151 Days (51 page)

There was half a second I thought he was going to argue me on it. He stood up to make his point and then paused. I could see it right there in his eyes when he opened his mouth—this was going to be another fight. Then he looked down at the gun and just sighed. “How incredibly expected.”

He sounded as tired as I did as I sat there wondering how I got myself into these things.

There are a lot of things that movies get wrong, as I have stated. Turns out, red dots for snipers aren’t one of them. In a second that began to telescope out in front of me, I saw the flash of light from across the street through the window and knew I was about to see someone die in front of me.

There are actions you have no idea why you take. I don’t know why I attacked Kelly in the assistant principal’s office. I don’t know why I got in that preacher’s face at Kelly’s house. I don’t know the real reason I broke up with Brad, and I am still clueless why I told Jeremy I’d stay there with him. In fact, my life seems to be random actions that are connected through long bouts of regret that I had done them. Everyone has had them before, blind impulses that move too fast for your brain to think about. I saw all this because I have no problem admitting that there are a ton of things I’ve done that make no damn sense.

This wasn’t one of them.

“Get down,” I screamed, grabbing his knees and pulling. Part of my mind noted how incredibly surprised he was, which probably meant I could have made a grab for the gun at any time. The other part tried to stop me from screaming as the surface of the table behind us exploded from the force of the bullet screaming through it. Glass showered down on the other side of the room as I pulled him behind the reception desk. One shot. It was only one shot.

They were going to kill him.

Jeremy was panicked as he kicked away from me and huddled against the desk. He clutched the gun with both hands as he tried to steady himself. “What the fuck was that?”

The very last dregs of control I possessed flew away like a kaleidoscope of butterflies. Gone in a rush of panic and movement, never to return.

“Are you serious? What was that? That was the police trying to kill you because
you brought a gun to school!
” I was screaming, but I didn’t care. “There’s a sniper across the street, and he just tried to kill you.” I paused. “Well, it might not be a he because I don’t want to be sexist, but odds are there is a guy across the street with a high-powered rifle waiting for you to poke your head up.”

He was starting to hyperventilate.

“You need to end this, Jeremy. It’s over.”

He nodded and put the gun in his mouth.

“Don’t,” I called out, not sure if I should reach out to him or not. “Don’t do it.”

He slowly pulled it out of his mouth enough to talk. “Why? You just said it, Kyle. It’s over.”

“I didn’t mean kill yourself. I meant give yourself up.”

“Why? What’s to live for? I fucked up even worse than last time. There is something wrong with me, Kyle. Everyone else seemed to know about it. I just happen to be the last guy who figured it out. It’s why everyone stays away from me, why I can’t make friends. I’m not right, I’m… I’m just….”

He didn’t know the exact moment he broke, but this was the very second when he realized how bad it had gotten.

“You don’t have to die,” I pleaded with him.

“Don’t I?” he asked bitterly. “That’s exactly what I have to do, and you know it. The weird kid no one liked comes to school with a gun, threatens everyone, and he ends up either shot or killing himself. Only thing I’m missing is a black trench coat and an angry website listing the reasons I snapped. This is how it always ends, Kyle, and you know it.” Tears were falling down his face. “And in the end, should someone die?”

He sounded like he was quoting something, but I had no idea what.

“Just take it back,” I said, not even sure what I was saying anymore. He looked at me, confused, and I repeated it. “Just take it back. Put the gun down and walk out with me. We’ll just go back. We just go back to the way it was, and no one has to die.” I felt tears burning my eyes, but I wiped them away. “This isn’t some stupid movie, Jeremy. You don’t need to die because you made a mistake. Just put it down, and let’s go back to the way it was. If you kill yourself, all that happens is that Foster claims another victim, and people will shake their head saying they had no idea. Screw that. Don’t let them kill you, please. I already lost Kelly. I can’t lose you too.”

“Why do you care?” he asked, sobbing.

“Because I’m not going to be like them. I refuse to only care about certain people and let the other ones go. You want a friend, Jeremy, you have one.” I held my hand out to him. “I’m not saying that because I think you’re going to kill me or because I’m scared. I’m saying that because that’s what I should have said years ago. My name is Kyle, and I want to be your friend, Jeremy. Just put the gun down, and let’s walk out of here. Together.”

I took a sobbing breath, not even sure if my words meant anything to him.

“And if I wasn’t going to kill myself? This is just pity.”

A scream that came from deep inside me exploded out of my mouth. My eyes were closed, my fists clenched as I just wailed at the world. There was nothing else but that scream as I railed against the entirety of the world and the idiocy of how unfair it was. It didn’t need to be this hard. It shouldn’t be this fucking hard.

“We aren’t friends because that’s what the rest of the world wanted us to think,” I began to say with a hoarse voice. “We walk by hundreds of people every day in the halls, and we
never
say anything to them. We just flock to the same people over and over and ignore the people who aren’t like us and think it’s okay. It’s just these packs of like-minded assholes thinking they’re the only ones feeling this way. We’re all lonely, we’re all hurt, and we’re all broken, Jeremy.
We are all broken
. I don’t know why no one wants to say that out loud, but I don’t care anymore. I’m broken, I’m fucking broken, and I need a friend, Jeremy. I need to know that it’s okay to be like this and that I’m not alone. I can’t lose you, not like Kelly. Please….”

I broke down and really began to cry, no longer able to even form words.

I felt his arms wrap around me and his voice whisper, “I’m here. You aren’t alone. I’m sorry, Kyle. I’m sorry for all of this. I really am.” He was crying too now. “I’m sorry for Kelly, and I’m sorry for hating you….”

Minutes later the front door of the library burst open, and Jennifer’s dad and two other cops came storming into the library. They found us just lying there, crying. The gun was kicked across the room away from both of us. No one died.

Nothing to see here, just two broken people who realized they were more alike than different.

B
RAD

I
HELD
my breath as I heard the sniper’s shot ring out.

There was no sound as the entire crowd waited to see what happened. Sheriff Rogers’s radio called out, “No shot. I repeat, no shot.”

People made sounds of disappointment as the sheriff asked back, “What the hell happened?”

I moved forward through the crowd to hear the response.

“The hostage just pulled the gunman out of the way. They ducked behind the desk. I don’t have a shot.” The frustration in the man’s voice was pretty clear even over the radio.

“Are you….” The sheriff seemed ready to throw a fit as he started cussing under his breath. Into the radio he said, “Hold your position,” as he began to scan the crowd. It didn’t take long for him to find me.

He made a beeline toward me, the radio still in his hand.

“Anything you’re not telling me about this?” he demanded. “Like why your boyfriend would be protecting the guy with the gun?”

I was about to answer “I don’t know” but then stopped.

Everyone started talking at once.

“He’s doing what?”

“Brad, do you know something about this?”

“Honey, tell him if you know something.”

“My son did what?”

I heard Jennifer whisper next to me. “He’s being Kyle again, isn’t he?”

I nodded, trying to weigh which impulse I wanted to do more—kiss him or strangle him.

Sheriff Rogers was going to ask me something else when a commotion started to move through the crowd. By the time it got to us, it was pretty clear something had happened.

“Someone says they can hear screaming coming from the library,” someone exclaimed.

“Fuck this,” the sheriff said to himself and then called out, “Sharon, you’re with us.” He keyed the radio. “We’re about to bust it. Get ready for cover.”

My heart began to hammer against my chest as I watched them get ready to go in.

Jennifer grabbed my hand. “My dad will get him out safe. He’s good at this.”

I squeezed it back, wanting to believe her instead of asking her how she would know. This had never happened here before.

Matt had shown up and was standing next to Tyler and Robbie. Well, closer to Tyler than Robbie, who seemed to be actively keeping him at arm’s length. My parents were holding each other, and I felt a thousand times more alone than I had before. I closed my eyes and asked God to give me a break, just once. Please let Kyle be okay. If he did that, I’d do anything he asked. And I meant it, I really did. I didn’t care if the price was having to go bald or losing an arm or whatever. I just needed Kyle to be okay. Because if he wasn’t… if he wasn’t….

I started to cry as I realized I didn’t know what followed that sentence. If something was to happen to Kyle, if I didn’t have him, I had no idea how I would get along. I wanted him to be in my life now, and I just couldn’t imagine one without him.

“Brad,” Jennifer said, nudging me.

I looked up, and through blurry eyes I saw Kyle being led out with a blanket around his shoulders. At first I thought maybe I was hallucinating, but as he got closer I saw him look up and see me.

I took off running toward him as fast as I could.

I jumped the police line and almost knocked down one of the deputies as I dashed to him. He threw off the blanket and began to run toward me too. We met halfway, and I don’t know who was holding on to the other one tighter. We were both crying again as I realized he was there. He was really there in my arms.

And I wasn’t going to let him go.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—” he began to babble.

I cut him off by saying, “I don’t care.” And kissing him.

He relaxed into my arms as he kissed me back.

Nothing else mattered.

K
YLE

H
E
WAS
there, waiting for me.

I shouldn’t have doubted it, but for a second I thought maybe I had gone too far, done too much, and pushed him away. But as he held me I knew I had been scared, just plain fucking scared of this and the future. I had mentally painted myself into a corner and done the worst thing possible; I just gave up.

Brad never had.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a while. “Are you hurt?”

I shook my head, not trusting myself to talk without breaking down into a huge crying baby.

“Oh God,” he said, hugging me tight again. “I thought….” He just squeezed me close, and I knew what he had thought.

The crowd started erupting into boos and screaming, and I looked behind us.

They were bringing Jeremy out in handcuffs. His head was down, and the people behind the police line sounded like an angry mob just aching to lynch him. I just wanted to stay in Brad’s arms and let them take him away, but I couldn’t. Not anymore. This shit was over now.

“
Hey
,” I screamed at the crowd. “What’s wrong with you? I was the one in there, not you. If anyone gets to be mad at him, it’s me. I’m the one with the reason.” The cops had stopped, and Jeremy looked up at me. I gave him a small smile. “And I don’t like people screaming at my friend, so shut up already.” Everyone froze, not sure they had heard right.

“Thank you,” Jeremy said quietly to me.

I gave him a quick grin. “What are friends for?”

Before he could respond, I was almost tackled by my mom, who was talking a million miles a minute. She was apologizing for everything she had done since I was three, which I think included skinned knees and possibly chicken pox. Normally I would have found that kind of physical affection off-putting, but at this moment, it felt nice to have my mom hug me and tell me it was okay.

So, of course, it couldn’t last very long.

The cops took Jeremy into the squad car, and the people started yelling again. Sheriff Rogers put his hand on my shoulder. “You need to get checked out, just in case,” he said, gesturing toward the ambulance waiting. “Brad and your mom can ride along if you want.”

I nodded, ready to pass out. “Sure. Don’t be too hard on Jeremy. He’s sick.”

He paused and looked at me for a second, and I had the feeling he was really seeing me for the first time. “That kid held you at gunpoint, and you’re trying to stick up for him?”

I nodded weakly. “He’s not bad. He’s just broken like the rest of us.” I looked over at Brad and saw him smile, understanding what I was saying. Sheriff Rogers just shook his head and motioned at the EMS guys. “Get out of here.”

As I walked over, Robbie came under the police line and almost crushed me with hugs. He seemed really upset as he almost shook me. “You are the worst, most aggravating, backwards-ass piece of….”

“I love you too, Robbie.”

He pulled back and flipped his imaginary weave. “Bitch, please, everyone loves me.”

That made me laugh as I saw Tyler still standing behind the line, looking like he was afraid to make eye contact. Robbie looked over at him and rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, he was worried too.” I shot a grin at Robbie, and he slapped my shoulder. “Whatever, I still hate him, but he was worried.” When I just stood there, he whispered, “Go talk to the goon before he starts to cry.”

We all walked over to the police line, and Tyler smiled. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”