90 Miles to Freedom (18 page)

What would his mother say to him now if she were here? Collin shook his head. He didn’t want to think about her or his dad. He didn’t want to think about Joey. He didn’t want to think about anything ever again.

It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. What was the point of Collin’s life? Of his going on without them? He wanted to be with his family and his friend. He wanted to die. Death would be easier than reliving the deaths of those he cared about every single day for the rest of his pointless, expendable life. And the burden of all that guilt was just too much.

The only friend Collin had left was alcohol. But Collin was too tired to even take a drink. He stumbled onto his boat and collapsed onto his bed. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it fiercely to his chest, curling around it as if to protect it. He buried his face into the soft white cotton and prayed this bad dream would just go away. Maybe, by the grace of God, he would never wake up. If he could simply lie there in bed and die in his sleep, that would be perfect.

He didn’t think his eyes would ever close, but they did. Sleep finally consumed Collin’s numb body and mind.

Chapter 32

What’s that damn noise?

Collin lay in bed, rocking gently on his fishing boat, his mouth tasting like the inside of an old sock. Keeping his eyes squeezed safely shut against the possibility of bright sunshine, he stretched out one arm as he recognized the irritating beep of the alarm clock. His hand waved and fumbled around, trying to locate the snooze button, knocking over beer cans as he searched. Half a dozen cans crashed onto the floor next to his bed, then rolled around noisily while he continued to hunt for the snooze button.

Just ten more minutes. That’s all I need. Within moments, the sounds of the water had rocked him back into a deep, peaceful sleep.

“
Are you going to get up today?” a chipper voice called from above.

“
Leave me alone,” Collin grumbled, curling an extra pillow tighter under his arms.

“
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you’re still asleep at two in the afternoon!” the voice practically sang. Whoever his tormentor was, he moved around as loudly as he could, banging boxes and pots, stomping heavily on deck.

Collin rolled over onto his back, arm slung over his eyes. “What day is it?” he managed.

“
What day is it? It’s Mom’s and Dad’s anniversary.”

Anniversary? What in the world? Who was that? Collin shook his head, confused as everything from the night before flooded into his mind.

This had to be a dream. And he wanted it to go on forever. Because the voice calling down to him sounded exactly like Joey’s voice, and that wasn’t possible. Was this some sort of sick joke?

Collin swung his legs over the side of his bed and managed to stand, though his legs felt wobbly and weak. He glanced in the mirror to make sure he wasn’t actually dreaming and combed his fingers absently through his hair, staring at his reflection with disgust. He was a mess. Not bothering to fix either his hair or his clothes, he climbed out of the boat and stepped onto the path to the house. By now he was practically vibrating with curiosity. Ignoring his pounding head, he raced up to the house and stumbled through the door.

He stopped short, staring at the apparition before him. Joey. It couldn’t be possible. But there he was. Joey stood in front of him, as alive as he had been the morning before. Joey was alive! Had all this been a bad dream? Or was the alcohol playing with his mind? Could this possibly be real? Collin squeezed his hands against his temples, trying to hold in the confusion.

“
Where’s the Tylenol? I have a headache.”

Joey was flipping through a book Collin hadn’t seen before. Or maybe he had - just the morning before. “It’s on the shelf, where you left it yesterday,” Joey said sarcastically. He definitely had inherited his unique brand of sarcasm from their parents. “Are you going to work on the yacht today? It’s going to be a great day. We could go get some more supplies if you need and I’d be glad to help.”

“
No, not today,” Collin mumbled. He filled a glass with water, preparing to take his first dose of Tylenol for the day. “I have other things to do.”

What was going on?

Suddenly Joey slammed his fist on the table, making Collin jump. “You know what, Collin? You always have other things to do! But here’s the thing - I don’t see you doing anything! Nothing! All you do is drink. You never used to drink. And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of your whole self-serving attitude, the whole poor me thing you’re doing! They were my parents too, you know!” Joey shouted.

Collin flinched and closed his eyes. God, his head ached.

Joey kept on lecturing. “You don’t see me moping around, feeling sorry for myself. Grow up, man. You’re twenty-five years old, for Christ’s sake! I’m only nineteen and I know you’re acting like a baby.”

Joey stood up, gaining momentum. He moved closer to Collin and jabbed one finger into his brother’s chest. “You’re supposed to be the adult, Collin. But in case you haven’t noticed, I’m the one taking care of you. What would Mom and Dad say if they could see you now?”

“
Look, you little bastard!” Collin shouted, reacting instinctively. “You don’t have to take care of me! I’m doing just fine!” He turned toward the kitchen table, fighting a coughing fit.

“
Oh, yeah,” Joey replied, looking disgusted. “You sure do look like you’re doing fine. You said you were going to fix up the yacht. You said you were going to take me away, that you and I were going to get out of this place and sail around the world. Forget everything that happened and be happy, out on the water, just you and me. That’s what you said.”

Joey’s hands were squeezed into fists, his knuckles white with rage. “Were you lying to me? Come on, you idiot. It’s been a year. An entire year. I’ve been waiting a year! Is that day ever going to come? Answer me, you fucking drunk!”

Collin froze, taking in everything Joey had just said. Almost everything had been true - except for the part about his being drunk. Collin hadn’t had any alcohol in the last two days. Collin met his brother’s gaze, then replied as calmly and as straight forward as he possibly could, given his current confused state of mind. 

“
When it’s time, I’ll tell you. Then we’ll leave, no looking back. We’ll just go, leave everything behind. I’ll tell you when it’s time.”

Joey practically vibrated with fury. “Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me!” he shouted. He got up and strode towards the front door, then looked back at Collin. “I’m going to get the damn mail. Do me a favor, would you, brother?” he said mockingly. “Try to pull yourself together. And do me another one. Take a shower. You smell like a fucking brewery!”

Then it all clicked into place. Déjà vu. Collin had heard of it, but never actually experienced it. His mother had told him that déjà vu was an experience in which a person was positive they had already experienced an event that was happening again at that moment. This seemed rather extreme, though. He had been under the impression that they could go for no more than a few seconds, though. But that’s what it had to be. There was no other explanation.

Well, this time he could do something about it. Dream or not, this time Collin wasn’t going to take any chances. The yacht was ready and fully equipped. It’s time, thought Collin. It’s time.

“
Joey, wait. Just wait!”

Collin shouted at Joey, catching him just as he was walking out the front door. “I’m sorry, Joey. Listen to me. The yacht - it’s ready. It’s time. Do you hear me? It’s time to go. We can leave right now if you’re ready.”

Joey stopped dead. After a moment he turned slowly, his hand still on the doorknob. He looked Collin straight in the eye, frowning suspiciously, but hope lurked behind the suspicion. “It’s ready? It’s time? Are you sure?” He took a tentative step closer to his brother. “You’re saying we can leave? You and me? We can leave now?”

Collin’s heart threatened to break yet again, seeing the distrust and welling tears in his brother’s eyes. He knew Joey hadn’t been able to depend on him over the past year.

“
Yes, Joey. It’s for real. Yes to all of it. It’s time,” Collin told him, a big smile growing across his face. He blinked against the onslaught of his own tears but was too late. He felt them rolling down his cheeks. Joey closed the gap between the brothers and Collin grabbed him tightly, never wanting to let go.

In Collin’s recent memory he clearly recalled two final hugs with Joey. The first had been at their parents’ funeral. The second had been in the moment that Joey had breathed his final breath. That was never going to happen again.

“
I love you, Joey. I’m sorry about everything that’s been going on this year. I’m going to take care of you, you’ll see. It’s time. Let’s go.”

Joey squirmed. “Hey! You’re squishing me. I can’t breathe,” Joey mumbled into Collin’s shirt. Collin’s laugh started from deep within, bubbling up as he let Joey go. Joey was grinning, too.

“
Oh my God,” Joey said, suddenly excited. “This is awesome. I have to get some things together. Clothes, and - oh, we’ll need some food. My books, my laptop, and you’ll have to get some stuff, too. This is so awesome. I can’t believe it! We’re finally leaving!” Joey glanced around the kitchen, finally grabbing a pad of paper on which their mother had made so many lists in the past. He started writing things down, his pen flying over the paper. “Jeez, man. You could have given me a little notice. It’ll take half the day to pack!”

“
No, Joey. We don’t need to take anything,” Collin said.  “We’re leaving everything behind. If we need anything we’ll get it at the next port. It’ll be okay. You’ll see. Let’s get going.”

Joey looked uncertain. Collin was aware he wasn’t making a lot of sense, but he wanted to get out of there before anything could happen. Of course Joey was expecting to at least take some of his things. But Collin couldn’t wait.

“
Well, at least let me check the mail,” said Joey.

“
No!” Collin cried, startling Joey. “There is nothing coming in the mail today. No packages being delivered and nothing of any importance. I’ll contact Mom and Dad’s estate attorney, and he will take care of every little thing. A management company will oversee the house, so we won’t have to worry about anything. Our stuff will be packed up and put in storage and the house can be rented out to vacationers. Everything will be okay. Trust me. No worries.”

“
Okay,” Joey said, sounding reluctant. Suddenly he seemed to be having trouble leaving everything behind, even though that’s what they’d talked about all along.

“
It’s okay, Joey. I promise. I know you’re scared, but I promise I’ll look after things. I’ll change.”

As Collin’s hand urged Joey toward the backdoor, he glanced out the bay window. A classic blue car slowed in front of the house but continued to drive past, not stopping. Collin inhaled, held his breath, then slowly let it out.

“
Let’s go kiddo.”

Chapter 33

Joey hadn’t stepped foot on the yacht since the death of their parents, and what he saw amazed him. Collin appeared to have covered every single detail. Joey wandered around, exploring all the fishing rods and equipment, scuba gear, and even the two Sea-Doo watercrafts. By the stern hung an emergency life raft with life vests. Collin had always been thorough.

The living quarters hadn’t been ignored, either. Joey stared in awe as he walked through the doorway. A large, secured TV hung on the wall and a DVD player sat in the cabinet, stocked with hundreds of movies. Another cabinet was stocked with several of their favorite board games and a deck of playing cards.