5 Darkness Falls (28 page)

I bent over, heaving out the serum and blood into the toilet. Tears kept coming. I had no control. Everything was spinning. Nothing made sense. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

That was life though. It never turned out the way we planned, the way we wanted it to.

I flushed
, sobs weakening
me as I climbed into the shower, clothes and all. I turned
on
the
hot
water and fell apart beneath the
torrent of warmth.

***

Kellan

I stood outside the bathroom door, listening to her painful cries. I’d done that to her. I’d caused those tears.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I loved her. God I loved her. Yet I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut long enough to think through the words I was about to
unleash on
her.

Repeatedly,
I abandoned her, and continually
,
he picked up the pieces. Maybe deep down I believed he was better for her. Perhaps I was subconsciously making the ultimate sacrifice because she deserved a great man, not a
just
decent man.

I couldn’t face the idea of him raising my child as long as I was alive though. Maybe the prophecy
would
come true, but not because a single shot
whistled
through the air unexpectedly. I would probably see the moment as an opportunity to end it all by chance.

I shook myself. What was I talking about? I pinched the bridge of my nose. There was something majorly wrong with me to be looking to that kind of escape.

Kai barged into the bedroom. “What the hell was that?” he growled.

I
tried to calm
myself as he moved towards me. “She decided, didn’t she?”

“You left her no choice storming off like a pouting toddler.” He clenched his jaw, rising to his full height, gaining a smidgen over me to glare
back
down at me.

“No one’s perfect.” I shrugged. I wasn’t going to get into it with him.

“You know, I don’t get you. You’ve got everything I would kill to have, but you don’t appreciate it. Mark my words. One day you’re going to lose her. And it’ll only be then that you
realize
what she
’s
really worth
.”
He pushed past me and knocked on the bathroom door.

I’d been staring at that door for the past ten minutes, unable to lift my hands and do what
came so naturally for him.

“Leka?”

I wasn’t even fighting for her anymore. I’d completely given up. Where was my possessiveness? I was a jealous beast at one time…
but
that was back when she was
my everything. Something had happened though. Somewhere along the way
,
I’d lost my passion.

“Don’t make me break down the door,” Kai commanded. He glanced back at me, sneering with disgust before focusing on the door again.

“I fucked up. I know that. I’m just not sure why or even how to make it right,” I conceded.

“You need to figure that one out for yourself.” His voice was hard, but controlled.

The shower turned off. I still heard her sniffle as she moved for the door. She unlocked the door and Kai plowed in. I caught of glimpse of her, but she wasn’t the strong woman that I loved. She was a broken vamp with sad, swollen eyes, a red cheek where she was still healing and
sopping wet
comfort clothing
clinging to her
skin. She had a puddle of water
pooling
around her; her hair was glued to her face.

I focused on her baby bump. I
was able to discern
the flutter of movement beneath her ski
n right as Kai closed the door.

Chapter 25

Lexi

I bit my tongue, trying to calm my shaking body. He just stood there
, watching
me. He didn’t move towards me; he didn’t try to comfort me. It was Kai doing everything
,
despite the fact that
I wore Kellan’s ring.

Kai wrapped one towel around my upper body and used another to wipe around my dripping sweats and the floor.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to do that.” I clamped down on my bottom lip. “Why is he being this way, Kai?”

He stopped what he was doing and
moved
in front of me. “I don’t know, sweetie.”

My stomach growled again as the baby continued to kick around.

“Let’s get you into some dry clothes
,
and I’ll send someone out for food.”

I blinked repe
a
t
edly
as anger surged within me. “It should be
him
doing that, not you. It’s his baby.”

He pursed his lips, considering me. “Why don’t you get out of these wet clothes and finish drying off while I get you some dry clothes?”

He was changing the subject. I was exhausted though and didn’t feel like fighting him. “Alright.”

Less than a minute later Kai handed me a batch of fresh clothes discreetly through the door.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. I knew life was hard. I knew relationships got tough. I’d
even
known that love was easy
,
but commitment took work. Especially now. I was ready to walk away from Kellan. He was making it easy to walk away. But as I
reflected on
my engagement ring, I knew I couldn’t give up so easily.

When he gave me that ring, he gave it to me with a promise. He’d said it more than once
,
that I was his forever girl. Men didn’t
toss
those words
around
lightly. He had to have meant them at some point.

I knew he was in a funk. Thinking back with the newer pieces of information
I’d been given
, I could see how Kellan had pulled away because he was putting too much pressure on himself to be the hero. He’d tried to go after world
-
class villain
s
with supernatural powers alone. That took guts. I never doubted his courage, his bravery. It was his vampire impulses that weakened him. While many vampires argued it was their leverage over vampeens and humans, Kellan was proof that
, sometimes,
it backfired
.
Not every rapid
impulse would
end up in your favor, and Kellan was
finally
realizing that.

Maybe I’d added to
his
pressure by trying to be superwoman. I could understand from a macho man perspective how intimidating that might be. No one wanted their woman to be above them on the totem pole, especially a vampire with a vampeen.

I frowned. I hadn’t thought of it from that angle. Did Kellan subconsciously want to be the vampire above the vampeen?

And, therein lie
s
the problem. I didn’t know. I didn’t know because he wasn’t talking to me the way he used to. We didn’t have the intimate conversations anymore. We didn’t stay up for hours chatting in bed, giggling and enjoying each other. Half the time
,
I didn’t even fall asleep with him
.
Our schedules clashed at times with his vamp army work and plans with Craig, Kalel, Auggy and his dad. I didn’t dare demand him to choose. I wasn’t that cruel. But perhaps we needed a compromise.

This wasn’t working. We were sliding further and further away from each other as my due date drew closer and closer. I didn’t want Kellan to
observe
his child’s birth from a distance. I didn’t want him to be an active father only on designated
visitation
days.

I twirled my ring around my finger. I’d said yes for a reason: because I loved him, and, at the time, couldn’t picture my life without him. Neither of those had changed, but my mind
was
beginning to open up to the possibilit
ies of life sans-Kellan.
That’s not what I wanted;
but
it’s what I felt I was being forced to do.

I sighed, feeling the tears start to build again. How did you help someone who didn’t want help though? I’d always known that you couldn’t change people, only hope to inspire them to change
at best
.

I had to accept my part of the responsibility. I hadn’t made any effort to work in time for my relationship. I’d focused so much on everything
else
, letting go of the most important thing. My neglect was not only affecting me, it was damaging my child’s future. I would have to accept some of the blame if Kellan wasn’t there
for us
.

I swallowed hard, looking at myself in the mirror. I
looked
deep into my eyes, seeing the resolve as it bloomed. I didn’t need Kellan to make this happen. I would change the changeable. I would take control of the only part of life I could control: myself. I couldn’t control fate, but I could control how I reacted to
it.
I couldn’t control my future, but I could control my efforts now which
, I turn,
would affect my future.

I inhaled deep
ly
; my chest was finally able to expand to its full potential after all this time. I was tired of crying
, though
,
and
tired of fighting; I was tired of being dependent for certain things. I was going to do something about it all. This was my time to rise. Cecilia could kiss my white butt. I wasn’t going to lose Kellan to her or
lose
anyone
else
;
and my baby wasn’t going to lose its mother to her either.

I dried off, dressing in the same comfy outfit, but in a
totally
different color palette. I smiled
, satisfied
. Kai knew me well. I
couldn’t
lie. It was comforting to know that he would always be my back up. It wasn’t fair to him though; I knew it was selfish on my part, but I relished all he gave me. I was afraid to admit that losing him would be almost as hard as losing Kellan probably.

***

Everyone looked up at me as I entered the living room. They were all huddled around the dining room table. No one stood guard by the windows. No one roamed. They were all together
,
discussing something that I’d just interrupted, Kellan included.

I pushed in beside Drex.
My eyes were
immediately
drawn to
the thin line of blood on the envelope
setting
on the table
,
and
I
knew it was
intended for me.
The note
had been removed and was lying
beside it. I picked it up,
unfolding
it. They all watched me with interest, quiet observers that
unsettled me.
Nerves wrestled inside my stomach, right as it growled again.
Instantly,
I felt my cheeks
flush.

“I sent Dramo out for food,” Kai said.

“Thanks.”

I focused on the letter. I gripped the paper tighter, hoping they wouldn’t notice that
my
hands were slightly trembling.

He threatened my love, now I will threaten yours. The blood of your unborn abomination or his blood is all I will accept. Twenty-four hours. Meet me or I’ll open the gates of hell upon you
and yours
. I’m looking forward to meeting the infamous Alexa Jackson. –CR

I pulled out the closest chair and sat down. Perspiration
tickling
my skin
,
as my heart raced. I’d just set my mind. I’d just declared that I wouldn’t lose Kellan
,
and my child wouldn’t lose him as well. I refused to lose my baby though. I didn’t plan this, but it was a part of me now. I felt it move
and
heard its heartbeat
. Now it provided
a constant melody that
I worked to
-
lived to
-
and the rhythmic sounds
soothed me to sleep.

That settled it. I would fight, even if I had to fight alone. “Where do we meet her?”

Someone flipped the envelope over, showing a series of numbers.

“It’s longitude and latitude. It’s an exact point on the map,” someone else replied.

I didn’t look at faces; I only focused on what was in front of me on the table: fate,
our
future.