12 Christmas Romances To Melt Your Heart (3 page)

I
shouldn’t have come
. I shouldn’t have been stupid enough to think that he was ready for us to move on from the mistakes we’d made in the past.

That much was clear from the fact that Jim would rather walk away from me than say more than three words, let alone hear what I had to say to him. The way he’d apologized, his voice filled with intense anguish and his eyes full of regret, had ripped me to shreds as much as everything that had happened all those years ago.

The only thing I’d accomplished by showing up here was to rip open an old wound for both of us. For Dillon, too. And maybe I’d tossed some salt on all three of those wounds while I was at it.

My heart in my throat, my feet cemented to the floor, I watched Jim walk away. The last time he’d gone, I’d been a sobbing, screaming mess, throwing things at his retreating form to hurry him along. This time, I was desperate for him to stop. To turn around. To come back. But I couldn’t seem to find the gumption to tell him.

“If you don’t go after him, I will,” Laura said from somewhere in the sea of women and children behind me. “We all will.”

“This was a mistake. The whole thing. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Then why did you come? Why did you get on a plane and fly halfway across the country—away from your son at Christmas—if all you’re going to do is say hi and let him turn his back on you?” Laura took my arm and turned me to face her. A scowl marred her otherwise flawless features. “Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I know what happened between you two. I don’t know what split you up or kept you apart for so long. I don’t know why you came back now. I don’t have the first clue what it is he’s so sorry about. But I do know this. You clearly still love him or you wouldn’t have made the effort. He still loves you or he wouldn’t be beating himself up like he is. And you know what? We all adore Jim. Every single person in this room, and all of his players. Everyone involved with this organization. We love him. We want the best for him. Now, maybe that’s you. But if you don’t chase after him, if you don’t stop him and make him talk to you, then I doubt it. He deserves someone who’s willing to insist he take a dose of his own medicine, even if he’s fighting against it.”

I hadn’t gotten to know Laura very well in the brief time we’d been acquainted, but I appreciated her frankness. She was right. Absolutely one hundred percent right. No matter how nervous I might be, and no matter how my doubts might be screwing with my head, there was a lot of truth to what she said.

So I took a breath.

I squared my shoulders.

And I took off after my ex-husband, only to be stopped by a small but strong and insistent hand on my elbow.

“You almost forgot your mistletoe,” Sophie said, pressing the beribboned bundle into my hand.

I fingered the satin ribbon and forced an anxious smile to my lips. “Wouldn’t want to forget that.” Or would I? If Jim was running off, he probably wouldn’t be inclined to fall prey to a silly holiday tradition, even if I worked up the nerve to try to make use of it. Still, I thanked her and hurried on my way.

Jim was well ahead of me in the corridor, but I could still make out his retreating form. There wasn’t much time left on the game clock, though, which meant that the jam-packed arena would soon be emptying. I had to catch him before the final buzzer, or I wouldn’t have a chance. The crowd would make it impossible.

I couldn’t remember a time in my life that I’d run in pumps, but there was no time like the present to start.

“Jim!” I called out. The noises from the ongoing game drowned out my shout, submerging my voice under the excited chatter, the hustle and bustle of almost twenty thousand people on the edges of their seats.

He didn’t even flinch. My shouts didn’t have a chance in hell of carrying through all of this. I increased my pace to match the frantic beat of my heart, but he was getting close to the elevator bay. If he got on…

“Jim!” I shouted once more, sounding desperate even to my own ears.

He didn’t hear me, but the security guard standing next to the elevator did. He said something to Jim and pointed in my direction. Thank the Lord for small blessings. That held Jim up enough that I was able to reach him, puffing and panting and clutching at the stitch in my side.

He looked at me with the same pained expression of moments ago and shook his head. “Why are you here, Elaine?”

I fumbled with the mistletoe in my hands, staring down at the ribbon and smoothing it between my thumb and forefinger. Then I shrugged. “I’m not sure.” I glanced up at him as I said it, gauging his reaction.

He shuffled his feet, glancing back at the security guard still within earshot. Then he nodded his head toward a quiet corner near the window overlooking the highway below.

I followed, tempted to reach for his hand. It was too soon for that. Way too soon. Especially if I couldn’t even articulate the thousands of emotions that had been racing through me for days. Hell, for years. I wasn’t even sure how long ago it was that I’d forgiven him.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, taking that choice away from me. “You’ve traveled a long way to not know why you came.”

The horn sounded in the distance, making the floor reverberate beneath us. Within seconds, thousands of fans poured out of the stands into the concourse, their voices flooding the air. They all headed straight for the escalators, though, leaving us alone in our corner. I glanced over my shoulder at the sea of happy faces, many of them wearing red Santa hats and other holiday gear to complement their purple-and-silver Storm jerseys.

Contemplating my words carefully, I met Jim’s gaze head on. I still didn’t know how to articulate everything that had been keeping me up at night. “The girls said you didn’t know they were trying to set you up,” I said, since I had to start somewhere.

His jaw dropped. “With you? How did they find you? Why would…?”

“They didn’t. Not exactly.” I twirled the ribbon around one finger, slowly unwrapping it. “I found you.”

Jim shook his head, not following.

“They listed you on
Match.com
.”

He dragged a hand down his face in embarrassment.

“That’s where I found your profile. And I… I knew I had to contact them. Because if I didn’t, I would regret it for the rest of my life.”

“Regret it? I don’t—”

“I want another chance, Jim.”

“You’re not the one who needs another chance. You’re not—”

“I do need another chance,” I cut in, tears suddenly making tracks down my cheeks. I should have gone without makeup. It was a rookie mistake, and I was way too old to be making slipups like that. But it had been so long since I’d dated, since I’d been with a man at all, that I felt like a complete novice where all of this was concerned. “You made a bad decision. I’m not denying that. But I did, too.”

“You left because I cheated on you,” he said, without even a hint of humor. The lines in his face deepened, like cuts digging into his flesh. “You didn’t cheat. You made the only decision that made sense.”

“That wasn’t the only decision I could have made. And I’m not convinced it was the right choice. We could’ve gone into counseling. We could have tried to make it work.”

“You deserve better than that. I didn’t honor our vows.”

“I’m not saying you’re a saint. You screwed up, and nothing can change that. But you know what I deserve? I deserve to love and be loved. I think we could have that, if you’re willing to try. You said it was a mistake that would haunt you for the rest of your life. And it
has
haunted you, hasn’t it? Have you—” I stopped, shaking my head.

“Have I what?” His voice, usually so steady and sure, cracked and dissipated.

“Have you ever even dated since I left?”

He shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Because I don’t think you have,” I said. “I’ve been watching you all these years. Following your career. Stalking you in my own way, I guess you could say. Never once have I seen a woman on your arm at an event. There’s never been mention of one in an interview. Nothing.”

“Have you been dating, then?” This time, it was Jim giving me
the look
, like Dillon had at Thanksgiving. “It’s been just as long for you. How well have you moved on?”

“Not well. I’m trying, though. That’s why I’m here.”

“Maybe I’m not ready to try.”

“Not ready?” I asked. “Or is it that you don’t think you should?”

“Some things you just can’t ever come back from. Some mistakes are too big.”

“Says who? The man who gives everyone under the moon a second chance?”

He rolled his eyes.

“I’ve been paying attention. You’re constantly taking on guys everyone else has given up on. Brenden Campbell.”

“I played with his father. You remember that.”

“He’s far from the only one,” I said. “Blake Kozlow. No one wanted to touch him. They all said he was a lost cause, full of talent but bound to flame out, but you brought him on. You made him part of the team. You gave him a place to belong. Rachel told me she was one of your hard luck cases, too. And you just did it again with Hammond.”

“That’s different.”

“It’s not.”

“It’s hockey.”

“It’s your
life
,” I insisted. “It’s what you do every day. Every time you see someone who seems down on their luck, you find a way to give them a helping hand.”

“I’m not down on my luck.”

I swung my arms in frustration, trying to come up with an argument he wouldn’t immediately shoot down. His eyes followed my hand.

“Mistletoe?” he asked, his tone lightening slightly.

“Sophie gave it to me. She thought it would help.”

“Sophie?” Jim chuckled slightly, shaking his head. “They’re really all in on this, aren’t they?”

“I think so. At least most of your players’ wives, and several of the coaches’ wives, too.”

“And the kids.”

“Yeah.” I went back to twirling the ribbon around my finger.

“That’s what I get for trying to make this thing like a family. They all gang up on me.”

They were the only family he had, since I’d left him and Dillon had cut him out of his life. I knew why he worked so hard at making things a family atmosphere with this team, whether anyone else knew or not. That was something that had become abundantly clear to me during the game, when I’d been up in the owner’s box with the family. Every person here cared about everyone else. And him. Especially him. “They love you, Jim,” I said. I doubted they could help it.

He shook it off. “It’s just because I’m the GM.”

“It’s not. It’s because you’re you.”

Everyone had always loved him, as long as I’d known him. It’d been easy to fall in love with him. He had a smile for everyone he met, and he had such a big heart. The day we first met, I’d known right away that I was in trouble. He’d been out at the bar after a game with a bunch of his teammates. I’d been there with some girlfriends from college. I’d been underage. The girls had snuck me in with a fake ID, but I hadn’t been brave enough to order a real drink the whole night.

At one point, the other girls had all been off flirting with various men, leaving me alone. An overly drunk guy from my school had come on to me and wouldn’t back off. I was trying to figure out a way to get away from him when Jim had come along. He’d put an arm around the guy’s shoulders, told a few jokes, and led the guy to the bar—well away from me. When Jim had returned, he’d brought a Shirley Temple for me, since the bartender had told him what I’d been drinking all night.

Thank you,
I’d said.
For the drink
and
for getting rid of him.

No big deal. I signed his arm and made sure his buddies would get him home safe.
And then he’d smiled at me.
Do you have anyone making sure you get home safe?

I’d held up my Shirley Temple, as a reminder.
I’m the designated driver tonight.

So I guess that means you won’t let me drive you home and walk you to your door, huh?

Do guys still do that? Walk a girl to her door? Seems kind of old-fashioned.

He’d grinned, a smile that had lit up his blue eyes like the sky on a clear spring afternoon.
Maybe not all guys. But I do. I guess you could say I’m an old-fashioned kind of guy.

Old fashioned is good
, I’d said. And I’d melted a bit.

He’d hung around and talked to me the rest of the night, staying right by my side to make sure the creep wouldn’t return. When the time had come for me to drive the other girls home, he’d followed me to each of their apartments and then followed me to mine. And he’d walked me to my door, waiting to hear me click the lock into place. He didn’t walk away until I’d given him my phone number, though, having me slip it under the door on a torn-off scrap of notebook paper.

That was all it had taken for me to fall in love with him. And over the years, I’d watched as he’d worked the same magic on countless others. He’d always had a ready smile and a heart too big to fit in his chest, which worked as a magnet. Everyone was drawn to him.

Yet somehow, he’d always had a hard time showing himself the same compassion that he gave freely to everyone around him, whether they deserved it or not.

It was time for that to change. Jim needed a dose of his own medicine. And apparently, it was up to me to be sure he got it. I’d forgiven him long ago; now I needed to help him find a way to forgive himself.

I
t’s
because you’re you
. Elaine’s words kept rolling through my mind on repeat, and I wished I could believe them. But so did other words that had once come from her lips, and they were much louder and more insistent.
How could you? I kept waiting for you to call so Dillon and I could tell you happy birthday, but you were too busy with some puck bunny slut to bother with your wife and son.

In twenty years, I’d never been able to get those words out of my head. I might be able to push them aside briefly, but they always came back to haunt me.

I’d been on the road with a new team after being traded at the deadline. Elaine and Dillon had stayed behind in Hartford, since she hadn’t been able to pack up everything and come with me at the drop of a hat. I hadn’t seen her or my son in weeks, I didn’t know or like my new teammates yet, and I was lonely. Insanely lonely. So instead of doing the smart thing and going back to my hotel room to call them, I’d ended up at a bar on my birthday, and I’d had way too much to drink, and I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

Admitting it as soon as possible didn’t absolve me from what I’d done. Nothing could erase the past.

Since Elaine had already been busy packing up our entire house, it had been easy enough for her to put it all in a moving truck headed back to her hometown in Minnesota instead of going all the way across the country to join me in LA.

And that had been that.

I’d screwed up, so I had to be a man and accept the consequences. Those consequences weren’t supposed to include my ex-wife standing in front of me two decades later and asking for another chance.

The noise around us seemed to press in even though we were still well away from the crowd. Elaine folded her arms in front of her, tucking the mistletoe away and holding herself as if a chill had taken hold of her. It wouldn’t be a surprise. She’d always gotten cold easily, and they kept it nice and cool in the arena for our games. So many nights, she’d burrowed up against me, trying to absorb as much of my warmth as she could. Out of instinct, I took off my suit jacket and put it around her shoulders.

“Thank you,” she said.

“We should…”
We shouldn’t be doing this.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?”

I wasn’t sure where that had come from, but she was here. It seemed like the least I could do after she’d made this kind of effort.

“How about a coffee?”

“I can do coffee. Let’s go get your purse.”

She made a face.

“What?”

“I haven’t checked into my hotel yet. My bags are still in Laura’s SUV. She was going to take me. I don’t want—”

“Let’s get your bags, then. I’ll make sure you get to your hotel safe.” But then I thought of the first time I’d met her. That had been a bar and me following her to her apartment, but the similarity was undeniable.

A soft smile came over her face, and she looked down at the floor. No doubt she was remembering the same thing I was. “You never change, do you, Jim?”

“I’ve changed a lot.”

She chuckled. “Not really. Not in the important ways.”

I didn’t know what to do with that, so I started walking back toward the owner’s box so we could get Laura and go down to the parking garage. Elaine came alongside me, her fingers clutching the lapels of my jacket.

I couldn’t seem to help myself. I put my hand on the small of her back like I’d done so many times before.

My heart hurt with wanting.

Christmas was always difficult enough for me, because I had to spend it alone. But this… This was too much.

“I made a mistake,” I said, warming my hands on my cup of vanilla latte. The bit of mistletoe Sophie had given me rested on the table between us, safely within reach but also
not
over either of our heads. Most of the employees had on Santa hats, and someone had painted Santa and his reindeer on the windows. Holiday tunes came over the sound system to go along with the festive air the staff had created.

In the Starbucks he’d brought me to, the air was warmer than the arena had been, but I was still chilly. He hadn’t asked for me to return his jacket, not even when we’d gone outside in the almost-freezing air. Not only that, but he’d bought my coffee, opened doors for me, and held out my chair to help me sit. It only made me believe what I’d told him more than ever before. He was still exactly the same in all the ways that mattered. Now I needed to convince him of that.

“
I
made a mistake,” Jim interrupted.

I scowled and held up a hand. “Let me finish, please. You’ve had twenty years to beat yourself up over your mistakes. But you weren’t alone.”

“I haven’t been beating myself up over it all this time.”

“Haven’t you? Tell me why it is you’re so intent on helping everyone you come across who’s made a mistake, then?”

“Everyone makes mistakes.”

I raised my brows to make a point. “Right. Everyone
makes mistakes. You did. And so did I, because I gave up on you. I didn’t give us a chance to get through the bad times.
For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health
. All marriages go through tough times. When I married you, I promised to stick by your side when we hit those tough times. But I didn’t. I walked away, even though I loved you more than I loved anyone but Dillon, even though it ripped my heart to shreds to leave you. I
know
you, Jim.”

“You
knew
me.”

I shook my head. “No, I
know
you. I know you’ll do anything in your power to make someone smile. I know you’re always looking out for everyone around you, often to your own detriment. I know you beat yourself up when you make a mistake and then work ten times harder than everyone else to be sure you’ll never make that same mistake again. And I know I was wrong to not give you another chance, because if things were reversed—if I were the one who’d cheated—you would have given me another opportunity to prove myself. Because that’s who you are. It’s what you do.”

Jim stared out the window for a long time, and I could practically see the wheels spinning in his head. Which meant I was starting to get through to him. I was chipping away at all the doubts that had been eating him from the inside for years. He took off his glasses and folded in the earpieces before meeting my eyes.

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying it’s my turn. You give everyone a second chance. I want mine. And I want you to take yours, for once.”

“I gathered that much,” he said. He fumbled with his glasses before finally setting them down next to the mistletoe. “I guess what I mean is
why
? Why now?”

And that was the question I’d been asking myself ever since the moment I’d told Dillon what I planned to do. I took a sip, stalling for time. The hit of warmth and caffeine gave me courage, and I decided to spit it out before I could change my mind. “Because I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you, and I don’t think I ever will. And I think you still love me, too.”

Tears started pricking at the backs of my eyes again. Because I was afraid. What if I was wrong? What if Dillon had been right when he’d told me I’d lost my mind? What if Jim really
did
have some other woman in his life, but he kept her out of the public eye? What if I’d just left everything out there on a whim, laid my heart on the table between us, and it was all for nothing?

The truth was, he might not love me anymore. I hoped he did. I’d taken a huge risk on that hope, and it could come back to bite me in the butt. When I’d left and taken our son with me, it had to have hurt him as deeply as his infidelity had hurt me. Was it too much? Or the time? Had it been too long?

He hadn’t said a word since I’d made my declaration. Seconds kept ticking by on my watch, counting down to the moment he would either hand my heart back to me—carefully, of course, because this was Jim—or he would accept my olive branch. And I didn’t have the first clue which it would be.

The longer he took to answer, the further my heart dropped. If he had to think about it this long, it couldn’t be good. Could it? Or was it just my anxiety getting in the way of thinking clearly? The music switched to the Frank Sinatra version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” A sign? Or a slap in the face? I wasn’t sure. I finished off my latte and got up to toss the cup in the garbage, but Jim reached for my hand when I would have walked past him.

“Elaine?”

My pulse skipped a few beats from his touch and the torment in his voice. “Yes?”

“What about Dillon?”

Our son was absolutely the last thing I wanted him to ask me about right now. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “What about him?”

“What does he think about all of this?” He looked up and held my gaze as firmly as he held my hand. His grip was so warm I didn’t want to break contact.

“He thinks I’m making a huge mistake,” I finally said. “But he refuses to see that I forgave you for your mistakes a long time ago, and I’m trying to mend fences with you now. He’s stubborn like that, kind of like his father.”

The corners of Jim’s lips quirked up for a moment. “Glad he’s like me at least in some ways.”

“He’s like you in a lot of ways. Every day, he does or says something that makes me think of you.”

Now, a full smile took over his face. Except for his eyes. It wasn’t quite there yet. “I bet he hates that.”

“He might if he knew how much alike you two are.” I bit my lip, pondering my next move. “He blames you. But he should blame me just as much. It takes two to make a marriage, and it takes two to break a marriage.”

“I don’t want him to blame you.” He teased the pad of his thumb over the back of my hand. “A man needs his mother.”

“Dillon needs his father, too. He doesn’t want to. But I think he’ll come around.”

“Do you? What makes you think that?”

I shrugged. “Just a hunch. Because I don’t have any intention of walking away again. Maybe you don’t want me to stick around. If you tell me to leave, to go back to Minnesota and Dillon, I will. But you’re going to have to tell me to go. Otherwise, I want to make this work. And if we manage it, he’ll have to get over the grudge he’s holding if he wants to keep his relationship with me.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Our son is a good man, Jim. But he’s a man now. He’s making his own decisions. He doesn’t need me the way he once did.” I threaded my fingers with his, and a shot of adrenaline coursed through me because he allowed it. “You know, he’s dating a really sweet girl. I think he’s going to ask her to marry him soon.”

“Yeah?” Jim’s eyes filled with both joy and sadness over that.

“Yeah. And he thinks he knows what marriage
shouldn’t
be. I think we need to show him what a marriage
should
be. He needs to see that marriage is hard work. That sometimes you make mistakes in your marriage, but when you do that, you need to fight to make things right instead of running away from the things you’ve done wrong, or the wrongs that have been done to you. Because when you love someone the way I love you, it’s not always easy. But it’s still worth it.”

He blinked a few times, weighing his words. “Is it really?”

“You know it is. And more than that, you’re worth it.”