Authors: Dawn Peers
Tags: #teenage love stories, #epic fantasy trilogy, #young adult fantasy romance, #fantasy romance, #strong female lead, #empath, #young adult contemporary fantasy, #young adult romance, #ya fantasy
She turned to her lifelong friend. "You do love me," she said. Maertn nodded in response. "But you...you do not
want
me."
Maertn shook his head, keeping his smile. "I never have, Quinn. You're precious to me, and you always will be. I could never desire you in that way. It would feel wrong."
Maertn announced this as if Quinn should be able to fill in the rest of the blanks for herself. Quinn, however, was left utterly confused. She turned to Eden, who was now grinning as much as Maertn.
"What? What is it with you two? Stop smiling! What have I got wrong?" Eden looked at Maertn and winked exaggeratedly. Quinn thumped him on the arm. Eden yelped, rubbing the afflicted bicep.
"Ouch! That hurt!" Still, Eden couldn't help himself, and he began to laugh. "Don't get annoyed. You're the empath. I can't believe you haven't figured it out."
"Figured what out? Maertn," Quinn whirled on the healer, who stepped back, putting out his arms to protect himself.
"Don't wheel on me young maid. My skinny bones won't give me as much defence as your strapping lord over there."
"What? My... what? What am I missing here?"
Quinn looked between Eden and Maertn, who looked at each other and burst again in to fits of laughter. Quinn went beet red, and when they saw that she was genuinely annoyed and distressed, they tried to calm themselves down. When Maertn snorted, however, the peals of laughter rang out anew. Quinn thumped herself down on her chair, waiting for their mirth to die out. She tried her best to look serious, but their laughter was infectious, and her annoyance began to wane. Still, she had no idea what their mirth was for.
"Come on you two. What gives?"
"Ah Quinn. You had no idea? Ever? Despite, well,
knowing
everything?"
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I only have a sense of emotions. I can't read your mind. And the power has changed recently. I'm much better at this than I used to be."
Maertn scratched his chin. "It's probably a great thing that you can't read minds. You see, the thing is, I have a secret too. Knowing what I know about you now, I'm surprised it's a secret. But, the thing is," Maertn scratched the back of his neck, looking suddenly awkward "I'm more likely to have those sort of feelings for, oh, let's say Nimmer."
"Nimmer? The apprentice? With the blacksmith?"
Maertn gave her a slow smile. "Yes. That Nimmer."
Quinn frowned. "But then he and you…oh."
"Yes. Just like him. Are you shocked?"
Quinn sat back in her chair, rocking back onto two legs and thudding it back to the ground. "Huh. Now I actually think about it, feeling the difference between the two, no, I'm not surprised."
"Am I any different to you now?"
"No. Why would you be?"
"And that, Quinn, is how I feel about you. Understand now?"
Quinn felt relief wash through her. The analogy was absolutely perfect, and fit how she felt like a glove. Like always, Maertn knew how to fix her. She went to his open arms, and he held her in a close and tight hug. He kissed her on the top of the head.
"No more secrets now, Quinn. Okay?"
Quinn nodded past the lump in her throat, managing a hoarse
okay
in response. She looked over to Eden, who looked almost sheepish, but she could now see his awkwardness around her and Maertn was not, and never had been, through jealousy.
Neither of her friends had her powers, but they had both seen more in each other than she had managed. Was she wrong, to just rely on what her ability could tell her about the inner workings of people? How much else was she missing? Quinn went to Eden, who also hugged her. It wasn't the same as Maertn, and it never would be. Quinn never wanted them to be the same; she loved them both, in very different ways.
"So," she began, wiping a scattering of happier tears away from the corners of her eyes "where do we go from here?"
Quinn and Maertn sat back down on their chairs, silence filling the room. Eden stood with his hands on his hips, having to accept the consequences of lashing out earlier. In the background, the daily hubbub of the castle continued; Quinn had not broken the world with the telling of her tale.
Maertn mouthed something silently. Quinn eyed him, not interrupting. She knew that he was trying to work something out. Eventually, he lifted his eyes to her.
"You said earlier, that your power has changed recently. How? Tell me what you mean by that."
Quinn hooked a piece of hair behind her ear. The change she had felt was easy in the thinking, but not easy in the telling. She let out a frustrated sigh. "I'll start from the beginning. That would probably be the simplest thing. If we have time for that."
Eden shrugged. "I'm not expected anywhere else. This is part of my investigation, after all. And that is not a lie."
"That’s the sad truth. Well. I've always known I was an empath. Sammah never hid it from me. What he did always say, was that I could never tell anyone. He said that if people knew what I could do, then they would cast me out, and I would end up dead." Quinn held up a hand when she saw both men move to interrupt her. "No. I was young. I believed what he said; of course I did. Why would I believe anything different? As I grew older, Sammah explained to me some basics of my curse, as he called it. He told me how, if I felt certain sensations when I directed my attention to a certain person, then it meant they were feeling a very particular kind of emotion. He started using me when I was very young. He would have me sit in a room with his guards—Elias was always there—and he would have a stranger there. The stranger would be asked questions, by one of Sammah's Everfell men at first, but eventually I would ask them. Sammah would ask me to detect the truth of what the man was saying."
"You can tell if people are lying?"
"In a sense, yes. There are subtle changes in a person when they lie, compared to when they tell the truth. A flaring of hope, when they try to distract me. Or a sense of cunning or deception when they think their lie is a good one. Outright lies always make me thirsty. Oh, Sammah spent a long time training me before he unleashed me on the underworld of Everfell. But I was good, he said. I rarely got things wrong." Quinn looked up at Maertn with a smile "I know now that I can still get things wrong, no matter how I think my power is changing.
“It used to be the case, that I couldn’t filter people out. Not properly. I used to feel everyone's emotion, everywhere I went. That's why I hated crowds. That's why, when I was faced with a wall of one particular emotion. hysteria, for example, or hatred, it would make me dizzy. Sometimes it was too much, and I would faint. That's why I could never go to the marketplace. Never go to the feasts. I prefer it, in a way, now. I can sit on the peripheries of everything and no one pays me any heed. Do you realise how useful that is, when you're trying to read people? So that was the way my life was. Secretly work for Sammah, finding out information from these men he would capture, and working for Ross in the castle to make my life look as normal as it could be. Then, one day, I passed out again. It was the first time I properly met you, Eden. In a way. You carried me from that yard. I remember how your heart felt. It's one of the things that drew me to you." She met the eyes of the young man from Sevenspells. "You have a kind soul, Eden. So unlike your father."
He blushed and turned away from them both. He answered Quinn quietly "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that."
"It's true," Maertn added "and I don't need to be an empath to tell you that."
"Thank you friends. Go on, Quinn. This isn’t about me. You haven’t finished?"
"Not by a long shot. It all changed after the last time I passed out. When I woke up, I felt different. Renewed. Powerful. For the first time ever, I wasn't being bombarded by everyone. I could pick and choose who I searched out. For the first time in my life, I actually had peace."
Maertn whistled. "That was a strange day, for sure."
"How so?"
"I helped to heal you that day, Quinn. But I have absolutely no idea what I did."
Quinn frowned. "What was wrong with me?"
"You were out—like you were dead. You were cold, you weren't responding to anything. It wasn't like you were unconscious in the normal sense. Sammah, he told me to fetch a book from his rooms. I didn't look in it. He started reading from it, telling me what I needed to do. It made sense. I...I looked in to your head, and I pushed the illness away."
"Pushed? Pushed what?"
Maertn scrubbed at his forehead with the heel of his palm. "I can't explain it. Is this how you felt trying to explain what being an empath means?"
Quinn smiled. "Do you realise what you've just said?"
Eden clicked his fingers. "You're a healer!"
Maertn sneered. "You've only just figured that out? I'm going to be made a master soon. Yes, I'm a healer."
"No no, that's not what I mean. I spent some time, once, with a fighter from Sha'sek. His name was Under. He told me a lot about how Sha'sek works, its people, its politics. He didn't tell me anything about empaths—I'm not sure they know any more exist—but he did tell me about their healers. Men and women that have a sense of the body, and can heal illnesses that are inside, using their own minds. That must be what you did with Quinn."
Maertn's mouth worked like a fish out of water for a few seconds before he responded. "You mean I'm like Quinn?"
"Not exactly," Quinn answered "but I do know that you're a healer. Sammah told me."
This time Maertn did look hurt and angry. "You didn't think to tell me?"
"Of course not! Sammah threatened to hurt me if I ever told anyone about myself, or you. No one but Sammah and Sirah knew that we had gifts. Not anyone else that has a tongue, anyway. Why do you think I wanted to escape, Maertn? Your gift is a kind one. No one knows that you are different; to the rest of the kingdom, you're simply a talented healer. You don’t even look Sha’sek. There are no Sha'sek in the court to tell anyone any different, besides Sammah. And Sammah owns us."
"Until our naming days."
"Yes. Until our naming days. I think I scared him, Maertn. I don't think he was expecting me to get any more powerful before then. I think he thought he could keep me under control until my naming day, and after that time I would be sworn to him. I would have had to stay with Sammah, or forfeit my life."
"That's what the argument was in the courtyard that night? When you were trying to leave?"
Quinn nodded to Eden. "That makes sense," he said "I had wondered ever since, what that quarrel was about. I had thought at first that you two were lovers, but a few questions around the court put paid to that." Eden winked at Maertn, and Quinn rolled her eyes as she was again reminded of how she had overlooked her best friend's true feelings.
"I can't stay with Sammah. Not now I know the truth." Maertn said quietly.
"No one will have to stay with Sammah," Eden answered. "We're going to bring him to the king's justice. We just have to do it the right way. This book, Maertn. What did it look like?"
"Oh it was huge, bound in green leather. He kept it on display in his rooms. No one would dare go rifling around Sammah's belongings, and none of his mercenaries can read. Even if they could, they couldn't say anything. Maybe Sirah knew what was in it, but she's dead now."
"And likely it was Sammah that killed her. We need to get that book. I think its contents might be important for us."
"I can get it." Quinn answered. Both men looked at her with sharpened respect. She shrugged. "Sammah thinks I'm under his control. He's blackmailing me with the Satori killings and doesn't think I'll step out of line. Between me and Maertn, I'm the only one with regular unquestionable access to Sammah's quarters. It makes the most sense."
"It does, but I don't like it. I'm going to try to bring it up in conversation, if I can. I'm being invited there more and more often these days. Between you and me, my father is in Sammah's back pocket. I don't like what we're finding here at all, and I have no idea how the nobles are going to react when we point the finger. Our version of events has to be solid. Sammah is greasy. We can't let him get away with this one. Because if he does, Quinn, it's your life that will be at stake."
Quinn answered with a sour mutter. "Not that I didn't know that already."
"Right. I need time to figure out how I'm going to present this mess to the lords. We can't do it without the book. And ideally, we have to get Sammah to confess. Pretend like this never happened. I don't know how long this is going to take, but we have to hang in there."
"You still going to pretend the Satori doesn't exist?"
Eden smiled. "The Satori doesn't exist. Everyone is looking for a bloodthirsty man who ravages people's minds and slaughters them afterwards with a smile on his face. Gender aside, have you ever stood in front of a mirror and actually looked at yourself? You are never going to be that person, Quinn."
35
"You're being very quiet today."
Sammah took a large bite from an apple and appraised Quinn, who was perched on the stone windowsill, looking out over the city. It was a quiet day. The clouds were low and leaden with rain, which drizzled slowly over the city, steadily soaking everything in its path. "There's a kingdom-wide manhunt going on for me, sir. It's going to be a long time until I can smile again."