3 Gates of the Dead (The 3 Gates of the Dead Series) (24 page)

“Good. Very good.”

I stared at him with my mouth slightly open. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“You aren’t believing in God just because you experienced something paranormal.”

I took a swig of my scotch and coughed slightly. “I still don’t understand.”

“It’s Thomas, Aidan. It’s all about Thomas.”

“Thomas the disciple, who demanded physical proof of Jesus’ resurrection and has been looked down on by two thousand years of churchmen and women?”

“The very one.”

“Ah, Thomas.” I chuckled. “Put your hands here, the demand for proof and all that.” I pointed to my wrists and my side. “I can understand exactly where he was coming from.”

He nodded. “Most people can.”

“No, they can’t.” I flared. “I have never heard a discussion on faith and doubt in the church. I mean, if you even bring up the subject of doubting your faith, you become an object of either ridicule or pity.”

Father Neal sat back in his chair with a groan. “Yes, that’s true, I’m sorry to say. Doubt is not an easy thing to talk about. I believe everyone is afraid.”

The scotch had gone straight to my head, and I lay back in the chair. I realized that I had missed breakfast and fought through the haze. “Why? Why are they afraid?”

“Because of the nature of doubt itself and all of its complications. Doubt is intellectual, for sure, but you know as well as anyone that it’s also emotional.”

“Mine isn’t.” I fought back. “I have read the science books, the historical criticisms of the Bible. My doubts are all intellectual. Many people have the same objections. The problem is people like you who say doubt comes from some sort of emotional distress or weakness.”

Father Neal smiled. “Use your head. You know very well from your pastoral experience that people aren’t that simple. They’re terribly complex in everything they do, and this is certainly true when it comes to doubting their faith. In doubting, or even not believing outright, there is always a mixture of emotion and logic, reason and faith, or lack of it.”

We sat finishing the rest of our scotch. I downed what was left in my glass and winced. “So, I still don’t understand what that has to do with my not believing in God even though I have seen activity that might be construed as supernatural.”

Father Neal spoke in a soft tone. “Blessed are those who have not seen, but believed. You have not let some outside force sway you to or from your beliefs. That’s what Jesus wants really, belief in Him, not because you may have had some contact with the unseen world.”

“I guess I’m confused.”

He stood up. “I’m sure you are, but there are many things here you may not be seeing.”

“Father, volumes could be written on things I don’t see or get.” I laughed.

“That goes for all of us, Aidan.”

“I guess,” I said, rubbing my temples and staring at the ground.

“Well, let’s think about the nature of Thomas’ doubt. It’s intellectual first, right?”

“Yeah. He demands physical evidence he can touch, see, and hear. The first modern scientist,” I said as I cracked a smile.

“You could say that, but really, his doubts are also emotional,” Father Neal said. “Think of his situation, Aidan. He was a first century Jew who thought, along with the rest of the twelve, that Jesus would be the messiah who would destroy Rome, lead the Jews to reign over the earth and put them in charge.”

“Right, and he lost all of that at the crucifixion.”

“Correct. All of Thomas’ dreams were destroyed. See how these verses become more complicated and therefore more real? Humans are not able to achieve complete objectivity. So our beliefs, our doubts, our reasons are all dependent on things we can’t explain. And of course, emotional suffering makes things even more clouded.”

“That is about on par for God’s servants,” I said, not bothering to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

He stood up, came over to me, and put his hand on my shoulder. “Be careful with your words.”

“I’m sorry. I’m tired. It’s been a long night and day.”

The lines in his face smoothed as he took on a grandfatherly appearance. “Of course. I’m sorry to push you so hard. But hear this, Aidan. Doubters will always be met. Go home and get some sleep. I’m going to give this whole matter some more thought. Maybe there is something I can do to help capture the killer before the last death.”

“What are you going to do?”

He turned his back to me. “I’m going to ask.”

I didn’t dare press him further. I turned to leave, and then he spoke. “We must find Nachash, Aidan. The magicians must be stopped.”

Chapter Thirty

I had no plans to go back to the church, so I drove to a coffee house to do more research. I got a coffee, sat down, and opened up my computer. I had to find out what serpent or Nachash meant to this killer. Someone’s life was at stake. I realized the entire Columbus police force was probably thinking through that very thing, but still, it was worth a shot.

I looked up different variations on Nachash and serpent within the context of Ohio. No town names appeared. I tried mountains. No luck. After a couple of hours, I still found nothing of any substance.

“Where is this place?”

My phone buzzed, and Jennifer’s name popped up.

“Hey,” she said.

I was surprised by the warm rush I felt when I heard her voice. I couldn’t deny it anymore. What I felt for Jennifer went beyond just the ordinary lust a guy felt for a beautiful woman.

“Aidan, are you there?”

“Sorry, I didn’t catch what you asked me.”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Fine. How did your conversation with Mike go?” I asked without thinking.

I could almost hear her body stiffen over the phone. “How did you know?”

“Well, I was in Mike’s office when you called, confronting him on his affair and possible connection with Jessica’s murder.”

I held the phone away from my ear just in time.

“Dammit, Aidan! First, why didn’t you say anything to me? And second, you should have kept your mouth shut. How did you know about the connection?”

I told her about the book I found in Mike’s office.

“Well, that fits with everything we found in her apartment. You should have told me about the book immediately.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I had to see his reaction firsthand.”

“This isn’t just a personal thing, Aidan. This is a murder investigation. Mike is now a suspect, especially with his connection to the two victims.”

I gripped the phone. “He didn’t know Amanda that well.”

“But there is still a connection there,” she insisted, her voice rising with every word.

“Yeah, but it’s not him. I’m positive.”

“You can’t be positive,” she growled. “That’s impossible.”

“He said he had an alibi.”

“I’ll have to ask him that when he comes to the police station at four o’clock.”

I looked at the time on my computer. In one hour, Jennifer would be questioning Mike. That would prove interesting to say the least.

“See, no harm done,” I said.

“Yeah, but if he is the killer he could have skipped town.”

“I guess so. I didn’t think about it. I just wanted to confront the bastard. I’ve got my own issues with him.”

“Again, you’ve got to see, this case takes priority over whatever your personal issues with him are.” She paused and then laughed. “I bet you shocked the shit out of him.”

I grunted. “Yeah, I think I did. And I told him I am going to email the elders.”

“Are you really going to?”

“Yeah. I’m going to tell them everything, including my own loss of faith.”

There was a long silence at the end of the phone. “When?”

“I told him he had until the end of the week. I try to keep my word.”

“That should be fun,” she said with a dry edge to her voice.

“Not in the least. But it will finally be over. That’s what counts.” I changed the subject. “Any dirt on good ol’ Pastor Daniel?” I said in my best southern Baptist accent.

“No, he says he has an alibi for last night as well.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t know. We will be bringing him in tonight at 8 o’clock.”

“Late night.” I got up to walk outside.

“No rest for an investigator of the wicked.”

I chuckled. “I guess not.”

“Aidan?”

“Yes?”

“Please be careful.”

I grimaced. “Why does everyone keep telling me that?”

“Just a hunch, I guess. I’m scared for you. After last night, well, I don’t think those ghosts were after me.”

I gripped the phone and looked both ways down the street. “I think you are right.”

“So, please be careful.”

“I will call the Ghostbusters right away,” I said, giving her a fake laugh.

“I’m serious, Aidan.” The edge in her voice could have cut me in half.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be careful. I could say the same to you.”

“I’ll be surrounded by other cops. I’ll be fine. Will you be home tonight?”

“Yeah, might as well be. I’m going to have to start looking for jobs. I think I’ll also look at enrolling at OSU for my teaching certificate.”

“Don’t be so quick to…”

I cut her off. “I don’t want to talk about this now, okay?”

“Okay, but later, I want to talk about it with you. Seriously.” The emphasis in her voice forced every point home.

“Okay. Breakfast, then?”

“No, I’m coming over. It’ll be late, say after Pastor Daniel’s interrogation?”

Wow! She wants to come over tonight. To talk about my faith, to be sure, but still, I’ll take it.
“See you then.”

I hung up my phone, trying to comprehend this new development. Did Jennifer get this close with all the people she was trying to help? Was I an exception? Did she feel the same about me, as I apparently had started feeling about her, without realizing it?

My phone rang again. I held it up and looked at the caller ID. Mike.

“Yes?” I answered, my voice devoid of emotion.

“I’m having a special meeting of the elders tonight at eight o’clock to tell them about the investigation.”

It felt like a day for shocking revelations, as though someone had placed me in the middle of a soap opera full of unbelievable twists and turns. I couldn’t help but wonder if the sun would go dark or the seas turn into blood. “Okay, so what do you want from me?”

“Would you be there? I think all the elders would appreciate your perspective.”

I sighed. “Whatever. I’ll be there. I have to leave at nine-thirty though.”

“I understand. I’ll see you tonight.”

Chapter Thirty-One

I’d now been in this conference room three times in the past week which was three times too many. The elders began to file in with puzzled expressions on their faces. Apparently, Mike wanted them in the dark as long as possible.

“Hello, Aidan,” Bill said as he sat down next to me. “What is this all about?”

I wanted to tell him. I liked Bill, and as Mike’s friend, I thought he should know. “Well, I have an idea, Bill, but I’m not sure if I should say.”

He nodded and held up his hands. “Don’t want to put you in a bad spot.” He frowned. “Still, Mike usually tells me what’s going on, even if he doesn’t tell the others.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

He waved his hand. “No worries, how are you doing with … with everything?”

“I’m okay, I guess. I mean, I hadn’t seen Amanda in a long time, so it’s a little hard to know what to feel.” That was the understatement of the year.

He patted me on the shoulder. “I bet. I’ll pray for you.” Unlike most people who said that, I actually believed Bill. He kept lists for people who asked for prayer, pasted them in a notebook, and kept track of each one through notations on how God might have answered.

The room fell silent as Mike walked in with a calm and composed demeanor. I had to admire how cool he was under this kind of pressure. I would have been fidgeting, crossing my arms, or tapping my foot.

“Brothers, I call this meeting to order,” Mike said. “Bill, could you pray for us?”

I bowed my head, and then I remembered, when a pastor resigned, he was supposed to call in another pastor for the meeting. Since he hadn’t, I figured Mike couldn’t stand losing control, even at the beginning of the end.

“…in Jesus’ name, Amen,” Bill finished.

“Fathers and brothers, you’re probably wondering why I called you to this meeting,” Mike began.

Heads nodded, and Mike’s face became grave. “We have a serious matter before us that we need to consider a course of action for.”

Everyone shifted in their chairs, visibly bracing themselves. I would’ve bet no one expected what Mike was about to say. I still had a hard time believing it. I actually felt sorry for them.

“Yesterday, Aidan came to me with a very grave concern.”

He was really drawing it out. I couldn’t blame him. The man was about to set an axe to the root of his whole life. I wondered if he had told Sheila yet.

“He has expressed some deep-seated issues that need to be addressed.”

Come on, Mike, the longer you put it off, the worse it will be.

“Aidan has told me, and is allowing me to tell you, that his faith is gone. He no longer believes in God and may not be fit for his position at Knox Presbyterian.”

The heat rose in my cheeks, and I had to restrain myself to keep from leaping out of the chair. Everyone turned to me. I underestimated Mike, and he checkmated me. Anything I said about him at that point would look defensive. And because what he said was true, I couldn’t deny anything. I quickly realized I should have brought Jennifer with me.

“Aidan, is this true?” John Calvin Eisner asked.

“Yeah, John, most of it. I think Mike might have stated it a bit strongly. I don’t know if my faith is completely gone. It’s at least on life support.”

“Why?” Bill asked in disbelief.

I shrugged, unable to look at him. “Lots of reasons, I guess.”

“Is there an emotional component to your doubt?” John pressed.

My stomach lurched. “Maybe. If so, I have a good back up on that. Jesus himself.”

John’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“How about the whole,
if you love one another as I have loved you, all the world will know you are my disciples
?”

“I don’t understand.”

My face flushed. “You don’t understand? How completely clueless are you, John?”

He slumped back in his chair as if I had punched him.

“All of you sit here in this room and passive-aggressively attack each other. You cook up little intrigues, conversations, implied threats and plot how best to put your position forward. All that talk about you loving each other is a crock of shit!”

Beads of sweat collected on my forehead. “It seems to me, the men who are supposed to be my spiritual mentors and the leaders of a church shouldn’t fail Jesus’ test. But you have. So, when I add that element to everything else, it has blown up the rest of my faith.”

Complete silence fell over the table. I couldn’t remember the last time everyone in this group kept their mouth shut. I fought a mad desire to laugh.

Mike broke the silence. “Fathers and brothers, as you can see, Aidan has some titanic struggles. I think we need to help him, but I think you would agree he can’t retain his current position at Knox Presbyterian. This leadership must project strength, not weakness. We must set a good example for our congregation of unflinching belief in our Lord. Aidan has wandered into weakness, and while we are here to help him, we must all agree he can’t take part in leadership at this church.”

A second round of silence in the room. Two in the space of five minutes.
Maybe there is a God after all
.

“I would recommend that Aidan be let go, effective immediately, with three months’ severance. I would also suggest that he be required to present himself before the presbytery so they may address the issue of his ordination, which is not something we can address here, as that is under their jurisdiction.” He took a deep breath. “Can I have a motion?”

No one raised his hand.

“Anyone? Yes, thank you, Bill,” Mike said, a flash of triumph in his eyes.

“No, Mike, you misunderstand me. I wish to say something.”

Mike faltered. “Go ahead.”

“I want to tell Aidan how much I appreciate his candor,” Bill said, his eyes full of compassion. “It could not have been easy to share any of those things.”

I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing.

John cleared his throat. “Yes, it was brave, but something still must be done. What if the congregation finds out?”

“What if they do?” Bill asked. “It seems like this would be a great teaching opportunity for the church.”

Mike stared at Bill. “Bill, the leadership can’t show weakness or have questions about…”

“That’s where you and I have always disagreed, Mike,” Bill retorted. “A Christian leader should lead out of his weakness. It’s how Christ is glorified.”

“Yes, but it’s also clear that leadership must not be tossed about by whims.”

“It seems to me that Aidan is not doing that at all,” Bill said.

“I agree with Bill. I think you’re being too hasty, Mike,” Jack, an elder who rarely spoke up during meetings, chimed in.

Everyone except Mike and John nodded.

Bill looked at me. “I don’t think the congregation needs to know about Aidan yet, not until we have talked to him. So, I make a motion that three of us — me, John, and Jack — sit down with Aidan over the course of a Saturday morning.”

“I second the motion,” Jack said.

Mike looked as if someone had smacked him upside the head with a board. I certainly hadn’t expected the elders’ reaction. I’m sure he hadn’t either. They had acted rationally with concern and even love. John frowned, but Bill had trapped him.

“I won’t say this is a good idea because it’s bound to get out to the congregation,” Mike said with a sigh. “But I will bow to the will of the brothers. All in favor?”

Everyone except Mike said, “Aye.”

“Very well, the motion is carried. I trust that the brothers named will get a hold of Aidan. Let’s pray for God’s guidance in this situation.”

Mike said a final prayer. The shock of the moment locked up my brain. I didn’t even realize the prayer was over until everyone stood up from the table.

The elders filed out of the room while I stayed behind.

Mike stared at me. “Why didn’t you tell them?”

“What’s the point? If you are going to be chicken shit, so be it.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

“You can shove your thank yous up your ass, Mike,” I said as I walked out of the room.