150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (41 page)

They Really Said It!

Agent
: I like people who are honest, and you lied to me earlier, but now you're telling me the truth, so I'll hire you.

Betcha Didn't Know

There are two different
Ninja the Protector
films, both written and directed by Godfrey Ho and both featuring Richard Harrison. The other film is actually a geniune Godfrey Ho picture — original from beginning to end — and its plot revolves around an Evil Ninja Cult that's gotten its hands on a deadly bio-weapon. It's sometimes known as
Ninja Thunderbolt, To Catch a Ninja
, and
Ninja Hunt
.

When action film star David Carradine was found dead in a hotel room in 2009, some conspiracy theorists — including supposed representatives of the Carradine family — suggested that he had been killed by ninjas or some other secretive martial arts cult to preserve its secrets and/or to avenge an insult. (Of course, if ninjas really were running around killing actors and filmmakers, Godfrey Ho would be dead many times over.)

Trivia Quiz

How many films has Godfrey Ho directed?

A: 45

B: 75

C: 115

D: No one, not even Godfrey Ho, knows for sure.

Answer: D. While Internet Movie Database lists 115 films directed by Ho, it admits that the actual number hasn't been confirmed. Ho has commented that some movies that list him as director were actually directed by others, but that his name was used to secure distribution.

PRODUCERS
Kazuya Hamana, Yashushi Kotani (executive producers), Takashige Ichise (producer)

WRITERS
Takashi Shimizu and Misaki Adachi

DIRECTOR
Takashi Shimizu

STARS
Yuka (
Nagisa Sugiura
), Karina (
Yayoi Kinoshita
), Marika Matsumoto (
Yuka Morita
), Kippei Shiina (
Ikuo Matsumura
), and Tetta Sugimoto (
Tadashi Murakawa
)

After landing a part in a horror movie based on a true-life massmurder at a vacation resort over thirty years ago, Nagisa (Yuka) starts having strange visions … as if the past is somehow trying to reach out to her. Meanwhile, mysterious phantoms are causing men and women from all walks of life to vanish all across Japan. Can there be a connection?

Why It Sucks

It's a ghost story and a tale of revenge that crosses time, space, and the boundary of life and death. That would be cool, but the director/cowriter Takashi Shimizu never bothers to explain or give the viewer insight into what's going on in the film. It's full of creepy imagery but the underdeveloped story never adds up to anything more than nonsense.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Actress Award goes to …
Yuka for continuing to prove that performers who go by one name (
Cough! Madonna! Cough!)
shouldn't take roles that require them to act.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Takashi Shimizu for failing to realize a good horror movie needs more than pretty girls and random spooky stuff.

They Really Said It!

Yuka
: That's not me!

Betcha Didn't Know

This was one of the films the term “J-Horror” was originally coined to market.

Was originally brought to North America by distributor After Dark for one of the annual Eight Films to Die For horror film series.

Trivia Quiz

What do some researchers like to hold up as proof of reincarnation?

A: Nothing. There can be no physical proof.

B: Similarities in eating habits

C: Similarities in dexterity

D: Similarities in facial bone structure

Answer: D. Who knew? Apparently the spirits of the dead play a bigger role in determining facial structure than parentage, DNA, or silly stuff like that.

PRODUCERS
Kenji Takamura and Kineo Yoshimine

WRITERS
Masahiro Kakefuda and Norifuma Suziki

DIRECTOR
Kazuhiko Yamaguchi

STARS
Etsuko “Sue” Shihomi (
Tina Long
), Masashi Ishibashi (Hammerhead), Emi Hayakawa (
Amy
), and Sonny Chiba (
Sonny
Kawasaka
)

Martial arts prodigy Tina Long (Shihomi) travels to Japan to locate her brother after he vanishes while investigating a drug-smuggling ring. Her search brings her into conflict with dozens of martial artists, including the deadly Hammerhead (Ishibashi). Long is joined by two Japanese martial artists (Chiba and Hay-akawa) who, although belonging to a karate school that espouses pacifism, kicks ass every bit as efficiently as Tina.

Why It Sucks

Sister Street Fighter
plays more like a video game than most movies that proport to adapt video games to the screen. The illogical plot is almost nonexistent for most of the movie. When it surfaces, it's just an excuse to move from one fight scene to the next. The English-language version is made even more disjointed due to careless editing, done to avoid an X rating for violence.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Editing Award goes to …
The drunken louts who, presumably in an effort to please the MPAA ratings board, ruined the film's otherwise well-staged fight scenes. This includes screwing up Tina's first confrontation with Hammerhead, which raises the question of how Tina survives a fall from a bridge.

And the Worst Actress Award goes to …
Etsuko “Sue” Shihomi has the martial arts moves, but she's no actress.

They Really Said It!

Hammerhead
: There is only room for one champion.

Betcha Didn't Know

This film is occasionally misidentified as a sequel to
The Street Fighter
. While the films share similar titles and several of the same actors, none play the same roles and the tone of this film is different from anything found in the two actual sequels to
The Street Fighter
, let alone the original.