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“Yeah, they knew.” James cleared his throat. He was still looking at Matt.

Matt must have realized he didn’t really want to talk about it, so he continued for James. “They put an extra tracker on him, and were uplinking data on his biorhythms and maybe brain waves. Didn’t you say they knew you were losing consciousness?”

James nodded. “After that first session, I always came to in a bed, with some kind of brain scan equipment. I was groggy, and it didn’t even click until later, after I was out.”

“They were keeping really close tabs on him too. Oh, hey! You could affect the signal the chips sent out, too, remember?”

“Yeah.” James nodded, and realized somehow his hand had ended up in Matt’s, fingers entwined. He wondered idly if he’d ever held hands with a guy before.

Pearl broke in. “That’s probably normal development. Chips send out waves, which aren’t that much different than brain waves. It’s something we thought could happen. Do you know if it happened before then?”

James shook his head.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Pearl cautiously approached it, reaching into her robe, presumably for a weapon. James raised an eyebrow and looked at Matt. Who knew the nun was packin’ heat? “It’s Carmella,” he told Pearl. He was sure
she
was packing. Matt’s lips lifted at the corners. James yanked him forward and pressed his lips to one of those little lines Matt got when he smiled.

Jesus, he was a sap. Matt gave him a little nudge with his nose and then pulled away just as Carmella came into the room with a big covered container.

“Dinner,” she announced. “I made sure Maligna didn’t spit in it when she was preparing your trays.” She smiled delightedly, clearly enjoying torturing the young nun.

Matt may have only eaten a couple of hours ago, but he fell on his dinner like he was starving. It was chicken, maybe raised at the convent. Beat the MREs all to shit. James ate his more slowly as they talked.

Pearl brought Carmella up to speed, and they discussed the more immediate options available to them. Carmella knew all about the implant. James figured he’d stretched “need-to-know” all out of shape until it was unrecognizable.

Not that he was feeling too loyal to SOUF right now.

“You can’t stay in the military,” Carmella announced decisively, recalling his attention. Matt snorted and said something unintelligible through a mouthful of bread. James could tell by the tone he was agreeing with Carmella, backed up by a dose of derision riding his brain waves. The bread crumbs Matt spewed across the bed punctuated the sentiment.

James sighed. He’d seen clean sheets in the closet next to the front door.

“Sah-wee,” Matt said. His cheeks were puffed out with bread and chicken. James snorted.

“I think Anais and Lance might be able to swing a medical discharge for you,” Carmella offered.

“But is the Blue going to let me walk away from them with a bunch of top-secret tech in my head? Doubt it.”

“What’s the alternative?” Matt shrugged. He’d managed to swallow his food. Everyone stared at him. James waited for Matt to get it. “Oh
fuck
no!” Matt was horrified. “We’ll leave, James. Go to Canada or somewhere that doesn’t have an extradition agreement. I’m not letting them just… you know….”

James could feel Matt stronger than ever. He leaned his head back against the wall, tipping it up so he could keep his eyes from overflowing. Matt meant it. He’d go with him, keep him safe if he could. He
wanted
to. James hoped the feeling ached in Matt’s chest the same way it ached in his. That want.

Pearl got up, signaling Carmella unobtrusively. “I’ll come with you tonight. I need to talk to Anais and Lance too. We’re going to work this out.”

Nobody said anything further.

Matt laced his fingers through James’s again once Carmella and Pearl were gone. “C’mere,” he whispered, tugging. James let himself be pulled. Into Matt’s arms, onto his chest. Avoiding the bandages.

James shut off his brain. He stopped thinking, and just let himself feel. He felt Matt’s fingers combing through his hair. He felt Matt’s muscles slide under his ear as he moved his arm. Matt’s hand on his back, fingers splayed, pressing James into him. Matt’s lips brushed his forehead.

James closed his eyes and sighed. He tightened his arms around Matt and let himself feel deeper. Matt’s concern and worry, and fear. It felt so good, like light surrounding him. Not the emotions, but the fact that someone—Matt—felt that for
him
. James.

James nuzzled his forehead and nose into Matt’s chest. He didn’t care if Matt made him cuddly or made him hornier than he’d ever been or even made him a lovesick fool. James was keeping him. Hopefully Matt would want to keep James too.

Chapter 15

B
EFORE
leaving that night, they took a shower. James was sort of amazed they could do it without the situation devolving into sex, but between Matt needing to keep his bandages dry-ish and James needing comfort, it didn’t happen.

Not that he didn’t feel Matt up. All over. And bite and lick the back of his neck a lot when he figured out how crazy it made Matt. But then Matt turned around to James, leaned against the wall, and pulled him in.

Matt could kiss. James had never been into kissing that much. It was just a sometimes necessary way station on the road to the good stuff. But with Matt it
was
the good stuff.

Matt explored his mouth, slowly, touching James in places he never thought he’d find erotic. Who knew a guy running his tongue along your teeth could feel so good? But it was the long, slow, sinuous tongue action that made James forget everything except being in that warm, wet mouth. He felt like he’d reached a transcendent state.

Then Matt started skating his hand down James’s torso, pinching his nipples until he gasped, moving lower to dip a finger in his navel, then circling a hip with a fingertip. Still kissing him the whole time. James had never known slow and teasing worked for him. But it clearly did.

Matt’s fingers starting tangling in James’s pubic hair, his mouth sucking James’s earlobes and licking and nipping his jaw. Matt hooked a thumb and finger around the base of James’s shaft and squeezed. James sucked in a breath and looked down to watch Matt’s hand.

Matt’s forearm was disappearing between his legs, the veins and tendons standing out on the underside of his wrist. His fingers cupped James’s balls, weighing them. Somehow his forearm looked both fragile and masculine at once. Like Matt was a precision instrument, finely tuned. A finely tuned man pressing gently up on James’s balls with the heel of his hand, his fingers pressing circles into James’s perineum.

Fuck transcendent states. He’d achieved Nirvana.

Until the instant-hot ran out of juice. The water went from steamy to icy in a couple of seconds. Matt yelped and jumped out of the shower, leaving James to deal with the water.

But Matt stood in the bathroom with a towel, waiting for him when he got out. He dried James off slowly, occasionally kissing him still, relaxing him and bringing him down.

“C’mon, sexy. You need to get dressed,” Matt said in his ear. James felt almost as relaxed as he would if they’d gone ahead and fucked. Cold water notwithstanding.

“Mmmmm,” he rumbled. He caught Matt when he moved away, slipping his hands around his waist and resting them in the small of his back. Resting his forehead on Matt’s. “Thank you.”

Matt kissed him again. James let him pull them into the main room and lead him to the packs. Then they got dressed.

Matt went for jeans. “You sure you should go with us?” James asked him. He had to at least give it a try.

“Yeah. It’ll make Anais and Lance feel better, trust me. Maybe they’ll start trusting you more.”

James couldn’t deny that would be a nice thing. “You sure you shouldn’t go in drag?” He was only half joking.

“No one’s going to believe you packed your wife off to go hunting in dresses. As long as I keep my head covered, these are fine.” Matt slapped a leg on his thigh, indicating the denim jeans.

“Not with your ass.”

“What are you trying to say about my ass?”

James couldn’t believe how touchy the guy could get about his body. He didn’t know why; Matt had a seriously hot body, and he must know it. Or at least been told by every guy who ever wanted to get him into bed. Which must be, like, every guy.

“I’m saying you have a very nice, very sexy, very tight, very
male
ass.”

“Women’s asses are different?” Matt was looking over his shoulder, trying to see his butt.

James stared at him a second. “You’re
really
gay, aren’t you?”

Matt looked up at him. He lost the fight to keep the grin off his face. “Fine, I knew women had different asses, but I forget. I just don’t look at them.” His smile slipped. “You notice, don’t you?”

James studied him a minute as he pulled on his shirt. Was that a touch of jealousy? Matt had shut the flow of info from his brain off when they left the bathroom.

“Yeah.” No point in lying. “But I don’t generally want to sleep with women. I did in high school, yeah, but it wasn’t a big deal even then. I don’t think I was ready to be gay, yet. I still look, but it’s more like… artistic appreciation. Not attraction.”

“Huh.” Matt turned and started dressing again.

James sighed and sealed his shirt front. “You might want to leave your shirt off. Pearl will probably be here early to change your bandages.”

“You just want to look at my naked flesh.” Matt smirked.

James grinned at him. “Hell, yes.” He moved forward, but just then he could feel Pearl coming. He dropped the hand he’d been reaching for Matt with and turned toward the door.

Pearl knocked on the door and then let herself in. She smiled at Matt. “Oh, good, you’re waiting for me. Did James tell you I was coming?”

“Um, yeah, sorta.” Matt smiled at her. James wondered what it was that put Matt into such a relaxed mood.

Actually, why the hell was
he
feeling so relaxed? He was starting to think the man bewitched him on a regular basis. Under the circumstances, they should both be amped.

Pearl had Matt on the bed and was peeling off the old patches. She hummed approvingly. James went over to take a look. Matt’s arm was almost closed up, and his shoulder didn’t look like meat so much. Now it looked like a bad, but healing, wound. Everything was pink and tender-looking or scabbing over, but it was healing really fast, thanks to the nano-menders.

“Looks good. Might be able to leave tomorrow.”

“Not that soon,” Pearl argued with him.

“If he’s going to be healed by the time we get to the river, we’re fine.”

“He’s going to need to be closed up before he leaves here. He won’t heal as fast once he’s walking all night and can’t take nano-menders.”

“If I can find Miz—”

“Can we argue about this tomorrow?” Matt broke in. He stood up, frowning now, and went to put on his shirt. The shirt was too big for him, making him sort of (if you squinted and it was dark) look like he
could
be a woman wearing her husband’s shirt. A kinda butch woman. But the shirt partially obscured that ass.

James realized it was one of his shirts. Well, shit, that just made Matt sexier.

Matt pulled on a hat, the kind James had seen women all over Idaho wear. It looked sorta floppy with a wide brim that partially obscured his face. It helped, making Matt look like he could pass as a woman even if you weren’t squinting. He’d still need the dark to pull it off.

“There a moon tonight?” Matt asked.

“Just a sliver. You’re believable.”

Matt grinned at him as Pearl headed to the door. James gave him a partial smile back. “C’mon, wife.”

Matt stuck out his tongue and stepped out the door ahead of James. James walked behind him, playing peekaboo with Matt’s ass.

M
ATT
thought he might be falling in love with James. Maybe he was already there. He’d never felt quite like this before. He’d definitely been in deep like, and plenty of lust. But not this.

The best part was he thought it might be a two-way thing. He’d been preparing himself for a brief, hot affair that would end when James wanted it to—soon, probably—and then Matt would have a lot of tequila and ice cream floats (combining steps one and two when recovering from a broken heart—Sabine had discovered that a while ago), suck a couple of guys off in the bathroom stall at the air base, and mope a while. Maybe go on a couple of benders with his male cousins. Not that they were any damn use when it came to breakups. For a bunch of queers, they carried around a lot of testosterone.

This
was not what he’d prepared himself for. In the shower, when they’d been kissing, Matt felt like they were melting into one person. Like maybe their spirits were communing through their tongues.

Wow. That was… poetic. And kinda weird.

He was careful not to think about it too much. It was kinda mushy, for one thing, and for another, even if James felt it with the same intensity, Matt wasn’t sure he had any idea it was happening. Or if he would even be okay with it happening.