”

“You said I cheated!” I practically snarled. “I would have never fucking cheated on you, dammit! I loved you!”

“I know,” Jensen said, quietly.

Well, that got my attention.

“What do you mean, you
know
?”

Jensen sighed heavily and dragged his hands down his face.

“I know you never cheated on me, but I had to end it somehow. I had to make you hate me.”

“Why? Just tell me why!”

“Because I was going to rehab, okay?! I couldn’t let you see me like that! I wanted to come back to you when I was clean, but by the time—”

“You asshole! How could you do that? Didn’t you know I’d be with you through it all?”

“That’s why I had to end it, don’t you see?” Jensen took my hands.

I yanked them away and backed into the door.

“All this time…” I shook my head. “You didn’t trust me enough—or believe in what we had to let me in.”

“Serena…please!” Jensen moved towards me and I opened the door.

“Leave me alone!”

I ran through the studio, trying to fight back what I knew was going to be a tsunami of emotions. How could he have lied to me like that? All this time I lived with the hurt of knowing that Jensen thought I cheated on him. I ran by Wyatt and I knew he called out to me, but I had to get outside, I had to get some air. My hands squeezed the drum sticks as I finally hit the coolness of outside. I dropped my hands to my knees and took deep breaths.

“Son of a mother fucking bitch!” I yelled.

A whistle to the right of me had me looking to the side.

“Wow, only one man can make a woman that mad.”

I stood up and stared at the red head currently smiling at me. Her knee-high skirt hugged her and stiletto heels covered her tiny feet.

“Excuse me?” I tilted my head.

“Like I said, only one man can make a woman that angry, and judging by the drum sticks in your hand and where you’re at, I’d imagine it’s my fiancé.”

“Your…who?”

“Jensen Pratt?”

I nodded numbly.

“Yes, my fiancé.”

Well, my anger hadn’t deflated and now I was just downright furious. The door opened and Jensen ran out, sliding to a stop in between us.

“Noelle?” he said in astonishment.

“Baby, I’m back.” She cooed.

I was going to be sick.

Wyatt flew out the door and almost ran right into Jensen. He recovered and looked from me to Jensen to Noelle.

“Hey, Noelle,” Wyatt half waved. “I didn’t know you were back.”

“Just got here.” Noelle eyed Jensen, and then me. “Jensen?”

“Yup.”

“Are you irritating your student?” she asked.

“Oh, he’s doing something all right.” I glared at him.

“Well, I’m hungry. Why don’t you two join us for lunch? I like getting to know Jensen’s students.”

What was it with everyone being hungry? It had to be the altitude.

“Since when?” Jensen asked in astonishment.

“Since now.” Noelle narrowed her eyes at me and I smiled.

“Sure, why not?” I grabbed Wyatt’s hand and he looked at me in shock. “We should join them.”

“We should?” Wyatt asked slowly.

“Oh, definitely.” I shot Jensen a wicked grin.

~*~

Jensen looked as if someone shoved a butt plug up his ass, he was so uncomfortable. I, on the other hand, was enjoying my margarita and chatting it up with his fiancé. Wyatt was putting on a good show by being very attentive to me. Poor guy, I really liked him, too. He was cute as fuck.

That might be the margaritas talking. I was not sure.

“So, Serena. You and Jensen went to high school together?” Noelle asked.

“Yep.” I nodded, slinging back what was left in my glass. I signaled the waiter for another.

“So you’re taking drum lessons for what reason exactly?”

I stared at Noelle and pasted on a fake smile. Who did she think she was? A red-haired Columbo? The waiter brought me my next nummy margarita and I licked the rim.

“I’m writing a rock series.”

“Oh, you’re an author?”

Jensen coughed and I winked at him.

“Yep. I write books.”

“Serena writes romances, Noelle,” Jensen cut in.

“Oh really? What kind?”

Now here was the part I loved. Of all the things I loved best about my job, it was the looks on people’s faces when I told them exactly what I wrote.

“I write gay male romances,” I finally said.

Noelle seemed to choke on her drink and I mentally high-fived myself. Wyatt snickered next to me and Jensen’s face lost all color.

“Excuse me? You write what?” Noelle repeated.

“You know, men in love?” I said, slowly.

“You mean…” Noelle dipped her head down and almost whispered. “Anal?”

“Yep. Anal sex, rimming, guys sucking each other off and swallowing—”

“Serena, can I see you for a second?” Jensen edged out of the booth and grabbed my arm. He pulled me towards the back of the restaurant and looked around discreetly.

“What’s wrong, Jensen? Embarrassed?” I smirked.

“Could you be a little less crass? Have some class, Serena.”

“Class? I’ll have you know I’m a classy broad, goddammit. I’ve got class coming out of my ass! Don’t you dare presume to tell me how to behave! Your fucking
fiancé
, Jensen? When were you going to tell me you were engaged? Right after you fucked me on the couch?”

“It’s not what you think, okay? Let me explain!”

“Um, guys,” Wyatt walked up on us. “I think you might want to get back to the table.”

“Can you take me home, Wyatt?” I slipped away from Jensen.

“Um, sure?” Wyatt glanced at Jensen.

“Don’t look at him for approval,” I snapped. “He has nothing to say.”

“Serena, please let me explain,” Jensen pleaded.

“I’m done with you for tonight. I just want to go home.” I held my temples as a headache began throbbing. Damn margaritas. As we passed the table, I stopped and looked down on the woman who had just ruined my life for the second time.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Noelle. I hope we can do this again soon.” I lied my ass off.

“Maybe we can all have dinner next week?” she offered.

Oh yes, for sure. I so wanted to sit at a table with Noelle and Jensen while they talked about their wonderful life together and how many kids they’d have. Let’s throw in a white picket fence while we were at it. I pulled myself together and gave her the best smile I could manage.

“I would love that.”

Wyatt drove me home. I sat looking out the passenger side of my Jeep as tall trees whizzed past me.

Engaged.

Jensen was engaged.

How could he not have told me something that fucking important?

“You’re awfully quiet over there,” Wyatt said.

“Sorry. I’m not a big drinker.”

“I know all about you, Serena. Jensen talked about you all the time.”

I sat up. “He did?”

“Yes, you were the one that got away.”

I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. Jensen was my one that got away.

“Whenever he would get royally drunk, he’d talk about you. How badly he hurt you and how he wanted to make things right.”

“Well, according to him, he followed my career. He could have found me a million times.”

“I think by then, he was sure you wouldn’t want to see him.”

“Well, he was wrong.”

Wyatt pulled into my driveway and cut the engine. He turned in the seat to look at me.

“Whatever you think, Jensen loved you.”

I opened the passenger door and almost stumbled out of my car. Wyatt came around and helped me into the house. I sat down on the couch and covered my face with my hands. Wyatt was somewhere in my kitchen, fumbling in my cabinets.  He coughed slightly and I opened my eyes to find a glass of water and two pills in his hand.

“How bad was I?” I whispered, taking the pills.

“Not too bad,” Wyatt chuckled.

“Don’t lie to me.” I reclined on the sofa and sighed loudly.

“I thought it was pretty damn comical, honestly.”

“Oh God,” I moaned. “Margaritas always did fuck me up.”

Wyatt sat on the end of the couch, smiling at me. I cocked a brow.

“What?”

“The woman he married? She was a dead ringer for you, dark hair and eyes. I think he thought he’d have you in some small way.”

“You’re a good guy, Wyatt,” I sighed, closing my eyes.

“I’ll call a cab. You should really think about getting a guitar.”

“First on my to do list.” I held up a hand.