365 Days (13 page)

We sat on the grass next to each other and I so wanted to touch her. She had a stray bit of hair that was driving me mad as well, but mainly I just wanted to touch her. I was just thinking how hard it was knowing that we can’t do these things as freely as a boyfriend and girlfriend can, when Han put her hand right next to mine and stroked my hand kinda furtively with her fingers, just like she’d read my thoughts or something. It was real nice, just sitting there on the grass, our hands touching, Joe oblivious on his PlayStation inside.

Then my phone beeped and it was Mum telling me ‘lnch rdy. Cm hm now.’ Oh yes! My mother has finally got to grips with her mobile phone (only five months after we bought her the bloody thing) and keeps sending me random text messages which say things like: ‘pork chops 4 tea,’ and, ‘Am in town. Do u want shoes?’ and completely incomprehensible texts like: ‘wd u pt chkn in oven 4t bk @ 6 Mum,’ and ‘Mrs. M frm chrch snds luv.’ It’s driving me potty! Is there anything worse than a parent who talks to you in text-speak?! And this from an English teacher! She should be ashamed of herself [/superiority/]. Anyway, I took that to mean that lunch was ready and that I was to come home, so I had to give Han a quick hug and set off back to Normal Land once again.

Monday 11 June

It was quite warm today so I decided to wear my short skirt to school. When I met up with the gang at lunchtime, I got some ribbing about it ’cos it’s so short. Ems said, ‘You trying to catch Troutt’s eye, Clem?’ and ‘Don’t let my Ryan see you in that,’ which made everyone laugh. I caught Han’s glance and she raised a brow at me, a mischievous glint in her eye, which made my tummy go to mush again.

As we returned into the school block, Han pulled me back and whispered, ‘You trying to kill me, Clemmykins?’ and the back of my legs went wobbly! I think I might continue to wear short skirts to school. I like the idea that it’s driving Han mad and she can’t say anything in front of the others! Does that make me some sort of pervert?

Tuesday 12 June

Went over to Han’s house straight after school tonight, ’cos she said her mum and dad wouldn’t be home till about 5:30 p.m. so we could have an hour’s peace and quiet together. We went up to her room (Han’s, not her mum’s) and had, like, this marathon kissing session on her bed!!! I think maybe I’m okay at this kissing lark ’cos Han was making all the right noises. I feel a bit daft for fretting about it at the weekend now. Anyway, I was getting to the point where I felt like I was ready to perhaps do more, but then we heard a key in the front door, so had to tidy ourselves up and make out that we’d been sitting up there listening to music or something. I felt a bit guilty again—I’m sure I must have been Catholic in my last life!

Wednesday 13 June

Han’s dyed her hair black with a red bit in it again ’cos she said she could see some of her natural mousey hair coming through. It looks dead cool! I think I might like to dye my hair black, but I’m worried about what Mum and Dad will say. It took them over a month to recover from the shock of HRBH buying herself a pair of thigh-high boots in 2004.

I’ve decided to grow my fringe a bit as well, so that it covers one of my eyes. Han’s hair’s a bit like that and it looks wicked. I need to do something different with my hair, anyway. It’s the sort of hair that has a life of its own, and only the liberal use of gel and straighteners makes it look half-decent.

Thursday 14 June

Checked my e-mails before bed, but there was only one message in my in-box, telling me how I could increase the size of my cock, so I logged off and went to bed.

Han sent me a late-night text, which just said, ‘Thinking about you.’ I lay in the dark reading it over and over again and went off to sleep with a dopey grin on my face!

Friday 15 June

Woke up feeling in a naughty mood today so wore the short black skirt that I know Han likes so much. Caught her looking at my legs during French and it gave me a thrill. I think I’m turning into one of those exhibitionists that you read about in the papers. Han said I look ‘as fit as fuck’ in my short skirt, which made me giggle nervously. I’ve never been confident in my looks, so I love it when she tells me I look good (even if I don’t particularly like her choice of vocabulary).

Saturday 16 June

Han came over at lunchtime today. This was the first time she’d been to our house, and it looked like she’d dressed for the occasion. She was dressed in what can only be described as rags, in black, with her
fuck-off
biker boots on and her hair looking like she’d just got out of bed (although I’m sure it had taken her ages to make it look so scruffy). My dad answered the door and stood there looking scared until Han greeted him with a breezy ‘Hullo, Mr. Atkins’ and flashed him her best smile. I appeared in the hallway and she poked her tongue out at me over Dad’s shoulder.

We sat in the lounge and watched Kerrang! together until I heard Dad out in the kitchen muttering something about ‘bloody racket coming from the lounge’ to Mum. Not wanting them to embarrass me in front of Han, I suggested we went into town—anything had to be better than having to listen to Dad grumbling on like a miserable old fart.

Anyway, Han dragged me into the chemists in town and made me try some black makeup on. I put on black mascara and a bit of black eyeshadow, and turned and pouted at Han. I asked, ‘What do you think?’ and she whispered, ‘I think I want to ravish you right here,’ which made me go all giggly and girly.

Afterwards, we looked at the black hair dye, ’cos I’d told Han I was thinking about changing my hair colour. She picked out this dye called ‘Midnight Seduction’ (why can’t it just be called ‘Black’?!) and said she thought I’d look foxy with black hair, but then I thought of my poor parents’ faces if I went home with black makeup AND black hair dye, so just plumped for the mascara instead. I think maybe I’ll just wear it when I’m with Han, though, in case I get laughed at.

Sunday 17 June

It was Father’s Day today and the sun was shining for a change, so we packed up a picnic and drove to a canal side pub that Mum and Dad like for a quick drink. The pub was packed! You’d think people had never seen sunshine before! The place was full of people high on beer and vitamin D! Dad got very grumpy ’cos there was nowhere to sit, so we walked on along the canal a little way and ate our picnic on the grass. It was very nice, but the pickle had squirted from our sandwiches, making everything taste of pickles
,
including the bananas
.

Dad seemed to enjoy himself, though. Maybe a bit too much ’cos he insisted on stopping off at the pub again on the way home, then drank too much, so Mum had to drive us all home again. I don’t think she was best pleased ’cos she got
that look
on her face which stayed there all the way home, right through the early evening news, and only lifted when she heard the opening credits of
ER
start up.

Monday 18 June

I wanted to ask Han about her previous girlfriends today, but:

1. I didn’t want to get her annoyed, and
   
2. Do I really want to know??
   

Tuesday 19 June

Maybe I do want to know! Maybe I want to know exactly how experienced she is, whether she was ever in love with any of them, whether she’s ever had her heart broken and, more importantly, whether she’s actually
done it
with any of them.

Trouble is, I’m so square and I don’t know what I’m doing. This is all so new and strange to me, and I know Han says she finds it cute, but how long is she going to find it cute for? I dunno, maybe I should just stop worrying about it and go with the cute thing? After all, I suppose it could be fun getting Han to teach me things!!

Wednesday 20 June

Wanted Han all to myself today so we had lunch on our own, much to everyone’s puzzlement, I guess. I don’t care. Sometimes I just want to be with my girlfriend on my own.

Han told me over lunch that she liked my button nose. I said, ‘what button nose?’ and she leant closer over the table and said in hushed tones, ‘you have such a cute little nose,’ which made me self-consciously touch it. She laughed and said she thought I was cute, and funny, and clever, and just about the nicest person she’d ever met! Me! I squirmed in my seat a bit, but I liked the compliments she was heaping on me.

When I got home from school, I looked at myself in the mirror. You see, she tells me these things, that I’m cute and all, but I can’t see it. I’ve always thought I was a bit funny looking and had a lack of self-confidence. I know I’m not ugly, and yet I’m not pretty…just pretty ugly (ha ha). I’m too short for my liking, and I’m not fat—I know—but I always think my bum is too big. And my hair! Whatever I do to it, it still sticks up all over the place. I’m a scruffy little oik too; Mum says even a Versace suit would look like a sack of potatoes on me.

I stood and pulled some pouty faces in the mirror until HRBH walked past and sneered, ‘if the wind changes you’ll get stuck like that,’ at me. Damn wind must have been blowing a gale for her to end up looking the way she does, then!!!

Thursday 21 June

Mrs. Russell is leaving! She gathered us all for assembly this morning, and told us in sombre tones that she was retiring at the end of term and that from September we would be having a new Head. I’m not sure what I think about this. She could be scary and annoying at times, but I think I might miss the sound of her six-inch stilletoes clip-clopping down the corridor at 80 miles an hour.

Realised today that I’ve been neglecting Alice again lately so asked her if she wanted to come to town with me on Saturday. Han’s not going to be around so I’ll be at a loose end anyway. It made sense to re-establish my best friend obligations whilst not missing out on being with Han!

Friday 22 June

Really hot day, so we all sat outside on the grass at lunchtime. Ems and Matty were quizzing Han on her love life and I thought she managed really well in keeping a straight face. They were asking her if she was seeing someone and she was really coy. I couldn’t look at her, so just lay out on the grass with my eyes shut, listening to them all burbling on, and Han doing her best to fend off all the questions being fired at her.

Later she caught up with me behind the science block and we had a good laugh about it. She said, ‘I wanted to tell them about us,’ and I blurted, ‘You’re not going to, are you??’ I stood there, panicked, until she laughed and said, ‘Of course not! Do you really think they’d understand??’ Then she said, ‘I’ve been there and done that once, and I wouldn’t do it again.’ I wanted to ask her what she meant, but the bell went for afternoon lessons so she linked her fingers in mine, said she’d miss me this weekend, then turned and walked back into the building.

I wonder what she meant? Presumably she has, in the past, told people about being gay and got a bad reaction? I knew I couldn’t tell my friends just yet, as close as we all are. I just don’t think they’d understand.

Saturday 23 June

Our ferry tickets arrived for our holiday this morning; the ferry leaves at 8:30 a.m. from Portsmouth, which means we’ll have to leave home at some ridiculous time in the morning to get down there. I don’t do mornings! We got the brochure for the caravan site as well—it looks nice! It’s in some pine forest in deepest darkest Brittany. What will the weather be like in Brittany in August, I wonder?

Met up with Alice in town and told her we’d gotten all the tickets for France. She looked dead happy and said she was really looking forward to coming with us, which is nice. I’m not sure how I’ll manage without Han for two weeks, though. I haven’t seen her since 2 p.m. yesterday, and I’m pining already.

Anyway, we went into town and I found myself looking at the black hair dye again. I really want to dye it now! I asked Alice what she thought I’d look like with black hair and she asked me if I wanted to dye it so I looked like Han, and stared at me kinda impatiently and a bit strangely. Longer than I felt comfortable with. I got a bit pissy with her and told her it had nothing to do with wanting to look like Han, but perhaps I do want to be like her really, or at least look a bit different from how I do now. My hair is a sort of mousey-boring-browny-pooey-yellowy colour and I want it to look funky. I’ve started to grow my fringe nice and long, so that looks good too, even if it drives me crackers pushing it out of my eyes every five minutes.

Plus, I don’t want Han to think I’m boring, so I picked up this box that was called ‘Midnight Hour’ and paid the £6.99 for it. I hope it’s worth it.

Sunday 24 June

Got a text from Han late last night telling me she was thinking about me and that she missed me. I texted her back and told her I was missing her too, and that I’d bought some black dye for my hair. She replied and said I was sexy enough now, but I’d drive her crazy with black hair. That comment made me feel really weird, in a good way, though.