31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) (38 page)

‘As if I hadn’t had enough of it for over a bloody
hour, now I have to listen to it on the damn baby monitor?’

‘Listen to what?’ I looked up at him stunned,
wondering what the hell was going on with him.

‘Don’t try pretending you didn’t put my mother up
to it. As if her monthly lecture on letting Moira go and moving on wasn’t bad
enough, now I have her nagging me telling me that you’re unhappy because you
want another baby,’ he snapped. I gasped and stood up to face him.

‘The whole Moira issue is between you and Luiza, I
haven’t once brought that up since I got here,’ I reminded him.

‘Well you weren’t exactly supportive on Friday or
today.’ He scowled at me making me gulp. He was so damn intimidating, I wished
I was wearing some heels so I was more level with him.

‘We had guests, it’s not exactly a “fun” afternoon
out to visit a comatose woman on a daily basis and if you’re getting stuff off
your chest then so will I. I don’t plan on nagging you about it, because it has
to be your decision in your own time, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to
drag Oliver and I there on a daily basis, especially in winter putting us all
at risk skiing down that damn snowy mountain, for a woman who doesn’t even know
us, let alone know we’re there.’

‘I thought relationships were about supporting
each other.’

‘Yes and by forcing me to do something I don’t
want to do you’re just as guilty of neglect, Dan. Not going with you every day
doesn’t mean I don’t feel for you or realise that you’re suffering, but I have
a life too. What are you going to tell Oliver when he’s old enough to
understand? Your actions will tell him that he needs to punish himself for life,
for one small mistake.’

‘This is
not
your concern,’ he yelled, as
he shoved a hand through his hair.

‘It is when you’re getting mad with me about it.
It’s not my fault you and your parents had an argument about it. I get you feeling
pressured, but don’t lay all that shit at my door and make out like I’m the one
to blame for your crappy mood,’ I hissed, as I shoved him and tried to go back
indoors. His long fingers quickly circled my wrist and pulled me back and he
forced me down into the chair again.

‘We’re not done here,’ he barked, as his eyes
blazed with anger.

‘Well I say we are,’ I bit back and got up again.
‘I’m your partner, not a subordinate who has to take a verbal beating because
you’re pissed about things. I didn’t force myself on you, I tried to stay away
and you came after me, you pursued me and asked me to be a part of your life
and that
doesn’t
include you shutting me out and ordering me around like
a child.’

‘And there’s that word again. Child. You don’t ask
my mother to make a plea on your behalf because you want to get pregnant again,
especially not knowing how I feel.’

‘Not that you even thought to ask my side of it,
but I never asked your mother to say anything, in fact I categorically told her
not to. I said that hopefully in time you’d come around to the idea of having
another baby.’

‘Damn it, she never knows when to stop
interfering,’ he muttered through his clenched teeth and tense jaw.

‘There’s such a thing as an apology you know,’ I
suggested, as I shook my head in disbelief.

‘Why the hell are you discussing more children
with my mother in the first place? You know it’s not an option.’

‘I’m sorry, remind me again when we had an adult
conversation about this subject and
both
agreed that it wasn’t one?’’ I
glared at him again and crossed my arms so he wouldn’t see my hands were
shaking. I didn’t like conflict but I was so angry with him.

‘We had the conversation when we split up last
time, I told you getting you pregnant wasn’t something I could put either of us
through.’

‘That was then Dan, before I actually did get
pregnant and had Oliver. I hoped that at some stage we could revisit your
concerns given that I got through it all without one single complication. I get
that you’re scared I really …’

‘Do you?’ he interrupted, anger laced through his
voice. ‘Tell me exactly how I feel? How watching my girlfriend die in my arms
while trying to give birth to my damn son felt? Tell me I’m being fucking
irrational for not wanting to risk you too? Don’t preach about things you know
nothing about, Ellie.’

‘I’m not preaching,’ I responded quietly, scared
of antagonising him anymore. ‘Of course I can’t understand how you feel, I
doubt many people could, but I’m here and I’m willing to listen to your fears
to try and help you and you’re not working with me. You’re trying to shut me
down, without understanding that I have fears of never being able to have
another child with you.’

‘We have Oliver, why do you need more?’

‘Because we were both only children, Dan. I always
wished I had a sibling. We were so poor my parents were too embarrassed to have
friends over, so I never went to other kids’ parties as we couldn’t invite them
back. I never really had any friends as a child. Beautiful as it is here, and
as wonderful an environment it is to bring him up, he’s going to need friends
and we’re not exactly surrounded by them. The nearest school is an hour away,
we have no immediate neighbours, and there can’t be that many children in the
village. A younger brother or sister would be amazing for him.’

‘As soon as he’s old enough he’ll go to boarding
school like I did, he’ll soon have plenty of friends.’

‘He’ll what?’ I gasped.

‘It’s traditional. Every man in my family went to Eaton
from the age of thirteen. We can enrol him in Merchiston in Edinburgh from age
seven to thirteen, then Eaton to the age of eighteen before he goes to
University. We can pick him up every weekend.’

‘Like hell we will,’ I glared, absolutely
seething. ‘I am
not
putting my child into a boarding school at the
tender age of seven and don’t you
dare
interrupt me again,’ I warned
with a finger in his face as he went to speak. ‘Schooling can be discussed when
he’s older, me having another child is a topic that has more urgency because I
don’t want a large age gap.’

‘I’m telling you it’s not happening,’ he growled.

‘And I’m telling you that it’s a subject we
are
going to discuss before you dismiss it with no consideration for my
feelings. I moved here against my better judgement because you listened to my
concerns and came up with answers to each of them, I made an informed choice.
All I’m asking is that you do the same. You talk to me, Dan. You open up to me
and we discuss the risks rationally without you yelling at me like some …
domineering
arsehole
.’

‘I hate that fucking insult, sticking me in the
same league as that dickhead,’ he roared, as he picked up a glass of wine from
the table and flung it on the floor in a temper. I gasped and hopped backwards
in my bare feet to avoid getting cut and because right now he was scary. ‘Where
the hell are you going?’

‘Back inside because I can’t talk to you while you’re
acting like this, I won’t be locking the door because we don’t need another log
throwing incident, like you’re some bloody contestant at the Highland Games
tossing a damn caber. Go away and calm down, but do it with the knowledge that
this is a conversation you’re going to have to face with me one day. Shutting
me down and dictating isn’t going to work. This is important to me.’

‘So we’re back to bloody blackmail? Agree to get
you pregnant or you leave me? Or what, you’ll get knocked up again on purpose
hoping I’ll stick around a second time.’

‘You know what, forget the domineering part,
you’re just an arsehole,’ I uttered in disbelief, as I slapped him and he
looked at me stunned as he rubbed his cheek. ‘I didn’t think you could possibly
say anything more hurtful than you already had, but you just had to go and
prove me wrong. I’m sleeping with Oliver tonight and don’t even think about
breaking that door down, because you can bully me all you like, but you won’t
scare our son or it will be the last thing you ever do.’ I choked back the
tears and ran into the house, up the stairs and locked myself in with him. He
was fast asleep, his perfect little lips slightly parted and his hands bunched
up into tiny fists by his head. A mini Dan look alike, I just prayed he
wouldn’t suffer like his father had and end up with the same toxic ball of self-hatred
and fear inside him, because it would kill me. Just like it must have killed
Luiza and Daniel to see their son suffer for so long. I quickly shut myself in
the en-suite and sat on the toilet lid and started to sob, out of sheer
frustration.

Dan

I slumped down in the chair and covered my face
with my hands. What the fuck was wrong with me?
You’ve just had an hours’
battering from your mother, assumed the worst, got worked up on the journey
home and took it out on Ellie,
I thought. I was tempted to run straight
after her to apologise, but it was probably best I calmed down first. She was
liable to still be mad and that would just work me up again, emotionally and
sexually. I’d never had a woman challenge me the way that she did, not one that
wasn’t family or adopted family at least, and sparring with her like that just
made me want to throw her over my shoulder, take her up to the bedroom, tie her
up, spank her then fuck her. Hard. I took a few calming breaths. I’d be having
words with my mother tomorrow for winding me up, words that would probably end
up in a Portuguese shouting match as they often did when we disagreed.
Wasn’t
love supposed to be easy?
I wondered.

I really hadn’t seen her wanting another baby
coming, we’d not even discussed it. Then again we were only just over four
weeks into a relationship, I mean who the hell discussed having kids after a
month? I still wasn’t clear if she was giving me an ultimatum, if she was,
could I seriously let my fears and male pride stand in the way of my feelings
for her? I was in love, painful, claw at your insides, can’t stand to be apart
from her love. Then there was Oliver. There was no way I was letting either of
them walk out of my life. I let out a frustrated groan. The common factor in
everyone’s frustrations was me. I was the one that was causing all these
problems and I’d come up here to stay away and not be a burden to anyone. So
much for that damn plan. I watched the sun set and listened to the silence
around me, I found it calming. I’d got so used to being on my own up here, with
nothing to focus on but how I’d lost so much, I was letting it stop me from
seeing how much I’d now gained and what I stood to lose if I didn’t deal with
my guilt and fears once and for all.

I headed into the dark house, locked the door behind
me and went upstairs. Our bed was empty. I pulled out my wallet and found a
fifty pence piece and headed over to Oliver’s room. The locks were turned from
the inside, but had the ability to be opened from the outside with a screwdriver,
a fifty pence coin did the trick though. I slowly opened the door to see the
teddy lamp was on, Oliver was fast asleep in his cot and Ellie was curled up in
the nursing chair. I stood looking at her and felt my stomach somersault as I
walked over and carefully lifted her up. Her head flopped against my shoulder
and I winced to see tear tracks down her face. I carried her out and closed
Oliver’s door behind me, then lay her down on our bed and started undoing the
buttons on her shirt. I paused as my cock sprung at the sight of green lace
covering her breasts. She knew green was a weakness of mine, like I needed
anymore weaknesses around her. I swallowed hard and carried on with a soft
groan to see she was wearing some kind of damn sexy corset, with matching lace
knickers that came into view as I pulled her jeans off.

She moaned and stretched out, arching her back,
pushing her breasts out and elongating her long shapely legs. It was just like
the night I undressed her when she was drunk that first December, utter fucking
torture to know she was so close to naked, so close to me, and I couldn’t do
anything about it. Girlfriend or not, I wasn’t the kind of shit that would take
advantage when she was blind drunk, or half asleep after an argument, no matter
how much my balls ached. I headed to the bathroom, stripped off and took a cold
shower, while I brought myself to a fast climax, hoping it would at least take
the edge off needing her so badly when I walked back to our bed. I climbed on
next to her, we’d taken to sleeping on top of the sheets given it was so hot,
but I still wanted her in my arms each night and tonight was no different. I
gently pulled her to me and wrapped myself around her.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered as I kissed the top of
her head. ‘Don’t hate me, I’m really trying.’

‘Very trying,’ she murmured against my chest and
my shoulders jerked in a silent laugh.

‘Sleep baby, we’ll talk tomorrow. Calmly, I
promise.’