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In that moment, as the emotions washed over her, Jacquie found herself calling out to the only One who could make sense of it. With her heart in her throat, she began to pray to the God of heaven, the only One who could heal her heart and make sense of the chaos she had created with this impulsive decision of hers. Surely He would see fit to forgive her and make all things right again.

Chapter Seventeen

Thursday Morning, April 11, 1912

Aboard the
Titanic,
on the Boat Deck

The morning of April 11 dawned cool and cloudy. After a leisurely breakfast in her cabin, Tessa decided to venture up to the Boat Deck for a walk. She managed to talk Iris into joining her, though a bit of arm wrestling had to take place first. Together they strolled the deck, Tessa attempting to make conversation with the young woman who seemed bent on staying cold and distant.

Beneath their feet, the steady hum of
Titanic
’s engines brought a comforting whir. The ship breezed her way across the rolling waves, which seemed content to bow to her greatness. Off in the distance, hints of sunlight peeked through the clouds. Tessa found herself captivated by it all—the color of the water as it met the sky off on the horizon. The soothing lull of the ship as it pulled its way through the water. The crisp air over the Atlantic. All of it swirled together to create an exhilarating experience unlike anything she had ever dreamed.

Still, one thing perplexed her. Iris. When would the stubborn girl come around? Would the coldness never end?

Thank goodness, Iris finally spoke up, albeit about the attire of the other ladies on the Boat Deck. Over the next few minutes, she gave commentary on dozens of outfits as the ladies and teenaged
girls strolled by with their parasols in hand. Many of the dresses Iris “simply adored,” to quote her very words. Still others she found “exaggerated and ridiculous.” Tessa found her comments intriguing. Clearly, Iris had made a study of fashion. She had quite an eye for it, in fact. And, to be honest, Tessa was just happy to hear Iris talking at all.

As they passed a woman with puffed sleeves, Iris rolled her eyes. “So painfully out of style,” she whispered.

“Truly?”

“Yes. And see that woman with the gloves below her elbow? Hasn’t she heard that modern women wear their gloves above the elbow now?”

Tessa did not respond but, instead, tugged at her gloves to make sure they covered her elbows.

“Look at this one.” Iris nudged her as a crowd of older women headed their way, clustered together like baby chicks.

“Which one?” Tessa whispered.

“The lady in the hideous orange dress carrying the fuzzy little dog. See that feather hat? It’s ridiculously large, and the color is completely wrong for the dress. She probably had to pack an extra trunk just to fit the hat onboard. No doubt her entire wardrobe is oversized.”

“Perhaps she went to Paris on a shopping adventure. Last night at dinner, Nathan told me that his mother shopped while they were in Paris.”

“Nathan. That’s the fellow who walked you home? The handsome one?”

“Yes.”

“You met for the first time yesterday?” Iris crossed her arms at her chest.

“Of course. We just boarded yesterday, after all.”

Iris pursed her lips. “Hmm. Well, you two seemed quite cozy. I’m not sure I believe you’re perfect strangers.”

A flush of embarrassment washed over Tessa at once. “Iris! Take that back.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. You just seemed…friendly.”

“He’s easy to talk to. And so is his mother. She’s very fashionable. No doubt she thinks I’m dreadful. I had little to add to her conversation about clothes. I’ve never really kept up with such things. Most of my days were spent in a simple dress, one in constant need of washing thanks to my hours in the pig stall.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “I get so tired of wearing a uniform. I dream of the day when I can wear whatever I like and be done with it forever.”

“You can wear whatever you like on the ship. It doesn’t make a bit of difference to me.”

“It will to those who think you’re Jacquie Abingdon. They will expect your lady’s maid to be appropriately dressed. But when I get to America…” A dreamy-eyed expression came over her. “I plan to dress as I like and eat when I like and do as I like.” She stopped walking and turned to Tessa. “You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”

“Not—not really.”

“I’m trying to tell you that I have no intention of staying with you if or when you go to Jacquie’s grandmother’s house. Setting out on my own is all I’ve ever wanted. I have some money put away….” She paused. “Anyway, it’s not much but it’s certainly enough to get me started in a tenement house. And I don’t care if I ever see you or Jacquie Abingdon again.”

“I—I can’t say I blame you there.” Tessa sat on an empty deck
chair, unsure of what else to say. “And, to be honest, I’m not sure what I will do once I arrive, either. Surely Jacquie’s grandmother won’t welcome me with open arms, letter or no letter. So I have to think of what to do should she boot me.”

Iris pursed her lips. “I have dreams just like the rest of you. And I don’t care if they seem unrealistic. They’re mine. Truly, the only thing I own—my hopes. My dreams. And no one is going to steal them from me.”

“I don’t care to.” Tessa felt her backbone stiffen. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you’ve been perfectly willing to steal another person’s identity. You’ve done it with ease, no less.” The smirk that followed punctuated Iris’s harsh words.

“I didn’t steal it. She placed it into my hands and gave me little choice in the matter. And if you think for one minute that this has been easy, you are wrong. It’s not my fault. I’m here because…” Tessa started to mention her brother’s name but thought better of it. She drew a deep breath, determined to calm this storm. “Iris, you can’t go on being angry with me for the whole of the journey. We will both be miserable, and I cannot bear it.”

“Miserable?” Iris let out an unladylike snort. “You, miserable? Dining in first class? Sleeping in a four-poster bed? Gazing at pictures with gilded frames in the first-class dining saloon?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not all enjoyable. I’ve been miserable
especially
when I’m in places like the first-class dining saloon.”

“Wearing a dress like that? One that would cost me two year’s wages? You are miserable? Hardly.”

“None of that can be helped,” she argued. “I won’t have a shilling’s worth of fun if I know you’re upset at me.”

“A shilling’s worth of fun? You should pay me ten shillings for
having to listen to such nonsense. Would you lead me to believe that you are not enjoying every moment of this?” Iris’s eyes shimmered with tears. “Truly? You’ve been handed the whole of the world on a silver platter and you’re unable to enjoy it? I rather doubt that.”

“A tarnished platter, perhaps. And if this is the world, then give me something else. For I assure you, I’m not enjoying myself. This is grueling.”

A stirring behind her let Tessa know someone had joined them. She turned quickly to find Mrs. Patterson standing nearby. Tessa’s heart leaped to her throat, and she prayed the woman had not overheard the conversation. From the look of concern in her eyes, she had certainly heard something. How much, Tessa could not be sure.

“Jacquie, we missed you at breakfast this morning.”

“Ah, yes.” Tessa managed to steady her breathing and willed her hands to stop shaking. “Well, we had breakfast in our suite this morning.”

“I see.” The older woman shifted her gaze to Iris, who didn’t seem to notice. “Well, perhaps we will see you at dinner?”

“Of course.” Tessa offered a weak smile.

“Fine. Oh, and dear…” Mrs. Patterson’s words trailed off. “Would you like to join me for tea in the Café Parisien tomorrow at three? I would love to get to know you better.”

Tessa’s heart rate picked up. “That would be very nice. Thank you so much.”

“Yes.” Mrs. Patterson gave Iris another glance before looking Tessa’s way again. “Well, have a lovely day, Jacquie. See you this evening.”

Tessa offered a lame nod then turned back to Iris as Nathan’s mother left them.

“Well.” Iris crossed her arms at her chest. “I’m assuming that was Mama.”

“Iris, lower your voice.” Tessa spoke in a strained whisper.

“Why? She’s long gone.” Iris rolled her eyes. “And by the way, her hat was awful, so do not take any fashion advice from that woman, no matter how desperately you want to impress her.”

“Who says I want to impress her?”

“She’s Nathan’s mother, right? Of course you want to impress her. Impress the mother, impress the son.”

“Iris, you’re making too much of this. Nathan is just a friend, and he’s very easy to talk to. If I appear to enjoy myself with him, it has nothing to do with my current situation.”

“It has everything to do with your current situation. Do you think for one minute he would look twice at you if he knew the truth?”

For a moment Tessa said nothing. Finally, through clenched teeth, she managed, “That is enough, Iris. You’ve overstepped your bounds.”

“You mean I’m not playing my role to its maximum potential? Then I shall try harder to pretend to be beneath you, though all of society would dictate otherwise.” With the snap of her wrists, Iris gave a bow and then took off walking ahead of her. Tessa hurried along on her heels, determined to make things right.

“Iris, please stop.” Tessa sighed. “I can assure you, a young man like Nathan Patterson would never be interested in a girl like me, so this whole conversation is pointless. Why don’t we talk about something we can agree on?”

“And that would be?” Iris narrowed her eyes to slits.

“That fashion designer. Edith Russell. I do wish you had been with me last night when she spoke to me. You would have loved
what she was wearing. And I could tell from the expression on her face that she found the people in first class to be a total bore.
Cold
—I believe that was the word she used. And I have to agree. I would rather be rolling around in the mud with Countess than dining with hoity-toity women with noses so high they wouldn’t drown if you tossed them overboard.”

At this comment, Iris snickered. “And you’re sure the woman you spoke to last night was Edith Russell?” she asked. “She also goes by Edith Rosenbaum.”

“Quite sure. Mrs. Patterson said that she has taken on an extra cabin to house the nineteen trunks of clothes she’s brought onboard.”

“Oh, to be a mouse in that room!” The edges of Iris’s lips curled up in a smile. “You have no idea how desperately I would love to meet Edith. Her new clothing line is all the rage. I’ve read about it in magazines. Her design style is perfectly in line with my taste. I would have to say Edith Russell
is
fashion itself.”

Tessa paused to think through an idea percolating in her brain. “Perhaps I could ask Nathan to arrange a meeting.”

“Really?” Iris’s eyes sparkled with newfound excitement. “Do you really think that’s a possibility?”

“Did someone call my name?”

She turned as Nathan’s voice sounded behind her. Right away her nerves kicked in. “Well, hello there.”

“Hello to you too.” He waggled his finger in her direction. “You missed breakfast this morning.”

“No, she had breakfast in her room,” Iris quipped.

Nathan shrugged. “Ah. Well, we sat with a couple of fellas from Texas who just made a fortune in the oil business. Mother is not keen on folks with new money, so I sensed her displeasure
from the start of the conversation to the finish. I could have used a diversion.”

Iris paused and put her hands on her hips. “And my friend is your diversion?”

Tessa felt her cheeks grow warm. “Iris.” She gave her a warning look. “He was just teasing.”

Nathan appeared flustered. “I only meant to say that the conversation was awkward, at best. Could have used a bit of flavor, and Jacquie seems to add that.” He gave Iris a curious look. “And I have no doubt you could have added to the conversation, as well.”

“I am nothing if not conversational.” Iris tipped her nose up a bit too high as she started walking once again.

They passed a woman in a large overly decorated hat. She carried a fluffy little dog in her arms. Tessa decided not to make a fool of herself over the pooch as she’d done that first day.

“So many animals on this ship.” Iris rolled her eyes. “Always coming and going.”

“Yes.” With a nod, Nathan gestured at the pup’s owner. “Nearly as many dogs as silk birds on hats.”

“You understand what women like that are doing, don’t you?” Iris said.

“Who?” Nathan asked.

Iris gestured to a group of women nearby, who were all wearing large hats. “Those preening birds. Our fine-feathered lady friends onboard. Have you guessed what they’re doing?”

“Keeping the sunlight out of their eyes?” Tessa offered.

“No.” Iris wrinkled her nose. “They’re trying to preserve their youth. They feel that loading themselves up with feathers and silk birds will keep them young.”

“Or help them take to flight.” Nathan chuckled.

“
Titanic
is filled with people in every age group and every social status, that much is true,” Tessa said.

They made their way along the crowded deck, in and among the various passengers, and Iris stopped with a gasp as an older couple walked by. “Oh my goodness.”

“What’s wrong?” Tessa asked. “Do you know them?”

“Know them?” Iris slapped herself on the forehead. “You don’t know who Isidor and Ida Straus are? Why, they own Macy’s Department Store in New York City.
Macy’s.
Only the finest department store anywhere, loaded with a thousand things I would love to own. One day, of course.”

Tessa gave the older couple another look. They appeared quite normal.

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t recognize them either,” Nathan said. “Saw them yesterday while strolling with my mother. She had a similar reaction, so I knew they must be important.”

“Important?” Iris’s eyes fluttered closed, and she mumbled something under her breath.