150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (25 page)

Adventuress Modesty Blaise (Vitti) and her sidekick Willie Garvin (Stamp) come out of semi-retirement to stop an unknown enemy from interfering with a shipment of diamonds promised to an eccentric Middle Eastern leader (Revill). Along the way Blaise clashes with her old enemy Gabriel (Bogarde).

Why It Sucks

Modesty Blaise
has a timeless adventure tale. The villains manage to be creepy and funny at the same time; the film captures the relationship between Willie and Modesty perfectly. And then the filmmakers decided to go campy. Sigh. Modesty's hair color and clothes change in an instant, and she and Willie fall in love and decide to get married — something O'Donnell had specifically said would
never
happen.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Director Award goes to …
Joseph Losey for presiding over some of the worst fight scenes ever put on film. Not only are they badly choregraphed, but he didn't seem to know how to create the illusion that blows were connecting.

And the Worst Picture Award goes to …
Joseph Janni for a movie that was intended to be lighthearted and goofy but comes off as nonsensical. If you want to see the kind of thing Mike Myers was parodying in
Austin Powers
, rent this movie.

They Really Said It!

Gabriel
: I am the villain of the piece, and I have condemned you to death.

Betcha Didn't Know

Modesty Blaise
creator Peter O'Donnell remarked that the only thing that remains of his original screenplay is the line “What do you know about Wilberforce?”

Clive Revill, who plays two very different characters in the film, was a last-minute addition to the cast.

Trivia Quiz

Which
Modesty Blaise
star voiced Emperor Palpatine in
The Empire Strikes Back?

A: Harry Andrews

B: Dirk Bogarde

C: Clive Revill

D: Terrence Stamp

Answer: C. Clive Revill appeared as the giant holographic images that Darth Vader reports to in the original cut of
The Empire Strikes Back
. In 2004 when George Lucas recut the film, he replaced Revill with the voice and image of Ian McDiarmid.

PRODUCERS
Michael G. Wilson (executive producer) and Albert Broccoli (producer)

WRITERS
Christopher Wood (script), Ian Fleming (original novel, uncredited)

DIRECTOR
Lewis Gilbert

STARS
Roger Moore (
James Bond
), Lois Chiles (
Dr. Holly Goodhead
), Michael Lonsdale (
Hugo Drax
), and Richard Kiel (
Jaws
)

British secret agent and one-man wrecking crew James Bond (Moore) investigates the midair theft of a space shuttle and uncovers a scheme to unleash global genocide.

Why It Sucks

None of the Bond films that share a title with a Fleming novel are as far from the original tale as this one. The film swaps the guided nuclear missiles from the book for space shuttles and orbital death satellites. London and the English countryside vanish in favor of exotic global locales and outer space, and madman Hugo Drax (in the novel a run-of-the-mill ex-Nazi bent on fulfilling the dreams of his führer) now literally wants to reshape the entire world in his image. What book did they read?

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Al Gore Visionary Methods to Save the Earth Award goes to
…
Writer Christopher Wood for creating a villain who wants to exterminate humanity in order to improve it.

The Worst Director Award goes to …
Lewis Gilbert for piling on one-liners and slapstick violence to the extent that the film is more comedy than anything else.

They Really Said It!

Hugo Drax
: Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him.

Betcha Didn't Know

This eleventh James Bond movie was the most expensive in the series at the time.

Although the script originally called for Jaws to die, director Lewis Gilbert transformed him into a good guy, because he had received fan mail from children.

Trivia Quiz

Which British actor is a cousin to I an Fleming, creator of James Bond?

A: Peter Cushing

B: Christopher Lee

C: James Mason

D: David Niven

Answer: B. Christopher Lee. Ian Fleming's mother was the sister of Lee's stepfather, making them cousins by marriage.

PRODUCERS
Robert Gulralnick (executive producer) and Robert Mark Kamen (producer)

WRITER
Boaz Yakin (script), Gerry Conway (original Punisher character)

DIRECTOR
Mark Goldblatt

STARS
Dolph Lundgren (
Frank Castle/the Punisher
), Louis Gossett Jr. (
Jake Berkowitz
), Jeroen Krabbé (
Gianni Franco
), and Kim Miyori (
Lady
Tanaka
)

As the brutal vigilante known as the Punisher (Lundgren) struggles to avenge his family, he finds himself obligated to save the innocent children of the mobster who murdered them (Krabbé) from the clutches of the yakuza.

Why It Sucks

Frank Castle, the Punisher of the comic book, was cunning and intelligent. The movie turns him into a brutal meathead. The film-makers, for unknown reasons, changed his profession from U.S. Marine officer to police detective, and made the murder of his family a planned hit instead of a chance encounter. These arbitrary changes turn the story from a powerful tale of obsessed vengeance into a mindless action flick.

Thumbs Down Rating: