16 Sizzling Sixteen (10 page)

And shes naked, Connie said. And weve both had too many cosmos, and I think were in the wrong building.

I heard the apartment door click closed and then footsteps on the stairs. I slipped out and went to 4B. The door was unlocked. I stepped inside and scanned the room. It was an efficiency with a small kitchenette on one side. Grease-stained pizza boxes on the counter. A card table and a folding chair. An ashtray overflowing with cigarettes. No couch. No television. No wonder Connie had an easy time with the guy who answered her knock. He had to be going nuts in here. I heard something rustle in the other room, and I was hoping it was Vinnie, because the last time I heard something rustle like that it turned out to be an alligator.

I poked my head in and spotted Vinnie handcuffed to a thick chain that stretched into the bathroom.

Holy shit, Vinnie said. What the fuck?

Vinnie was wearing pointy-toed, shiny black shoes, black socks, and black bikini briefs. Vinnie fully dressed wasnt all that good. Vinnie in black socks and briefs was a nightmare.

Where are your clothes? I asked him.

I havent got any. This is what I was wearing when they snatched me.

There was a moment where I actually debating leaving him there.

I know what youre thinking, Vinnie said. And Grandma Plum and Aunt Mim would be very upset if you left me here and they killed me.

Okay, I said, but how am I supposed to rescue you when youre chained to the toilet?

You dont have a universal key? What kind of bounty hunter are you?

I didnt think I was going to be uncuffing anyone.

You never know when youll come across someone, Vinnie said. You should always have cuffs on you. This is why Im losing money.

Youre on thin ice here, I said to Vinnie.

I know, he said. Im sorry. It was nice of you to try to rescue me. You should get out before Snake comes back.

Snake?

So sue me, thats his name. And he moves like a snake. Hes creepy.

Im not leaving without you, I said. Pull the chain tight.

I took my gun out, aimed it at the chain at short range, and pulled the trigger. The chain jumped and a link broke off. I rammed the gun back into my jeans, we ran to the other room, and just as we reached the door, Snake stepped over the threshold, gun drawn. His eyes flicked to Vinnie, and in that instant I whacked him in the head with the Maglite. He went to the floor on hands and knees, and I heard more men thundering up the stairs. I booted Snake out of the room, into the hall, slammed the door shut, and threw the bolt.

Vinnie ran to the window, threw it open, and looked out. Are you insane? Were four floors up.

Fire escape, I said.

Its rusted. Its junk!

The door rattled, and a body slammed into it, but the bolt held.

Go! I said to Vinnie, shoving him out the window. Go!

The metal creaked under our weight, and chunks of metal flaked off when we ran down the stairs. No time to think about it.

This is falling apart underneath me! Vinnie yelled.

Keep going! I yelled back. Dont stop.

We were on the third floor. I grabbed a railing for support, and the railing gave way. The fire escape groaned and separated from the building.

Holy crap, Vinnie said. Holy Mary, mother of God!

The entire metal structure was disintegrating and collapsing into itself. We werent exactly plummeting to the ground but rather sliding toward it. And then the last bolt let go as we passed the second floor, and we were in a free fall. The framework crashed onto the black SUV, and Vinnie and I went flying off into space.

One of the men leaned out the fourth floor window and fired off a shot. Two more shots were fired from the alley not far from me. I was on my back, on the ground, all air knocked out of me. I was lifted to my feet and yanked toward the Jeep. It was Ranger. He had his hand clamped around my wrist, and he was running with me, half dragging me. We reached the Jeep, he hauled me up into the passenger seat, jumped in next to me, and spun the wheels taking off.

Vinnie! I said.

Tank has him.

I need to get Connie and Lula. Theyre on Stark Street.

Ranger turned the corner and cruised by the building. Connie and Lula were on the sidewalk looking like they were trying to stay calm, not having any luck at it. The door guard was gone. Probably on the fourth floor. Connie and Lula scrambled into the back of the Jeep, and Ranger moved off with a Rangeman SUV on his tail.

So I guess that went well, Lula said.

Ranger slid a look at me. Are you okay?

I nodded. I was having a hard time finding words.

RANGER TOOK CONNIE and Lula to the office and waited while they got into their cars and drove away. The Rangeman SUV was still behind us, idling at the curb. Ranger called back and had Vinnie transferred up to the Jeep.

Do I need to know why hes in his underwear? Ranger asked me.

Thats how he was captured.

Vinnie climbed into the back, chain dangling from his handcuff, and Ranger took a universal handcuff key out of his pocket and handed it to Vinnie.

I assume the first shot I heard was aimed at that chain, Ranger said to me.

I didnt have a handcuff key.

Youre a bounty hunter, Ranger said. You always carry handcuffs.

I forgot, but I remembered my gun. And I whacked someone in the head with your Maglite.

Ranger smiled at me. Babe.

I guess I need to go home, Vinnie said.

Thats not a good idea, I told him. Lucille isnt happy with you.

Shell get over it, Vinnie said. She always does.

Ranger was waiting for my instructions.

Take him home, I said to Ranger.

Vinnie lived in a large yellow-and-white colonial in Pennington. It looked like a house a normal person would own, but it belonged to Vinnie. Go figure. Lucille made sure the lawn was mowed and the flowerbeds were mulched. White shears hung in the windows. It was close to eleven oclock and lights were off in the house. The sky was overcast, and there was no moon. Some light filtered onto Lucilles lawn from a streetlight half a block away. It was enough light to see there was debris scattered across the yard.

Ranger pulled into the driveway, and Vinnie jumped out.

What the heck? Vinnie said, kicking through the debris. This is my shirt. And socks. He walked to the door and rang the bell. He rang a second time. Hey! he yelled. Hey, Lucille!

A light flashed on in an upstairs window, the window opened, and Lucille stuck her head out. Vinnie?

Yeah. Ive been rescued. Let me in. I dont have my key.

This is my lawn, too, Vinnie said.

The hell it is. My father bought this house for us, and its in my name.

Its common property, sweetie pie, Vinnie said. And youll have to kill me to get my half.

No problem, Lucille said.

She disappeared from the window, and Vinnie started collecting his clothes. I cant believe she did this, he said. Look at this silk shirt laying here in the mulch. And my hand-painted tie.

Lucille reappeared in the window with a shotgun, and she blasted one off at Vinnie. Youre trespassing, she said.

What are you gonna do, shoot me and call the police? Vinnie yelled at her.

No. I called my father. Hes on his way over.

Her fathers dumped so many bodies in the landfill he has his own parking place, Ranger said.

Lucille squeezed off another shot, and Vinnie scrambled to the Jeep with his arms full of clothes.

Ranger put the Jeep in gear and backed out of the driveway. Your call, he said to me.

Take him to the office.

THE BLACK SUV was parked in front of the bonds office. There was a big gash in the hood and the roof was smashed in over the cargo area. A second car was parked behind it.

Probably, we dont want to stop here, I said to Ranger.

Give me a gun. Ill take care of those assholes, Vinnie said.

Youve caused enough trouble, I told him. Youre not getting a gun. And for crying out loud, put some clothes on. Im going to have to disinfect the seat back there.

Ranger cut off Hamilton, into the Burg, and stopped at a cross street.

I dont suppose youd want to take him home with you, I said to Ranger.

Ranger glanced at Vinnie in the rear view mirror. We could negotiate. The price would be high.

Ranger cut his eyes to me. It wasnt what I had in mind, but it would be a place to start.

Cripes, Vinnie said. You two want to get a room?

Tell me again why you rescued him, Ranger said.

I slid the Maglite back under the drivers seat. Grandma Plum and Aunt Mim.

Maybe he can stay with them, Ranger said.

Unfortunately, thats not an option, I said. He can stay with me tonight.

I GAVE VINNIE a quilt and a pillow. You can spend one night here, I said. One night. Tomorrow, you have to find a different place to live.

Vinnie dropped the quilt and pillow onto the couch. I cant believe Lucille kicked me out.

You were caught with a hooker!

I was doing Lucille a favor. Shes a good woman, but shes picky about a lot of stuff. Dont do this, and dont do that. And what about me? I got needs. Okay, so Im a pervert, but perverts got rights, too. There are places where Id be considered normal. Borneo, maybe. Atlantic City.

Good grief. I was going to have to set off a roach bomb in my apartment after he left.

Anyway, the big problem isnt Lucille, Vinnie said. The big problem is Bobby Sunflower. You whacked one of his guys in the head, and you snatched me out from under him. Hes not gonna like it.

Would he have killed you if I hadnt gotten you out of there?

For sure. I was a dead man.

All because you made some bad bets.

Vinnie remoted the television on, flipped through about twenty channels, and gave it up. Sunflowers in trouble. He needs money, and he needs respect. Hes in the middle of a war, and he cant show weakness.

What war? Whos he fighting?

I dont know. Maybe I should go into therapy at one of those sex addiction places. Do you think that would get me off the hook?

Maybe with Lucille. I dont think Harryll buy it.

Hey, Morelli said when I called him back.

Hey, yourself.

Just checking to see if youre home. Shots were fired at Sunflowers apartment building tonight.

Is that unusual?

Good point, Morelli said. We also got a report of shots being fired from Vinnies house. Lucille said she was shooting at a rat.

That neighborhoods going to hell in a handbasket.

Should I be worried? Morelli asked me.

Hard to say.

Morelli disconnected, and I limped into the bathroom, where I stood in the shower until all the rust was washed out of my hair. When I was done, I looked at the shampoo bottle. Empty. My refrigerator was also empty. I needed money. I needed to make another capture.

VINNIE WAS BACK to wearing only his underwear. He was in my kitchen, unshaven, his hair spiked up from sleep, his eyes half open.

Wheres the coffee? he asked. Wheres the orange juice?

I dont have any, I told him. I need to go shopping.

I need coffee. Lucille always had my coffee ready.

Theres no Lucille, I told him. Get used to it. And after today, theres no me. You cant stay here.

Where will I go?

Stay with one of your friends.

I dont have friends, Vinnie said. I have hookers and bookies. And my bookie wants to shoot me.

Do you have money?

Vinnie flapped his arms. Do I look like I have money? My wallet was left behind with my pants. Maybe we should go back and check out the lawn in front of my house to see if Lucille tossed out cash and credit cards along with my clothes.

We might have a small cash flow problem, Vinnie said.

How small?

We might be a million in the red, give or take a couple bucks.

What?

Its complicated, Vinnie said. Bookeeping issues. We have too many outstanding skips.

I have a stack of skips in my bag that Im working on, but I dont think they add up to a million. And what about the bankers who underwrite you?

They arent answering their phones.

Oh boy.

Youve got three minutes to get dressed, I said to Vinnie. Im taking you to my parents house. When they get fed up with you, Ill think of something else. At least you can get coffee there before my mother kicks you out.

I debated calling ahead but decided against it. If I dumped him on my mothers doorstep and drove away real fast, shed have to take him in, at least for a while. If I called, she could say no.

Twenty minutes later, I idled in front of my parents house while Vinnie walked to the front door. On the rare possibility that no one was home, I didnt want to just drive off. He didnt have a cell phone to call me to come back. I saw the front door open and I laid rubber.

I drove by the office twice before I parked. I didnt see the bashed-in SUV, and I didnt see any angry-looking guys hanging out with guns drawn, so I figured things were quiet this morning. Connie was at her desk. Lula hadnt arrived.

You didnt bring Vinnie with you, did you? Connie asked. I already had a visit from Bobby Sunflower this morning.

I poured myself a cup of coffee. He gets up early.

I guess he was motivated. He wants his money or he wants Vinnie. He said if he didnt get either of those things by Friday he was going to eliminate the office.

Eliminate it?

Like from the face of the earth.

Could be worse, I said. According to Vinnie, this office is about a million in the red.

Connie froze for a beat. Vinnie said that?