3 Weeks 'Til Forever (11 page)

They
asked him to stick around until they found out because if they didn’t get one
that night, they were going to come back with him and get one the next day. As
all business is built on repeat business in tourist havens like
Sol y Besos
,
he’d felt that he couldn’t say no, he explained.

“I
still want to see you tonight Janey. I know it’ll be really late, but it’s
important that we talk.”

“We
will talk Redmond, but don’t worry about making it over tonight. You looked
tired earlier and as it is, you won’t be getting much sleep tonight. I have a
long day tomorrow, so why don’t you come over, say, around 5 tomorrow evening.
It’ll give us both time to do what we need to do, and we can talk then.”

Redmond
sensed something in her voice, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

A
little panicked, he said, “You won’t disappear on me like you did the last time
will you?”

“I
promise not to leave without seeing you Redmond. Have a good night and get home
safe, ok?”

Redmond
trusted that she would be true to her word and said, “Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow
at 5.”

Janey
was glad she wouldn’t be seeing Redmond tonight. She needed time to gather the
strength to do what she knew must be done.

Chapter
16: The Decision

The
concierge rang at 4:58 p.m. the next day to let her know that a Mr. Hillyard
was there to see here. Janey told him to send him up.

Dear
Lord, give me strength. Give me strength to do what I need to do,
Janey prayed,
just as a knock sounded on her door.

Redmond
entered and immediately pulled her to him, holding her tightly. 

Not
wanting to prolong their encounter any longer, Janey took a deep breath and
stepped back from him, saying “Redmond, I’ve made a decision. I don't know if you
will understand it because I’m not sure I quite understand it myself. My hope
is that …”

Redmond
interrupted Janey. He didn't want to know what she had to say. All he knew was
that he had to have her in his life and he didn't want to hear anything that
was going to change that.

He
KNEW this woman; the very core of her. So he knew that in his heart, whatever
she had to say he was going to accept and find a way to for them to overcome
because the truth of the matter was, he couldn't live without her.

Erasing
the two feet of space between them, Redmond took Janey in the circle of his
arms again, put a finger on her lips to silence her and kissed her forehead.
For what seemed like a mini-eternity, once again he just held her, cradling her
head gently to his chest.

The
rapid thudding of his heart surprised her. How could he hold her so calmly, yet
be bursting with such palpable anxiety.

Silent
tears coursed down her cheeks and she started to speak.

Redmond
pulled back, still holding her in the circle of his arms, seeking her eyes with
his own. His looked silenced her. She'd never seen such raw emotion on his
face.

"I
want you to listen to me Janey and listen good. What I'm about to say to you
I've never said to another woman in my life.”

"I
love you. I love you so fiercely that it frightens me. The one thing I know for
sure is that I can't live without you. So whatever it is you have to tell me,
just know, I'm not going anywhere. Somehow, some way, we'll get through
whatever it is together.”

Janey's
swallowed past the knot in her throat, preparing to speak but Redmond continued
on, imploring her to let him finish first.

"From
the moment I saw you, something moved inside of me. I don't know what it was –
to this day – I can't explain it. I tried to ignore it. When I couldn't do
that, I tried to understand it. But to be honest, I don't think I was equipped
with the emotional tools I needed to do that.”

"Then,
I got angry.”

"Remember
the night at the hotel when I went for a walk and basically shut you out?”

"That
was the first time I admitted to myself that I was in love with you. I’d known
it from practically the day I met you, but that was the first time I admitted
it to myself.”

“And
there you stood … in your beautiful dress, with your expensive heels looking
all elegant – ready to go to dinner at this fancy restaurant.”

"I
realized then that I was out of my league. I knew that there was no way I could
give you the things that you were used to. Hell, I couldn’t even hold on to a
woman who wasn’t used to the things you’re used to.

“All
I kept thinking was,
‘how in the hell are you going to hold on to her
?’”

"For
the first time in my life, I was scared out of my wits... scared that I was
going to have to go through life without you because I also knew that there
would never be another you. That there would never be another woman who just
fit me like you did.”

"Anger
and withdrawal have always been my fall-back ways of coping. And for a part of
the life I've lived, operating this way has literally saved my life on more
than one occasion. It and also allowed me to avoid getting too close to any
woman since I was married.”

"But
I've found that these fall-back positions don't work with you.”

"Every
time I've gotten angry with you or shut you out, I've gotten even angrier with
myself. The hurt and confusion in your eyes on those occasions have been like
the proverbial knife in my heart.”

"And
I can't stay away from you, no matter how many times I've told myself that
you'd be better off without me; that you can do so much better than me; I just
haven't been able to stop finding a way to be near you.”

"What
I've realized is that when you love someone – truly love them the way I love
you – there's no place for anger and withdrawal.”

"I
find myself wanting to work it out with you. No matter how different we are,
there are so many things that are right between us.”

“Remember
when I caught that lizard and you were so embarrassed about being such a big baby?
You said you’d never had a man come to your rescue before and it almost broke
my heart because while I realized that I can't give you a lot of things, I can
give you some of the most important . . .”

“Love,
protection, security.”

"What
kind of man wouldn't protect the woman he loves … no matter how trivial her
fears may seem?”

“And
that's why I came here today. I'm asking you to trust that I'll always be here
for you Janey. I'll always be truthful to you, gentle with you and faithful to
us – to what we have.”

“Now
I'm not promising you that life is going to be easy. We're different. You're
independent and stubborn as hell and I'm not an easy man to live with. There
will be times when we will not get along. That's just a simple fact.”

“But
I promise you this . . . I'll be a husband you can be proud of; one who will
hang in there and work things out; one who will honor the woman you are.”

Through
parched lips, Janey whispered, "Did you say husband?"

"Yes,
I said husband. You're my woman. I want all of you – and I want papers to that
effect."

Redmond
fell silent. He tried to read her expression, hoping that she'd immediately say
yes. With tears coursing in full force down her cheeks, Janey turned away from
him and walked out of his embrace.

Looking
out over the Caribbean sea from the expansive balcony of her room, she let out
a small, nervous breath and began to speak slowly, halfway afraid that Redmond
was going to interrupt her again.

"I
owe you such a big apology Redmond. I feel like such a fool for not trusting
you from the beginning. You're an honorable, hardworking man and it was my own
insecurities and prejudices that kept me from fully recognizing that right
away. I’m sorry about that; I truly am.”

"You're
right about us being different. That doesn't frighten me. What frightens me is
that we're different on so many levels, not only the obvious – as man and woman
– but our cultures are different, our language is different, the way we
approach and experience life is different.

“And
then there’s your daughter and your wife is now back in the picture. I just see
so many problems on the horizon.”

"There's
no denying it, I love you. ‘I love you’ doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel
for you. I've known that since the first week we met. Like you, I fought it but
as a woman, I realized early on that that was useless. So I gave myself over to
it; letting myself think that, ‘Ok, this
could
work.’”

"Then
you’d put up another wall or we’d have a disagreement and all those fears of
how different we are would surface – and I realized just how impossible our
love would be.”

“I
say all this to say that even though I love you, I’m afraid that our
differences will eventually tear us apart. And I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t
bear beginning to build a life with you only to have to learn how to live
without you one day because we were miserable together.”

"What
we’ve experienced has been too beautiful on some level to tarnish. So while
everything in me wants to be your wife, I know it wouldn’t work.”

“I’m
sorry. I’m so sorry.”

"You
deserve to be happy. And I just don’t think that we can make each other happy.”

Redmond
was stunned. The roaring of blood in his ears drowned out her voice. He
couldn’t hear her. Everything after the words “
wouldn't work
” didn’t
register.

Janey
turned to see the statue that was Redmond. The bright sun bouncing off the sea
caught what she thought was moisture in his left eye. And just like that, it
was gone.

“Thank
you for at least hearing me out. Have a safe flight home.”

Redmond
turned and walked out without another word.

The
rubber that was Janey’s knees finally snapped. Several hours later – eyes red
and swollen – she unglued herself from the cool tile of the floor, poured a
glass of
Merlot
and watched the sun set from the balcony.

I
did the he right thing
, she said to herself.

She
kept repeating it; it became like a mantra. It had to be true, otherwise, what
had she done?

Knowing
there would be no sleep that night, Janey took her time packing in preparation
for the trip home tomorrow. The hustle and bustle of Manhattan was just what
she needed.

Although
. . . for the first time, the thought of returning filled her with emptiness.

Chapter
17: The Kiss

At
6:45 the next morning, Wilson, the driver dispatched to take her to the
airport, called to let her know he was waiting when she was ready.

He
was a few minutes early, which Janey was grateful for. She was ready to get out
of this room and off this island, which held so many passionate moments with
Redmond.

Although
Sol y Besos
was her favorite beach getaway, she knew it would be a long
time before she visited this land of “sun and kisses” again.

Eyes
tearing at the thought, she reached in her bag for her oversized Jackie O
sunglasses.  Thank god the sun rose early here, this way she wouldn’t look
out of place with them on.

Wilson
greeted her on the balcony, taking her bags and tucking them neatly in the
trunk of the sleek, black town car.

She’d
need the 45-minute drive to the airport to compose herself. She’d been awfully
weepy this morning, which was very unlike her, even in emotionally charged
situations.

She
now truly knew the meaning of heartbreak.

Funny,
she thought, she’d never thought of it as a physical act – as something that
could physically happen. But that’s just what it felt like – her heart was
literally breaking.

Closing
her eyes to avoid the various bars and beach spots along the route to the
airport where she’d hung out with Redmond, Janey decided to try to catch a
little cat nap.

While
she didn’t sleep, she did lose herself.

.
. .

Redmond
pushed her up against the door as soon as they entered the room. His lips plundered
hers as he pulled her skirt up and stuck his hands in her panties, seeking the
spot he was becoming so familiar with.

Janey
sucked in a sharp breath, wincing against the pleasant pain his roughness
caused, all the while moving to give him better access to the center of her.

They'd
been out all day, spending a good portion of it with his friends – grilling
fish fresh from the ocean over open-earthed fire pits, drinking beer, playing
dominoes and just enjoying each other's company.

The
day had started with him taking her to the sleepy fishing village of
Pesca
Royale
in Hill Country, where she'd interviewed a few fishermen, which
rounded out a deep sea fishing ‘spotlight’ series for one of her blog network’s
smaller advertisers.

Janey
had finished her assignment early that day and on the drive back to their
hotel, Redmond had run into friends of his and it had turned into a full day of
real fun in the sun – with plenty of laughter and affection to go with the
brilliance of the Caribbean sunshine.

Images
of the day flooded her mind.

Redmond
offering her fresh-grilled fish from a palm leaf, which doubled as a plate.

Redmond
laughing as she furiously batted her mouth to cool it from the hot pepper she’d
insisted on trying, in spite of his warnings.

Redmond
patiently explaining to her how to play dominoes, after she’d observed that she
always saw only men playing it and wanted to learn.

Redmond
taking the gum from her mouth directly into his after giving her a kiss.

Redmond
…

Redmond
…

Redmond
…

Janey
couldn't remember the last time she'd been so happy. Recalling that day, she
realized that it was the first day they'd both let their guards down – and each
other in.

After
a few too many beers and plenty of good food, one kiss lit a spark between them
that could only have one conclusion.

Making
her head swirl from the delicious movements of his fingers in her panties,
Redmond lifted her and moved from the door to the bed, covering her body with
his and continuing the assault on her mouth.

“Pulling
up her white tee, he released one firm breast from her white lace bra and
covered it with the hotness of his mouth.”

Janey
bucked against him, needing to feel him inside her immediately. Reaching for the
zipper on his cargo pants, Redmond reluctantly released her breast from his
mouth, rolled over and quickly discarded the pants. Janey was already working
to remove his t-shirt, boldly straddling him in her attempt to get it off.

Sitting
atop him with one breast exposed, he could feel the moistness of her womanhood
through her lace panties on his belly. Her face flushed and lips swollen from
his onslaught of kisses, Redmond couldn't wait any longer.

He
swiftly rolled over, pinned her beneath him and entered her. There was nothing
gentle about it - and it was just what Janey wanted. Putting both hands under
her buttocks, he drove into her again and again.

Janey
lost herself. She met his masculine force with her feminine response – each
powerful in its own right.

Right
before she was ready to explode, Redmond slowed his thrusts, moving in and out
of her in slow circles. Over and over again he entered her. All the while, his
lips forged their own trail, moving from her breasts to her neck to her mouth –
gently licking and tightly sucking.

Her
breaths grew shorter and his thrusts grew harder again. This time, there was no
slowing down. She met him at the precipice, crying out his name. Her whole body
convulsed as she slowly scaled down the mountain from the peak of passion.

Both
spent, they looked at each other. Redmond rolled off Janey, gently pulling her
to his side and holding her there. He needed to feel her next to him.

There
were no words.

Janey
didn't remember falling to sleep, but she must have. Redmond woke her with a
slew of kisses to her forehead, as his hand travelled once again to that
magical place on her body where he knew they would always come to the same end.

He
took her once again, this time much more slowly.

Janey
marveled at how he could be so gentle sometime, and so rough at others. She
never knew what she was going to get – and she liked it that way. He
instinctively know how to make love to her; seeming to know her body better
than she did.

She
reveled in his lovemaking; coming alive, giving herself in a way she hadn’t
known was possible.

Quite
simply, Janey Belle, you've never felt so complete as a woman; so thoroughly
fulfilled sleeping with a man
," she thought.

And
she couldn’t deny it.

She
didn’t even try.

.
. .

“We'll
be at the airport in about five minutes Ms. Coltrane.”

Wilson's
announcement cut through her dream. Only it hadn’t been a dream. For a while,
it had been real … all too real.

She
couldn’t believe how quickly the drive had gone. She’d completely lost herself
in the memories of the passion she and Redmond shared and felt about ready to
break emotionally as the town car pulled up to the airport entrance.

“
Dear
God, how am I ever going to live without him?
”

Janey
wiped her tears before Wilson could open the back door of the car. She
positioned her oversized sunglasses on her reddened nose and prepared to face
the world – life – as best she could.

Stepping
onto the pavement, Janey reached back in the car for her scarf. Retrieving it,
she turned around and ran right into the force that was Redmond.

Mouth
opening and closing like a fish out of water, she didn’t manage to utter a word
before Redmond tipped Wilson, grabbed her bags with one hand and her right arm
with the other, and pulled her out of the onslaught of travelers entering and
leaving the airport.

“Where
. . . how . . . what are you doing here?” she finally managed to get out.

“I
love you and I can't let you go Janey. It's that simple.”

“As
far as tracking  you down, it’s all too easy as this island is small. I’m
a taxi driver, remember? Another driver knew that Wilson was taking you to the
airport this morning, and I broke all kind of speed limits getting here before
you took off.”

“Look,
I know about the little visit you got from my
ex-wife
last night. I let
her know in no uncertain terms that no matter what happened between me and you,
what we had is over and done with for good.”

“But
enough about her. I came because I wanted a chance to say everything I should
have said the last time I saw you. But my pride got in the way when you told me
that what we had wouldn’t work. That won’t happen again.”

“After
I’ve said what I came to say, if you still don’t want to be with me, I’ll find
a way to live with that. But, I want you to make up your mind with full
knowledge.”

Did
he say ex-wife?
was her dominating thought at that moment.

“Number
one, I’m divorced. The papers came through the day I got back from Hill
Country;  the same night I picked you up in front of
Gustavo’s
in
your little gold dress.”

“So
there is no wife; she’s my EX-wife.”

Suddenly,
the way Layla had stumbled over the word ‘husband’ came to her. She’d said,
“
We need
to talk about my h-husband
.”

So she knew they were divorced all along.

“Bitch!” Janey let out a silent curse.

“Are you listening to me Janey?” Redmond interrupted
her angry thoughts.

Not wanting to interrupt, Janey just nodded her head
yes.

“Two.
Yes, I loved Layla. I never thought I’d love another woman the way I loved her
… until I met you. And what I feel for you made me realize that there are
depths to love. A part of me will always love Layla because we were together
for so long and she’s the mother of my child.”

“But
she doesn’t touch my soul the way you do. No woman ever has. That’s the only
way I know how to put it.”

“Three.
Island men do not always stick with ‘their kind.’ We’re like men everywhere
else. When we fall in love, we want
that
woman, no matter where she’s
from.”

“Finally,
look … I know you’re scared. I am too. And you’re right, there are no
guarantees that we’ll live happily ever after. But never trying would be the
biggest mistake either one of us ever makes. I know it and I think you know it
too.”

“So
I'm going to ask you one more time – will you be my wife? Would you take a
chance on building a life with me? I promise I'll do everything in my power to
make you happy.”

Though
slight compared to Redmond, Janey almost knocked him over. She ran straight
into his arms, saying over and over again, “Yes, yes, yes, I will! Thank you
for having enough courage for both of us Redmond. Oh God I love you so!”

“I
think that’s all I ever really wanted – for someone to show me that they cared
enough to take up the slack when I’m weak; to be there for me. I've never had
that before – not with a man.”

“I
need that too Janey. If you have the courage to trust in me as a man, I promise
to never betray that trust.”

“Let's
go home.”

“Home
. . . I haven’t felt like I really had one since my mom died,” Janey said,
getting weepy all over again.

“Well
you have one with me – now – and for always,” he responded, gently pulling her to
him and kissing his favorite spot in the center of her forehead.