1.5 True of Blood: Kallen's Tale (19 page)

“Oh.” 

Surprisingly, she seems to be considering the idea.  Not this time.  I have no intention of letting my attraction to her control my reactions
anymore
.  I let go of her wrists, and with a simpering smile, I say,
“But I’m not going to because I don’t want to be accused of only being attracted to you because I have no better options.” 
The stunned look on her face is worth every flake of snow she aimed at me
before
.

Chapter
20

Finally, she is ready to be serious. 
We practice for a couple of hours,
and are civil to each other, but I believe she is annoyed that I am no longer looking at her with puppy dog eyes.  We practice
until
Xandra
is too tired to keep going.  I believe
she is
psychologically tired, not physically, because the strength of her magic has not decreased one iota.  Eventually, she starts whining
, as usual
. 
“Why can’t I go inside if I’m not able to draw any more magic right now?”

Not yet.  I have one more lesson I would like her to learn. 
“Because I want to show you what it should feel like channeling someone else’s magic.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and shakes her head. 
“Uh
uh
, no way.
  You are not going to burn me with your magic.”

I cross my own arms, mimicking her stance. 
“That is my point, it should not burn
,
which is why I want to teach you the proper way to do it.”

She still shakes her head.  God, she is obstinate. 
“Why do I have to learn to channel my magic through someone else if I’m learning to control it?”

“So you can tell when you are close to killing someone,”
I
say evenly.

Xandra is angry,
but at the same time she knows I speak the truth.  S
he grudgingly takes off her glove and places her hand in mine. 
I can feel the tension flowing through her. 
I wish she would calm
down;
this will go a lot smoother if she does.  As I start to push my magic inside of her, she tries to take her hand back, but I hold it still.  I know I am not hurting her.

Now, instead of pulling her hand away, she is pulling magic. 
A lot of it.
 
“
Xandra,
let it go.” 

I can feel her trying, but it is not make a difference.  Suddenly, she is pushing hard against my magic. 
Hard enough to push it out of her.
  She is still struggling for control as her magic inches towards me, even though I am trying as hard as I can to keep it at bay. 

Now it is me trying to let go of her hand.  With this physical connection, her magic has more power over me.  I cannot push her back.  She is too strong.  Xandra is stronger than
me.
I finally have to admit
that
as I fall to my knees in pain.  For the first time in my life, I beg. 
“Xandra, please,” I gasp. 
The pain is like none other I have felt.  Everything inside of me is being devoured by molten lava.  The world is going dark around me; I am unable to fight any longer.  I wanted her to learn how it felt if she was killing someone, I had not thought I would be the one she killed.  That thought
washes
me into oblivion.

As if from a great distance, I hear Xandra’s voice. 
“Kallen, wake up.  You have to wake up!”
As I take a breath to answer her, my lungs burn as they try to expand, causing me to exhale quickly. 

She is still calling to me and I force my eyes open slightly.  I can barely make out my killer through the pain of keeping my eyes open.  That is too much effort.  I have to close them again.  I force words to come from my mouth
even though
my lungs are in flames now
that I have taken that first conscious breath
.  I feel her face close to mine, as I say,
“Too strong, couldn’t get it out
.
”

I cannot say anymore.  I am physically unable, as my lungs have no more breath in them and my voice box, I am certain, has melted, pouring down my esophagus, and is now somewhere in the middle of my intestines.
 
Xandra is yelling at me again. 
Why won’t she let me die in peace? 
“Kallen,
I need to get you inside
,
but you have to help me because I can’t lift you on my own.” 
I feel her arm under my shoulders and she
flops
my arm around her neck.  She pulls me to a sitting position.  I am pretty sure I left some skin in the snow, because it fe
els
like some just tore off from me
when I mov
ed.
“Kallen, you need to help me.  I want to get you into the cabin.  Please, you have to stand up and walk with me.”

I suppose it would be better to die in warmth than cold, though I have to say, at the moment
, the cold feels awfully good to my burning soul
.   But, she is insistent that I go inside.  With the little bit of energy I can muster, I try to help her as she gets me to my feet.  I am unsteady and have to lean heavily on her.  Why is she torturing me like this?  Does she not know that she could use her magic to move me?  No, she probably does not. 
Because I have not taught her that.

It is eons before we reach the door to the cabin.  Xandra pushes it open, almost letting
me fall in the process, and we stumble inside. 
“Just a few more feet,”
she says. 

Finally, the cot is before me.  I slump down in a useless heap.  Xandra pushes me into a lying position as she swings my feet onto the cot.  She places a blanket she retrieved from a shelf over me.

I am in and out of consciousness
for who knows how long
.  At one point, I feel a warm
cloth on my head.  I know Xandra is near, I can sense her.  I wish she would leave me alone.  She has done enough to me.  I have been a romantic fool, believing she felt anything for me other than contempt.  It is that thought that plagues my mind when I am conscious.  Several times, I try to whisper to her; tell her to go away.  I simply do not have the energy.

“Kallen,” I
hear
her
whisper.  “Please, you have to wake up.  I need you.  I’m so very sorry I did this to you, please come back.  You are haughty and arrogant
,
and infuriatingly sexy
,
and you laugh at me way too much
,
but you’re so important to me.  I need you to teach me how to be a better Fairy.  I promise
,
I’ll never hurt you again.  Just please, come back to me.  I care so very much for you, I can’t lose you.” 
I hear her words, but I do not believe them.  She is simply feeling remorse for her actions. 

Eventually, I stop weaving in and out
and
I become more aware.  I
even
feel some of my strength returning.  For the first time, I feel like I may survive her attack.  Moving slightly, testing out my fingers and toes, I am relieved to discover that they still move at my command.  More rest and I should he
a
l
quite nicely
. 

Xandra feels me stir. 
“Kallen, are you awake?”
she asks, as she shakes my arm
.  “Please be awake.”

I want her to go away.  I pat her hand on my chest
.  “I’m okay,”
I
whisper.  “Just need to sleep.”

She tucks the blanket more tightly around me, and then moves away from me, much to my relief.  I hear the scraping of one of the chairs as she sits.  As I am falling back to sleep, I believe I hear her crying.

I have no idea how long I have been out.  It is full dark outside now.  Xandra is asleep at the small table, her head cradled in her arms. 
I sit up quietly, not wanting to wake her.  I want no more of her
false
sympathy.  I sit for a long time, watching the fire from the cot.

Eventually, she begins to stir.  Stretching her arms and yawning, she is startled when she sees me. 
“You’re awake,”
she says with a
smile.  “How do you feel?”

“Better,”
I say
.
  I have no desire for conversation at the moment.

“Can I get you anything?  Are you hungry?” 

I shake my
head
and say more curtly,
“No, thank you.”

“I’m sorry,”
she says
quietly
.  I incline my head slightly in acknowledgment, but I remain quiet.

“At least you get the cot,”
she says.  If that was supposed to be funny,
I did not find it to be.  I tend not to laugh at attempts on my life
.  I do not
even
bother to respond this time.

“Kallen, please talk to me.  I’ve been so worried.”

Sure she has.  Remorse is often suffered when someone fails in killing someone. 
“Why didn’t you stop?”

“I couldn’t.  I tried but I couldn’t make it stop.”

I am tired of that excuse. 
“I let my magic go but you still didn’t stop.”

“Kallen, I swear, I tried to make it stop but I couldn’t.  I would never hurt you like this on purpose.”

I am not going to let the tears in her eyes sway me this time. 
“I thought I was going to die.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Do you hate me so very much?”

“What?”
she asks in
what must be
mock surprise. 
“I don’t hate you at all.  Kallen, you have to believe me.  I didn’t do this on purpose.”

“Every Fairy but you can control his or her magic.”

Tears are streaming down her cheeks now. 
Again,
I am not going to let them get to me this time.  Turning away from me, she sits on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. 
“Maybe,”
she says between sniffles,
“Maybe you were right when you came here.  Maybe I am too much of a threat to both realms.  I don’t want to destroy anything, Kallen, but I can’t control my magic.  I would rather die by your hand than open the gateway with my dying blood.”

I cannot believe I am stupid enough to fall for this again, but something inside of me is insisting that I believe her
sincerity
.  As I struggle with myself for several long moments, she continues to sob.  Finally, I say quietly,
“Xandra
.
” 

She does not turn around. 
“Yes?”

“Will you please stop being so dramatic and come here?”

She looks quite confused when she turns around.
  “What did you say?”

“I asked you to stop being so dramatic and come here.”

Frown lines are burrowed into her brow as she stands up and walks towards me.  The closer she comes, the warier her eyes become.  I do not know what she expects me to do to her, but whatever it is, I do not have the energy to do it.

Stretching out on the cot again, I prop myself up on my side and pat the area in front of me. 

“Why?”
she asks
.

I sigh. 
“Because I am tired and I want to go back to sleep
.
  T
hat will be a lot easier if I do not have to hear you cry.  It is much more pleasant when you are lying quietly next to me.”

“You want me to sleep with you?”

“I am always amazed by your brilliant deduction
s
,”
I say
sardonically.  “Yes, I want you to sleep with me.”

“Why?”
she asks
again.

This is becoming tedious. 
“Xandra, please stop talking and lay down.  You’re making my headache worse.”

She lays down with her back to my front.  When I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, I know I am lost.  I believe every word she said about not being able to control her magic.  I am expecting her to be able to do something in less than a week that takes most Fairies years
as they grow up
.

Pulling back her hair that has fallen across her
face,
I
lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek. 
“I lied to you,”
I
whisper in
her
ear.

“It’s okay
,
”
she says
,
as if she is afraid to ask why I am apologizing.

I chuckle
softly.  “Do you not want to know what I lied about?”

She shakes her
head.  “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

“I
a
m not sure I like you this forgiving, it takes the fun out of teasing you.  I lied to you when I said I would stop underestimating your power and overestimating your control over it.  You were right when you called yourself an enigma
,
and I’ve been treating you as a Fairy instead of a Witch Fairy.  I need to admit that I have no idea how strong you are or how wild your magic is. 
And that I have no idea how to teach you to control it.”