44 Book Four (15 page)

Then we talked about the Amphitheater’s lineup for the summer. Kate was excited about seeing Norah Jones and Ty figured he’d probably go to all the concerts, listening to the acts he didn’t feel like paying for from a boat out on the river. He liked being outside and loved live music and had already bought our Tenacious D tickets for the first show of the season.

After dinner, we saw one of the movies Ty brought over. It was something called
Driver
.

“Take notes, Abby,” Ty said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes.

It was dark and odd and slow in parts, but it wasn’t bad. Kate yawned through most of it and after it ended, told us she had to call it a night.

“No way,” Ty said. “That’s weak.”

She smiled but left anyway.

“Okay, my turn,” I said. “You know we haven’t seen a classic in a while. I think it’s time.”

“If it can’t be helped,” he said, smiling.

I scrolled through the list of saved shows on the DVR.

It was something called
Far from the Madding Crowd
, starring Julie Christie.

“This is not a good sign,” Ty mumbled as the overture began. He was probably still recovering from the elephant thing. “The orchestra playing before the opening credits is definitely not a good sign.”

“Yeah, looks like it’s a long one. We don’t have to finish it tonight.”

“And some people say there’s no God.”

It had been a good night, but I still could sense that little bit of space between us.

“So, thanks for those flowers,” I said, looking at them on the table. “They’re beautiful.”

Ty put his hand on my thigh.

The movie began. It took a while to get going but after about an hour I could tell that Ty was even into it. There was a crazy part with a soldier pretending he was on horseback and a couple of wild scenes involving sheep.

“What’s with you and animals?” he said.

I started laughing, and he joined in.

I paused the movie. I didn’t know how to ask him, but I couldn’t stand not talking about it either.

“What’s up?” he said.

I glanced over at him and looked into his eyes and then checked his energy. It was still bright and buzzing quickly around him like a swarm of bees.

“I thought we should talk. You know, about what I told you the last time we were hanging out.”

He pushed himself back into the soft leather.

“You mean the part about ghosts?”

“Yeah, that would be the part. I mean, were you surprised about what I said? Because it seemed like it freaked you out a little.”

He nodded.

“Yeah. Sorry, but I was. I know all that stuff is really popular these days and everything, but I’m not into it. I have a lot of trouble taking it seriously.”

I wasn’t sure what that meant. Did it mean he thought I was lying? Or worse, did he think I was crazy? How could I be with someone who didn’t believe in the things I saw, the things I knew were as real as the two of us sitting here?

I stared at the TV, frozen on the image of a coffin.

I could almost see how someone would find it funny, switching out my old boyfriend who is a ghost for a new boyfriend who didn’t believe in them. It might have made for a good sitcom, but I was having trouble seeing the humor in it right now.

I sighed.

“I hope that’s not going to be a problem, Abby,” he said. “It’s not a big deal. I’m crazy about you. It’s not that I don’t believe you. But it’s just not my thing.”

“All right,” I said.

I didn’t want to get into a big thing now. I was tired and my car had fallen off a hill and my mind was filled with thoughts of Spenser and Mo. I couldn’t take this on right now.

“Let’s talk about it later,” I said, yawning into my hand. “And let’s finish the movie next time.”

“All right,” he said. “Turned out to be a good one, in a squirrelly kind of way. I want to find out how it ends.”

Me too
, I thought.
I want to find out how this ends
.

***

I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was only closed over, but Kate waited until I asked her to come in.

“Ty leave?” she asked as she sat on the bed.

“About an hour ago. What are you still doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said.

I put down the laptop. I had been checking my email, disappointed that Claire hadn’t written back yet.

“Did you have a good night?” she asked.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You’re not feeling bad about your Jeep, I hope. The insurance will pick up most of it. And sure, your premium will go up, but that’s not important right now. Anyway, you can use my car if you want. Just drop me off at the paper.”

“Thanks, Kate,” I said, staring at my hands. “But doesn’t a reporter need a car?”

“I’ll use Tony’s. Really. Please take it.”

“Thanks,” I said, counting my fingers.

“So what’s the matter?”

I told her about Ty. Even though I had tried to put it out of my mind, I was struggling with it. In fact, it was making me angry.

“Maybe he’s religious or something like that.”

“That’s what I was wondering,” I said. “But I don’t think that’s it.”

“He just needs more time to come around. You’ll see.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But I don’t get it. How can you have a relationship with someone you don’t believe?”

“It’s been my experience that relationships can work, or not work, for all sorts of reasons. They’re always complicated and always seem to be hanging on by a heart string, or a thread. I think maybe the key is having enough common ground and spending time there.”

“Thanks, Dr. Phil,” I said. “But seriously, that all sounds true.”

She smiled.

“I guess I’m still bummed about Barcelona,” I said. “And it just keeps getting worse. First they lose the
Clásico
against Real Madrid. Then they get knocked out of the Champions League by Chelsea. And now I just read that Pep is quitting.”

I knew Kate didn’t know most of what I was talking about.

“Pep?” she repeated. “Isn’t that that coach, the tall, dark, and handsome one?”

“Well, I don’t know how tall he is, but, yeah, that’s him.”

“Gee, that’s too bad,” she said without much feeling. “He’s a snazzy dresser.”

I knew that some people, like Kate, might think I was overreacting. But when it came to soccer, there was no such thing. I couldn’t sleep. My Jeep had rolled off a cliff. My relationship with Ty might be in real trouble. I was having visions of Nathaniel again. Spenser had been killed by his friend. All these things were true. But Barcelona had had a horrible week. That was true, too.

Kate walked to the window and looked out into the darkness.

“When are you starting on the backyard?” I asked.

“Next week. Those tulips I planted in the fall should be blooming soon. I’m going to do a Zen sort of thing back in the corner. Maybe a rock garden and a Buddha statue and a fountain.”

“Sounds peaceful.”

“It’s going to be good,” she said and then got to the point. “Abby, you need to listen to Dr. Krowe.”

There it was. I knew it was coming but it was the last thing I wanted to deal with right now.

“At the risk of pointing out the obvious, what happened today with your car is a result of you not sleeping. And you got off lucky. Very lucky. Next time or the time after that, things might not work out so well.”

I stared at her.

“You have to sleep or you’re going to really hurt yourself. You’re going to have to trust me. Because you aren’t seeing the entire picture right now.”

“What’s the entire picture?” I said.

She was quiet for a long time.

“That you’re losing it,” she said finally.

“You’re exaggerating,” I said.

I was staring up at my Messi poster wondering why he had missed that penalty kick. If he could have just made it, like he did most of the time, we would be celebrating Barcelona going on to the finals. I hated being angry with him, but that’s how I felt.

I was starting to feel some resentment toward Kate as well.

“Sure, I’m a little tired, but nothing really bad has happened. I haven’t had a breakdown. I don’t spill hot coffee on myself or poison customers. I’m okay. The sleep thing is working itself out. Life is fine. I’m fine.”

Kate folded her arms and shook her head. Dark waves rose off of her.

“Yeah, you’re fine. Fit as a… Look, just take the pills, okay. Just for a week. Please, Abby, take those damn pills.”

I didn’t say anything. She waited and then shook her head again. Then she walked out, closing the door behind her.

I picked up the bottle from the nightstand and threw it against the poster.

CHAPTER 35

In the morning I walked over to the park like I used to when I was a kid, bouncing the ball on the cracked sidewalk and thinking about how everything felt so bad. I still felt hot and needed to get outside into the fresh air, clear my head.

And I needed to find Jesse.

The basketball court was empty. Today the whole park was empty. I scanned the outlying areas, seeing if anybody was lurking in the trees in the distance. But there was no one around.

I brought my basketball, the one I hardly ever used, the one buried in the back of my closet. I only kept it around because it reminded me of him, of the days when we would spend all our time at the park shooting hoops. By the time we were in high school though, Jesse insisted on always using his Michael Jordan ball when we played.

I took a shot, missing, and ran after it on the grass.

I needed his help. The vision of Nathaniel was still on my mind.

“Jesse,” I whispered, taking another shot.

I couldn’t remember the last time I called out to him. I was trying hard not to. I was trying hard to let him go. But he told me if I ever needed him he was there for me.

And I needed him now.

“Jesse,” I called out again.

I took another shot. It hit the rim and from behind I heard a voice.

“Boink,” he said.

I turned around and ran into his arms.

“Jesse,” I said.

“Easy, Craigers,” he said, tugging at his hat. “Let me show you how it’s done.”

We played for a few minutes, but not for long. The morning sun was in my eyes and shining down so bright that when Jesse ran into the light, he disappeared for a moment.

But he was still there, going up for a layup. He grabbed the ball and handed it to me.

“I’m glad you called,” he said. “We need to talk.”

His eyes sparkled with an urgency I didn’t see too often.

We walked over to a cement picnic table and sat on top of it. 

“Tell me what’s going on,” he said.

“Kate says I’m losing it and I think she may be right. Plus a few other things.”

He studied me for a moment.

“She’s right,” he said, and then laughed.

“Come on.” I elbowed him in the stomach.

“Okay, okay. Look, I know something’s going on with you. And I know it’s taking a toll. Your energy isn’t the same. It’s weaker or something. I had trouble finding you.”

Icy fingers closed around my air passage.

“What do you mean? You can’t see me anymore?”

He shook his head and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Step away from the edge, Craigers. No, it’s not that. But your light is just different now, more diffused.”

“So Kate is right?” I said.

“I don’t know about that, but I’ve been trying to get with you to tell you. About that kid you’re talking to. You need to—”

“I know,” I said, cutting him off. “You want me to stay out of it. Leave it alone. Stop talking to ghosts.”

“No, that’s not what I was going to say. Actually, just the opposite.”

I shivered in the cool wind.

“What? But you’re always telling me to leave the ghosts alone and to get on with my life.”

“I know, but not this time. You need to help him.”

I couldn’t believe it.

“Help him? You mean Spenser? I already did. I listened to his story and told his sister. But I’m afraid Kate’s right. There’s probably not much more I can do.”

He stood up and picked up a pine cone, throwing it up and catching it.

“I can’t see everything,” he said. “I can’t see most of it in fact. But something bad is coming. It’s on the way, Craigers. And it’s really bad. Black. Dark. And it has to do with Spenser.”

I sat quiet for a moment, thinking.

“But it already happened to him, Jesse. He was killed.”

He shook his head.

“That’s not why he came to you. There’s something more. You have to talk to him again and find out what it is.”

I rubbed my shoulders, wishing I had brought my jacket. Wishing other things too.

“All right, I’ll try to find him.”

“Do it fast. Time is running out.”

I shuddered again, remembering that Spenser had said the same thing to me when he was sitting at Back Street. The same exact words.

“Okay,” I said. “I will. I’ll try to find him today.”

“Make it happen,” Jesse said, his face serious.

I nodded. It was justice that Spenser probably needed, I was guessing. Somehow I had to prove that Devin was responsible for making him run out into the street.

“Okay, I have something else I need to talk to you about,” I said. “It’s not related to this, but I need your opinion.”

He smiled.

“You need advice on your love life, don’t you?”

I smiled awkwardly.

“Kidding,” he said, taking my hand.

He still felt and looked and sounded just as real as when he was alive. Suddenly it all hit me, how much I still missed him. I squeezed his hand. He made me feel alive, like I didn’t need sleep, like I could stay awake with him forever. Like this. Forever.

“What’s going on?” he said.

“It’s Nathaniel. I’ve seen him.”

The words sucked the air out of my chest as I said them.

“Really?” he said, sitting back down next to me.

I told him about the visions I had being having, about the feelings connected to them, and about him dancing in the flames.

“He must be in Hell, Jesse. And I think he’s reaching out to me, trying to find me, and pull me down there with him.”