1 Broken Hearted Ghoul (10 page)

She drew herself up, not easy for someone who was barely a flickering photo of herself. “At least I’m where I need to be. I could’ve given in and moved on like I was supposed to. I hung on. That’s what you have to do.”

“I know.” I ground my teeth, and went downstairs.

Addie followed me. “It’s not going to get any easier. You’re going to need all your strength to get through this.”

“I know, Addie. I know.” I sat in a chair near the fireplace. “You’re saying things I tell myself a hundred times a day. It still doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“You’re not supposed to feel better. You’re supposed to make Kate feel better. That’s your job.”

I looked into her stern eyes. I didn’t like her much when she was alive. I felt like she always tried to make decisions for Jacob. He leaned on her too.

But now I recognized her as an ally in this war. I knew I could depend on her to do whatever was necessary for Kate’s safety and well-being. In that light, I accepted her criticism. I had to hold up my end of the deal.

The phone rang. It was Debbie. She wanted to know if I’d heard anything else from Abe. I could hear her kids in the background as they complained about going to bed. I could also hear her husband shouting back at them.

I wasn’t sure how much I could trust her. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her—she was fine. It was more a feeling that she’d tell Abe anything I told her. In most cases, I wouldn’t care. With my life possibly on the line, it made me hesitant to tell her what Martin had learned.

“What do you think killed that man?” Her voice trembled.

“I don’t know. I’m sure Abe will figure it out. He knows more about this world than you or I.”

She whispered, “Does it change you? Being a zombie? Are you different now, Skye?”

I thought about her question. “No. Not really. At least I can’t tell I’m any different. Why?”

“Terry is different. I can’t explain it. It scares me.”

I could hear Terry calling for her. She excused herself, and said she’d see me tomorrow.

I turned off the phone, and put it down on the table with the charger. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else that night. I was supposed to be available for Abe twenty-four/seven, but I needed some time to myself too.

The image of Mr. Welk, his heart ripped from his chest, and knowing there had been others who’d died in similar circumstances, made me question what I was doing. Abe couldn’t protect us from whatever was happening. I couldn’t let that make a difference or I might lose it all.

I couldn’t complain—I’d already had two extra years with my daughter. If I’d died that night in the hospital after the wreck, she would’ve been alone all this time. I’d made the right choice.

I had to hope Martin and I could come up with some answers that would protect us. I didn’t want to go to Abe with the situation. His reaction had shown me that he was worried too. There had to be a way to avoid those deaths that were plaguing him.

I poked at the fire in the hearth, and settled down for another long night.

I closed my eyes, trying to keep memories from haunting me. I felt Lucas when he came downstairs. No sound gave him away. It was a tiny thrill that raced down my spine. A change in the air.

He sat across from me in Addie’s favorite chair. “Were you sleeping?”

“I don’t sleep. I think it’s a zombie thing. I close my eyes for a while until I think Kate is asleep. Then I walk around until dawn.”

“Yet the rest of you appears to be—
normal
.” His eyes were thorough as they appraised me from head to toe.

“I guess it depends on your definition of normal. I feel normal, like I did before. But I’m not the same person. I know that. It scares me sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not sure who I am anymore.” The statement came out on a painful note. I hadn’t meant it that way. It just happened.

I was starting to sound like Martin.

He sighed. “You and I may have met as the universe draws like to like.”

“What do you think happened to you, Lucas?”

“I believe there may have been a battle. I fought—
someone
.” He rubbed his forehead. “It would appear as though I was defeated? I do not know. When I begin coming close to an answer, my mind blanks out.”

I shifted position, and tended the fire in the hearth. Sparks flew up, and the flames licked greedily at the wood. “I’m not sure how we’re alike. Eventually you’ll get your memory back. I’ll just be dead in a more permanent fashion.”

“You did what you felt you had to do.” He shrugged. “You reacted as a mother first—protecting your child. The consequences of those actions always follow closely behind.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

He touched my hand. “No magic.” His eyes were a little sleepy. “Come upstairs with me. Let me give you peace for a short time.”

I was tempted. The natural magic, as he’d called it, was strong between us. I seemed to vibrate to the same frequency that he did.

But I was too afraid to lose myself in that magic, and the peace he offered. As Addie had reminded me, I needed my strength. Some of that came from the grief and pain that was so much a part of me. I didn’t dare abandon that, even for a short while.

“Thanks. Maybe another time. I appreciate you asking though.”

He got to his feet. “Then I shall retire, lady. Mayhap, I shall dream of my home and know how to return. I bid you good morrow.”

“You too.” I listened to the even breathing from upstairs that told me Kate was asleep. “Goodnight, Lucas.”

***

It had become a ritual for me. I wandered the house, spending a lot of time in Jacob’s old bedroom, as I always did. Seeing his old posters, action figures, and games was soothing to me. He felt closer, even though I knew he wasn’t there.

There were many times I’d wondered, as Kate had asked, why Addie had become a ghost to help with Kate, and Jacob had simply left. I didn’t know if there could be a reasonable answer to that question. I’d come to believe there wasn’t. I knew Jacob had loved me and Kate. Maybe there was no choice in the matter, as Addie believed there was.

Like many other aspects of my strange afterlife, I had to keep the questions simple. So much had happened that didn’t make sense. My inquisitive mind didn’t like not being able to find the answers. I frequently had to tell it to back off.

I lay on Jacob’s boyhood bed, and stared at the ceiling. Closing my eyes, I envisioned each contour and smile line on his face. I remembered the way his hands had felt on my body, and the way he’d kissed me.

The first time we’d met, I’d known he was the one for me. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to scare him off. He would have thought I was crazy or something if I’d told him I loved him.

So we worked, and we talked. We went to see old movies, and we walked around the lake at midnight. I waited as patiently as a spider in the moonlight, weaving my spell and hoping he’d love me too.

When Jacob had finally realized that he loved me, it was a relief because I could pour all of my love and emotion into him. I didn’t have to hold back anymore.

And then he was gone.

I walked into the closet, and pulled the string on the light. I’d maneuvered a small chair and table in there two years ago after he’d died. On the walls were newspaper clippings about Jacob’s death. I’d found other unusual deaths from the same area—a narrow, winding road that led from Nashville to our suburb.

I’d known as soon as I’d seen Jacob that night in the morgue that he hadn’t been killed in the wreck, as police and hospital officials maintained.

I’d seen him right after the wreck. He’d talked to me.

The corpse was my husband, but with wounds that didn’t match what I knew had happened. Jacob had left me in our SUV to walk up to the road for better cell service. I hadn’t imagined it.

I had his autopsy photos, and the medical examiner’s reports. None of them made any sense. So far, it hadn’t done much good looking into it. I had to keep it quiet, because Abe had told me politely not to investigate it—suspicious in itself.

Why wouldn’t he want me to figure out what had really killed Jacob?

Abe had said it was because my past should stay past. That was the same reason he’d given me about not working as a police officer anymore. I didn’t like either edict, but stayed away from both—at least outwardly.

Like raising Kate, finding out what had really happened to Jacob was part of what kept me going. He should have been alive, and with us.

I realized that I probably
wouldn’t
be alive in that case. I didn’t care.

Some
thing
(now that I knew there were
things
) had murdered Jacob that night. I didn’t plan to forget that, or let it go.

That’s why I’d said no to Lucas’s invitation. I was afraid I might forget how much I loved Jacob. Forget how much Kate meant to me. Ease the pain. Start living a real life for the next eighteen years.

That wasn’t why I was still around.

Chapter Thirteen

I heard Kate’s alarm go off at her bedside as I was getting dressed the next morning. Dawn had finally come. It was time to go out and face the world again.

As I was cleaning out the pockets of my jeans from yesterday, I found the red rose that had been at the old hotel. It still looked as fresh and alive as it had when I’d picked it up yesterday.

Lucas was probably still asleep in the turret room above me. The rose reminded me of what I’d said no to last night. I pulled my thoughts away from him, left the rose on my dresser, and went downstairs to make breakfast and coffee.

Addie liked helping Kate wake up and get ready for school. That was fine with me. Never sleeping hadn’t made me any more of a morning person.

Lucas was already in the kitchen. He had made pancakes and bacon. Coffee was perking. “Good morning.”

He was wearing some of Jacob’s clothing that I’d set out by his door last night. I wasn’t up to handing the jeans and T-shorts to him, but he needed something to wear. Jacob would never use them again. I should’ve given them away a year ago.

“Morning.” I shuffled around, not sure what to do with my routine broken.

“I thought I might make help break your fast since you were kind enough to allow me to stay.”

“Thanks.”

He went on about how amazing things were—that the bacon was sliced but he still recognized what it was. Making pancakes was the same, but there were no bugs or lumps in the flour. “I was able to decipher the workings of yon pot, though I cannot explain that aroma emanating from it. It smells of skunk!”

“We call it coffee.” I had to reach past him for a cup and spoon. He smelled like incense, and clean clothes. He looked a lot more normal in jeans. Maybe
too
normal, and a lot more approachable.

He was about the same size as Jacob, a little more slender. I caught a smile on his face as he found me sizing up his butt.

I hurriedly poured myself some coffee, and sat down at the wood table.

This would pass, I told myself. He’d be gone in a few days, and I could go back to my work and Kate.

“Do you have work this day, Skye?”

“I work almost every day.”

“Collecting people who have outlived their usefulness.” He nodded, his long, dark hair tied back from his face at the nape of his neck.

“It’s not like that.” I sipped my coffee. “Okay. I admit that I don’t know for sure what it’s like. I’m still trying to figure that out. All I know is that when the twenty years are up, someone comes and gets you and takes you to Abe. Sometimes, I’m that person.”

“No doubt he knows what he’s about.”

“What about you? Any magic spells and incantations that can help you figure out who you are and why you’re here?”

“Perhaps.”

Lucas greeted Addie and Kate with a big grin and plates of food as they came into the kitchen. “Lady Kate, you are looking especially lovely this morning.”

Kate giggled, and ate two pancakes. I couldn’t believe it. I managed to get one down. Addie glared at all of us from the side of the table.

“You could manage a few bites yourself, Lady Addie.” Lucas sat down with a heaped up plate for himself. “It is not unheard of for spirits to eat with others, just to keep up decorum.”

“I don’t need to keep up anything,” she complained. “And I’m not a lady.”

He shrugged. “We all do what we must.”

When everyone was done eating, Lucas immediately offered to clean the dishes. I was happy to let him do it.

“What am I supposed to do all day with him here?” she demanded when Kate and I were in the mudroom, ready to go.

“What you always do, I guess. Just ignore him. He’ll probably stay in his room all day casting spells or something anyway.”

“Seriously?” Her eyes rolled back in her head. “You don’t believe that stuff do you?”

I glanced at Lucas as he washed the dishes, playing with the water from the faucet. “I don’t know. You watch him today, and tell me what
you
think.”

She
humphed
.

“Bye, Grandma!” Kate did her usual almost kissing Addie and then skipping out the back door.

“Goodbye, chicken feet!” Addie called back. “Start walking on your whole foot! I don’t know where you got the idea of walking on your toes all the time!”

I wanted to say something else to Lucas before we left—maybe remind him about not being able to stay there more than a few days.

I glanced at him as he walked around the kitchen, examining everything with careful hands. What more was there to say? I’d told him he could stay. He knew my terms. I figured he hadn’t forgotten.

After considering it, I left without reminding him of his promise. The van was cold. Kate had to pat the gas pedal to keep the engine running while I scraped the windows she couldn’t reach. I got in, and we left for school.

“Mommy, do you think Lucas is really a sorcerer?”

“No. Of course not!” Traffic at the school was terrible. I waited impatiently while parents hailed each other out of their car windows.

“Are there real sorcerers?”

“No.” I turned into the school traffic lane. “Did he tell you he was a sorcerer?”