03 - Sworn (62 page)

At least I had Albion’s support for my leadership, and that of the other Sorcerers. I’d spent the evening after Kel’s death explaining Ulric’s condition and announced my intention to take his place. No one objected. They had expected it. The next day, while Rowan was gone, we’d discussed tactics, ways to get into the city, and how to get me to Severn so I could finish what he had started. He may not have been accepting challengers, but he was bound by law to complete any he issued. If I defeated him, the burden of Tyrea would be mine.

And so I would finish it. I would do anything it took to get in and hunt Severn down while he remained weak. No law, moral or otherwise, would keep me from using every tool at my disposal to do it.

I owed Kel that much. And my mother, and the siblings I’d never known, and every person Severn had destroyed in his quest for power.

A rough chunk of rock snagged on the bandage wrapped around my left hand, pulling me back to the present. I took the wrapping off and flexed my fingers. Morea had done a good job setting the bones, and in the wake of battle my magic seemed even more willing than it normally was to heal me. I’d never felt anything like the power that had flowed through me as I faced Severn. I only hoped it would happen again when I needed it.

I sensed Rowan before I saw her. Relief flooded me, but I maintained my distance. She had been right when she ended things. I couldn’t afford to be distracted.

But gods, it was good to know she was safe.

“You’re back,” I said. “Any trouble?”

She shook her head. “I saw Cassia. Gave her your letter. She’s going to speak to the elders again.”

“Thank you. Was she…” I sighed. “Of course she was.”

Rowan nodded. “Shattered. But glad I went, that you chose to send me.”

I picked up another rock and tossed it aside. Focusing on the physical was a relief after a day of thinking, and far more feeling than I had ever desired.

When I looked back at Rowan, a lock of bright hair had fallen over one eye as she looked down at her feet, lost in her thoughts or sadness. I could never bear to see her that way, but fixing it was beyond my power.

“Are you all right?” she asked, and shook her head, answering her own question. “Of course not. You just—you seem different. If you wanted to talk about it, we could.” She looked at the bodies, and seemed to be judging how best to approach my apparent insanity. “About anything, I mean.”

“I’d rather not. I’m fine.” My voice sounded as drained as my muscles felt. Flat and emotionless. It was a relief, really. No shameful tears or outbursts. Just nothing.

She offered a half-hearted smile and let the matter drop. She’d have expected that answer. What else would I have said? That I felt nothing now except a cold determination to see Severn dead, no matter what sacrifices it meant for me or my future? That a part of me had died when I ended Kel’s life?

Talking would do nothing to heal that.

Rowan turned her attention back to the bodies, and her nose wrinkled. “Should I ask what you’re doing out here, though?”

“I don’t know whether you want to know.” I let the next rock drop from my hands. “But you should. You should know what’s going to happen in the next few days.”

She brightened at that. “You can use me?”

I tore my attention away from the bodies. It wasn’t easy. My magic was becoming excited, as though it sensed it would have a chance to act soon. I’d never experienced this around a dead body before. Perhaps it was only because my intentions changed. Whatever it was, it horrified me even as it gave me hope.

I wiped my hands on my shirt and wished I’d thought to bring something to wash with. At least I hadn’t touched the bodies yet. “Can we sit?”

Rowan chose a spot on a log that left plenty of space for me to join her. I did so, but left room between us. No more closeness. No more stolen touches and awkward smiles.

“I wasn’t happy with the idea of you leaving to deliver that message,” I said. “But I’m glad you did.”

“So am I.”

“Not just for Cassia’s sake. It helped me realize that you’re safer when you’re not here. I want you to leave again.”

One dark-red eyebrow arched. “Excuse me?”

I shouldn’t have sat. I needed to pace, not to be forced to meet her stormy gray eyes. But I did face her. I owed her that. “I need you to leave. Go back to your family near the border if you want to. Belleisle would be better. Take Florizel, go far from Luid. As soon as possible.”

Her mouth opened, but she didn’t seem to be able to find the words she wanted. She frowned. “No.”

I’d known she wouldn’t make it easy. I hardened my voice. “It’s not a request. Unless you want to swear loyalty to Severn, I’m in charge here. I’m ordering you to go.”

She glared at me. “I haven’t sworn loyalty to any Tyrean king.”

I threw my hands up. “Then go to Darmid. Anywhere but here.”

She glared at me, any trace of gentleness gone. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I need to focus on this battle. I can’t be worried about you, about where you are and whether you’re hurt.”

She narrowed her eyes. “So you think I’m too much of a distraction?”

“It’s not that.” I rested my forehead in my hands. “I just lost my best friend. Even though I know that you and I aren’t supposed to mean as much to each other as we...” Emotion threatened to overcome me, but I held it back. “I can’t lose you. You need to be where you’re safe.”

She was silent for a while, then rested a hand on my shoulder. “We did need to talk. You’re right. You can’t worry about me.”

Relief flooded me, and I looked up. “Thank you.”

She smiled sadly. “I’m not leaving, though. I’ve been training for this. I’m not a warrior, but I can fight. I’m more in control of my magic than I’ve ever been, and I’ve learned my limits. You need me here.”

I hated how that pleased me. Somewhere beneath my good intentions to keep her safe, I knew I needed her. And wanted her. “You understand how dangerous this is?”

She looked toward the bodies. “I do. When we met, when I agreed to go with you to find a cure for my binding, I told you I wanted adventure. At the time, I didn’t know what that meant. I expected it to be exciting and interesting, but didn’t realize how much it would cost, or how many mistakes I’d make along the way.”

“We both made mistakes,” I said quietly.

Her smile was pained. “And then I fell in love with you. I guess that was a mistake, too, but I can’t say it’s one I regret. I’ve accepted that our paths aren’t taking us in the same direction.”

Those words cut deeper than I’d have expected. “Have you?”

Our eyes met. I wondered whether mine were as filled with sadness as hers were. “I’m trying. My mind understands it, even if my heart doesn’t. I’m thankful for what we’ve had, but I don’t want to stand in the way of your destiny.”

I wish you would.

She nodded as though I’d agreed. “So what I’m asking now is that you offer me the same consideration. I have a gift, Aren. You’ve said so yourself. It’s mine to use as I wish. When this is all over, I’ll make my own adventures. But for now, I want to use my gifts to help you. To defeat Severn. To set things right. If you can’t let me do that...” Her words trailed off, and she shrugged. “I guess that says a lot, too. What am I to you?”

I looked at her again, trying to forget what I expected to see. A part of me still thought of her as the girl who’d found an injured eagle by the side of the road and nearly killed herself trying to save him. Courageous, but a victim of her circumstances and naive about the world outside her home town. Curious, but afraid. Open-minded, but trapped in her people’s beliefs. I’d fallen in love with that person, with her determination and her courage and her willingness to love me in return.

The woman who sat with me now was still Rowan, but she was
more
. Fierce, defiant, certain of her course. She’d saved my life in more ways than she knew, and I’d done my best to return the favor—not because I owed it to her, but because my life wasn’t worth much without this strange, generous, often illogical person in it.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “What I feel for you terrifies me as nothing else ever has. Love isn’t what I expected it to be.” For some reason, the unicorn came to mind. Nothing like the stories, but wilder and stronger, a thousand times more real. “If you want to stay and fight, I won’t try to stop you. I can’t say I know what you are to me now. I know what I want you to be.”

She closed her eyes, but not before I saw the tears forming there. “Please don’t.”

“You should hear this.” I took a deep breath. “You would be the perfect queen, Rowan. Not in the ceremonial sense, but as a co-ruler. We balance each other. We could have done great things for Tyrea together.”

She took a shaky breath. “If not for my magic, right?”

I laughed, though it wasn’t at all amusing. “Without your magic, neither of us would be here.” I tucked a lock of her wild hair behind her ear. I never could resist touching it.

“So I stay? Should I report to Albion?”

“No.” I resisted the urge to put my arms around her. She would stay. That didn’t change anything else. “It would be easier for both of us if you did, but I think if we want to win this, I need you to stay with me.”

“For now.” Barely a whisper.

“For now,” I agreed. “Unless what I need to do bothers you, in which case you are still free to go. I won’t have you hunted down as a deserter if you decide to take me up on my first offer and flee entirely.” I kept my tone light, but my stomach clenched. She didn’t know. I’d never told her. I wouldn’t blame her if she turned away, horrified. Everyone else did.

She sat up straight. “Why?”

I’d heard that question from her more times than I could remember, and had never had so much trouble deciding how to answer.

The body closest to us twitched as my magic reached out to it. Rowan turned her head slowly, eyes wide. “Did you see that?”

My power rushed to fill me, and seemed to anticipate my commands. Never had anything come so easily to me, and elation battled with disgust as the body lifted a hand and opened its eyes. Nausea gripped my stomach. A strange effect for magic, but not unheard of.

Rowan froze, but her lips moved. “Please tell me you know what’s going on.”

“I’m controlling it,” I said. “Just wait. I haven’t done this in a long time, or on anything this large.”

I fixed my full attention to the body. Though my magic followed my directions, it took more effort than I expected to make the rotting flesh obey my command to sit up, and more still to make him stand. The flesh felt heavy, as though rooted to the earth. Rowan gasped as the dead man got his feet under him, then straightened. Sweat broke out on my face from the effort, and a wave of dizziness set white stars blooming at the edges of my vision. Heaviness entered my muscles, dulling external sensation even as a deep ache filled me. I held on. My magic rushed out more quickly than I could replenish it from the ambient magic, and I pulled back.

The body remained standing, but stopped moving. Its jaw hung slack, giving it an expression of bored disbelief. The stomach pushed out, muscles flaccid.

Rowan remained perfectly still.

“It’s not going to hurt you,” I said, hoping that was her greatest concern.

Her face turned slowly toward me, though her gaze remained fixed on the corpse. “You...”

“Yes.” I wiped the sweat from my face. The body was still drawing on my magic, but it seemed to be the raising that made me feel ill.

That made me feel death in my own body
, I realized. This had been a small experiment, but what might happen if I tried to raise an army? If the effects compounded, I could see why people thought the gods cursed those who attempted this. It would kill me, I had no doubt. Or worse.

“I see,” she said, surprisingly calm. Her brow furrowed. “So it’s like a puppet? It’s not aware of what’s happening to it?”

I nodded. “I would know if there were a mind in there. It’s just a body. If his spirit still exists, it’s not here.” It was flesh, obedient and unaware, and nothing more.

Her shoulders relaxed. “It’s still a little unnerving, isn’t it?”

I laughed. She looked at me as though I’d lost my mind.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s the most beautiful understatement I’ve ever heard.” She wasn’t going to run. She didn’t hate me—at least, not yet. Maybe that would change after she’d had time to think about it.

I pulled my magic back further, and the corpse sagged in the middle. I stood him up again, and a sound like groaning, incoherent speech bubbled from his slack mouth.

Rowan squeaked and scrambled to duck behind the log. “Aren!”

“It’s just air escaping. He’s not trying to talk.” Even my heart had jumped at the noise. This was going to take some getting used to. I could only imagine how it would look to other people.

The corpse’s hand fell off. “That was nearly chewed off already,” I said. “They’re not all going to do that.”

The fingers twitched against the forest floor. Rowan turned and threw up.

“Are you still with me?” I asked.

She nodded and wiped her mouth on her sleeve. “I don’t understand what the plan is, though.”

“Distraction. We’re going to attack the city, engage all of Severn’s soldiers and get him alone so I can finish his challenge. I just hope others will agree to the plan. These bodies will be a help, once I prove this is possible.” I let her think it over as I raised a second body. This one’s lips had pulled back in a dreadful sneer, and his left eye had sunk completely into his skull. I’d hoped it would be easier the second time, but found that nothing changed. The ache returned, and a feeling that my blood was turning to muck in my veins, slow and dark.

I could do it though.
This
was my natural gift, not mind-control. I’d just been ignoring it most of my life.

The first body remained standing with very little help from me as I worked on the second, and though the drain on my magic increased, it replenished quickly.
If only it would leap to defend me against the effects of playing with death.