1 Straight to Hell (24 page)

I sat on the edge of my desk, stunned.  So this was it?  Miss Spry was admitting defeat and allowing me to regain my normal, human existence?  I didn’t believe it.  Yet, as I once more scoured my mind for a hint of the demon, I realized it was true.  I pressed my hand against my heart.  Yes, it was still beating.  I was not only plain, old Lilith once more, I was still alive.  Unbelievable.

By the time I’d photocopied thirty-three spelling and reading packets for the following week, organized an experiment for Monday’s science lesson, made two phone calls to parents, tracked down Grace’s missing boot, and forced Ari to go back to her classroom to get her math book, the school had completely emptied and it had begun to snow again.  Back in November, I would have admired such enormous, fluffy flakes but now, in March, I loathed them.  After all, spring break was only a few weeks away, and there was nothing even remotely spring-like about the predicted six inches of snow.

Getting into my car, I found that it wouldn’t start.  When I turned the key, nothing happened.  There wasn’t so much as a grinding noise or even a click.

“Your battery’s dead,” Ariel said, with annoying matter-of-factness.  “You need a jump.”

She was probably right, but ours was the only car in the lot.  I speed-dialed the auto club, but hung up when I remembered that I’d canceled my service a month ago in order to save money.  Then I called a wrecker, but when it finally arrived, the driver ran my credit card and returned a moment later to tell me that it had been canceled.  As had the other four in my wallet.

“I get paid next week,” I said when he turned away.  I was now holding so many credit cards that several had slipped out of my hands and were lying in the snow.  “Wait!  Please, hold on a second.”  But as much as I pleaded, the bastard kept walking away.

Maybe I’d been wrong about my demon, I thought frantically.  Maybe she wasn’t gone but just hibernating or something.  Or maybe I was so used to her company that I could no longer tell where I ended and she began.  After all, I couldn’t imagine that Miss Spry would let me off the hook so easily.

I took a chance that the demon was still there, and when the driver got into his truck, I got into the passenger’s seat.  He looked over, dumbfounded.  “Look, Lady, I told you, if you don’t have the money, I’m not…”

The truck had a bench seat, and I slid closer to him and gave him my best vampish smile.  “I need a favor right now,” I told him.  “A small one, and if you help me out, then I can help you out, too.”  I put my hand on his knee.

His eyes widened, and he leapt backward as if I’d drawn a knife.  Then he got angry.  Very angry.  “Hey, I told you I wasn’t giving you a lift unless you could pay, and I meant with
cash
.”  He jabbed a finger at the review mirror from which a small, plastic cross dangled.  “I’m a good Christian man with a wife and family, and I don’t go for that kind of shit.”

My cheeks glowing like neon, I crept from the truck, flinching when he gunned the engine and sped out of the parking lot.

I collected my fallen credit cards and returned to my car.  At least no one in the school had seen me.  But when I turned around, I realized that I had an audience after all.  Grace and Ari had their faces pressed up against the steamy windows of my defunct car.

Both girls remained silent when I climbed in.  But, after a moment of me stifling my sniffles in a used tissue, Ari said, “You should have gotten the money from him first, Auntie Lil.”  Looking at her serious face  in the rearview mirror, I could tell she was imparting one of the great truths of her childhood.  “Get the money first
then
give him the goodies.  That’s what my mom always says anyway.”

I’m so glad that Tanya taught you the finer points of being a whore, I thought, and dialed my sister.

Even though the school is less than five miles from the house, it still took Jasmine nearly thirty minutes to come get us.  She was wearing pajamas and looked cranky.  “I need money for gas,” she said.  “I’m on E.  Oh, and by the way, the management office called and said your rent check bounced.”

“Just drive,” I told her, pressing my cheek to the cold window.

Back home, Ari sidled up to me.  “I would never have gotten into that guy’s car, Aunt Lil.  No matter how much he bugged me, I never would.”

I hate to admit it, but I’d forgotten all about the incident with Ariel at lunch.   I’d been furious before, but now I was only exhausted and really, really worried.  “What were you doing leaving the playground like that?”

“I needed some space.  Walking around by myself helps me think.”

“And how long has that man been bothering you?”

She shrugged.  “A while.  I tried walking somewhere different, but he keeps finding me.”

I closed my eyes and tried not to picture my niece being followed by a predator.  “You should have told me.  Or a teacher.  Or someone!”

“But then you’d make me stop going for walks.  Besides,” she tilted her chin up, her eyes defiant, “he doesn’t own the road.  I can be there if I want to.”

I knotted my hands into fists.  I’d use my demon to make him regret what he’d done to my niece.  But then I deflated.  No, I wouldn’t.  My demon was history.  And, come to think of it, DuShawn was on his own now, too.

I sent Ari up to her room before she could see me cry.

After begging Jasmine to spring for a pizza for dinner, I sent the girls off to do their homework and resigned myself to attacking the piles of mail on the kitchen table.  I threw away the catalogs and ads, and sorted the rest.  The pile of bills quickly became two piles of bills and then three.  In the other pile was only a magazine for Jas and an early birthday card for Grace from a great-aunt.

And this is how I finally realized that I was in way over my head.  It wasn’t the three piles of bills.  It wasn’t even my empty fridge or the fact that my car was doomed to stay in the school parking lot for the foreseeable future.  No, it was that I opened Grace’s birthday card knowing that Great-Aunt Celia had put a ten dollar bill inside, and that I could use that ten dollars to buy bread and milk and bologna for the girls.

The moment I had that ten dollars in my hand, however, I began to cry.  This is what I’d become: a thief who stole from children.

Sickened, I put the ten dollars back into the card.  I’d give it to Grace and tell her that I’d opened her card by mistake.  The heart-breaking thing was that she’d believe me.

So now what to do?  The obvious answer was get a better-paying job, but even if I picked up one in the next twenty minutes, I’d have to wait at least two weeks before I got paid.  And Ariel’s ER bill would probably eat up all my wages for the next three months.  I’d already gone to Ted for an advance on my child support, and my father, unbeknownst to his wife, had loaned me several thousand dollars to cover the cost of my mother’s funeral.

Don’t be such a baby, I told myself sternly.  You have your life back, and you beat Miss Spry at her own game.  I was happy about that, of course, but at the same time what good was it to have my daughter once again but at the same time not be able to provide so much as a decent meal for her?  At least as a succubus, I’d been able to keep her fed.

I put my head in my hands and cursed Sarah Goodswain until I no longer had the energy to do so.

After I put the girls to bed, I came downstairs and found William sitting on my couch.  He’d loosened his tie and unfastened the top button on his shirt and sat with his feet propped up and the remote in his hand.  Drinking Tea curled on his lap.   When he saw me, he turned off the TV.  “I need a drink.”

I realized that I wasn’t the only one who’d been having a rough day.  Not only were William’s clothes rumpled and his hair a mess, but he wasn’t in full glamour mode.  His face was sallow and the flesh pouched beneath his eyes.  He looked like he was trying to find the last safe place on earth.

“Did Miss Spry steal your demon, too,” I asked.

He lifted his eyebrows.  “So it’s true?  You’re back to being human?”

I nodded.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Well, that’s just grand.” He laughed bitterly.  “Helen, you really have turned torture into an art form.”

I patted his shoulder, surprised that he would take the news so hard.  “I’ll get you that drink.”

I don’t keep alcohol around because of Ari, but I figured Jas had a stash.  Sure enough, within five minutes, I’d uncovered a nearly-empty bottle of vodka stuck inside a giant bag of peas at the back of the freezer, a place that Ari would never, ever look.  I poured it into a plastic stadium cup, added some of the watery Tang that had been sitting too long in the fridge, and brought it into the living room.

William accepted it, drank a small bit, and made a face.  “Ugh.  It’s dreadful.”  He moved aside to let me sit next to him on the couch, took another swallow, and grimaced again.

“I suppose I should be toasting my new freedom.”  I held out my hand for the cup.

He gave it to me.  “You don’t sound very happy about it.”

“Oh, I am.”  I drank some of the ersatz screwdriver and shuddered.  He was right; it was awful.  But it did leave a nice, warm glow in my stomach, so I drank more.  “But I’ve realized that my human life isn’t so wonderful.  In fact, it pretty much sucks.  Not that I plan to go back to Miss Spry,” I quickly added.

I took another swallow.  “So what’s your story?  You look like you just lost your last friend.”

He took the cup from my hands, drinking the rest of the it down and setting it on the end table.  “Miss Spry has given me an exceptionally difficult assignment.”

“Do tell,” I said.  Not because I really cared about William Darcy’s bad day, mind you, but because I wanted someone to be as miserable as I was.

He didn’t reply, but instead sat looking like a dejected puppy.  My William Darcy, my lovely, arrogant, intoxicating fantasy, was in need of comfort.  I slid closer to him and ran my hand down his arm, feeling his bicep tighten under my fingers.  I wanted to kiss away the frown lines around his eyes.  Bring him upstairs and soothe his pain.  And probably mine as well.

He sighed.  “Oh, Lilith, you have such a kind heart.  I knew you’d understand.”  Very gently, he took my chin in his hand and tilted it up.  Closing my eyes, I leaned closer.  His lips brushed against mine, and his arm slipped around my waist.  “I’ve known from the day I met you that you were the perfect woman for me.”

As he kissed me, he used his free hand to stroke those sensitive areas that most men ignore: the inside of my elbow, the back of my neck, the base of my throat.  When these places lit up, the spots where I really wanted him to touch me grew molten.

I lay back on the couch, and with agonizing slowness, he unbuttoned my blouse.  He wasn’t a lust-ridden boy who wanted to get into my pants.  No, he was a gentleman who wanted to please me as much as possible.  I twined my fingers in his thick hair and arched my back as he slowly traced the waistline of my jeans.  I’d never had a man pay such careful attention to me, and after all that had happened that day, it was heavenly.

He nuzzled the spot below my ear.  “I want us to always be together.”  It was the very speech I’d been scripting in my head since we’d met.  “Lilith, you’re perfect.”

I opened my eyes when he stopped kissing me and looked at him.  His arrogance was gone, replaced with a humble sincerity.  “But there’s one thing keeping us apart.”  He’d been caressing that delicious spot between my legs, but now he pulled his hand away making me groan in frustration.

Desperate for more attention, I tried to guide his hand back to where it had been.  “What?”

“I can’t become involved with a woman like you.”  He raised his sad eyes upwards.  “With a child, that is.”