18 Things (8 page)

He raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, not. It just means we’ll spend a good portion of summer trying to fill up ad space for the upcoming school year.” I exhaled loudly. “What do you think about a blog?”

He flashed me a ‘thumbs-up’. “Sounds good.”

“You don’t think I’m opening myself up to a whole new world of people who will ignore me?”

“I’m not sure the point is achieving one hundred followers to read your uncensored rants or anything. Just do it for yourself. I’ll read it, so that’s all that matters.”

He squeezed my leg and I adjusted my oversized sunglasses, hoping they helped hide my flushed face.

I smiled at him, then gazed out at the horizon where the water met the sky. “I know this may seem silly because I’ve already done this so many times, but I think I need to add go sailing on my list.”

My hands shook as I wrote it down and realized ‘go sailing’ was number thirteen on the list. Thirteen was also the number on the sailboat Conner and I rented the day he died. I don’t know if I believed in bad omens, but this seemed like a big one.

Reaching over, he patted my back. “Great idea. I’m coming with you for sure.”

“Where are we going?” Tammy pranced over and snatched a piece of watermelon from the cooler.

“Nate’s just giving me suggestions for my list.”

“You started without me? Uh, rude. That means I get to make suggestions and you have to take them.”

“Come on, even your worst enemies don’t deserve that.”

“Well, I
am
your worst enemy. Remember, we have the whole love hate thing going on. So, you need to throw a big party and invite everyone you know.”

It took me a minute to mentally calculate that everyone I really knew was at the picnic with me. After flashing my Cheshire grin, I said, “Fine, but you’re underestimating how many people I actually know. Even my apartment is big enough for that, and you haven’t seen where I live.”

A breeze blew across us, ruffling our towels. “Okay, then we’ll invite some of my peeps. Have you ever been to a party minus parents before?”

“My parents wouldn’t allow that.”

She threw her head back in bray laughter. “True dat. We better make the party at someone else’s crib. It’ll be epic. Oh, write down sneak out, too. You probably owe your parents a whole list of eighteen things for rebellion alone.”

“Let’s go, let’s go, L-E-T-S-G-O!” I answered in faux cheer.

“Oh. My. Gawd!” Tammy squealed. “Put down ‘try out for the cheerleading team’.”

My mouth fell open, and I shook my head.

“Seriously. How many extracurricular activities do
you
have? You need those for your college applications.”

She was right. Even as I jotted down her suggestion, it pained me to admit newspaper and math team probably wouldn’t be enough.

“Hey, have you ever stayed up all night to watch a meteorite shower?” Nate asked.

“Nope. That makes eight things, ten more to go.”

I wiped a hand across my sweaty forehead, toying with the idea of putting my feet in the water to cool down a bit. Especially since Sean was walking toward us with Nicole, flaunting his Speedo.

“Waz up, ya’ll?” Sean shouted in a mocking feminine tone.

“Olga’s metamorphosis,” Nate said.

“Meta-what?”

“Our counselor asked her to write a life list of eighteen things to do. Metamorphosis means change. It’s also a reference to the story by Franz Kafka, a highly symbolic tale dealing with the absurdity of human existence.”

Tammy turned away and snorted at his explanation. “An-y-ways, suggestions? For the list, I mean.”

Sean raked his fingers through his afro. “Enter a karaoke contest at Jumpin’ Java.”

I shook my head, my hair blowing in the wind. “I’ll never recover my dignity after this list is done.”

“What dignity?” Sean said, making a
tsking
sound under his breath. “Besides, karaoke contests are fun. I’ll help you practice.”

“Oh yeah. Didn’t you win that contest three times already?” I asked, writing ‘karaoke’ down on the piece of paper.

“Yesss. I did!”

“Someone’s a little too hyper today,” Nicole said, handing Sean his shorts, which he thankfully slipped on. “Can I suggest a serious one, or is that not allowed?”

My skin felt like it was baking in an oven. I fanned myself with the paper. “Fire away.”

“Start telling people what you really think.”

A flag snapped in the wind, causing me to glance towards the lifeguard tower. A little boy cried for his mother as the tanned guy in red shorts spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Better yet—keep my parents happy, keep the little number of friends I actually have, keep my job, keep my mouth shut.”

We stared at each other for a minute.

“I’m serious. You need to stop saying what you think everyone wants to hear and speak your mind.”

“Sounds like a winner,” Nate said, grabbing the pen and paper from my hands, then writing Nicole’s advice down. “And I’m writing down another good one.”

He scribbled a few words, then handed the paper back to me.

“Spend one day following what the Magic 8-ball says? Um, yeah, my sources say no.”

“Too late. It is written.”

I studied him from the corner of my eye. “This isn’t the gospel.”

“Practically. This is your freakin’ personal Holy Grail encounter.”

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Oh, I know one! I know one!” Tammy shouted. “Get a tattoo!” She pointed to the pirate skull and crossbones on her lower abdomen, right next to her belly button. As head cheerleader, I guess she really was zealous about supporting our GHHS Buccaneers. “I’m getting another one this week, a small one right here.” She pointed to her chest, just above her left boob. “You should totally come with me.”

“Yeah, when I have six-pack abs and boobs I can bounce a quarter off of, then I’ll do that.”

She laughed. “Okay, then. How many more things do you need for your quest?”

I looked down at my list. “Five.”

“Yesss! Final five—time to get serious.”

Nicole’s eyes went wide. “I know number five. Ride the biggest roller coaster in the U.S.”

Tammy cleared her throat. “I don’t know. Sounds a bit clichéd for a top five pick.”

“Maybe. But Olga’s never even been on a roller coaster.”

She stretched out a hand to me, gesturing. “Oh, then write it down. We won’t even have to travel far because I’ve already done that one before. It’s Millennium Force at Cedar Point in Ohio.”

My stomach did a nervous drop just thinking about the amusement park. “I know a good one for number four,” I said, looking from Kyle to Sean. “Help Cantankerous Monkey Squad sign a record deal. If I’m supposed to move on, then maybe it’s time you guys start auditioning for a new singer.”

Their mouths fell open, but then Sean nodded. “Alrighty. I’ll put a shout out on Twitter tonight.”

Nate caught a stray frisbee and then threw the disc back to the owner. “This is weird, but I was actually the lead singer and guitarist in a band back home. I was gonna ask around about other musicians when school started, but it’d be cool if I could jam with you guys.”

Kyle drummed his palms against his knees. “What kind of band was it?”

“Alternative rock with an indie style.”

Sean and Kyle squinted at each other.

“That’s exactly what we are,” Sean told Nate.

“Well, why don’t we all jam at my house tonight?” Kyle asked.

Nate and Sean nodded in agreement. The situation was eerie, a little too convenient—like Nate was planted here in our lives by God or something.

A few moments of silence passed, aside from the sound of Nate chomping on a bag of chips, while we all thought.

“Maybe it should be renamed fifteen things,” I suggested, reaching over and then shoving a few chips in my own mouth.

Nate snorted. “Just Zen. We’ll think of something.”

Tammy rubbed some tanning oil on her legs. “So, are we all
doing
this list, too?”

“I like the sound of that.” I winked. “I mean, you don’t have to do everything with me, but it’d be nice to have company for most of these if I’m gonna get through it.”

“Wimp.” Sean coughed the word loudly.

I jerked my head up, surveying him from the corner of my eye.

He looked at me, holding up his soda can before taking a sloppy sip. “You checking me out?”

“Yes, but only with this eye.” I pointed to my right pupil.

“Which eye?”

“My good eye, so don’t try any malarkey,” I said, looking over my list.

“Oh, crap.”

Nate smacked my shoulder. “Number three—break a world record.”

“You already sound like a broken record, and I just met you, Plato,” I said, writing his suggestion down. Sweat dripped off my arm, and I pulled my hair into a sloppy ponytail with the standard hair tie I wore on my wrist.

“Oh, we got ourselves a wise guy here,” Nate cracked, stretching his arm around my waist and tickling my sides.

I laughed in a please stop, that’s not fair kind of way, until Nicole stuck her head between us and shot me a look, making me quiet down.

She picked up my pen and paper, wrote something down, then handed it back to me. “Go on a date/get a boyfriend/fall in love?”

“Don’t look at me like I got my forehead pierced or something. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who thinks you should
at least
go on your first proper date.”

Gosh, she made me sound so pathetic sometimes!
Her condescending remarks drove me crazy, but I knew she didn’t mean anything by the comment.

“You’ve never been on a date?” Tammy practically screamed. “Well, call me the Jehovah girl of matchmaking.”

I shook my head. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Aw, come on. I’m practically the role model for getting guys to ask me out. What kind of frenemy would I be if I didn’t hook a sister up?”

Looking at Kyle, I suddenly felt angry about the last time she tried hooking me up with a date, when she robbed me of the experience of Conner finally asking me out.

“Did you get your brain amputated or something? I said no.”

Tammy stood, hands on her hips, accentuating the curves I’d never have. “I was just trying to help.”

She turned on her heels, then marched down the beach to her other friends.

“It’s not like I’ve
never
been on a date,” I grumbled under my breath.

Nicole rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically. “The bowling alley doesn’t count as a
proper
date.”

“Bowling alley?” Nate asked.

I shrugged like it didn’t matter, but the truth was never going on an official date really bothered me. “When we all went to Rock’n’Bowl at Starlite Lanes last summer, we ran into some guys from school. One of them offered to drive me home because he lives in the same apartment complex as me. Then he tried to kiss me when he dropped me off.”

“Yesss! Olga got game!” Sean held out his hand for a fist bump.

“What a butt munch,” Nate said.

“Yeah, and my mom was watching the whole thing through our living room window and started flipping the porch light on and off rapidly, signaling for me to come in. You should’ve seen her total menopausal breakdown when I walked through the front door. Lecturing me about getting a reputation and how I should wait until I’m ready to get married before I date and even then the guy should be courting me.”

The boys stared at me with their mouths open.

“Yep, that’s what happens when you have parents from the fifties.”

“I do have that,” Nate said. “But they’re called
grand
parents.”

We all laughed, and I buried my face in my hair.

It was so hot, from heat and embarrassment, I imagined my cheeks matched the fire engine red color of my curls. “The sun is the most annoying thing ever today. I can’t stand how hot it is.”

Nate nodded toward the water. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the lake is right there.”

He stood, brushed the sand off his shorts, held out his hand, then pulled me up.

When we got to the water’s edge, I stopped short.

“Seventy percent of the world is covered by water; you can’t ignore it forever.”

I smiled. “Conner used to say my blood was seventy percent coffee.”

Stabbing hurt rose up in my chest, and I sucked in a deep breath.

“When you look that sad, it breaks my heart.” His voice was as smooth as silk, like an angel’s.

Gesturing with my hand toward the lake, I said, “He was killed out there.”

In my head, I thought back to my last sailing date with Conner. I remembered it perfectly, as if it happened just yesterday, no matter how hard I tried to forget.

So many days since then I wished it was me who died instead of him.

My breathing came fast now. “He had a pulse. I should’ve noticed sooner he wasn’t breathing. I should’ve pulled him up and administered the rescue breaths as soon as I got to the boat. We should’ve been wearing life jackets, too. I wouldn’t have had to dive after him if we were, wouldn’t have wasted all that time.” My voice was unbalanced, trembling like strings on a guitar. “Everyone thinks the lightning killed him instantly, but it didn’t. That’s what keeps me awake at night. This guilt, knowing his death could’ve been prevented. It wasn’t some freak accident. It was plain stupidity. Just like my hate letters said. I may be a genius, but I’m a complete idiot.”

I sobbed and he tried to hug me, but I untangled my body from his arms and then shoved him away.

“Stop it!” My voice rose. “I don’t deserve to be comforted. I stood there and let my best friend die. Don’t you see that? Don’t you get what I’m telling you?”

Nicole was at my side now, putting an arm around my shoulder and smoothing my hair.

“He had a pulse,” I confessed to her, too.

She shook her head. “Olga, I wasn’t there, but I didn’t have to be there to know you would’ve done everything humanly possible to save Conner’s life. You can’t beat yourself up over it. Let it go. Remember how he lived more than how he died.”

Nic took my hand and gently led me into the water, my legs wobbling.

I looked over at Nate, and he gave me a sad half-smile. Realizing I still held my pen in my hand, I stuck it behind my ear. The water rhythmically lapped against my knees, and I closed my eyes.