02_Groom of Her Own (2 page)

“I think it’s appropriate that Laura and Nick chose today—the first day of spring—as their wedding day. For both of them it marks a new beginning, a new life, a season of beauty and growth and hope, a new direction in their earthly journey. And that journey will hold challenges. Because as all of us know, the road of life isn’t always easy or straight. We make wrong turns, we take detours, we hit roadblocks, we have flat tires. But as long as we keep our eyes focused on the destination, and as long as we are willing to listen to the Lord’s direction, we can find our way home.

“Laura and Nick know their ultimate destination. They know the Lord will always be there to guide them. They’ve known that, individually, all of their lives. But now, as man and wife, they will have an earthly partner to help when the journey gets rough, as well as a friend with whom to share all the moments of joy and beauty that the Lord blesses us with along the way. I know that all of you join with me today in wishing Nick and Laura Godspeed on their journey as a married couple. And now let us pray….”

Sam stared at the minister, mesmerized by his rich, wellmodulated voice and the words he’d spoken. His remarks were the most insightful, moving and comforting she’d ever heard in a church—a far cry from the “fire and brimstone” sermons she remembered as a child. For the first time Sam looked—really looked—at his face. He was actually quite handsome, she realized. And appealing in a way she couldn’t exactly pinpoint. He seemed to radiate an innate character and kindness that spoke of trust and integrity. She frowned as she tried to recall his name. Laura had introduced them at the rehearsal the night before, but Sam hadn’t been paying that much attention. It wasn’t a “religious” name, she remembered that. Bill? Brent? Brad! That was it. Brad Matthews. Before the day was over she would find an opportunity to compliment him on his talk.

As it turned out, Sam didn’t have a minute to herself until hours later. After the ceremony there’d been pictures, then the drive to the reception, then more pictures, a receiving line and finally dinner. All of this was followed by the bride and groom’s first dance, the wedding party dance and the cake cutting. But finally the ceremonies and rituals were over. Maybe now she could find a quiet spot for a moment and take a deep breath, she thought hopefully.

Except that Laura’s cousin intercepted her as she was searching for just such a spot. Sam tried to be polite, tried to focus on what the woman was saying, but she was suddenly bone weary, tired of smiling and plagued once again with the feeling of emptiness that had overwhelmed her during the ceremony. The melodic strains of Gershwin’s “Our Love Is Here to Stay” drifted through the room, and she glanced at the dance floor to find Laura and Nick in each other’s arms, moving as one to the music. The tenderness in Nick’s eyes as he gazed at Laura was suddenly too much for her, and with a mumbled apology to Laura’s cousin, Sam fled toward the terrace. Maybe some fresh air would help chase away the blues. At least it was worth a try.

Brad Matthews jammed his hands into the pockets of his slacks and leaned against the wall, breathing deeply of the chilly air. It had been a nice wedding, and he was happy for Laura and Nick. They made a wonderful couple, and he knew that their life together would be full and rich. He prayed that they would be blessed with the children they both wanted and that the Lord would give them a long and happy life together. They deserved it.

But so had he and Rachel, he thought sadly. They would have made good parents, he was sure of it. And their love would have endured, standing as an example for others in this day of quickly forgotten commitments. But the Lord had other plans for them.

For the first time in a long while Brad allowed himself to remember his own wedding day. Rachel had made a beautiful bride, he recalled with a tender smile. She had been absolutely radiant as she’d walked down the aisle to meet him. Theirs had been a union of kindred spirits, firmly based on a strong Christian faith and the ability to find joy in the simple pleasures of life. They had eagerly looked forward to starting a family and creating a legacy of love for their children.

Brad’s smile faded. Even after six years, the pain of Rachel’s untimely death still made him feel physically ill. Not a day went by that he didn’t miss her lovely smile or her musical laugh. His work usually kept him too busy to allow time for self-pity, but occasionally something would trigger memories that made him feel his loss as keenly as if it had happened yesterday. Laura’s wedding had done that.

But it had done something else as well. For the first time since Rachel’s death, Brad acknowledged that although his work was fulfilling, something was missing. No, he corrected himself, make that “someone.” Because Brad had enjoyed such a wonderful marriage, he knew what it was like to share the day-to-day joys and sorrows with another person. And he missed that.

Would it be possible, he wondered, to find love again? Could there be someone else like Rachel somewhere out there? And what would Rachel say about it? Would she be hurt? Would she think he was being disloyal if he remarried?

Brad had never asked those questions before. Even when Rachel was alive, they’d been so young that they’d never discussed the subject. Death had seemed like such a remote possibility. But how would he feel were the situation reversed? he asked himself. Would he want Rachel to live the rest of her life alone? The answer was simple: Of course not. To deny her the chance to give expression to her bountiful love, to condemn her to living a solitary life just because he didn’t want to share her with someone else, would be selfish. And he suddenly knew with absolute certainty that if she could speak to him, she would tell him that she felt the same way, that it was time for him to move on.

Yet Rachel still felt like such a part of his life. How did a person let go? As a minister, Brad knew he was supposed to have those kinds of answers. But suddenly he didn’t feel at all like a minister. He just felt like a very lonely man.

As Sam stepped onto the dimly lit terrace, she realized that the late-March air had cooled considerably with the setting of the sun. Unfortunately, the short sleeves and sweetheart neckline of her suit didn’t offer much protection from the chill. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her body for warmth. It was silly to stand out here and freeze, but she couldn’t plunge back into the festivities just yet. For someone who was usually in control, the unexpected whirlwind of emotions she’d been experiencing all day was disconcerting, leaving her feeling off balance and confused, and she needed to regain her equilibrium. She sniffed, struggling once more to hold back the tears, and groped in the pocket of her jacket for a tissue.

“Excuse me…is everything all right?”

Startled, Sam gasped and spun around. Brad Matthews stood in the shadows, a few feet away, watching her intently. She had no idea how long he’d been there, but it was apparently long enough for him to realize that she was upset. Embarrassed for the second time that day, Sam turned away, struggling to compose her face, grateful for the dim light on the terrace.

The voice moved closer. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

Sam took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I just didn’t expect anyone else to be out here. It’s pretty chilly.”

Sam heard fabric sliding over fabric, then felt a jacket being draped over her shoulders. It still radiated body warmth, and she gratefully drew it around her even as she protested. “I shouldn’t take this. You’ll freeze.”

“I’ll be fine,” he assured her. “You seem to need it more than I do.”

This time Sam successfully retrieved the tissue and dabbed at her eyes. She was struck by the man’s insight. When he’d realized she was cold, he hadn’t suggested going back inside, as many people would have done. He seemed to understand that she needed some distance from the festivities, and had instead offered her his coat. She found that touching, and once again her eyes blurred with tears.

Brad frowned as he stared at the back of the woman in front of him. Laura often talked of Sam, and Brad had formed what he’d assumed was a fairly accurate picture of the bride’s best friend. Physically, he was pretty much on target. Sophisticated makeup, svelte figure, striking hair. Not quite as tall as he’d expected, though. She was a good four inches shorter than he, with heels, and he was just under six feet. He thought she’d be statuesque. But it was the demeanor and personality that really surprised him. Laura always talked admiringly of Sam’s composure and self-confidence, described her as the strong, invincible type who was never thrown by anything and never at a loss for words. But the woman who had nearly gone to pieces at the wedding and who now stood silent and shaky an arm’s length away didn’t fit that image at all.

Brad debated his next move. Should he discreetly disappear or, as was his nature when people were in trouble, offer his help? The decision was easier than he thought, because when she sniffed again he spoke automatically.

“I’m sorry if I’m intruding, but…is there anything I can do?” he asked gently.

She shook her head. “I’m fine, really,” she assured him, but she knew her shaky voice belied her words. Desperately she tried to think of a reasonable explanation for her teary state. “I’m just a sucker for happy endings,” she offered, grasping at the first idea that came to her.

Brad didn’t quite buy that. The Sam he’d heard about from Laura might be moved, but she’d hide it behind a flippant remark. She wouldn’t cry. There was something else going on here, but he was a stranger to her, and the best he could do was empathize.

“I know what you mean. You know, I think we witnessed a real miracle today. I honestly wasn’t sure if Laura would ever risk that kind of commitment again.”

“Me, neither,” Sam agreed with a sniff. “But I knew if she met the right man she might, and I sure tried to get her into circulation.”

The minister chuckled. “So I heard.”

Sam wiped her nose and turned to stare at him suspiciously. “What exactly did you hear?”

“She told me about a few of the singles dances you dragged her to. I just can’t picture Laura at one of those things.”

“She never did feel comfortable,” Sam agreed, and he saw the ghost of a smile flicker across her face.

“You know, I realize we were introduced last night at the rehearsal, but it was all pretty rushed. So how about if we start over?” He held out his hand. “I’m Brad Matthews. And you’re Sam Reynolds. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Sam took his hand. It was firm and strong, yet there was a warmth and tenderness in his touch that she found appealing.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” She paused, and he sensed that she was searching for words, an experience that was obviously foreign to the usually glib Sam. “You know, ever since the ceremony this afternoon I’ve been wanting to tell you how wonderful I thought your talk was,” she said slowly. “I’ve never heard anything quite that moving in church before.”

“Thank you.”

“I really mean it,” she said earnestly, reaching out to touch his arm, wanting him to know that her words weren’t just an empty compliment. For some reason, that was important to her. “I’ve never been much of a churchgoer, Reverend, but if there were more ministers like you I might have been.”

Brad took her hand between his, engulfing it in a warm clasp. She had small, delicate fingers, and again he was struck by this woman’s unexpected and touching vulnerability. “I appreciate that, Sam,” he said with quiet sincerity.

For a moment there was silence, and the strains of “Till There Was You” drifted through the slightly ajar door. For some reason, Sam felt less lonely now. Maybe it was the way this man was holding her hand, his touch conveying caring and warmth and compassion. It had been a long time since a man had touched her like this with something other than sex on his mind. And it felt good. Very good. Too good. It was going to make her teary eyed again.

Reluctantly she withdrew her hand and slipped his coat from her shoulders. She’d monopolized enough of his time, anyway.

“Thank you for the loan,” she said, holding the coat out to him. “It certainly came in handy. But I really should let you get back inside. Your wife is probably looking for you by now.”

There was a moment of silence, and she could see even through the dimness that he was frowning. “My wife?”

Now it was Sam’s turn to frown. “I noticed in church that you were wearing a ring and…well, it looked like a wedding ring,” she said uncertainly.

“Oh.” He glanced down and touched the gold band. Then he sighed. “Yes, it is. But my wife died six years ago.”

Sam stared at him, her eyes growing wide. “I’m so sorry,” she said softly.

“Thank you.” He looked down again at the ring, and his face was deeply shadowed when he spoke. “The ring confuses a lot of people. I suppose I should take it off, but I’ve never seen a reason to. Rachel is still part of my life, even though she’s gone.”

“It sounds like you have wonderful memories,” Sam said wistfully. Then she turned away, and when she spoke again there was a trace of bitterness in her voice. “I couldn’t get my ring off fast enough.”

“Laura mentioned you were married, once,” he said carefully.

“Yeah.” She gave a mirthless laugh. “I always used to tell her we married two losers. Randy was a rat, plain and simple. He just walked out on me one day after only five months and never came back, even though…” She cut herself off sharply, shocked that she’d almost revealed a secret she’d never shared with anyone, not even Laura! What was wrong with her today?

Brad waited a moment, and when it became apparent that Sam wasn’t going to continue, he spoke. “Weddings can be an emotional time—for the guests as well as the bride and groom. They stir up lots of memories, good and bad,” he remarked quietly.

Sam looked at him again, struck once more by his insightfulness and empathy. But unlike her memories, she was sure his were happy.

“Well, life goes on,” he said. “Laura should be an example to us. She finally found the courage to stop letting the past control her future, and look at the happiness she’s found.”

“Not everyone is that lucky, Reverend,” Sam replied sadly, turning away once more to stare into the darkness.