0215543001348293036 vaughn piper oshea m.j. (7 page)

“O-okay,” I finally managed to get out, a bit frazzled by all of the information he’d just dumped on me. “And you’ll be p-picking her up at wh-what time again?”

“Four thirty. But if anything happens, you just call me, okay? I’m gonna keep my phone in my pocket.” Rue glanced around and patted himself a bit, as if he was searching for something. “Damn. Okay, I have to go or I’ll be late. I don’t think I forgot anything. Remember, call me if you have any issues. I can be back here in ten minutes.” He leaned down to the car seat and drew one of his fingers along the baby’s nose. “Bye, munchkin. Papa loves you.” Rue brushed past me once again. “Oh! God, I can’t believe I almost forgot. What’s your number? Let me put it in my phone really quick.” I recited the number for him and watched as he programmed it into his phone and snapped it shut. Then, with one last look at the baby and a hesitant smile for me, he started into the hallway.

“R-Rue?”

He paused just outside my door and looked back at me. “Yes?”

“I’ll do it for six hundred.” I wasn’t sure what made me say it, only that I knew he was in a rough spot and he was helping me as much as I was helping him. Somehow it just felt like the decent thing to do.

His eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

The relief on Rue’s face was so intense I knew I’d made the right decision. “Oh God, you’re a lifesaver. Seriously, you have no idea. I—

just thank you.”

He looked for a moment like he wanted to come toward me, but then he shook his head. “Gotta go, sorry. Remember, call me if you need to.”

He took off down the hallway without waiting for a response. It was a minute or two before I could actually move to shut the door behind him. I leaned back against it and clutched the bag he’d handed

[39]

Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

me to my chest. It really
was
a good thing the baby was still sleeping, because in that moment I didn’t have the first idea what I should do.

It only took having a solid plan of action in mind for me to pry myself away from the door. I decided to read Rue’s instructions and the phone number list before I started organizing the supplies he’d brought over. In my nervousness I’d completely blanked out on the baby’s name, but Rue had included everything from her date of birth to her blood type on the paperwork he’d left for me, and scrawled across the top was “Alice Kathleen Murray.” It sounded sweet. I hoped I’d be able to say the same for her temperament too.

Once I’d finished reading (and rereading) the instructions, I put the canister of formula and empty bottles in the kitchen, lined all of the bags up along the wall near the door, and set the miniature rocker at the foot of my couch. I couldn’t deny seeing stuff that didn’t belong scattered around my apartment made me a bit… twitchy, but I felt a little better once things were at least put into some kind of order.

That done, I settled down and unloaded the rectangular bag Rue had indicated earlier. All of the pieces looked daunting at first glance, but the instructions were easy to follow, and I had just finished straightening out the changing table at the top when I heard a wavering cry come from the direction of the car seat. That mewling sound turned my guts to jelly and made me freeze in place for a few seconds, but the longer I hesitated, the louder it grew, until it finally jarred me into action.

I went to kneel in front of the car seat, my heart racing. Alice’s eyes were open, her face red, and her little fists were flailing around. I reached out to her and watched in half wonder, half trepidation, as one of her tiny, delicate hands grasped at my index finger. She seemed to calm somewhat at the contact while my own inner agitation doubled. I didn’t like to be touched. Never had. And there was something about having that itty-bitty hand clutching my finger that filled me with alarm.

But, at the same time, it was sort of… awe-inspiring. She was such a fragile little thing. So helpless. And from that moment until Rue came back, she would be completely reliant on me for her every need.

[40]

one small thing

The thought was both intimidating and humbling. Rue didn’t really know me from anyone. I knew he must’ve been desperate to put something so priceless—the life and well-being of his daughter—into the hands of a complete stranger. I would never hurt her intentionally, but my experience with babies, and children in general, was pretty much nonexistent. So many things could accidentally go wrong. The weight of the responsibility I’d taken on was crushing.

For a few minutes, we just stared at each other. Alice made these little cooing noises at first, her fingers flexing around mine, but then her lower lip trembled, her contented expression crumpled, and she started crying again.

I took long enough to draw in a couple of deep breaths to calm my nerves and then carefully pulled my finger from her grasp so I could unbuckle her and gently lift her from the car seat. She felt heavier in my palms than she looked.

I nestled her into the crook of my left arm, making sure to support her head, and carried her into the kitchen. I’d read that babies had different cries for different needs, but I didn’t have a clue what her high-pitched wail meant. According to Rue’s instructions, she usually fed in about half an hour. Maybe she was hungry already. I figured a bottle of formula would be a safe bet to start off with.

By the time I’d prepared the formula, my free hand was trembling, and my shirt was drenched in sweat. Alice’s cries had gone from pitiful wails to full-out banshee screams. I held the nipple of the bottle up to her mouth, expecting her to just start sucking it, but the moment the rubbery tip touched her lower lip, she jerked her face away and screamed even louder.

I swallowed and tried again, but it was like trying to throw a basketball into a hoop that wouldn’t stop moving. Finally, I gave up and set the bottle back on the counter. She was red-faced and crying so hard her entire body shook. A diaper change. That was it. Maybe she was wet, and once she was dry, she’d accept the formula, and everything would be fine. Worth a try.

I made my way back into the living room and grabbed the black-and-pink bag from the floor. Digging into it with one hand was

[41]

Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

difficult, but I eventually fished out a package of wipes and a diaper.

Probably should have set them out to begin with. I’d have to remember that for next time. Well,
if
there actually was a next time. I was already getting the shakes, and the urge to set her down in the playpen and go sit in my chair was really strong.

But, no, I couldn’t do that. I’d said I would take care of her, and I would. The screams were starting to get to me, though—
had
gotten to me already, truth be told—and dealing with the rows of tiny buttons on her clothes amidst all of the wailing and her flailing limbs had my shoulders so tense I thought they might shatter if I tried to flex. Once Alice’s clothes were undone and I found myself face to face with a stinky little diaper, it was a whole new battle. I’d read about changing diapers and watched some videos. Theoretically, I knew exactly what to do. But I hadn’t counted on the sudden apprehension that sprang into me when I started to pull the tabs free.

Alice was a girl, and she had baby girl parts, and I was going to have to clean her up. Should I… look away? But if I didn’t watch what I was doing, how would I know if I’d gotten her clean? My eyebrows knitted together, and more sweat broke out on my forehead. I tugged a few wipes out of the package to distract myself, but the nasty smell was making my eyes water, and eventually I had to do
something
.

Following the advice I’d seen in one of the videos, I wiped off as much of the sticky, awful-smelling poop as I could with the diaper itself. Then I used an entire fistful of wipes to clean up the remainder—

front-to-back for baby girls, as the woman in the video had stressed—

and balled it all up into the soiled diaper to deal with later while I put on the new one.

Between Alice’s wiggling and my inexperience, the entire thing took way longer than it should have, but a few minutes later I had her changed and all of the little buttons on her outfit re-snapped. Problem was, she was still screaming.

I tried the formula again. When that didn’t work, I moved on to the tips Rue had left in his instructions. I talked to her. I walked around with her and bounced her in my arms. I put her in the rocker and tried to distract her with the tiny toys that hung from the bar above her head.

[42]

one small thing

I held her up to my shoulder and rubbed and patted her back. Nothing worked.

By that point we were both upset, and I didn’t think I could take much more. I snagged my phone off the counter and started searching for Rue’s number. I’d just call him and tell him the deal was off. He could come pick her up, and I wouldn’t even charge him for the time.

That would be fair, wouldn’t it, since I was backing out of my side of the bargain? But it wasn’t like he could force me to keep her, anyway.

That’s right. Just call him. The money doesn’t matter. All of the money
in the universe wouldn’t be worth this….

Universe. I blinked, abruptly reminded of the one thing that always soothed me, no matter what was going on:
Star Wars
.

Lucky for me, the DVDs were within easy reach. I slid
A New
Hope
into the player while trying to maintain the jiggle-bounce I had going with Alice in my left arm. While the movie loaded, I went back to the kitchen to retrieve the bottle of formula for Alice and a Gatorade for myself. I slumped onto the couch and cradled her against my chest.

She was still crying, but I suspected she’d worn herself out, because it wasn’t the ear-splitting screams anymore. It had turned into a lower, sniffly sort of cry, as if she’d had enough already and just wanted the suffering to end.

I tried the bottle again, and she sucked the nipple halfheartedly, still whimpering and fussing a bit. Until the score that played over
A
New Hope
’s opening crawl started. Then she froze, and her tearful blue eyes seemed to meet mine for a long moment.

I don’t know what it was about the music, but the sound of it appeared to settle her. She started sucking on the nipple with more enthusiasm, and about halfway through the bottle, her eyelids drifted shut. A little while later, her mouth went slack, and she stopped sucking altogether. I realized that, amazingly, she’d fallen asleep. And, for the first time in what seemed like hours, I took a deep breath.

I was too afraid of waking her to even try opening my Gatorade.

[43]

Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

Rue

WHEN the morning passed at school and I didn’t get a single panicked phone call from Weirdy McWeirderson—oops,
Erik
—my nervousness turned into worry. I’d expected at least one or two in the first hour. By noon, my stomach was in knots, and I was starting to wonder if he’d killed her and taken off for Mexico. The second my coloring exam was over, I practically sprinted for the door to the break area. I couldn’t get my phone out fast enough.

I was more than a little worried about how Erik might be coping with Alice. I knew he’d never watched a baby before. And, yeah, I’d told him everything he could possibly need to know about diapers, crying, and the way my daughter liked to be held, but I was still new at the game too. Although the week I’d spent with her had already taught me more than I could have ever learned in a million years of those free parenting classes, there was no denying I was a novice, and Erik was even further down the knowledge chain. At least
I
knew she liked music and loved to have her nose rubbed. I knew she didn’t move much, but she could sure as hell use her lungs to scream. In the limited time I’d been around Erik, I hadn’t gotten the impression he was the type of person who would
ever
actually hurt her—I wouldn’t have trusted him with her if I had—but I could only pray he was ready for her.

[44]

one small thing

I had his number on speed dial already. I frantically hit the number three and waited for him to pick up. When the phone connected, all I could hear was shooting and some weird laser sound.

“Hello?” I nearly had to shout into the phone.
What the hell is that
lunatic doing with my daughter?

“Hello? Is this Rue?” All of a sudden the noises were gone.

“Yeah, it’s Rue. How is Alice?”

“She’s good. We’re watching
Star Wars
.”