5 Darkness Falls (21 page)

Every breath I
took
was filled with him. His hands moved over me with eagerness, with need. I felt so safe, so loved in his arms. But would that love last if I went
any further
with him? When a resounding ‘yes’ echoed in my mind, I knew I was in too deep. I knew my heart
-
my emotions
–
was
too entangled with his.

My conscience was
blocked by
my physical drive,
hiding
beneath Kai’s expert lips as they teased and tasted me. In his arms, I felt like a schoolgirl, anxious and ready for her first time. I knew my wants were safe; I knew he would take care of me.

I pulled back. “Bedroom,” I said, immediately capturing his lips again.

He carried me to the bedroom. I heard him kick the door shut behind
us.
He never lost rhythm; his lips never veered.

He climbed on the bed with his arms still wrapped snuggly around me. He gently laid me down, carefully
positioning
my body between him and the bed. He ran his hand along my side,
stroking
his tongue against mine.

Abruptly, his hand st
eadied,
and he pulled back.

My eyes
shot
open. His eyes were squeezed sh
ut;
his lips were smashed together. Creases lined his forehead as his brows
crowded
inward
.
His expression
conveyed
anger
mixing with
frustration. Each labored breath was a huff. Watching him closely, I saw his jaw
begin to
quiver. My heart shook, killing every ounce of desire within me to focus on a more substantial need. Kai wasn’t angry or frustrated. He was in pain.

The need to comfort him
settled
within me. I swept his hair away from his face, tucking it behind his ears. I smoothed my hands over his cheeks. I didn’t
want to
rush him. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

The baby chose th
is
intense moment to move.

Kai’s eyes flew open. They were glossy as they regarded me. He
offered a weak
smile
.
“Leka.”

I dropped my legs, freeing him. He slipped his hand between us, soothing it over my ru
stling
baby.

His eyes
were lit with emotion
…
and then
he frowned. He moved his hand away, shaking his head negatively. “I can’t.” The pained expression returned. “Fuck
!
I want to so bad. I crave you so intensely that my entire body feels like it’s going to split at the seams, but I can’t. You want this now because you’re upset. And as much as I want you in that way, if we did it now, it would be ruined with your regret later. I can’t love you now only to have it hurt you later.”

I shook my head. “I won’t.” The words sounded
feeble,
even to me. I closed my eyes, sighing. I opened them
to
face him again. “I’m sorry I dragged you down with me.”

He smiled. “I’m not. I love you, Leka. I’ll cherish every bit of affection you give me within these boundaries.” His tone was reverent, confirming his words.

Tears welled. Why couldn’t Kellan feel the same way? Why couldn’t he treasure me like Kai? I knew comparing the two was wrong; they were two completely different people. But this moment highlighted how wrong my choice was logically. My soul may have declared one single victor, but if fate had any sense, she would change that detail.

Kai tenderly kissed my lips one last time. “When you let him go, when he’s gone, I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting. I won’t hesitate then. I’ll sweep you off your feet and make you forget every wound he left behind. I’ll kiss away your tears and love you into a better tomorrow.”

I
held
Kai’s face, my hands shaking under the power of my emotions,
the depth
of my
hurt.
“You deserve so much more, Kai.”

He chuckled lightly. “Most women would argue that I deserve much less based on my past.” He sobered. “I’m not an angel, Leka. I’ve been a complete ass to many women before you.”

“Anyone can change.”

“You’re the only one I was ever willing to change for.”

The magnitude of his confession punched me
-
hard; it devastated my defenses
and
destroyed the ground beneath me. It
sent
me falling from
an intimidating height,
fear and excitement flooding me, irrationally swaying my heart.

Kai moved to the side, lying on the bed beside me
and pulling
me into him.

I kissed his chest;
unease
wrecked my soul. “I love you, Kai. In case you didn’t know, I
do
love you.”

He stiffened. “
But
?”

“No buts. I love you. There’s nothing anyone can do to change that.”

His body didn’t relax the way I thought it would. I peered up at him. The pained expression had returned.

“That only makes me hate him more,” he stated.

I didn’t know what else to do. I hugged him tightly, snuggling deeper into him. Maybe I couldn’t love him freely, but I still loved him. He deserved to know that love;
and
he deserved to know
that
he was loved.

Chapter 18

I opened my eyes; exhaustion still
settled
in my bones. He ran his fingers through my hair, coaxing me to relax further.

I looked up at him.

He smiled. “Good morning, sleepy head.”

I stretched, rolling over to look around the room. It was still night, but I had a feeling quite a few hours had passed. I looked at the clock on the nightstand. I was shocked to see it was already 5:31 AM.

I turned back to him. His head rested in his palm, the weight of his upper body was settled on his elbow.

“Want me to get you breakfast?”

I
tilted my head.
“You cook?”

“No, but I could get you something.”

I laughed. “That’s okay.”

I moved away, getting out of bed. I stood and looked at him from th
is
angle. He was devilishly sexy lying in my bed, his muscled upper body on display.

“Like what you see?” He wagged his brows.

“Talk about cocky.”
My brows waved back at him.

I frowned as
everything from
last night tumbl
ed
back to
the forefront of my mind.
“Did Drex come back?”

Kai shook his head negatively. “No, sorry.”

Guilt
strangled
me. It wasn’t Drexel’s place to be put in the middle of me and Kellan’s relationship. It wasn’t anyone’s place.
This was all
Kellan
,
not
Drexel, Sanders, Auggy or
Aunt Claire
.
I owed them
all
an apology. It wasn’t their fault my fiancé neglected his duties. It wasn’t their fault my relationship was falling apart, or so it seemed.

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” I headed for my
refuge.

I sensed him right behind me
, watching
me closely. I could almost feel the intensity of the concern in his
scrutiny.

I found the ingredients I’d taken out last night still sitting on the island. Luckily, none of it
was perishable.
Even though
I wouldn’t use the blood, it wasn’t rotten. I grabbed the butter and stuffed
it
back into the fridge, pulling out a fresh block
along with
a new container of blood.

I was going to bake each of them a cherry pie. I’d write that I was sorry on top of each one in whipped cream and give it to them. It was the least I could do.

Kai sat
o
n a barstool. He silently observed everything that I did.

As soon as I put the final pie in the oven, I grabbed my laptop and powered it up. Within a minute, I was in my back office log, pulling my orders for the day. I nearly cried when I saw three full pages of requests.

That settled it.
I was placing an
ad today. I already had a delivery company. Now
,
I needed someone to help me bake
the deliveries.

***

I called Sanders. Drexel
wouldn’t
answer my calls. He was hurt
, and rightfully so
. I’d done
exactly
what I said I never would. I kicked him out, asked him to leave. God, I was an awful friend. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right lately.

“Are you alright?” Sanders’ gruff voice
had a
soft
edge
.

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Is he there?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you two please come up? I promise not to be mean or cry. I’ll be a good pregnant vamp.” I bit my bottom lip, anxiety
flooding
my veins. The baby turn
ed
in my belly. I winced as it hit a sensitive spot low in my stomach.

Kai was at my side in a second. I held up my hand, holding him off. I was waiting on pins and needles to see if the guys would
actually
come to me or if I would have to go hunt them down.

I didn’t hear whispers, but Sanders and Drexel had always been able to communicate with merely a look.

“We’ll be up in a bit,” Sanders finally responded.

I immediately felt the weight lifted off of me. “See you soon.”

We both hung up.

“What exactly does that thing do in there?” Kai smirked, eying my stomach with curiosity.

I shrugged. “It moves around, which
is
usually fine. Sometimes
, though,
it hits a spot
that’s oversensitive,
or one of my organs, and I
feel
a
stab
of pain. It doesn’t last; it’s just a bit shocking at first.”

Kai nodded, accepting my response. He
may have
accepted it, but
I knew
he didn’t fully understand it. No man ever would; not even every woman would.

I moved back, grabbing a pie off the counter and handing it to him.

He smiled. “What’s the
‘
I’m sorry
’
for?”

“For crying all over your shirt and
for
all the other stuff after that.” I felt
shame spread across
my cheeks just thinking about our short,
heated
exchange.

“Never be sorry for that, Leka. Never regret loving me, please.” His voice was
endearing,
but there was a desperate edge to it, a hard plea that rounded out the final word.

“I’ll never regret loving you, Kai. I regret not having a better hold on my emotions. I wished I was more stable and level headed rather than a
spastic,
bi-polar
…”

The door opened
;
Drex and Sanders entered. Sanders shoved at Drexel, sending him away from the entry, where it seemed like the big man wanted to cower
.

My heart broke at the apprehension in his steps, at the ache in his eyes. Oh, he tried to steel himself
against it
, he tried to hide it, but I knew him too well.

I quickly moved to him. “Please forgive me.”

He stood, quietly staring down at me. He wasn’t looking at me though, he was looking through me. Talk about guilt. I’d never felt so small.

“Drex, please look at me.” I stood on my tiptoes and covered his cheeks with my hands, waiting until I had his attention. “I’m sorry. I had a bad moment and I took it out on the wrong people. It’s not your fault. It never was. It’s not your responsibility to be in the middle of me and Kellan. It’s
definitely
not your responsibility to report anything to me. Your loyalty isn’t being questioned. I’m sorry you got caught in the middle
,
and
I’m sorry
you
were
inadvertently
pushed away.”

He slowly nodded his head. His brows
relaxed as his eyes drifted.
“It’s not my place to say anything, but I will say that you deserve more than he gave you. If my fiancé was pregnant, I wouldn’t leave her in the hands of others to run off on
some
secret mission.”