25 Roses (13 page)

So much for that.

“What about you, Mia?” Mom asked. “Are you ready for your big lock-in Friday night?”

The lock-in. I’d almost forgotten about that. I had to spend an entire night locked in a building with Alex and Sun. I wondered if I could pretend to be sick or something to get out of it.
I had a feeling Mom wouldn’t let me get away with that.

“I guess,” I said. Maybe that would be enough.

“Are you going with Ashleigh?” Mom asked.

It was a reasonable question, since Ashleigh’s mother was my regular ride to things like this. But I’d spent lunch with Trudie and hadn’t even looked in Ashleigh’s direction. I didn’t want to talk to her even if she wanted to talk to me. I was pretty sure she didn’t.

“I don’t think so,” I said. The words slipped out before I had a chance to think them through. Mom, of course, latched right onto them.

“You don’t think so?” she asked. “What does that mean? You and Ashleigh go everywhere together. Are you mad at each other?”

I flashed Kellie my best
help me
look, to which she responded with a look that said,
You’re on your own
.

“No, it’s no big deal,” I said. “I’ll see if I can get someone else to take me.”

“I just don’t understand,” Mom said. “You girls have been like two peas in a pod for as long as I can remember—”

“Carla,” Dad said in a warning tone. He took a deep breath and looked at Kellie. “Did you bring that form home for your school trip?”

“Yeah,” Kellie said. She pushed herself away from the table and headed for her bedroom. Dad called out that she didn’t have to get it right now, and Mom yelled something about her getting back here and finishing her dinner, but Kellie kept going. That was fine by me. Anything that kept them from asking questions about me.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” Mom said, turning her attention back toward me. I squirmed a little. The spotlight had been off me for all of seven seconds and already it was back on me again. “I ran into Mrs. MacDowell at the grocery store yesterday afternoon.”

“Mrs. MacDowell . . . ,” I said, racking my brain. There was no teacher at my school with that last name. I knew someone with that last name, but—

“Her daughter goes to your school,” Mom said.

“Sun?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s it. Beautiful name. Beautiful girl. Her mom said it’s all thanks to you.”

“Wow,” Dad said. “What does that mean?”

Mom smiled at Dad. “Seems our lovely daughter has been performing makeovers on her classmates.”

Dad looked at me. “Is that true?”

“No,” I said. I looked at Mom. “It’s not really a makeover. I just helped one person.”

“You helped her with more than just her clothes and how she looks,” Mom said. “Mrs. MacDowell was very specific about that. Apparently, Mia has transformed this girl’s entire life by making a few tweaks and just being a good friend to her—the first friend she has had in a while.”

I looked from Mom to Dad, realizing something for the first time. My parents were proud of me. Really proud of me. Proud of me the way they were usually proud of Kellie. They’d never given me that look before.

This was the first time in a long, long time that I’d felt like I’d done something really good. It had nothing to do with the rose thing. It was the way I’d helped other people and felt good about myself for doing it.

“All it takes is a little boost and someone to believe in you to give you all the confidence in the world,” Dad said. “It’s pretty amazing.”

I stopped trying to hide my happiness at that statement. He was right. I’d noticed that myself. For a short time, it was the reason I’d kept trying to help people.

“What’s amazing?”

Kellie’s voice rang out behind me. She’d returned, permission slip in hand, just in time to break up the best conversation I’d ever had with our parents. Both Mom and Dad got up and headed toward the kitchen.

“Nothing,” I said. “I just did something at school that’s kind of good, but it’s nothing like the stuff you get credit for doing every single day.”

The words came out sounding not so nice, even though I didn’t really mean for them to. Kellie’s face fell slightly, and her eyes darkened. I’d upset her. I pushed my chair back to get up before she could start yelling at me.

But she didn’t yell. Instead she set the permission slip on the table and sat down in the chair next to me.

“It’s been bugging you for a while, I can tell,” she said quietly.

“What?” I asked. My hand was still on my plate, and I wondered if I should escape this conversation while I could.

“Do you know how many times I wish I were more like you?” Kellie asked.

The words hung in the air. There was no way Kellie ever wished she were more like me. Why would she?

“You’re smart, nice, and you have the most awesome
friends,” she said. “I hardly even see my friends, between cheerleading practice and having a boyfriend and all. But you get to have Ashleigh over or go to the mall to shop for clothes. Even when I was your age, I didn’t have the kind of friends you do. Real friends. Friends that like you for you, instead of just hanging out with you to be seen with you.”

I guess I’d never thought of it that way. But strangely, since the rose thing, I kind of got what she was saying. Nobody wanted to be seen with me or anything, but it did seem like people just wanted to hang out with me because they thought I could help them look prettier or get together with some guy they liked. How had I gone from having really good friends to being surrounded by people who just wanted something from me?

“So what else is up with you?” Kellie asked.

Her words snapped me out of my thoughts. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“You haven’t been yourself lately. You’ve been all quiet and stuff. It’s a guy, isn’t it?”

Immediately, I felt defensive. “Life isn’t all about guys,” I snapped. “There are other things.”

“See, I knew it,” Kellie said. “I know my sister. It’s about time you got your first crush. So who is it? Alex?”

I tried to hide my surprise, but I wasn’t very good at covering up things like that. I bit the inside of my lip and tried to force my expression to stay as neutral as possible. I had to make sure she couldn’t see I was surprised she’d guessed it.

“I could have called it years ago,” Kellie said. “You guys are perfect for each other.”

Okay, no matter how much I wanted to deny that I liked him, I couldn’t stop myself from listening to her.

“He doesn’t like me,” I said with a shrug. “So it doesn’t matter.”

“You like him?” Kellie asked.

Oops. I didn’t realize I was giving myself away. “I didn’t say that,” I said.

“You didn’t have to. It’s all over your face.”

I guess I mentioned I wasn’t good at covering things up. I knew I could keep denying it, but Kellie had known me all my life. She could see right through me.

“Here’s what I’ve learned about guys,” she said, leaning forward. Mom and Dad were cleaning up, but I had a feeling they were trying to listen to our conversation. They couldn’t
hear her if she whispered. “They either like you or they don’t. If they don’t, there’s nothing you can do.”

That was great advice, but I had no idea what to do with it. “He likes someone else,” I said.

“Does he know how you feel?”

“I think so,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you have a choice,” she said after thinking about my answer for a second. “You can wait for him to decide he doesn’t like that other girl anymore, or you can let him know you like him now and let him make the choice.”

“Just . . . tell him?” I asked. I knew there was no way I’d ever in a million years just come out and say
I like you
to Alex. I mean, was that something people just came out and said? It seemed a little weird to me.

Besides, Kellie wouldn’t understand that I wasn’t like her. She could just look at a boy and he’d forget any other girl existed. If I looked at a boy, he’d just wonder if something was stuck between his teeth.

“Sure, why not?” Kellie asked. “What do you have to lose?” She leaned forward again and whispered, “Would you rather waste six months wondering or just know, once and for all?”

The answer to that question should probably have been
that I’d rather know. But that wasn’t the real answer. The real answer was that if I knew, once and for all, that Alex didn’t like me, what then? Things would probably even be weirder between us.

Things were so much simpler before I knew boys could be cute.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

To: Mia

From: Mia

Just tell him!

Someone was watching me. Someone might know about my Valentine’s Day trick. That same someone might tell everyone in school what I’d done.

Those were the thoughts going through my mind the next morning, when I was walking the halls of school, looking closely at every person who passed. If anyone as much as glanced in my direction, I wondered if that was the person who was watching me.

Of course, it was probably someone I knew. I realized that, but I wasn’t speaking to Sun and Ashleigh anymore, I couldn’t ask them if they were the ones sending those notes. All I could do was watch strangers and wonder. . . .

There was someone who might talk to me. One good friend who wasn’t mad. We hadn’t talked much lately because of . . . things, but I thought we might be able to pick up where we’d left off.

I headed straight for Alex’s locker, figuring I’d find him there, digging books out and maybe talking to one of his buddies. Instead he was nowhere in sight.

I searched the area; still no sign. I leaned against his locker as I watched for him. He’d be here any second, I figured, so I might as well stand here and wait. What else did I have to do?

I saw him as he rounded the corner. He was talking to someone—listening, mostly. He looked like he was really interested in what the other person had to say.

The problem was the other person was Sun Patterson.

Sun Patterson, the girl who was mad at me because I hadn’t told her I liked Alex too. Alex and Sun were walking side by side, happy as could be, and there I stood in front of his locker like I’d been waiting for him to show up.

Just as I was trying to make myself move, so I could run far, far away, Alex turned and looked right at me. His smile fell. That was all I needed to see. He wasn’t happy to see me, so now it was definitely time to
run
.

I don’t know if Sun ever saw me or not. All I knew was that Alex saw me, and Alex was with Sun now. They were obviously together, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to show my face in front of the two of them again.

Worst of all, I realized as I walked to homeroom, I had to live with this really, really sad feeling that I’d had Alex as a friend for years and now I wouldn’t. I already missed him.

“You have to help me with my hair.”

I looked up, suddenly realizing someone was talking to me. It was Trudie, and she was staring at me like I was the answer to all her problems. This was my punishment for sitting with them at lunch. Maybe it would have been better if I’d stuck with the original plan to hang out in the library by myself at lunch. I’d only nixed that idea when I imagined Alex and Sun all snuggled up in the reference section.

“I can’t do it on my own,” Trudie said, pulling on the end of her short ponytail. “As you can see. I’ve tried deep treatments and every conditioner you can think of—”

“Have you asked a hairstylist?” I asked.

She frowned at me. The look on her face told me she hadn’t thought of that. I guess she needed someone to give her a slight shove in the right direction. Maybe if I did that,
I wouldn’t have to spend an entire day at the mall with her while she tried on clothes and got her hair done.

“She’s trying to impress someone,” Karyn said.

Trudie flashed her a hateful look. “Am not,” she said.

“Are too,” Karyn argued.

I looked from Karyn to Trudie and back again, frowning. I was out of the matchmaking business. I was out of the helping-other-people business too. I just wanted to hang out, eat lunch, and talk about shows I liked and music I’d downloaded, like Ashleigh, Alex, and I used to do.