365 Days (7 page)

Thursday 22 March

A strange e-mail appeared in my in-box tonight from someone called lovesickpuppy; it said, ‘u have no idea how I feel. I bet u don’t even notice me do you?’ Curious! I wondered whether I should e-mail lovesickpuppy back, but figured it had been sent to me by mistake, and didn’t want to strike up an e-mail correspondence with some random person who could be, for all I know, an axe murderer. Well, you hear such horrible stories, don’t you?

Friday 23 March

Had lunch with Hannah again today to finalise the presentation. We’ve had lunch with each other pretty much every day for the last couple of weeks instead of with the gang, and it’s been great ’cos it means I don’t have to suffer the pain of eating with J. Hannah asked me if I wanted to go to her house after tea tonight to do some last-minute tweaking to the layout of the presentation on her PC. I must say, Hannah’s taking this project
really
seriously; every opportunity she has, she asks to work on it with me. This is going to be the best damned presentation in the history of St Bartholomew’s School! I wish I could be as dedicated to my work as she is!

My fascist mother deigned to allow me to go over to Han’s after tea, ’cos it was homework-related. Han’s parents were out for the evening, so we were undisturbed all night. By the end of the evening, we had everything ready to go for first thing Monday morning, with some quite brilliant PowerPoint slides, natty pictures of the American President, JFK, and the Russian President, Kalashnikov—sorry—Khrushchev, in various poses which we’d superimposed over a map of Cuba. Pritchard’s gonna be blown away (like Cuba nearly was—ha ha ha ha!!)

Saturday 24 March

A text from Hannah first thing! She asked me if I fancied bringing Barbara over so that we could walk her along with Toffee, Hannah’s Shih-tzu. So I dragged a grumbling Barbara from her basket (Barbara doesn’t do mornings) and walked her round to Hannah’s house, then we went up to some nearby woods, which was really nice.

We started talking about boys (groan) and Hannah asked me if I was going out with anyone now that me and Ben were finished. What could I say? I could hardly tell her that I had absolutely
no
interest in the opposite sex, and would rather chew my own arm off than go out with a boy, so full is my head of J. Actually, my head is full of girls in general at the moment; I find myself looking at girls, on the street, at school, on the telly, and fancying the pants off them. Must be hormones!

So I told her, no, I wasn’t going out with anyone, just stopping short of adding that I would give anything to go out with J. I asked Hannah if she was seeing anyone and she said she wasn’t interested in going out with any boy at the moment. I figured as much. Judging by the amount of time and attention she’s been giving schoolwork—and our presentation task in particular—over the last three weeks, she’d never have time to go out with anyone!

I told her that I’d thought her brother Dan was her boyfriend when we all went out bowling and she laughed and gave me this strange look. She looked like she was about to say something, but must have thought better of it, ’cos she turned her head away and whistled for Toffee. When we turned to walk back down the woods, the conversation turned to other things. I was glad; I hate talking about boys and everything to do with them. It makes me uncomfortable.

Sunday 25 March

Spent, like, FIVE hours on MSN with Hannah this afternoon. We were just talking and joking and sending each other silly pictures (I sent her one of Chairman Meow wearing a bow-tie), and it was FAB!

She also sent me some photos of herself cuddling Toffee, presumably taken in the summertime ’cos it was dead sunny and she looked really tanned, which I liked very much! She was looking right into the camera, sort of squinting, like you do when it’s sunny, and I felt kinda weird and wobbly when I saw her, like how I feel inside when I see J down the corridor or something.

Hmm.

Monday 26 March

The day of the presentation! I woke up with my tummy churning and dreading the whole day, but in actual fact, it wasn’t too bad!

Hannah and I stood at the front of the class and did our little piece, along with our slides and pictures. We’d done handouts for everyone, with bullet points giving a brief synopsis of what the Cuban Missile Crisis was all about. Mr. Pritchard said he was very pleased with the effort we’d put into it, and was especially impressed that we’d thought of the handout ideas. He gave us both a merit! Well chuffed with that!

Hannah and I left the lesson giggling and whooping, and I bought her a hot chocolate at break to say thanks. I told her I’d had a blast doing the presentation with her, and that I’d enjoyed working so closely with her for the last three weeks. She said she’d enjoyed spending time with me as well, adding ‘more than you’ll ever know’, which puzzled me a bit.

And you know the best thing? Me and Hannah were laughing and hugging each other at break and J saw us and I’m
sure
I saw a hint of jealousy in her eyes, which pleased me greatly!

Tuesday 27 March

Was lying in bed, thinking about Hannah last night. I was remembering us hugging and laughing and I got this strange feeling! I
really
like Hannah, but I’m worried that it’s going to turn into ‘like’ as in
nudge-nudge wink
like, and I don’t want that. Trouble is, my head’s so full of J that I don’t think there’s room for anyone else in there (I have but a small brain).

But whenever I picture Hannah in my head, it makes me smile.

Wednesday 28 March

Met up with Alice, Ems, and Caroline at lunchtime and we talked about how crap Mr. Troutt’s lesson had been. Hannah came over and joined us; the gang were all pleased to see her, and I suddenly realised that
everyone
likes Hannah ’cos she’s that sort of girl—hugely likeable.

Thursday 29 March

SUCH a boring day at school! My day wasn’t made much better when I got in tonight to be confronted by Mum and Dad having an argument about peas, so I took myself off to my room. I texted Matty and told her about my stupid parents arguing over a pack of frozen bloody petits pois and then we had this silly texty conversation about
Lost
.

Friday 30 March

Thank Goddddddddd it’s Friday! Aaaaaaand it’s the last day of term, aaaaaaand it was Jeans for Genes day today which meant we could wear whatever we wanted, so long as it involved wearing jeans, of course. Get in!!

I wore my sweatshirt and jeans and Airwalks, and I think I looked okay. Other girls wore skinny jeans and off-the-shoulder tops and their ridiculous itty-bitty pumps, but that look just ain’t for me! I can’t imagine me wearing skimpy pumps, certainly not the way I stomp around all the time.

Alice wore her amazing over-sized jumper and a pair of skinny jeans. Hannah came dressed all in black and looked h-o-t, I do have to say! All the other girls were crowding round her, oohing and ahhing over her clothes and accessories: she was wearing a huge silver bangle on one wrist and a black sweatband on the other. She had her hair all gathered up in a black band and these wicked leather things round her neck!

She also had a whopping great skull (!!!!!) ring on one hand, and a Celtic band on the other. If that wasn’t cool enough, she also had her fake lip ring in, which Mrs. Russell (boo-hiss) promptly spotted and told her to remove, even though it was bloody fake!

Wow! I was pleased to see that she was wearing a hooded top too, although hers was black and mine was purple. Ah, well…you can’t have everything.

Saturday 31 March

I think I fancy Hannah. I mean, why else would I have spent all of last night thinking about how fit she looked yesterday in all her Goth—sorry, EMO—gear? It’s like, I was looking at her at school yesterday and I suddenly noticed how nice her eyes are, and that she has dimples; then I realised that her dimples make my tummy go funny when she smiles and you can see them.

I went to bed thinking about her and woke up this morning still thinking about her, just like I do with J, and now I kinda wish it wasn’t the Easter holidays coming up ’cos I know I won’t see her very much.

And I want to see her, like, all the time.

Sunday 1 April

Dad came rushing into my room at eight this morning to tell me it was snowing. I rolled over and mumbled, ‘Good April Fool, Pa,’ from deep beneath my duvet. He looked a little deflated. I’m sixteen (nearly seventeen!!), Pa! I think I’m a little too old for April Fools now.

Caroline texted me later this morning and told me that she’d seen Brad Pitt shopping for nappies in town, ha ha ha!!

I lay in bed before breakfast thinking that because I fancy Hannah as well as J, then I definitely have to be gay, right? I mean, how can I fancy two different girls and not fancy boys in the slightest, and not be, like, totally queer? So after everyone had got all their dumb April Fool jokes out of the way this morning, I decided to look up the definition of the word ‘lesbian’ in mum’s dictionary, just to satisfy my own curiosity, and it just said, ‘a woman who is sexually attracted to other women’.

That’d be it, then.

Mum came in while I was reading it and saw that the page was open on all the L words, and she asked me what word I was looking for. Once an English teacher, always an English teacher, huh?!

I told her (quick as a flash, like) that I was looking up the word leprechaun, and she rolled her eyes and said that, at sixteen, I should know what a bloody leprechaun was. She left the room muttering something about grammar school education being wasted on me. I didn’t care. I was just pleased at my lightning-fast reactions!

So, I am a lesbian (not a leprechaun, thank God). It’s got a name. I like that. Makes it, I dunno, somehow more manageable.

Monday 2 April

Hannah texted me first thing and asked me if I wanted to go over to her house today. I’d already promised Alice that I’d meet her, but I was sure she wouldn’t mind if Hannah came too. I REALLY wanted to see Hannah so I texted her straight back and asked if she wanted to meet both me and Alice in town, but she didn’t.

Met Alice outside the Virgin Megastore in town and we went for coffee in Starbucks. I kinda wanted to talk to Alice about everything I’m going through at the moment but I chickened out. Anyway, as I was sitting sipping my latte in Starbucks, I glanced out the window and saw J, with Garrrrrrrreth. So they’re back together! I watched them and didn’t feel the awful stab of jealousy that I thought I would feel! It suddenly struck me that because I’ve recently been thinking so much about Hannah at the moment, I haven’t been giving much thought to J. It’s a relief actually. All this worry is beginning to bring me out in zits.

When I got home from town with Alice, I logged onto MSN, hoping that Hannah might be there, ’cos I fancied a chat. She wasn’t there, just Marcie, so we chatted for a bit till I got bored, then I made an excuse and logged off.

Tuesday 3 April

Me, Mum, Dad, and HRBH all went down to the coast for the day to go and visit Great Aunt Kathleen. She embraced me, then HRBH in her usual vice-like grip and marvelled at how big we’d grown. (Well, I am nearly seventeen—I’d expect to be growing fast—durrr!)

We sat and chatted, and Great Aunt Kathleen got the sherry out and tried to foist it on us all, but ended up drinking most of it herself. When it looked like she was about to nod off, Dad made his excuses and said we had to get going so that we could get home in the light. She gave me, then HRBH a whiskery kiss, pressed a pound coin into each of our hands, told us not to spend it all at once, and off we went.

Dad drove us down into the town and we sat on the seafront, eating chips and fending off the seagulls until it was dark, then we drove home. Got back around 1 a.m., knackered, so nighty-night!

Wednesday 4 April

Went into town with Mum today, so that I could look out for some new clothes for me. Everything I saw was either too old for me, or too expensive. So that leaves me with not much choice! Saw some well funky stuff that I could imagine Hannah would wear and that got me thinking about her again. I felt too shy to look at all this funky gear properly, though, ’cos I had Mum with me and I knew she’d make comments about how inappropriate it was—like bloody mothers do.

Checked my e-mails when I got home and saw that I’d had another strange one from this lovesickpuppy person! This time it said, ‘Ur driving me crazeeee.’ Should I reply to it? I’m not sure what to do; I want to reply and tell this person that whoever they think they’re e-mailing, it’s the wrong person, but for all I know it could be from some Texan called Brad who’s been on Death Row for the last 20 years for hacking his li’l momma’s head off with a blunt knife. Perhaps I’ll just leave it for now and hope whoever it is realises they’ve got the wrong e-mail address.