A Baby Before Dawn (10 page)

Outside, rain had begun to fall. She could hear fat drops pinging on the roof and window. Distant thunder rumbled. Inside, the scents of lavender and vanilla floated lazily in the air. Slowly, the warm water lulled her into the state of relaxation she sought.

She tried not to think about Chase. There was no way she could sort through all of her conflicting feelings for him. Just because he was the father of her child didn’t mean she would fall for him again. It didn’t mean they were going to have any kind of relationship. Lily had made that decision months ago and she intended to stick with it.

But when she closed her eyes, it was Chase she saw, his topaz eyes looking at her as if she were the only woman in the world. His hands, smooth as silk, running through her hair, skimming down her body. His hard mouth finding hers, trailing kisses to places that caused her to shiver with delight…

“Cut it out,” she murmured. “He is
so
wrong for you.”

Wiping the unwanted and totally inappropriate thoughts of him from her mind, she leaned back and closed her eyes. Just for a few minutes, she promised herself, and let herself drift.

P
ARKED AT THE REAR
of Beefy’s Burger Palace, Chase pulled the cell phone from his pocket, thankful for some battery life, and quickly dialed Ben Parker.

The other man picked up on the first ring. “Where are you?”

“New Hampshire.” Chase got right to the point. “Any news on Shea?”

“We’ve got every available agent on it. It’s been tough because of the blackout. We’re looking hard, but so far we have nada.”

Chase muttered a curse. “I need to talk to Ty and Ethan Matalon. I haven’t been able to reach them on their cells. I also need Shane, but he’s not picking up.” Static sounded and he tapped the cell phone. “My damn phone is about to die.”

“I’ll keep trying them for you and have them contact you.” A thoughtful pause ensued. “Are you and Lily all right?”

“For now. I lost them, but these bastards are relentless.”

Ben paused. “Did you know Liam Shea has three sons?”

“Now that you mention it, I do remember hearing that in the years I worked with him.” Something pinged in the back of Chase’s brain. “You think the sons picked up where their old man left off?”

“Loyalty can be a powerful motivator.”

“Especially if they think their father was somehow wronged.”

“I’ll get on the horn. See what else I can dig up on them.” Ben Parker fell silent for a moment. “Look, the offer still stands if you want me to get you set up in a safe house.”

“I’m taking her to Shane Peters’s house.”

“Your half brother? I thought you two were on the outs?”

“We are, but I know he’ll come through on this.”

“Where’s his house?”

Chase hesitated, not wanting to get too specific. He’d always trusted Ben. But if the FBI agent was playing both sides of the coin, Chase needed to know. Setting a trap was the only way to smoke him out. He’d already decided to tuck Lily away in a motel before arriving at Shane’s house, in case he walked into an ambush. If he did, he would know Ben was a spy. “It’s about fifty miles from here. Near the town of Bretton Woods. Can you give Shane a call and let him know to expect me? Let him know we’re going to need some additional security.”

“You got it.”

The phone beeped. Chase looked down, saw that the battery was just about dead. “I gotta go, Ben. I’ll try to pick up another phone or get this one charged.”

But the line was already dead.

“Damn it.”

Looking in both directions, Chase pulled onto the rain-slicked street and headed toward the cottage. The aromas of burgers and French fries filled the car, making his mouth water. When he looked over and saw the strawberry shake, he thought of Lily and smiled.

What the hell was he going to do about her? About the baby? About his feelings for them? Chase had decided a long time ago he couldn’t be with her. Not on a long-term basis, anyway. Not that she would have him, he reminded himself. Chances were, she wouldn’t want him in their child’s life, either.

Could he live with that?

The truth of the matter was Chase wanted to know his child. He wanted it so much his chest ached with it. But how could he when Lily was so adamant about not wanting him around? Even if she agreed to some sort of visitation, how could he be around her and not go mad with wanting her? There was no way he could settle for just being friends with Lily. He would always want more. If he got the chance, he would
take
more. But he knew it would invariably cost him a piece of his soul.

To make the situation even more complicated, after the past hours, he had to take into consideration the possibility that his presence might place them in danger. It was a terrible dilemma to which there was no easy resolution.

The harsh realities of the situation he faced ate at him like acid as he parked outside the cottage and killed the engine. Gathering the food and drinks, he left the car, unlocked the cottage door and entered. The first thing that struck him was the silence. He’d expected to open the door to find Lily sitting on the bed, sleeping or watching television.

Where the hell was she?

Alarmed, Chase set the bag and drinks on the small table. Pulling the pistol from his waistband, he crept into the room and silently closed the door behind him. He checked the closet, found it empty. He could hear the hard thud of his heart, feel the edgy snap of adrenaline. Fear pulsed through him in a terrible rush.

With the stealth of a predator, he sidled to the bathroom. Using the muzzle of the gun, he eased open the door. Only then did he notice the swirling steam, the scents of lavender and vanilla. A few feet away, Lily lay back in the claw-foot tub, a wet cloth over her face.

The sight of her froze him in place. For a moment, he could do nothing but stare. She’d piled her hair on top of her head in an unruly mass. Red tendrils curled around her face. Her throat was long and elegant and impossibly delicate. Lower, he could see the tops of her breasts where a tiny heart pendant lay against porcelain flesh. He’d given that pendant to her two years ago. He’d forgotten about it until now, and he wondered why she still wore it.

Fragrant bubbles concealed the rest of her, but Chase had seen every beautiful curve before. Every lovely detail had been branded onto his brain. The soft fullness of her breasts, the deep hue of her nipples, the silky softness of her flesh. His hands had caressed every inch of her and his mouth had explored every delicate spot. He remembered the way she sighed when he pleasured her, the way she’d cried out his name when he brought her to peak—

“What are you doing?”

Lily’s voice jerked him from his improper reverie. Feeling like a lecher, Chase quickly averted his eyes. “I just…” His words trailed when his eyes were once again drawn to her. His brain told him to look away, but his eyes refused.

Grabbing a towel from the rack, Lily covered herself as she stood, then wrapped it around her. Bubbles slid down wet flesh. The scents of vanilla and lavender swirled inside his head, drugging him like some powerful narcotic.

“You just what?” she snapped. “Is something wrong?” Never taking her eyes from his, she stepped from the tub. Holding the towel to her breast she jerked her clothes from the vanity. “Chase, you’re frightening me.”

Realizing she’d misunderstood his transfixion, he put up his hands. “I’m sorry. We’re safe. It’s just that I saw you and…” Not knowing how to finish the sentence without admitting something he did not want to admit, he turned away and left the bathroom.

He stood in the center of the room for several minutes and tried to get his breath back. He couldn’t believe she could render him speechless, unable to move or think. Him. Chase Vickers. A man who could drive a speedboat at over a hundred miles per hour and not even get his heart rate up. He could consort with some of the most ruthless killers in the world during undercover operations and not even break a sweat. But one look at Lily Garrett lying in a tub full of bubbles, and he felt as if he were aeons out of his league.

“Chase.”

He didn’t turn at the sound of her voice. He didn’t think he could bear to see her in that towel again and not do something stupid. Like pull her into his arms and kiss her until neither of them could think straight. Or maybe tumble her into bed and ease some of the sexual tension that had been zinging between them since the start.

Only then did he realize that bringing her here had been a mistake. A big mistake that in the long run would probably cost both of them more than they bargained for.

“You okay?”

He actually jolted at the sound of her voice. He jolted again when she touched his arm. Her fingertips felt cool and soft against his suddenly feverish skin. Chase knew the signs. Racing heart, sweating palms, the rush of blood to his groin. It wasn’t the first time lust had gripped him when it came to this woman and it probably wasn’t the last. The problem was, his feelings for Lily went a hell of a lot deeper than simple male lust, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it without digging a hole so deep he might not ever find his way out.

“I’m fine.” Moving away from her, he crossed to the table and stared down at the food he’d brought. He tried to conjure his hunger from earlier. But food wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t what he
craved,
what he needed more than his next breath.

“Any sign of the men?” she asked.

“No.”

“Any news on what might be happening?”

Knowing he couldn’t put off the inevitable, he finally turned to her and immediately wished he hadn’t. The oversize terry-cloth robe wrapped around her made her look incredibly small and feminine. Her hair was still piled messily on top of her head. Wet tendrils curled around her face and stuck to her throat. Her green eyes were so clear and lovely he thought if he got any closer to her he might just fall into them.

“I talked to Ben Parker before the battery died.” His voice grated like a coffee mill, so he cleared his throat. “He’s going to let Shane know we’re on our way. He’ll be expecting us.”

“What about Ty and Ethan?”

“Couldn’t call them.” He tapped the cell phone clipped to his belt.

Turning, she started for the phone on the night table. “You could call them from here.”

She picked up the phone to hand it to him, but Chase was instantly at her side. Taking her wrist, he usurped the phone and recradled it. “Not on this phone. If Ty’s or Ethan’s numbers are bugged, the call could be traced back to this room.”

“I didn’t think we’d be here that long.” She glanced down to where his large fingers were wrapped around her wrist, then slowly raised her gaze to his.

Chase knew he should let her go. He should turn around, walk over to that table, unwrap his food and forget about the crazy thoughts jumping through his brain. He didn’t let her go.

She stared up at him, her expression startled, like a little cat snared in the jaws of a pit bull. “What are you doing?”

“Making a mistake, probably.”

“Then be smart about this and stop it before it happens.” But she made no move to pull away.

“We both know I’ve never been smart when it comes to you.”

“We’ve gone down this road before,” she said. “It didn’t work the first time, and it won’t work now.”

“You sure about that?”

“I’m sure that mistakes are never a good thing.”

She made a halfhearted attempt to loosen his grip. He didn’t oblige. This wasn’t easy for him. He wasn’t going to make it easy for her. There was something between them. Heat. But something deeper. A connection so powerful he could feel it all the way to his bones. He was going to make her acknowledge it. He was going to make her remember.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he whispered. “This one is going to be good.”

Taking her face between his hands, he lowered his mouth to hers.

Lily resisted the kiss. She resisted the physical pull to him. The emotional pull. But kissing Chase Vickers was like stepping onto a raft and barreling down a white-water rapid toward a waterfall. All Lily could do was hang on for the ride and hope she survived the fall.

Two seconds into the kiss and her heart began to knock hard against her ribs. Pleasure pounded through her, fighting with the warning blaring inside her head for her to stop before the situation spiraled out of control. But deep inside she knew that had already happened. None of this had been in her control since the moment she’d laid eyes on him back at the hospital.

His mouth moved over hers, stealing her breath and the last remnants of her rational thought. She pushed at his shoulders and made a sound of protest. But her efforts were halfhearted at best, a token effort she was bound by her own self-respect to make, and they both knew it. But then it had always been that way between them. Passionate. Skating the edge of control where there was no room for logic or right or wrong or smart.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He trailed kisses down her throat. “I’ve never stopped wanting you all this time. Staying away from you nearly killed me.”

“Nothing’s changed,” she said breathlessly. “You’re still traipsing off to godforsaken countries and getting shot at. You’re still keeping secrets about your work.”

He looked at her. Lily saw heat and desperation and what might have been regret in the depths of his eyes. She felt all of those same emotions in her own heart.

“None of that changes the way I feel about you,” he said. “It doesn’t change what’s between us.”

“There can’t be anything between us anymore.”

“You can say that all you want. But you don’t believe it. I know you feel what I do. I see it in your eyes. I feel it in your body when I touch you.”

The image of him touching her came to her unbidden. That night he’d come to her apartment, the night she’d conceived the child she carried now. His hands had scorched her flesh. His mouth had devoured hers. His body had moved within hers as they’d made passionate love. It had been the most erotic experience of her life, the memory of which sent a powerful shiver through her.

“When I touch you here…” His hand brushed the sensitized tip of her breast. “You feel it here.” He set his other hand over her heart, and his eyes burned into hers. “Your heart is racing.”

It was true. Her pulse beat like a jackhammer. She could feel her heart pumping superheated blood to every cell in her body. Her swollen breasts ached to be touched. Seven-and-a-half months pregnant, she’d never imagined she could feel the kind of desire cutting through her at this moment. Leave it to Chase to prove her wrong.

Lily’s vision blurred when he tilted his head and kissed her neck. His whiskers chafed her flesh, sending gooseflesh down her body. Wanting more, she threw her head back and gave him full access. His lips burned her skin, hot and wet. His tongue swept over her, making her want him with a madness she’d never known.

A gasp escaped her when he took her nipple into his mouth. The pleasure knifed downward all the way to her womb, powerful enough to make her groan. She shivered when he parted the robe and cool air washed over her breasts, her swollen belly.

“You’re beautiful.” He set his hand over her belly. As his eyes met hers, she saw within their depths a reverence she’d never before seen. A mix of emotions that told her the man holding her cherished her, and he knew this moment was precious and fleeting and might never come again.

Lily smiled. “I look like I swallowed a basketball.”

Chase chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. “You’re sexy as hell for a pregnant woman.”

He made her feel beautiful, even when she wasn’t. He made her feel like the only woman in the world. He made her feel precious and cherished. If only he would change…

“Chase,” she whispered, “this can’t go anywhere.”

“That doesn’t keep me from wanting you.”

The truth of the matter was she wanted him, too. She wanted him with an intensity she’d never before experienced. Need ripped through her with every beat of her heart, with every breath rasping in and out of her lungs. And when she looked into his eyes, Lily was lost.

He lowered his mouth to hers and the kiss tore away the last of her resistance. His hands trembled as he loosened the belt of her robe and worked it from her shoulders. She shivered when the robe fell to the floor, but it wasn’t from the cold.

Needing to feel the warmth of his flesh, she fumbled with his shirt buttons. Her fingers trembled, but he waited patiently while she undid them, one by one. Then her hands were on his chest where his own heart raged. Her palms brushed over his flat nipples and he shuddered.

“I need you,” he said softly, backing her toward the bed. “I need you more than I need my next breath of air.”

She wanted to believe he meant it on a physical level. Physical attraction was simple. But there was nothing simple about Chase Vickers. He was complex; he could be difficult. Rarely did he compromise. And she knew the meaning of his words went deeper than the flesh, edged into territory she’d spent the past seven-and-a-half months protecting.

She wanted to believe all the emotions rampaging through her were the result of physical attraction, as well, but Lily knew better. Even though nothing could ever come of her relationship with Chase, there was a small part of her that still loved him.

Her thoughts exploded into chaos when he eased her onto the bed and came down on top of her. Suddenly, her body was no longer hers, but that of a woman desperate for a man’s touch. A woman who’d been alone too long. A woman who needed the physical love of the man who held her heart in his palm.

Chase kissed her hard, his mouth moving over hers with an urgency that fed the fire within her. But he was excruciatingly gentle with her body. He was careful not to put his weight on her belly.

He fumbled with the zipper of his slacks, then kicked them off. Sitting up, he pulled the comforter over them, then lay beside her so that they were nose to nose. “Can you…can you…”

She’d rarely seen Chase Vickers without words. Seeing him that way now charmed her. “Can I have sex?” she finished for him.

“Well…yeah. I mean, with the baby.”

Lily couldn’t help it; even though she was troubled by the high level of emotion between them, she smiled. “Somehow women have been managing that for thousands of years.”

“Well, I’ve never done this with a pregnant woman before,” he confessed.

“Me, either.”

For a moment the music of their laughter filled the room. Lily laughed until tears squeezed from between her lashes. Then Chase put his hands on either side of her face. When she opened her eyes, he kissed her. The gentleness of the kiss devastated her. Longing that was both emotional and physical gripped her body, her mind, her heart.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I always have, and I always will.”

“I wish it was that simple,” she said.

“It is. If you let it be.”

“I can’t.”

“I know, honey.” Looking deeply into her eyes, he kissed her again. “I know.”

Desire spread through her like wildfire. She gave herself over to his kiss.

Pulling back slightly, he gave her a small smile. “I know this isn’t going to solve anything. It’s not going to fix the problem. But I want you to know you and that baby mean the world to me.” He ran his palm over her cheek. “I promise I will never hurt you.” He set his other hand over her belly. “I promise I’ll never bring harm to our child.”

Emotion gripped Lily with such power that she couldn’t speak. She stared into his eyes while her heart beat out of control, and wished with all her might that things could be different.

He entered her with devastating slowness. Lily cried out with pleasure when he started to move within her. She’d been celibate since that final night with Chase. Since becoming pregnant, she hadn’t seen herself as a sexual being. Once again, he proved her wrong. The sensations coursing through her body were more powerful than anything she’d ever experienced in her life. She could already feel herself barreling toward release.

As his mouth fused to hers and his hands caressed her, his body moved within hers until they became one. One body. One heart. One soul.

Completion crashed over her, a storm drowning a parched land. The power of it shook her, emotionally and physically. She cried out his name. Once. Twice.

He captured his name with a kiss. Shuddering with the power of his own completion, he wrapped his arms around her and whispered her name.

I
T WASN
’
T OFTEN
that Chase hated himself. He was generally well-adjusted; he was forgiving of his mistakes, and for the most part believed his good traits outweighed the bad. Today, staring at the ceiling with Lily warm and soft beside him, Chase loathed himself with a passion he could not describe.

He’d done the exact thing he’d sworn he wouldn’t. He’d rekindled a fire that should have been left to die. A fire that was now burning out of control and threatening everything he cared for, everything he believed in.

Lily had been right all along; their relationship was destined for disaster. Regardless of his feelings for her, he’d had no right to get close to her or involve her in his life. He’d been a naive fool to think he could touch her and then walk away. But that wasn’t the worst part of what he’d done.

He’d brought danger to Lily.

Cold terror swept up his spine at the thought of what he’d let happen. How could he have been so stupid? So utterly selfish? Why hadn’t he listened to his intellect instead of his sex drive?

But Chase knew why, and the truth of it shattered every illusion he’d ever had about himself.

I love you. I always have, and I always will.

His own words rang like a death knell in his ears. For seven-and-a-half months he’d denied the truth. During that time, he’d been able to set his feelings aside by throwing himself into his work. He’d spent his days flirting with death. He’d tempted fate in so many ways he shouldn’t even be alive. But no matter how hard he’d tried, there was one demon he couldn’t exorcise.

His love for Lily.

At that moment Chase accepted the reality that while he could banish her from his life, he would love her until the day he died.

Troubled by the thoughts running wild through his mind, he rose from the bed and strode to the window. Parting the curtain, he peered out. Storm clouds obscured the sun, and the sky hung low, much like his mood. In the parking lot, nothing moved. There were no cars. No men with guns. No sign of anything amiss.

God in heaven, what was he going to do about Lily?

There was only one answer. The one solution he did not want to face. The truth he’d denied because of his own selfish needs. Once this was over, he was going to have to let her go. He would stick around long enough to get her settled, to set up an account for his child.

And then he was going to have to walk away once and for all.

The thought of never seeing her again, never seeing his child, hurt. It hurt more than he could ever have imagined. But for the first time Chase was seeing the big picture. Contact with either of them would sooner or later place them in danger or get them both killed.

Decision made, Chase yanked his slacks off the back of the chair and stepped into them. When he was fully dressed, he sat on the bed and gently touched Lily on the shoulder.

“Hey,” he said. “Wake up.”

Stretching, she turned over, and the smile that followed devastated him. She was so lovely it hurt to look at her. He couldn’t believe such a beautiful woman would have him.

“Hey,” she returned. “What time is it?”

“Time to go.”

She sat up and looked around. “How long did I sleep?”

“A couple of hours.”

“Were you able to get some sleep?”

“Yeah,” he lied.

She cocked her head, her eyes narrowing. “Are you all right?”

She’d always been perceptive when it came to his mood. His feelings were the one thing he wasn’t good at talking about. As far as Chase was concerned, a man’s emotions were a private thing. But Lily deserved to know what he was going to do and why. He needed to tell her the truth.

“We need to talk,” he said.

“The men? Are they—”

“About us.” His voice came more harshly than he intended. He’d never been good at delicate conversation. He only hoped he could do this without screwing up the situation more than it already was. “About what’s going to happen when this is over.”

Wariness entered her expression. “What are you talking about?”

“Being with you, like this, made me realize you were right all along.” He shrugged. “I was wrong.”

“Wrong?” She sat up straighter. “In what way?”

“Once this is over, and you and the baby are safe, I’m going to give you what you want, Lily, what you’ve wanted all along. I’m going to walk away.” The words poured from him in a flurry now. “I’ll find some way to get money to you. Take care of you financially. But under no circumstances can I ever see you again. And I can never, ever, see my child.”

A
FTER EVERYTHING
they’d shared just a few short hours earlier, this was the last thing Lily had expected him to say. She told herself he was right. She told herself this was exactly what she wanted. After all, she’d done everything in her power to get this man out of her head, out of her heart. She’d almost convinced herself she’d succeeded.

But the instant he’d walked back into her life, all of the old emotions had bubbled to the surface. Lily had tried to deny them; she’d fought them valiantly. But her efforts had been in vain. The truth of the matter was, she loved him.

She would always love him.

How could she let him walk away when she’d finally faced the truth? But the bigger question remained. How could she let him into her life when his presence could very well put her child in danger?

The answer devastated her.

“Once I get you to Shane’s place,” Chase continued, “the FBI will pick you up. They’ll debrief you. Put you up in a hotel temporarily, until we get this settled.”