166 Days: My Journey Through The Darkness (3 page)

28 April 2008

We woke up early in morning, ate breakfast and went straight to the terminal to see if we had a flight out to Bagram; disappointingly we discovered there was nothing. Instead, we saw our names on a list with a big fat “pending” beside them, which meant later, rather than sooner, on getting out of there. We all looked at each other thinking,
So now what
? We decided to check out the base amenities and stumbled across a wonderful perk of being in the AOR, we could get a full body massage for one full hour for only….are you ready?…. $20! What a great deal! I scheduled myself one of those ASAP. I tended to carry a lot of my stress in my back and I paid for it; I was constantly plagued with knots that could become quite painful at times. My current situation certainly fell under the “high stress” category. With my massage scheduled, I realized I needed a phone and wireless internet so I could contact everyone; especially my husband. It was midday in Manas; therefore, it was in the middle of the night back home, which meant I needed to wait to call until later on in the evening. They offered morale phone calls, which were free, but they were limited to only fifteen minutes a call and we could only use them twice a week. Fortunately, they also had a café with wireless internet and phones where people could pay a small fee to use if they chose.

We decided to go for a run and workout to kill some more time. After we finished the workout we were walking around the base and as I looked up I saw a very familiar appearing face in a crowd of people. It was Dwight, a friend of mine from when I was enlisted; we had gone to technical school together when I was learning how to be a medic nearly eight years prior and hadn’t seen each other since. “Oh my gosh! Dwight! I can’t believe it’s you! Of all places to have a reunion!”

“Wow, Jenn, How are you?” he said.

“Doing awesome, I’m a PA now, and en route to Bagram. What about you?”

“A PA? Wow that’s great! I’m so happy for you. I am actually stationed here for another three months. I’m working in the acute care clinic,” he said. We stood around and chatted, catching up on each other’s lives. He was newly married and permanently stationed in California. I had heard the expression “It’s a small Air Force” for years, and that moment was my first experience when that statement was made true. We agreed to meet up later that evening at a place called “Pete’s,” a hangout spot where we could actually have up to two alcoholic drinks in a 24 hour period….that is, as long as you were not in the Army, and as luck would have it…I was in the Air Force, so a drink I would have!

After dinner we got issued our C-Bags, which were filled with our nuclear, biological, and chemical (NBC) gear and our Individual Body Armor. The bag was the heaviest thing I had ever lifted, so heavy in fact; I couldn’t walk more than five steps with it before I had to rest. It quite possibly weighed at least, if not more, than what I did.

“Jenn, are you ok? Do you need some help with that?” Tony asked.

“No!” I insisted. “I’ve got it. I just need to stop here and there for a break.”

He looked at me and shook his head. “Stubborn!” he said as he stood waiting as I insistently struggled with my bag. He was right, the last thing I needed was someone to do it for me, even though I secretly would have loved to hand it over. After what seemed like miles of carrying the bag, and my pride, I was thankful to drop it off at the terminal and head on to Pete’s. We all sat around talking for a while and I continued to catch up with Dwight about what was happening in our lives. It was nice to see an old friend, but the whole time we were there I was constantly checking my watch; waiting for a reasonable time to call Greg. After what felt like an eternity it was finally a decent time back home so I hurried to the phone and waited in line to talk to him. I waited for what seemed hours but in reality it was only a few minutes. I got to my booth and dialed his number. The first time I heard his voice the tears instantly welled up in my eyes and a huge lump formed in my throat.

“Hi,” was all I could manage initially.

“Hi sweetie! How are you?” he asked. “It already seems like you have been gone for so long! How was the flight? Where are you?”

I told him the story about my uniform fiasco at the airport, and he laughed. “What did I tell you, Nej?” was all he could manage to say in between bouts of laughter.

I missed him so much already and my deployment was just getting started. We talked for about fifteen minutes and then we had to hang up. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but didn’t have the chance. As I walked back to my room I smiled as I remembered the story of how we met.

April 18, 2003 I went to a country music bar on the strip in Las Vegas. I absolutely did not want to go out that night. I had every intention of cuddling up on my couch in my pajamas with a big bowl of popcorn and watching movies all night with my cat. My girlfriends; however, had different plans.

“Jenn! Come on! It’ll be fun! We need a good night out on the town, just us girls! When was the last time we were all together and able to go dancing?” asked my friend Olivia.

“I’m not sure,” was my response.

“You see? You have to go! We are long overdue for a girls’ night!” After much persuasion they convinced me a night of country music and dancing was what I needed, so I reluctantly put my robe and slippers away and agreed to go. The whole way there I was regretting I let them talk me into putting up with the traffic, Las Vegas tourists, and loud music.

As soon as I walked in I went to the bar, sat down and ordered my favorite drink at the time; cranberry and vodka, and began trying to convince myself I was going to have a good time. Then I looked up, across the bar and my eyes locked on the most amazing person I had ever seen. Greg Clark stood at the entrance, all six feet of him, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It wasn’t that he was the most handsome man I had ever seen; however, that did help, but there was “something” about him that made me feel a way I had never felt before and I knew I had to talk to him. Now, I had been to bars before, and I had seen good looking guys, but this one…well he shook me to my core. My girlfriends saw the expression on my face and knew something was captivating me.

“Jenn, what’s going on?” said Olivia.

“You see that guy over there?” I said. “I have to talk to him. There is something about him that I am so taken with.” They saw the determination in my eyes and knew this was serious business so we strategically planted ourselves in a location where he and his friends were; in between us and the bar.

After passing by several times, he finally noticed me too, and ironically his friends knew mine, which drew our groups together. Olivia made small talk with Greg’s friend, Eric, about the music, the night, the town, whatever she could think of, as Greg and I smiled and exchanged flirting glances with each other. After several moments Greg eventually looked at me and threw his hands in the air as if to say, “Are we going to talk or what?”

I motioned for him to come over, he smiled and gave me the universal sign of “Just one minute.”

I thought,
Seriously? What is this guy waiting on
? I turned and said the exact same thing to Olivia, and as I turned around he was standing beside me. I immediately asked, “What took you so long, buddy?”

He replied, “Well, I really liked that song, and wanted to finish listening to it.” I thought it was hilarious, which instantly broke the ice and our conversation began to flow freely.

“I’m Jenn,” I said.

“I’m Ryan…Ryan Sherwood,” Greg said. He was about to go on to tell me he was in Las Vegas on business. In fact, he was going to elaborate on how he was in town for a “Homeland Security Conference” as part of his very important job. Unfortunately I beat him to the punch.

“You’re in the military, aren’t you?” I said.

He looked at me with surprise and nodded.

“Well, don’t look so surprised, Ryan. Your haircut gives you away. I’m military too. I’m stationed here, are you?”

Again, he looked at me and nodded his head. We told each other the basics about ourselves; where we were from, what we did, he had a son; I had a cat. We laughed, and danced and had a great time.

At one point, when we were sitting at the bar, he looked up at me and said bashfully, “Jenn, I have a confession to make.”

Oh, here it comes
, I thought!
This guy is married and instead of one kid he has five! Of course he would! He’s too perfect otherwise
.

“Jenn, my name is not really Ryan, its Greg.”

“What?”

“Listen! We’re in a bar on the strip in Las Vegas,” he insisted. “You know as well as I do everyone you meet here is from out of town. What are the chances of meeting someone else who lives here, let alone someone who is also active duty?” I smiled. Little did he know I had done the same thing in the past. I would often tell people my name was “Bernice” or something like that to keep my distance… but not from this guy. I saw the expression of concern on his face that this was the beginning of the end of our incredible encounter.

I figured I would let him sweat it out for a bit. “Well, Greg, how do I know that is your name? Perhaps I should request a formal background check.” I was having fun with it, but I could tell he was sincerely sorry.

“No look! Here’s my military ID! You see? Gregory Ryan Clark. And if you think about it, technically I wasn’t lying completely; see Ryan is my middle name.”

I looked at the card and confirmed he was actually who he said he was this time. I also noted the date he entered the service; July 5th, which just so happened to be my birthday. Interesting. Oh, man, I liked him. I decided to let him off the hook, and as the night went on Greg and I started out on what would become our lifelong romance. I will never forget the last song of the night. We danced to “The Dance” by Garth Brooks and I couldn’t help but smile about how I almost didn’t come out and meet this wonderful man. We exchanged phone numbers and he leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Do you mind if I call you tomorrow and ask you out on a proper first date?”

I smiled and responded, “You better!”

He leaned in again and said simply, “You have my word.”

Wowza. My heart was pounding. Such a gentleman! As we said goodnight, I knew there was a special reason why we were brought together that night, even if it was in a bar, on the strip, in Las Vegas of all places.

As promised, he called me the very next day. Our conversation seemed to start right where we left off the night before; it was so easy to talk with him. Ironically I ended up in the hospital the following week due to an unfortunate incident with a cat bite (A piece of advice: don’t ever put a scared cat in a bathtub full of water, it doesn’t end well). When I told him what happened his playful response was, “Wow, if you didn’t want to go out with me, you could have just said so!”

Despite my unlucky circumstances we talked on the phone every day I was admitted and exactly one week after we met, we had our first date. As I watched him walk up to my door, I felt that same feeling that overwhelmed me when I first saw him in the bar. The conversation through the night flowed effortlessly and we laughed and flirted. I got us lost trying to find the restaurant, but we couldn’t get enough of each other. When we met, I still thought I was going to pursue the nursing degree, and my package was already submitted. As the evening went on, I couldn’t get past the fact I would be leaving in a few short months for school, once I got accepted into the program. I had to be honest with him. I will never forget the conversation: “Greg, listen, I like you a LOT, but, I’ve got goals, and I am going to finish school and when I get selected for this commissioning program, it means I will be leaving in four months. So… we’re going to have to figure this thing out.”

He could have responded in so many ways to that, I think most guys would have been like, “Well, see ya!” but he didn’t, instead he said, “Wow, that’s great that you have such drive. I agree, we are just going to have to find a way to make this thing happen.”

I was so lucky to have this man in my life, I thought, as I stood outside my room in Manas. We had such an instant connection when we met, and we have continued to build an incredible friendship. I sat down on the steps and remembered how supportive of me he had always been. I remembered how comforting he was when I was so devastated by the rejection for the nursing program, and how he pushed me to pursue becoming a PA.

As I began completing the prerequisite coursework, Greg and I continued to grow as individuals and as a couple. At one point, I tried to dump him, which is something we laugh about to this day. He was a Security Forces troop and wanted to go to Army Ranger school, which I wanted
nothing
to do with. Anything that was associated with Special Forces was a big fat “no thank you”. My infamous words to him, “I am not that girl, Greg. I can’t be at home wondering
if
, not
when
you would be coming home. Sorry, I’m not that strong.”

I chuckled at the irony of that conversation as I sat in Manas waiting for my flight to go spend six months with the very people I’d wanted no part of so many years ago.

After we broke up, for all of twenty four hours, over that “disagreement,” we got past our differences, and fell deeply in love. He became my “Gerg” and I was his “Nej” (our names spelled backwards). His son, Griffen, who was three years old when we met, also became a very special little man in my world. Greg and I moved in together, and he eventually decided to separate from the military. He had come to the conclusion that Ranger school was not for him, and after much thought, he decided it was time to part from active duty.

This was unexpected. When we first met, he was determined the military was going to be his lifelong career. We even had a conversation over sushi one night while I was trying to convince him to go and get his degree. He laughed at me and said, “Why do I need a degree? I love this job, I’m good at it, and this is all I am ever going to do.” I was so frustrated with him; I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t take advantage of the opportunities that were staring him in the face.