21 Marine Salute: 21 Always a Marine Tales (87 page)

“Of course not. Why would you think I would be mad?” She didn’t give him time to answer. “You thought I would be mad because of Mitch.”

Pain spasmed in his chest. Pain steeped in guilt and regret. “You would have every right to be angry. If I’d told him….”

“You can’t think that way. I don’t. It took me a long time to forgive him and myself for what happened, for the choices he made. But, sweetheart, they were Mitch’s choices. Not yours. Not mine. We loved him. He knew that. But he hated himself, he struggled with his own identity and maybe we’ll never understand it, but we can what-if ourselves to death, or we can forgive him.” She was so calm, so matter-of-fact.

“How…?” Yes, she might be his rock, but he tended to think of her as far more fragile. Losing Mitch shattered her. It was the only time Eli had given his commitment to the Marines serious pause. But Christina moved back home and insisted that he stay in. When she married Phil, he took their mother under his wing as well, and bit-by-bit, she improved. Her pride during his graduation exercises from boot, and later from OCS, buoyed him. She had a collection of souvenirs from every deployment and a copy of his dog tags that he’d had made especially for her that said “Proud Marine Mama” on one side and his information on the other.

“How what?”

“How did you get so Zen about this?” He grimaced at the bite in his words. “I’m sorry, I meant—I guess I meant how did you get to this place? I remember you couldn’t talk about him.”

“No. I couldn’t. Not for a very long time, but they have this thing called therapy. I belong to several groups for the families of the armed forces, and one of the women I met there also mediated a support group for grieving mothers. She invited me and…well, let’s just say I have a lot more friends now. I worked through my grief.”

How did I not know this
?

She chuckled and patted his cheek. “Your mother does have a life, darling. Now, let’s talk about you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Do you have someone?”

He glanced down at the white coffee cup in his hands. “I did.”

“What happened?”

“I screwed up.”

She sighed, the gentle sound filled with motherly patience. “Can you fix it?”

“No idea.” Rick was a better man than he, so maybe they could. “But I plan to try.”

“Excellent.” She beamed. “Now tell me all about him.”

Uncertain, he eyed her again. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Speak.”

“Well…he’s a doctor….”

She clapped her hands, absolute delight filling her expression. “Tell me more.”

Shaking his head a little, he did.

Rick tossed his bag into the back of the truck. “I’m sorry I’m late.” He slid into the passenger seat. “Was in surgery most of the night, we had new patients airlifted in and—”

“It’s okay.” Eli stopped him with a hand on his leg. “Ease up. You had to work, you couldn’t get leave first thing this morning. We’re good.”

Of course Eli understood. Their time wasn’t always their own. They had to file requests, get approval, and if they heard the word no, they had to accept it. The chief approved his leave for Saturday and Sunday, but he had to report for duty by ten in the morning on Monday.

“I know you wanted to leave earlier.” The fact that he hadn’t been able to get out of the hospital frustrated him, but his patient lived. Exhaustion nibbled at him. He’d managed a two-hour nap before rounds. Thankfully, his three surgeries went like clockwork and right on schedule.

“It happens. Not like we haven’t had delays before.” Eli turned out of the hospital parking lot and they were on their way to the turnpike. “You can sleep if you’re tired.”

“I’m exhausted.” But he didn’t want to sleep. They were together. He wanted to spend time with Eli. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he said, “Find a Starbucks and I can load up on the caffeine.”

“Caffeine is like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet hole if you’re wiped out. We have a drive in front of us. Sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get there.” Something seemed different about Eli, something Rick couldn’t put his finger on.

“You’re….” He studied the man’s profile. He wore a button-down shirt in a dark navy. The rolled up sleeves showed off tan, muscular forearms. He’d shaved, his chiseled jaw relaxed and his mouth curved into an easy smile. “You’re feeling good about something.”

“Maybe.” Eli glanced sideways at him and laughed “You don’t have to look so worried, Rick.”

“Yeah, you’re a master at distancing yourself and you never relax this close to a city. So what gives?” He’d had a lot of time to consider Eli’s confession about his brother. It broke his heart to know he carried that pain deep inside, never letting it out. He resented the fact that Eli had kept it from him for all of five minutes. It didn’t matter that he kept it private because that was who he was. Sharing it mattered. Sharing it with Rick really mattered.

“I talked to my mother last night.” A muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Yeah?”
Good news or bad? Could go either way
.

“Yep. Craziest thing.” Eli leaned his head back, gaze fixed on the road in front of him. “She knew.”

Knew what?
It felt like he juggled two different conversations, the one he wanted to have and the one they were having. “Okay, caffeine deprivation must be affecting my brain. She knew what?”

“About me.” Eli glanced at him again, a thoughtful smile on his face. He must have decided to take pity, because he continued without having to be pressed. “She knows I’m gay.”

“Okay.” A thread of excitement wound through his exhaustion.

“That’s it? Just ‘okay’?” He teased.

“Well, I’m going to assume it went well because you’re in a good mood and it might be a little inappropriate to yell ‘woo hoo.’”

“I told her about you.”

Rick’s heart seized up and his chest grew uncomfortably tight. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. Told her you were a doctor. She wants to meet you.”

Panic blew through him, and he clenched his fist. “Why does she want to meet me?”

The hard bark of Eli’s laughter elated him. “Because she asked me if I had someone—and I told her about you.”

Relief and anxiety tangled for supremacy. Rick opened his mouth to respond, and then snapped it shut again. He wanted to open up about their relationship, but they hadn’t really made any decisions. They still had a year of repair to make up for and other choices to make. But he’d told his mother?

“You okay over there?”

“I think I’m stunned.”

“You kind of look a little sick.” Worry deepened his frown. “You wanted this, right?”

“You didn’t.” Guilt burned in Rick’s gut. “You had your reasons, but you shouldn’t have….” God, he’d been such an ass. If Eli screwed things up with his family, how the hell would they ever get past it?

“Rick.” Eli’s hand came down on his thigh again. “Breathe, man. She knew. Apparently she’s known for years, and respected my privacy. But I’m glad she does, and I’m really glad she knows about you. You’re not my dirty little secret. You never have been.”

“I think I’m having a heart attack.” He tried to keep his voice calm, but with his emotions playing ping pong on the inside, that was hard. Capturing Eli’s hand, he squeezed it. “I thought I would be…over the moon, but I’m nervous as hell.”

“It’s the mom thing. She has this way about her. But she’ll love you.”

“Glad you think that.” One perk to their solitary relationship was the lack of parental interference.

“You’re scared.”

“You don’t have to sound so amazed. Meeting parents is a step we’ve never actually achieved and you’re close to your mom, so if she hates me….” How ridiculous the thought in his head didn’t quite measure the absurdity of saying it out loud. Would she hate him? Would she blame him for Eli’s choices? Was he to blame for Eli’s choices?

Instead of responding, Eli kept tossing him the oddest looks.

“What?” Rick’s nerves stretched past the breaking point.

“I’ve never seen you get this worked up—even when we fight, you’re always the calm one.” It sounded as though he wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or upset by the reaction.

“Screw you. Why don’t I call my mom right now and tell her about you and then see if she wants to meet you?”

Eli laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“It is—a little.” He continued to chuckle.

“You’re an ass.” Rick grumbled, but a laugh interrupted him.

Eli squeezed his hand, amusement lighting up his face. “I love you, too.”

The surgeon finally went to sleep about an hour out from the cabin. Despite his laughter, Eli found Rick’s anxiety over meeting his mother endearing. It eased his fear over that potential meeting. Two of the most important people in his life—face-to-face for the first time? Yeah, he had his doubts. But his mother’s open acceptance humbled him.

They’d talked for hours the night before—about Rick, about Mitch, about the Marines, about her life—about all the things they never talked about before. He always thought his mother a smart woman, but her compassion and humor put a number of his fears to rest. Shocking as it might seem to some, and to himself, at thirty-five, he still believed his mother when she said it would be okay.

First things first, he needed to repair the injury he’d done to his relationship with Rick. He also needed to confide in his sister. But Rick had to come first, and Christina was still recovering from giving birth. If she had problems with the relationship—he’d take care of it. He didn’t know how the night before had gone for Rick, but the man’s exhaustion existed in the vehicle like a tangible presence.

It reminded him of the long years of Rick’s surgical internship. They were lucky to get two hours together. On his days off, he slept through most of it even if Eli was home. As turbulent as those days were, they made it through them because those few, precious hours together were worth the sacrifice. The last year had been hard on them both—Eli thought they were over and he hadn’t expected to see Rick at the airport.

Not true
. His conscience called him on the uncharitable thought. He dreaded seeing Rick at the airport. Rick had been the better guy, he thought everything through, forgave quickly, made up to Eli even when he could be a dick, and put up with his moods. He preferred quiet and solitude, Rick favored neither of those things, and Eli missed him like he would miss his arm.

At the cabin, he let him sleep while he unpacked the truck and loaded some groceries into the fridge. Once everything was inside, he opened the passenger door and laid a hand on Rick’s shoulder. He opened his eyes and for that brief second between sleeping and waking, his mouth curved into a soft smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Eli didn’t give him time to wake the rest of the way up. He’d missed one thing more than anything else in their separation. Closing the distance between them, he slanted his mouth across his and kissed him. The simple friction sent a sizzling awareness along his nerves. One day, one month, one year—it all blurred away, leaving the two of them alone.

Rick cupped his face, opening his mouth and meeting the kiss with a surprising ferocity. Their tongues dueled for supremacy. The bristles on his face prickled Eli’s skin. Fisting Rick’s shirt, he dragged him out of the truck and they leaned against it, sealing the space between them.

God, I’ve missed him…missed this
.

Rick dragged his teeth against Eli’s lower lip and they broke apart, panting. His cock swelled, straining behind the confines of his zipper. He wanted to say screw it and just fireman-carry Rick inside and fuck until they couldn’t walk. Sex was the one thing they always got right.

Rick smiled. “I can almost hear the caveman going through your head right now.”

“Yeah? What do you think it’s saying?” He leaned in to nuzzle the man’s throat, nibbling kisses from his ear to his collar. Rick had to pass his physical every year, so he didn’t doubt his fitness—but he wanted to pop the buttons open and get a good look at him.

“Get naked. Now.” Rick groaned. Eli gave into the urge and flicked open his shirt. He wanted to palm the very real bulge pressing the front of his jeans, but if he went for his cock, they wouldn’t be talking.

Or at least not discussing what they needed.

“Hmm-hmm.” A touch of clean soap underscored the spicy, masculine scent of Rick. Freeing all the buttons down to Rick’s navel, Eli let go of his good intentions. He needed to feel him. He’d never be as good with words as Rick, or as open with his emotions—but he could damn well show him what he meant to him.

Rick caught the back of his neck and urged him up. Their mouths collided in a hot, wet kiss. His skilled surgeon hands cupped Eli’s ass and ground their pelvises together. Eli’s cock begged for release.
Talk
—he tried to stuff all that desire back down.
We have to talk
. “We’re supposed to….” He attempted to say around Rick’s mouth taking his, because Eli sure as hell didn’t have control of the kiss anymore.

“Fuck talking,” Rick growled. “Get in the cabin. We can talk after I welcome you home properly…and you make up to me for being a prick.”

“Yes, sir.” He hadn’t quite meant to respond that way—technically he ranked higher than commander—but only barely. Rick lifted his chin, a knowing look on his face, but not before Eli saw the flash of his smile.

“Marine, do I need to repeat myself?”

“No, sir, Commander—sir.” Eli rolled his title over his tongue, imagining it was Rick himself. The faint spice of his skin did wild things to him.

Inside the cabin, he stripped off his clothes and went for Rick’s, but their mouths met in a hard, demanding kiss. Rick was wilder than before and far less submissive—if he ever had been. Rick stroked his hands up Eli’s sides, exploring his skin. Fingering a scar over his hip bone, he pulled back.

“What happened?”

Eli didn’t answer right away, playing with his waistband. He kissed Rick’s neck, lapping tiny circles with his tongue. Rick gave him a gentle pull, turning him around again to look at Eli’s body. The cabin air was cool against his flaming hot skin but his breath was warm and enticing. Eli’s cock stiffened even more painfully.