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Ellie shook her head, unable to speak because of the huge lump in her throat. She felt betrayed by Alan, and winded by what she’d just heard. At the very moment when Sylvia had revealed her pregnancy, something inside her had died.

Ellie had never asked Alan about his sex life with his wife, but it had always been there, hanging over their relationship like a dark cloud. Perhaps the same issue hung over every illicit relationship. What lover didn’t want to be the only one in their beloved’s life?

Logically, Ellie had always known that Alan and his wife must have some physical contact – otherwise Sylvia’s suspicions would be aroused. Now, as she looked at Alan’s wife across the coffee-shop table, she was having to confront his other life head-on. She’d never allowed herself to consider that the logical outcome of their occasional sexual activity could lead to another pregnancy.

Suddenly, Ellie realised that Sylvia had been talking to her, but she hadn’t heard a word.

‘P – pardon?’

Sylvia looked embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry for loading this on you, but I’ve no one else I can talk to. I really need a friend right now, and somehow I feel that I can trust you.’

Ellie nodded, since it seemed the easiest thing to do.

Sylvia took a deep breath. ‘I think my husband’s having an affair,’ she said softly.

Ellie gasped, wondering for a split second if Sylvia knew about her and was about to confront her.

‘Yes, I knew you’d be shocked,’ Sylvia said, looking miserable. ‘I was shocked, too. I’ve no idea who it is. Well, actually, I did suspect someone we socialise with, but now I’m not so sure and, anyway, I’ve no idea what to do about it.’ She looked imploringly into Ellie’s eyes. ‘You seem to be the kind of strong, independent woman who’d be worldly about this kind of thing. Have you any advice to offer me?’

Ellie felt as though she’d stepped into an alternate universe.

‘N – no, not really,’ she managed to say at last, but her voice sounded strangled and totally unlike hers. ‘I mean, it’s probably best to do nothing,’ she added lamely.

Sylvia nodded, seeming to hang on Ellie’s every word.

‘It’ll probably blow over,’ Ellie added again, trying to sound helpful. ‘These things usually do.’

Sylvia grasped Ellie’s hand gratefully. ‘Thank you,’ she said, a look of relief on her face. ‘You’ve no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that.’ She suddenly looked guilty. ‘I hope you’ll keep what I’ve told you to yourself –’

Ellie nodded, unable to speak. She felt she was suffocating, and she found it impossible to drink the coffee that had suddenly appeared in front of her. She began to stand up from the table, knowing that if she stayed there any longer, she was in danger of breaking down.

Sylvia looked startled. ‘Are you feeling sick? Are you sure you don’t need something to eat? I could ask the waitress to get you something –’

‘No, I’m fine, thanks,’ Ellie said, stumbling from the table. ‘But I have to go – it was nice meeting you.’

‘And you, too.’ I’ve embarrassed her, Sylvia thought to herself. Although I hardly know her, I’ve crossed the line by unfairly involving her in my problems. But I was desperate for some honest, womanly advice. No wonder she doesn’t want anything more to do with me.

‘Goodbye,’ Sylvia said sadly, desperately wishing that Ellie could have stayed longer ‘Good luck with your pregnancy.’

‘And you with yours,’ Ellie replied. Then she rushed out of the coffee shop and down the escalator as fast as she could. She desperately needed to get out of the department store. She was overwhelmed by the need for fresh air …

In the local park, Ellie sat down on a bench and cried. She felt totally betrayed by Alan. He’d known for at least a month, maybe even two, that Sylvia was pregnant, and yet he’d said nothing. He’d led her to believe that her own pregnancy was the most exciting thing that was happening in his life – whereas he was also having another baby with his wife!

As long as she hadn’t actually met Sylvia, Ellie had been able to imagine her as a vain, controlling, selfish woman, worthy of her hatred. But having discovered how genuinely nice she was, Ellie felt wretched at being the one who was cheating with her husband, and also bearing his child behind her back. Sylvia seemed so innocent, so genuinely interested in Ellie’s pregnancy, and Ellie had the impression that she’d have liked to make a friend of her. But there would be no way she would bear to maintain contact with the woman she was deceiving.

The meeting also made her angry and insecure about Alan. How could he not love such a nice woman as Sylvia? He clearly liked his wife enough to have sex with her. Maybe it was Ellie he was deceiving, and that he had no intention of ever leaving his wife. Insecurity rose up inside her like bile.

Yet how could she claim to be a decent person herself, when Alan’s wife was the innocent victim of their appalling deceit?

C
HAPTER
19

K
erry sat on the edge of Laura’s hospital bed, holding her hand sympathetically.

‘How do you know all this?’ Laura demanded, tears in her eyes. ‘You couldn’t possibly find out so much by simply following Jeff!’

‘No, you’re right – when I got home after work this evening, I checked through the last few weeks’ newspapers online, because I’d a hunch that I’d seen a picture somewhere of the guy who was with Jeff. And there he was, smiling as he left court after his acquittal. He’d been prosecuted for importing and supplying Class A drugs, like heroin, and cocaine.’ Kerry grimaced. ‘But the informer who was to testify against him disappeared – presumed dead – so he got off.’ She reached into her pocket and took out a folded piece of paper. ‘Here – I printed off the page, so you can see for yourself.’

Laura looked at the picture of the smiling man, but it meant nothing to her. She definitely didn’t recognise him.

Kerry looked at her earnestly. ‘What worries me is why Jeff would be meeting a guy like that?’ She took a deep breath. ‘Aren’t you worried that whatever he’s doing, it looks decidedly dodgy?’

Laura could feel anger building up inside her. ‘You’ve no business following my husband while I’m here in hospital!’ she said hotly. ‘I’m sorry now that I told you about his real line
of work – he’s clearly on some kind of mission. He probably has to deal with these people for reasons of national security!’

Seeing how angry Laura was, Kerry quickly backtracked. ‘I’m sorry, love – I accept that maybe I shouldn’t have followed him. But I’m worried about you, and I just want you to be safe and happy.’

Laura looked slightly less angry, so Kerry decided to tell her what else she’d looked up.

‘I also Googled Jeff’s father’s name. There were lots of old newspaper reports about his family at the time of his parents’ deaths. The coroner ruled that Jeff’s mother had been murdered by his father, and then the father hanged himself.’

Laura turned pale with shock. ‘Oh God! I knew his parents were violent, but I’d no idea his father was a murderer! Poor Jeff – that explains so much.’

Kerry grimaced. ‘I just thought you should know. You’d have been livid with me if you found out later that I’d known all this and hadn’t told you.’

Laura nodded. ‘Okay, I get that. But Jeff can hardly be blamed for his awful parents, can he? It’s not his fault that his father was a murderer. I know Jeff is scarred by his childhood – he probably didn’t tell me all that because he’s embarrassed by it.’

Kerry squeezed her hand apologetically. ‘Promise me you won’t let him know that I’ve told you all this?’

Laura looked at her truculently. ‘Of course I won’t! He’d be so humiliated. You know how insecure Jeff is! Besides, he’s my husband. I signed up for better or for worse, and I’m expecting his child. So I have to make a go of it.’ She looked at Kerry defiantly. ‘Besides, I love him.’

Kerry smiled sympathetically. Still gullible. Still seeing the best in her husband, despite the fact that he’d hit her, and told her a pack of lies from day one. Love truly
was
blind.

When Kerry had left, Laura lay alone in her bed feeling shell-shocked and very vulnerable. No, Kerry had to be wrong. But this new information of Kerry’s – that he’d been having breakfast with a well-known criminal – was certainly worrying. Undoubtedly he was doing it as part of his job for MI5. Jeff was probably working on some kind of sting. No doubt his recent violent outbursts had just been a reaction to all the dangerous work he was doing. He hadn’t really meant to hurt her, and all would be well just as soon as this difficult assignment was over. She’d just have to be patient until then.

Feeling exhausted by it all, Laura lay back and patted her belly. At least the baby was okay, so she could look forward to the family that she and Jeff were creating together. Her number-one priority was this little person growing inside her. She owed it to this child to make the best of her marriage, and to create a happy home environment for it to grow up in. If she was to start questioning everything her husband did, she’d have no marriage left. Jeff had to be allowed to do his job without her interference – hadn’t he told her that she wasn’t ever to question him about what he was doing? Presumably that was for her own protection. Jeff wouldn’t want any of the unsavoury characters he dealt with intruding into his family life. She felt a warm glow of contentment. He was only trying to keep her safe. Feeling relieved, she picked up a magazine and began flicking through the pages.

C
HAPTER
20

L
aura was relieved to be going home at last, despite Jeff off-handedly informing her that he wouldn’t be available to collect her the following day, and that she’d have to take a taxi home on her own.

After he’d left her hospital room, Laura hadn’t been able to stop the tears. She had felt wretched, and hurt that her husband couldn’t be there for her. She assumed that the demands of his job were keeping him away, and she suddenly wished Jeff had an ordinary, nine to five job. Other people had offered to bring her home: Darren was first to offer, then Maria, followed by Kerry. But she’d turned them all down – pretending that Jeff was collecting her – because she couldn’t bear to see the pity in their eyes.

Once back in the apartment, Laura looked around at all the magnificent fittings, state-of-the-art kitchen and sumptuous furnishings, and felt her heart almost break. On the surface, she and Jeff had everything. But where it mattered, they seemed to have very little. Laura wondered if she was lacking somehow. Maybe Jeff needed a much more dynamic woman than she was. Clearly, she wasn’t enough to make her husband happy. Was Jeff as disappointed with their marriage as she was? Nevertheless, she was expecting a baby with him, so she’d make the best of it in order to create a good home environment for their child. And she’d try to be the best mother she possibly could. Hopefully things would get better.

The following day, Laura returned to work. Her colleagues were surprised to see her back so soon and urged her to take it easy. They all volunteered to ease her workload, or bring her coffee or food from the canteen. Their kindness overwhelmed her, and she felt a sense of peace in her work surroundings that she never seemed to feel at home. Why couldn’t Jeff express those same caring feelings? He was supposed to love her, whereas her colleagues, who were simply acquaintances, had shown more humanity and kindness to her than he ever had.

Darren fussed and flapped like a mother hen, urging her to put her feet up at every opportunity, and insisting that for the rest of the week she only give her afternoon lecture, and that he’d give the morning one. It felt good to be pampered, but Laura was keen to pull her weight and get back to her full-time schedule as soon as possible.

‘I’ll be staying on at the university this evening,’ Laura told Jeff, as she tidied up after their lunch and got ready to leave for her afternoon lecture. ‘There’s a debate organised by the students of the Literary and Historical Society at eight o’clock, and Darren has asked me to attend. All the staff in the department will be going, to give moral support to our students.’ Jeff shrugged his shoulders as he sat back and drank his coffee. ‘What’s the debate about?’

‘That drugs should be legalised by the government.’

Jeff looked up, his eyes narrowing. ‘How could anyone be so stupid?’

‘It’s only a student debate,’ Laura said mildly, not sure what exactly he meant by his comment. But she felt that it was safer to avoid any further discussion.

Yet Jeff suddenly seemed keen to keep the conversation going.

‘What’s your opinion?’ he asked, and for a second Laura hoped they were about to have an adult discussion about it.

‘Well, I’d favour legalisation,’ she said, smiling. ‘Governments have been fighting the drugs war for years without any success. Like Prohibition, once you forbid something, it goes underground. If drugs were legalised, it would reduce crime, and save taxpayers the money that’s currently being spent on keeping people in prison. The quality of the drugs would be better, too – they wouldn’t be cut with dangerous substances.’

Jeff was getting angry. ‘I might have known you’d feel that way,’ he said disgustedly. ‘That’s what you lefty, university types always think. Drugs should never be legalised!’

‘Jeff, it’s only a debate!’ Laura said quietly.

She could see how agitated he was becoming and touched his shoulder in a calming gesture. She could guess why Jeff would oppose decriminalisation – his parents had probably been drug-users as well as being violent psychopaths.

‘I’ll be back about ten tonight.’

Jeff looked truculent. ‘Your lecture is over by five. Why aren’t you coming home first?’